Don't Know Where I Stand Anymore

[Azarhael Morganti]

I've been through what I think is a lot in my life.
I haven't gone through major things like my house burning down or a really close friend dying or anything traumatic like that.
However, I've been suicidal at points in my life, I've been a good Christian at points, I've been very bad at points.
And I don't know where I stand anymore.
I don't know if I can still consider myself Christian or, for that fact, have ever considered myself Christian.
I don't know if there is anything I can do to put myself around more Christian people to try and help this.
But my faith in Christ has wavered a lot since 4 or 5 years ago and I really have no idea what to believe anymore. I'm losing who I was and I'm afraid that I'm going down the wrong path to even beginning to find myself and have that person be good.
I'm afraid of being Christian almost. It's so hard because I'm always thinking that I need to do more for Christ. Be better with my devotions, pray more, depend everything on him, try to lead my friends to Christ, things like that.
But when I think like that, I just get so put off to the whole idea of me being Christian. Yes, I should cast all my cares upon Him and do my devotions more but... I feel like I need to do so much more than I can easily do.
It's so hard to try and mesh my life as a Christian with my life of being a Sophomore in High School.
I can't seem to find a way to make my Christian faith into a blanket that covers my life as a sophomore.

Sooo... I'm confused.

But I ask that you would pray for me so that I could gain that complete assurance that God is real and that I belong to him and that I will go to heaven. And also that once I get there, that I could completely blend the two sides of my life.


Wow, that was a lot.
Thank you so much for reading this and for praying for me.

 

[christiankitten]

My heart breaks when I hear about someone who's struggling with their faith. God wants so very much to have a fellowship with every one of his children, and it must hurt him so much when they stray away. I just wanted to let you know that God is always watching over you and will always be there for you. No matter what happens, no matter what the circumstances, God is with you. He will never abandon you. Friends and even family might, but God sticks by you through thick and thin. Even when you're unsure of his existence, he watches and protects you.
So long as you believe that Jesus came down to earth and died on the cross to pay for all sins, you have everlasting life and nothing can take that away. God wants to be your best friend, even if you are lost and don't realize it. God loves you.  

[tep]

I've prayed that God helps you restore your faith within Him and His Son, Jesus Christ.

I know how easy it is to lose faith and how hard it is to get it back. I was losing some of my faith about a week ago. I was starting wonder if God hated me. I prayed that He helps assure me that He loves me more than I could ever know. I even wrote a poem about what was going on.
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I know that his evils have me down right now

But I know that You will lift me up, Lord.

I pray that you heal the pain that is in my heart

And remind me that You love me more than I could ever know.
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Just pray and He will bring you back to your faith.