[PRP] Lights Out (Hollandaise & Deszeld)

[The Semblance of Unity]

After leaving Mathias, Hollandaise slowly wound her way through the silent monster dorms. Despite her best intentions, her feet followed their own path, padding silently down chilly halls of their own volition. The warder was too exhausted to think and soon she found herself standing outside of Deszeld's room. A small noise of distress escaped her lips - like the sound of a twig cracking, small but sharp in the dim light. It was natural, she supposed, shifting nervously, to come here. After all, when Hollandaise felt unsafe, or lonely, or when she looked around her room and saw nothing green and nothing lovely, she had slept here: in this foliage-ridden room. It was a forest inside an artificial shell, but it had been better, much better,m than nothing. Her arms wrapped around herself, rubbing along the folds of her dress. Hollandaise was unsure. Deszeld had... something had been off about the dragon ever since the auction. When Hollandaise had come by before the dance, thinking they could speak, she'd heard Aisha's voice from the room and had not dared to enter. Perhaps Hollandaise had been replaced.

Well, it was all Deszeld's fault, she though mullishly. She had been the one to get so bent out of shape at the auction, the one to buy Aisha, the one to kiss Aisha. Her own kiss with Mathias had been purely retaliation. Plus, Hollandaise reassured herself, the green dragon tended to forget easily - it was likely she had already put everything behind her. So, while Hollandaise did not forget (and Deszeld had been so unforgettably mean), she was also tired. And Deszeld's bed was very large and very warm. Hollandaise took several moments to braid her hair, working up the nerve to open the door. While she truly felt she had done nothing wrong, she just wanted Deszeld to be nice to her again. Like before. She had called Hollandaise interesting (sort of), and had said she was better than other warders. With a timid hand, she tried the door knob.

The wooden door gave no resistance and opened silently into the dark room. She stepped in, her white dress swirling around her ankles. Hollandaise had not gone back to her room, not even to change. But the whiteness made her feel exposed in the darkness. With a small click, the door shut behind her. Perhaps the warder had gotten lucky: Deszeld could be asleep and she could simply slide into the bed and pretend nothing had happened. Carefully, she began to pick her way across the dark room.  

[bipolar bee]

Unfortunately for Hollandaise, Deszeld was not asleep. As the warder moved across the room, she would undoubtedly step on the shredded remains of the green's dress. Deszeld had left them scattered upon the floor where they'd fallen after she'd torn the dress apart following a temper tantrum. Des had not expected company -- and she certainly hadn't expected Hollandaise -- and so when the warder stepped into her room, Deszeld hissed furiously.

Very, very furiously.

"You stink of beasts and fur," she snarled, dressed once more in the clothes she usually wore, "and I do not know why you have come, because you seemed to be having such a very nice time at the dance that you did not ask me to -- and I am very upset with you because now my phone is broken and it was your fault because I was very angry at you and I am still angry and I do not know why you are here, Hollandaise."

Despite her venomous tone there was a sort of exhaustion that dripped from her words, and if Hollandaise cared to look close enough in the dark of the room she might very well be able to see the slightly puffy eyes of one who had shed very angry, very furious tears.

"And you have hurt my feelings," the green continued righteously, still not moving from her bed (curled upon it as she was, wings folded and tail circling her as if to form some kind of wall), "so. Go away."  

[The Semblance of Unity]

The hiss sounded very, very loud in the room. And very, very angry. Hollandaise stiffened and swallowed the startled yelp that had threatened to leap from her mouth. Fabric slid under her feet as she turned to fully face Deszeld, her feetr almost slipping against the strange texture. She glanced down, frowning. Even in low light of the room, she could see the brilliant green cloth - the dress. The pretty green dress decorated with flowers was in shreds. Hollandaise had liked it - it suited Deszeld and she had looked so pretty at the dance and maybe that had been a part of why Hollandaise's gut had twisted every time she saw the ghoul. Her hand rose to fiddle with the chains on her dress, another nervous gesture. She stepped closer to the bed.

"I do not stink," she said calmly. "I do not know why I came exactly, except that I am very tired, Deszeld, and why are you not asleep? Yes, I had a good time. Is something wrong with that? I did not know you even wanted to go to the dance, much less with me!" As she talked, her voice rose in volume and she could feel her nerves being swept away by a sort of hurt anger. How dare Deszeld blame her for everything when the dragon had been the one to start it all? And if she had lied a little about having a 'good time', she hadn't had a bad time either. Stubbornly, she sat on the end of Deszeld's bed, crossed her arms, and stared at the dragon.

"I fail to see why your phone getting broken is my fault, Deszeld," she said frostily. There was a pang in her chest as Deszeld accused her of hurting her feelings, but... Deszeld had hurt her and turnabout was fair play after all, wasn't it? She sat and glared at the ghoul, studiously ignoring the puffiness around Deszeld's eyes.  

