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 Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:21 am
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:42 am
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It had been a while since Njozi had found the scent of his younger aunt, the female replica of Damu, but he remained hidden downwind of her out of his own nervousness. He had seen her before, knew her, but had never talked to her anymore than he had to Damu – mostly because he had been gone so long. Even if they were the best of friends in the entire world, Njozi would not have been prepared for this. It was his misfortune that he had to tell Haba that her twin had attacked another lioness in a rage and then… fled. Where to he could not say exactly, all he knew was the first direction, but the confused male could have changed his mind a million times between now and then.
Likewise, in his maw, he held two of the most precious things to the pair of them – the necklaces they had given, or in Damu’s case, were supposed to give to one another. He held not only the completed one that Damu had been bringing back to his beloved twin, but the older one that Haba had made for him when they were younger. Thinking about seeing her face made his throat clench and only added to his troubles. Why did it have to be him that did this? Sure, he had seen it all, knew it better, but his dad could have at least come with him. No, father was right – he had to act like a grown lion now, he couldn’t rely on his father or Bibi to do this. It was part of his duties.
With a great sigh, Njozi heaved himself up from his sitting position and began to trot out towards the river where Haba lay. His eyes were downcast as he neared, and he slowly lowered the necklaces down at her feet – he couldn’t speak with them in his mouth – although she probably recognized at least the one of them before they were settled. “Haba,” he said quietly, turning his crimson eyes up to look at the lioness that looked so very much like his own father and grandmother, “Haba… Damu is gone.” That’s all he could manage right now. Every time he thought of Damu, he played the scene over in his head a hundred times, trying to figure out how he could have saved Baala and stopped Damu from leaving as well.
There as just no answer and no way to do both – but his heart still felt heavy for it.
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:50 am
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Unaware of the bad news she was about to receive, Haba hummed contentedly to herself, even when she saw another lion approach. She squinted in the sunlight and tried to catch a scent on the breeze.
She knew the lion but his name skipped her mind.
Her...nephew?
She rose onto all fours to greet him, smiling brightly as she normally did. Nothing could have rpepared her for the news she was about to recieve. Njozi was right, this was going to destroy her.
Her smile faded at his stern expression and suddenly his name came to her memory, so strong that she wondered how she could have forgotten it. "Njozi, you're bigger!" She forced a smile, but it dissapeared again. Her whole body tingled, something was wrong. But then her eyes flickered to the objects he had dropped and her heart fell out of her chest.
"Njozi...?" She wanted to question him but the words caught in her throat. One object she recognised. Her brother's pendant! "Njozi! Tell me!" Her face was full of panic. "What happened to Damu!?" And then her question was answered, or partly at least.
Gone. Gone. What did that mean? Dead? Was he dead?!
"Njozi! Njozi! Please! Tell me where he is? Tell me!" She took a few steps forward, not looking down at the objects. "Where is my brother!?"
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:09 am
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Njozi cringed at first as he saw the joy on her face, the joy that he inevitably wiped away with his own terrible news. This was unfair – he did not like bringing bad news and frowns, he was a lion that lived off of making others smile and right now that was the last thing he was going to be able to do. His heart froze behind his chest and he looked away for a moment, unable to meet her eyes or her words. Even her exclamation over his large body could do nothing to make this easier. He had seen that look in her eyes.
“I don’t know where he went, Haba,” he said hoarsely, turning his eyes back to her with obvious reluctance. He sighed, shaking his head and sending that dark mane flopping around his pale face. “He fled off towards the border on the other side of the forest, Haba, I don’t know where he’s gone from there. I just know…” he paused, chewing over the words and studying his own paws, “that he’s not in the Kusini anymore.” Well, that had been the easy part, hadn’t it? Now he had to get down to what had actually happened, because she had a right to know. He was her twin, more of her blood than any living relative, and she had a right to know why he had fled the scene.
