I need some advice (Sorry, it's a bit long)

[Amity_Angel_641]

I've been a Catholic since I was baptized as an infant. I've had a very rough road with my faith versus my beliefs. In a ten year span, starting in childhood until my late teens, I lost 5 family members. How does someone who is taught that God loves everyone feel when their family members (grandfather, favorite uncle, grandmother) are taken away from them, never to be seen, heard, or talked to again?

The split with my church occurred in my late teens when I was confirmed. Before my confirmation, when they still had CCD sign-up, my mom asked me if I wanted a reading part during the confirmation mass. I replied that I did not. When the practice mass came, it was announced that I had ended up with one of the reading parts. I was quite angry at the time, because I knew that the CCD director had done it on purpose (I knew her from earlier, and she would purposely say my name to snap a picture). Unfortunately, I had believed that the priest was also in on the situation.

In the time that passed, I ended traveling down a very dark path, nearly turning to another religion I know I had no business traveling down. Something, right before I became a member of that religion, stopped me. I still am not quite sure what made me turn tail and run away from it.

Now, I want to come back to the Church, but it's the whole situation that has caused me to think that no matter how much I'd like to go back to church, I don't know if I will be welcomed back.

Any suggestions or Bible verses to help me find my way? It would be greatly appreciated!  

[EmeraldWings]

I have the perfect thing for you...or i should say, God does, He has given these messages for many, not all are directed to these messages, but those who are, they were meant for, and this one is meant directly for you, God had you in mind when saying these things as if you were the only one He was talking to, so read it just like that -
http://www.directionforourtimes.com/docs/booklet-away.pdf

i know how it hurts to lose the ones you love, i have lost many i love as well, but life is so short, and you will not be separated from them forever, you will see them again, they are praying for you even now, you should be happy to have loved ones in heaven, even if the physical separation is heart breaking, they are always with you, watching you and asking God to help and comfort you,
and perhaps those prayers are being answered now through your desire to speak here, do you think it was just a random thought that brought you here? God put the motivation in you, you have so many who love you in heaven, not just those you knew in your life, and they are clearly watching over you.

sometimes our love for the church is greatly influenced by what church we attend, and i understand how many can be repelled by the ways of the new mass,
but you are not obligated to go to any one church, i go to the traditional Latin mass of the FSSP, it is the most beautiful mass i have ever seen, and the communities of these churches are so well cared for by their priests,
although they are not very wide spread yet, because they can only ordain so many priests in one year, but perhaps you have one near you -
http://www.fssp.org/en/coordonnees.htm#USA
it is the way mass was meant to be, it was never supposed to be changed, Vatican II didn't even have anything on changing the mass in their documents, it was the spirit, or perhaps i should say, the confusion of Vatican II that brought these changes about, which were greatly influenced by protestants and masons believe it or not...but anyways...

do not think that God would not forgive you for the things you have done in your past, Jesus died for this very reason, and you are only feeling a desire to come back to the church because God has put that desire in you, He loves you and wants you back, God is all mercy and all love, and sometimes He does let us go down the wrong path, just to let us learn that we cannot find happiness or peace that way, and that we will only ever be truly happy with Him.

i could say more than this, but i think all the words of comfort and encouragement you need is in that book i gave you,
and there are many more like that to read free online if you want -
http://directionforourtimes.com/onlinevolumes.html
http://www.directionforourtimes.com/onlinelibrary.html

alright, hope this helps you, if you have anymore questions i'll be happy to answer them, i also have a forum you might find helpful -
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewforum.php?f=211177

ok, i'll be praying for you, tc bye bye.