[bipolar bee]

"You fail to see, Hollandaise? You could not wait to speak with me in private regarding your feelings? You decided to say things about me on Critter in front of the entire student body to see - let alone Zar who does not appear to like me whatsoever which is fine because I do not like him either - and you made me so very angry on Critter which is why I broke my phone and it is also why it is your fault that my phone is broken!"

Deszeld uncurled herself from the bed and moved off of it. She did not trust herself to be angry and close to Hollandaise at the same time. "I am not asleep because I am upset and angry, and I did not know that you wished to go to the dance either!! If I had, I would have demanded that you go with me and not some flea-ridden hairy ... thing!"

It didn't seem like the dragon was quite finished.

"And so I purchased Aisha instead because I did not know that you wished for me to bid on you when I had already bid everything I owned and I do not know the rules of such games, borrowing and taking tokens from another, and furthermore I am still upset with you and I do not want to see you right now!"  

[The Semblance of Unity]

Hollandaise took a deep breath. She filled her lungs, exhaled, and breathed again, slowly, carefully. She let Deszeld get it all out for the moment, instead using the time to curl both her legs up on the bed. She tucked the dress around her hips in careful movements. Finally, she looked up, her golden eyes flashing.

"I tried to talk to you! I came to your room that night, did you know? And instead of being able to talk to you, you were here with her instead. It is not my fault you did something so reckless as breaking your phone because of a few words on critter." The way Deszeld had moved off the bed... the idea that Deszeld couldn't even stand to be close to her at all, like she was something diseased, foul, ugly - it hurt.

"Mathias is NOT a thing, Deszeld! He is a very nice boil who simply did not want to be lonely during the dance. Why are you being so hateful? He did nothing to you! And you... you could've read the rules for the auction when you arrived, but you did not, and that is the only reason you did not know them. You could've had all of my tokens, if you had only asked me. It is too bad you do not wish to see me right now, because I am here and I do not feel like moving." Her lips trembled, but she stayed put, one hand fisting in the sheets. Even the plants around her offered no solace - she would be able to concentrate enough to speak with them anyway. She jabbed one long finger in Deszeld's direction.

"And I do not like Zar! But at least he is nicer to me than you are." She mumbled the last bit, clearly hurt that not only had Deszeld been so mean before, she was attacking her now. Hollandaise bit down hard on her lower lip, eyes stinging.  

[bipolar bee]

Deszeld opened her mouth to speak after Hollandaise's diatribe. She wanted to lash out more, wanted to thrash her room, wanted to claw the walls and scream and just. Get away. She wanted to get away from all of this because it was becoming too much. There were things she could not share with the warder - perhaps she could have, before words were spoken that could not be taken back, but it felt too late.

It felt too late, and Deszeld could not say how she had thought of Hollandaise ever since the time they'd first met, and that she'd kissed Aisha only to make the warder jealous, and that she really and truly like-liked Hollandaise and that it should be obvious because here she was, sitting in the green's room on the green's bed and that should count for something because Hollandaise had been the first ghoul that had ever come into her room, and aside from Aisha she would be the only ghoul.

The sound that came out of Deszeld was part wounded animal and part sob. The fact that Hollandaise thought Zar was nicer than she...

(You do not have to tell me. But you are ... I will not let anyone bring harm upon you, do you understand, Hollandaise?)...

(And you are mine, Hollandaise, and so I will look after you as best I can because that is what I said I will do.)...

(You are much better than the warders I have met. Do not compare yourself to others, Hollandaise.)...

Deszeld did not know how to make herself any clearer, but the hurt welling up in her chest was as unwelcome as Hollandaise was in that moment. The green stood, breathing heavily as vibrant green chloric gas filtered from her nose and lips -- hands fisted, body tense, wings and crest pinned.

She had nothing to say. She feared that in opening her mouth she might simply burst into tears, and Deszeld absolutely refused to weep in front of the other ghoul. It was so difficult to turn the hurt and the tears into red hot anger, so very difficult to deal with these emotions that were entirely too new to the green, emotions she had never felt before Hollandaise.

Finally she gritted her teeth, determined not to cry. Her voice was low and rough, her words clipped.

"If you will not leave, I will," Deszeld hissed, moving towards the door. "And I think I never wish to see you again."  

[The Semblance of Unity]

Hollandaise waited, body wound tighter than a spring, for Deszeld to say something, anything. Instead, the dragon left out a heart-wrenching noise, a sound filled with pure emotion and Hollandaise just did not understand. Why was it so hard for them to talk normally - all she wanted to know was why the dragon was so mad with her. All she had wanted was something fun, something light to take the edges off of her fear. But Deszeld didn't know about that, and the time had passed for her to ever say anything about it. Even as angry, as hurt as she was, she had half-risen to reach out to the dragon when those awful, awful words slithered out into the silence between them.