“He attacked a rogue female that came into the borders last night,” he said quietly, forcing himself to sit down so that his large frame, like Damu’s own, didn’t tower over her. That just made it all the more awkward for him, really. “I came on them when I was doing my rounds, and Haba, I think… he was going to kill her.” His words came out whispered, his eyes troubled as he narrowed them on his paws. He couldn’t look at her, no, not and tell her this story. “He was in a rage, he wasn’t even using his real name, and I had to drag him off and hold him down,” he swallowed here, forcing himself to look at her eyes for the next part, “Haba, whatever was in him at that point… it wasn’t Damu. I know Damu can be mean, but that wasn’t anything like you could imagine. It was bloody thirsty, cold, and I had to yell at him and try and remind him of everyone… he loved.” He gritted his teeth, remembering the flailing, the thrashing. His underbelly held claw swipes, fresh and sore, from the encounter. “He finally seemed to come to, and then he just… ran. I couldn’t stop him, Haba, please know that,” his eyes seemed to beg almost, like he needed to convince not only her but himself as well. “I tried, but that’s all I could do.”
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:26 am
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Her whole body trembled, not violently, just subtle shudders like a stone disturbing the surface of a usually calm pool. It reverberated from her neck, down her shoulders, across her back and through her legs and tail. She quivered, her eyes fixed on the male, her jaw set as if she was afraid she would say something she didn't mean.
She listened to the first part of the story in disbelief, her whole body rigid with fear and despair. "Why would he run!? Liar. LIAR!!" She stepped back, shaking her head, tears welling in her eyes. Her heart was gone, she had left it behind on the ground, rejected it. It hurt too much. It was broken. She would never feel warm again.
She looked at Njozi and knew he wasn't lying.
Damu was gone. She knew it, deep down, that he wasn't here anymore. It was as if the warmth that covered the Kusini lands had left with him, leaving her with nothing but an empty void.
And then Njozi began again, seating himself and it was all Haba could do to force herself to listen. This wasn't real! That was NOT her Damoo! "Dam wouldn't attack anyone! Never! You're a liar, a liar!" She looked down at the jewels, to the one she recognised and the one she didn't. Tears flowed down her face and she shook them away.
How could he do this!? How could he!?
And then she remembered their conversation. The last conversation they had shared. He had said he heard voices, that he was worried they might take over. She had thought she could help him! How could she have helped?! She shook her head again, violently.
"Njozi! It wasn't him! It wasn't my brother!" She collapsed onto her stomach, mumbling something over and over again. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault...it's...all my fault." Then she trailed off and raised her shining eyes up to her nephew.
"Thank you." The word was hoarse, sad but genuine. "Thank you for telling me."
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:13 am
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Njozi took her words, took them and sat there in silence. She could call him a liar, but he knew that deep down she knew this was the truth. She knew her brother better than he knew himself. Her mother, and his grandmother, knew his sickness down to a t – it was Haba that knew his heart. There had been no siblings closer than those two, and he knew that they shared something between them that he could only dream of sharing with anyone. He knew he could never know what it was like to be half of something as they were and then realize that the other half was crumbling, falling. Haba was going through this harder than Njozi ever could have – and he had to let her react how she needed to. He didn’t mind her calling him a liar – she would see, very soon, that he was not. It was just her natural reaction, denial, an attempt to push off the inevitable.
“I wish that I was lying,” he said quietly, forcing the words over the lump of cold ice that had lodged so tightly in his throat, “I wish that I could tell you that none of this was true, that I was making it all up, but I’ve never been a liar, Haba.” He sighed, shaking his head as he glanced back down at his feet. She needed to know that she was not alone, that she was not the only one that had been trying to protect Damu. Well, he had never been able to tell Damu the details, had been told never to do so – but perhaps if he told Haba, she would appreciate it and realize that she was not the only one trying to save him.
“When we left, when your mother left with father and myself, it was so that Bibi could train us,” he said quietly, watching his toes almost as if they were strange to him instead of a part of his body. “Bibi knows that Damu is sick, Haba, because she says that is exactly how Uncle Tamu acted when they were younger. Father and I, we were trained to take care of him, especially if something like this happened. That’s why... we’re always out making rounds. In case he ever did something, in case there was ever a problem, we would be able to stop him.” He gritted his teeth for a moment, turning his eyes up towards Haba, guilt swimming in the crimson orbs, “so it wasn’t your fault. It was mine, Haba, if I had gotten to him sooner, I could have prevented him ever.. attacking her. Maybe if he hadn’t attacked her in that fit, he wouldn’t have been so upset.” He sighed, drooping his head slightly, “but maybes are not reality.”
