[PRP] Time Heals (Syeira & Jini)

[Kimaria]

Time is a healer.

Who had said that to her? Maybe she'd said it to herself. Yes. She'd been telling herself that the moment she knew her mother wasn't going to be with her anymore. The moment the light had faded from her slate-blue eyes. Was it silly to still feel her heart clench when she thought of that moment, so long ago as a cub.

A wound left by that moment in time that had never quite heal. It festered and it, in turn, had led Jini to do a terrible thing. Now, she was telling herself that time would heal this new pain. A pain possibly worse than that of losing her dear, beloved mother.

She sighed, moving away from the den she shared with her mate, Tope. Away from her two children who were all but teenagers now. She loved them dearly but just looking at their faces brought guilt.

If only they knew what their mother had done. Would they look at her so lovingly?

Passing through the trees she wondered, idly, whether the day would bring a good hunt or whether it would bring nothing but empty jaws and a growling stomach.  

[Kimaria]

The aging queen was dealing with her own heartaches, trying to stitch up her own wounds. She sat next to a half eaten carcass, the prey she had taken earlier, and felt herself warring over the simple decision of whether or not to take it back to her mate. On the one hand, she was supposed to be trying to fix things as she had promised. On the other, she was vindictive and held grudges for a long time - it'd be a lie if she said she didn't take a little satisfaction in watching him scrounge for himself.

Not that she would ever let another soul in the world know, especially after she had recently seen what gossip could do to the pride. Everyone knew Uumi had cheated on her, because some lions were just incapable of keeping things to themselves when the good of a situation depended on it. Still, she couldn't be too angry, as it was that very gossip that had told her the story too.

"Fate has a funny way of doing things," she muttered to herself, her brows creased fractionally, though in her typical manner - not enough to seem as if she were truly upset. Guarded feelings, guarded heart - she really was the ice queen that Uumi had always called her. She brought one paw up to twist the face of her prey away from her, irritated by the sudden audience of even its dead eyes.  

[Kimaria]

She looked up, the wind bringing with it the scent of a carcass and...a lioness, too. And, from here she spotted the form of Syeira, seemingly alone. Jini'pomoka cared not for gossip and often shied away from such things, probably because she held secrets that would spread like crazed wildfire in the wrong paws.

With a small grunt, she altered her path, feeling the familiar ache in her joints - a birthing defect due to her mother's poor state of health during pregnancy - and slowed her pace. As she drew nearer, her head fell a little, too.

"Good morning." She called softly. "Are you...okay, Syeira?"  

[Kimaria]

Syeira frowned for a split second as she heard the voice around her. How long had it been since she'd been distracted enough not to hear someone approaching? She quickly schooled her face back to its pristine calm, and even went so far as to offer Jini the smallest glimmer of a smile. Not much, but it was a flicker.

"As well as I'll ever be, I imagine," she said slowly, her icy eyes lingering on the form of one of the young females. Jini, wasn't it? She thought for a moment, then decided that was the right one.

"Are you alright?" she returned, her eyes glancing over the face of this sudden companion, picking out the little details and tell-tale signs of distress. Not too distressed, perhaps, but it was easy to tell when someone was in a bad mood.  

[Kimaria]

She sat slowly, stretching out her forelegs to ease their troubling ache. Then she lifted her pink eyes and returned the queen's fleeting smile with one of her own. Smiles never came easy.

It seemed she'd found one who was as troubled as she was. It was a comfort, oddly enough, to know that not everyone led lives filled with nothing but happiness. (She seemed to think this true of everyone though it was a silly notion on her part.)

"Me? Yes..." A pause. "No." The admittance was said with the drooping of her ears. "But there's not much anyone can do about it." Sighing, she let her eyes graze across the sides of the carcass. Dead. Lifeless. Trouble free. She winced and snapped her eyes back to her paws.

"Do you think the one who said that time heals was telling the truth or was it some terrible lie to give us all false hope?" A random question, perhaps, but one she'd been desperate to ask for the longest time.  

[Kimaria]

Syeira couldn't help the small smile, even in the face of all this despair - both her's and Jini's. "I know time heals all wounds, but it can only heal if you let it." She'd had to overcome a number of heartaches in her life, all of which she was reminded of frequently, but they no longer left a sharp pang of pain in her chest.

"Dwelling on things doesn't help, and neither does grudge-holding," the last part was a little lower as she prodded at the carcass with one forepaw. She still wasn't sure whether or not Uumi deserved her to hunt for him yet, but the fact that she was even considering it was a little progress. At least she wouldn't bring it back and flaunt her kill in front of him - a younger Syeira might have.

"Think of it like a river. If you fight it, you wear yourself out, but if you let it take you - you flow with the current." She brought her eyes back up to the female and away from her meal. It was hard to give advice on a subject when one had absolutly no idea what that subject was.  

[Kimaria]

Time did heal? Then why wasn't it healing her? She wanted to heal...didn't she? Or...maybe she didn't. Maybe she wanted to make herself suffer for what she had done? And even as she asked that question of herself she knew it was true.

She deserved to suffer.

She had taken a life.

Her chest constricted and she felt that familiar prickling at the backs of her eyes. Such pain...it seemed somewhat normal now. "What of those who don't deserve to flow with the current?" She asked, without meaning too, speaking her thoughts out loud. Almost immediately, her eyes snapped guiltily to Syeira and her head dipped further.

"Listen to me going on. You really don't need to hear this. I'm sorry, Syeira."  

[Kimaria]

"It's what I'm here for," she said with a small frown and a shake of her head. Two years ago, three - her patience would have been wearing thin in a situation like this. However, time had not only healed her, but let her grow wiser (and more patient). It was her duty to help those in her pride.

"Everyone deserves to heal, to move on. But even then, you have to let yourself," she shrugged slowly, her eyes narrowing a fraction on the lioness. She truly believed everyone should be able to heal from their mistakes. That was one reason Uumi had yet to be run from the pride. he deserved a second chance, just like.. others. She frowned as her thoughts trailed that way, but quickly looked back up to the female with a stoic face.  

[Kimaria]

"Perhaps." She whispered, seeming to be thinking about this in great detail. Her brow was furrowed, her eyes distant, peering into her own thoughts.

"Perhaps one day I will." She wasn't convinced, but maybe there was some truth in it. Maybe one day she'd wake up and be able to look into the faces of her children without feeling guilt. Be able to sleep without seeing the eyes of that old firekin lose their light.

She swallowed. "You are right, though. Everyone deserves another chance to make up for what they have done. Perhaps in time I will come to see how I can make up for what I did and earn forgiveness." She stood then, letting her pink eyes scrape across the horizon. "I hope you, too, find some solace in your problem, Syeira, whatever it may be."