Deszeld didn't wish to see her again? Ever? Something inside her twisted up, cracking into shards. Before she could think, she was off the bed and her hand snaked out to catch hold of Deszeld's wrist. Hollandaise's long fingers were like a vise, a squeezing bracelet. "No," she whispered. "You are running away, Deszeld. And I do not understand! You just don't want to talk to me. You don't get to just leave because you do not like the things I'm saying!" A world of hurt was writ across her face, clearly visible even in the dim light. Her chest heaved with some unidentifiable emotion and one of the chains had broken on her dress, the leaf charm lost forever in the sheets of Deszeld's bed. Hollandaise didn't even notice.

"You cannot just leave and never say anything at all! All I ever wanted was to have fun, to be happy. B-but-" Her words tripped over themselves and she stopped.  

[bipolar bee]

The cool touch of fingers around her wrist caused something inside of Deszeld to snap completely. She turned on the warder and tore her wrist free only to wrap her fingers around the other ghouls neck so that she could shove her violently against the wall. There was something primal in her eyes, something that darkened them until they were reminiscent of sun filtering through the deepest recesses of a forest.

"You."

Deszeld's fingers tightened, her thumb slipping against the underside of Hollandaise's throat so that she could tilt the other ghoul's face up towards her.

"You are mine. I should be the only one touching you. The only one kissing you. The only one taking you to dances. The only one you should come to when you are feeling afraid, or sad, or happy. I will be the one to experience these first -- because you belong to me, Hollandaise. And when you allow others to do these things, I will not be held responsible for the things I do - such as take other ghouls to dances, or kiss other ghouls, or sleep in the same room as other ghouls. Do you understand me, Hollandaise? You are mine and I will not tolerate the stink of another on your skin, your hair, your lips."

Deszeld abruptly pressed her lips to Hollandaise's, determined to replace any kiss that the warder had shared with Mathias. It was a violent, brutal kiss - there was passion, absolutely, and want and need and a dark, dark rage. There was also an odd kind of tenderness in the way the kiss deepened, and only when she could taste Holly and only Holly did she break the kiss before shoving away from the warder.

"I do not know how else to make you understand. If you wish to seek out Zar, do so. If you wish to kiss another, do so. I am finished talking, because I do not know how much clearer I can be. Do you understand?"

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

In the space between breaths, Hollandaise was slammed up against the wall, Deszeld's fingers tight around her throat. Gasping in shock, she tried to twist her head. Instead, Deszeld titled her chin up and she stared into the dragon's eyes and a small part of her wondered how she could think them beautiful at a time like this. But the things she was saying.... Hollandaise was a person, not a possession. She hadn't even known that Deszeld had wanted to go to the dance, much less with someone like her. And she knew now, more or less, that she had been jealous of Aisha, that the undead ghoul had been so close to Deszeld, had kissed her. Hollandaise didn't want to be a thing, a possession, but she had wanted to be with Deszeld. She opened her mouth to say these things breathing shallowly in the cage of Deszeld's fingers, when the other ghoul's lips covered hers.

It was not a nice kiss. There was nothing sweetly innocent about it; it was meant to punish. Still, she opened her mouth underneath Deszeld's - she did not know what else to do except to accept it. Her fists clenched in the fine fabric of her dress, confusion swarming her mind. And when Deszeld deepened the kiss, she felt tears gather at the corners of her eyes to slide down her cheeks. Her hand rose to loop lightly around the dragon's wrist. But then, she was flung away, rejected again, and Hollandaise crumpled to the ground, one shin painfully colliding with Deszeld's heavy wooden desk. She stared at the ground for a moment and listened to the dragon's harsh words, wishing she could stopper her ears. Her shoulders hitched, her breathing was ragged as she tried not to cry, and failed.

Scrubbing one hand across her face, she finally darted a look up at the ghoul. "No, I don't understand!" she cried out. Deszeld had said she wanted to own her, even though she was not a possession, and she had said she wanted every first experience of Hollandaise's. And then... then she told her to seek out others? It was contradictory and Deszeld just didn't seem to care anymore. "You keep saying all these things and not saying them, taking them back, and I don't know what to think anymore and-" she choked on a sob. Quickly, with no remaining shred of dignity, she rose to her feet and pushed towards the door.

"I-it's ok, Deszeld. You d-do not have to leave anymore. I will g-go." Hollandaise would go back to her cold, dark, bare room, and then she would stop holding back the wracking sobs she felt budding in her chest. Deszeld didn't care anymore at all - that was clear now. And while she had hated the declaration of possession as though she were some toy, this hurt more. With shaking hands, she twisted at the door knob.  

[bipolar bee]

Deszeld did not know how to make her intent any clearer. She did not look at Hollandaise as a possession - merely hers. The dragon ghoul scowled as Hollandaise stumbled on the desk, and she stepped forward as if to assist the warder -- but suddenly Hollandaise was gone, and Deszeld was left alone in her room.

Despite the plants, despite her preference for solitude, the room felt too empty.

The green let out a low, feral snarl before locking her door. Tomorrow she would leave school, if only for a day, so that she might spread her wings and take flight in her natural form.

The Semblance of Unity