“Don’t thank me, Haba, I’ve only brought you bad news and two little trinkets that I was never meant to deliver,” he whispered, eyes turning towards the horizon. “I know it may not give you any solace, but that lioness – she’s going to be alright.”
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:57 pm
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She heard him, though her ears seemed fuzzy and distant as if they didn't belong to her. She no longer felt the warmth of the sun or the joy of the day. The birdsong had faded and not even the babbling brook behind her could distract her attention from what had happened.
She looked up through tear-filled eyes, her face looking suddenly weary and old. The ground beneath her seemed to rock and sway as if she were out at sea on a rickety raft. She felt as if she would be sucked into a great hole and never found again. Her stomach contracted, she gagged and lowered her head again. She wanted to be sick. She wanted to rid her stomach of the fear and grief that was clenching it so tightly. But she couldn't not yet. Not yet.
"Uncle Tamu..." Her voice was thick, slow and clumsy, as if she were not used to speaking the words. Then the anger returned and she staggered back onto her paws. "Why wasn't I told!? Why was I kept in the dark!? I have the right to protect him, no one else! I should have been there for him. I helped him! He smiled with me!" She staggered but held her ground, her jaw set.
Then like the crash of a wave her anger rolled from her. "I could have stopped him! I could have made it all go away!!" Her eyes blazed. Anger, pure anger raged through her body, the quivering transforming into a violent shuddering. "Is it because I'm a girl? That I'm weak?" And then the grief came again and she sat, her head so low that it seemed her neck would break.
"Njozi! What am I going to do!?" She glanced wearily over at the pendants, her anger dying for now. What was coming over her? Anger, sadness, fear. It was all so tightly wound, all connected. She felt weak again and the tears were relentless. "I can't live without him! I can't go on without him here. I'll die! I'll die." She stood, paced and then paused to glance at her nephew.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this, you tried to help and I'm being no use. You brought back a part of my brother. You stopped him from doing something terrible. Njozi...thank you, I don't care if you don't want thanks, you have it anyway. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Unsure of what to do with herself she sat again, her sides heaving from pent up grief.
"I have to find him. If I don't find him and help him I'll die. I'll die!" And she truly sounded as if she meant it.
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:49 am
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He sighed as she began her raging, letting it wash over her but for the most part seemingly taking it all very well. He knew she would be angry, although he had not figured on her swinging her moods around this freely, but he had come prepared. He had been trained to face Damu and his mood swings, so he could also face Haba’s, no matter that hers were for a totally different reason and not at all connected to his sickness. However, there were a few things she happened to be saying that were definitely a little off kilter. She was saying them in her rashness, true, but she needed to understand him and the reasoning behind what had been done.
“You were not kept in the dark on purpose, Haba,” he said quietly, shaking his head slowly and sending the tufts of black mane tossing around his pale features once more. “No one knows except for myself, my father and mother, and your parents. It is your mother’s right to protect her son – that’s why she left, so she could train us to take care of him in his rages. You can’t take that away from her,” he said, words never once passing above a conversational volume or becoming heated. “It’s not because you were a girl Haba, or that you are weak. Father and I were chosen because we’re the only ones big enough to make a difference when he gets violent.” He sighed, he knew it sounded awful, but it was the truth. Damu was a large lion, larger than most, and it took his equal kin to match that brute strength. “I know you could have said things to him to stop him – but what can you do if he’s already attacked someone? You’re not big enough to pull him down, very few are, and you know that, Haba. You can fight his mind, but we are the only ones that can fight his body.” He frowned at that, realizing for the first time that if any of Damu’s symptoms got worse, it would probably take Haba and one of the Usare’Wasii together to soothe him. He would talk to Bibi later about that.
As she calmed down, a weak, sympathetic smile spread over his maw. For a few moments, he only watched her in silence, those crimson orbs measuring her as he waited to find the exact words to say. “I don’t think he will be able to live without you either, Haba,” he said slowly, his words careful and measured, “and I think it is very dangerous out in the rogue lands for him right now. I think maybe the best thing for you to do… is find him. I know the family is here, but you’re right, you’re the only one that can keep him from going out of control. I can’t leave the lands, I need to stay to watch our uncle, but you can go.” He gritted his teeth, eyes downcast for a moment. He had just sent Buu out into the world – he prayed she was long past the borders and out of harm’s way by now. He didn’t think he could bear it if Damu attacked her too. “He needs you to keep him alive, and there are lions out there that need you to keep him sane.”
“I accept your thanks then, Haba, but I can’t stop him from doing something terrible any longer. He needs you right now, not me,” he said quietly, watching her. It was the truth. He and his father had to stay and watch their uncle, they couldn’t leave, and even if they could – Damu would be highly likely to go into a rage just because they had followed him. Damu need Haba, now more than ever.
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 3:23 am
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She let the anger settle. Njozi was right, for the most part, if she couldn't talk Damu round then she would have no chance at defending herself. Her heart grew cold at that thought. If she died then Damu would be all alone. Her promise would be broken.
She moved forwards, took up the pendant; the one she had never seen before, and slipped it over her head. A present from her brother. She felt better having it a part of her, felt better knowing that a little of him would be with her even though he was long gone. She lifted Damu's necklace too and took a long time to wind it around a foreleg. She would carry this with her too, keep their treasures together.
"Then I'll go." She straightened and turned her eyes to the borders. "And quickly. I can't let him get further ahead then he already is." What was she saying?! She was terrified of leaving the lands, she adored these lands, being so close to her family and being safe. She didn't want to leave. She was frightened, terribly frightened. But through her fear she saw the face of her brother. She had to do this for him. There was a chance she might not make it back, a chance she might never find him, but she had to try and she would keep searching until her life was spent and she could go no more.
She smiled sadly at Njozi, through eyes glossed with tears. "This might be the last time I see this place. See you. I might never be able to get back." She hoped it wasn't true but she had to face the prospect that it could happen. The world was a dangerous place, or so she had been told. "Njozi, tell Syeira...tell mother that I love her. Tell father...tell father to smile." Her head drooped. "Keep them safe." She wanted to say goodbye, but the word seemed wrong. She wanted to come back, she didn't want to be gone forever.
"If I die...Damu, Damu will know. Maybe that will bring him back to his senses if nothing else will. But Njozi, I won't seek death, I made a promise to Damu that we'd always be together. I have to find him now. I have to go. I only hope I can get back. I won't say...I won't say goodbye." She took a few steps back, glanced at her nephew and tried to smile.
"Take care, Njozi." And she turned and headed off, towards a land she had feared, a land that was so expansive that she might lose her way forever. But one thing was for sure. She'd never forget her loved ones back in the Kusini and she'd never forget the happy days she spent here with her brother.
This was home and it always would be.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:52 pm
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“You are very brave, Haba,” Njozi said quietly as she watched her straighten from putting on the two necklaces. He knew that they had a bond he would never quite understand, and he knew that even if he had not suggested her leaving to her now, she would have done it eventually. How could one of them live without the other one? It seemed impossible to him after always seeing them together, after seeing their faces when they were together. Damu really was better, healthier, more normal when Haba was around.
“You never have to say goodbye, but I’ll tell Bibi where you’ve gone, and don’t worry – I think she knows that you have to do this,” he said quietly, watching her for a moment in silence as she seemed on the brink of going and staying. He smiled weakly, leaning out to flip her hair tuft – it was a rather strange gesture since he had never really been close to her before, but it was oddly comforting and helped to break the sadness in the air a bit. “Home is always here, Haba, and your feet will always lead you back to it – no matter where you are. I’m not ready to say goodbye to you, because I’m sure you’ll come home to us one day.”
“Take care of yourself too,” he whispered after her, trying to figure out why there was a lump rising in his throat. As he watched her walk away, he felt his eyes burning, a warning of tears that he didn’t quite allow to come out – he was strong, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t feel it at least a little. Then, with a little frown, he turned to head off towards the direction of his Bibi’s den. It was time to tell her that her beloved twins had flown the nest. However, his Bibi had said this was what Haba was going to do from the start. A mother always knows.
[END]
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