[SRP] If I Lose Myself (Faraja/Amini)

[Meepfur]

Faraja should have been sleeping, but instead, he was pacing. He didn't know why, but he'd been feeling restless for a few days now. Usually a relaxed, laidback sort of lion, he was having a hard time staying still, and it was frustrating. He wanted to move, to go somewhere, to do something! It puzzled him, even troubled him a little, because he did not understand it. He liked it here! This was his home, his family was here. He didn't want to leave either one.

...but there was some tiny, bewildering part of him that did. Despite all his optimism, he couldn't help but be a bit frightened by it. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go anywhere. His feet did not seem to agree, because they would not be still. What was wrong with him?

He'd been keeping it to himself, but it had finally built to a point where he couldn't take it anymore. Maybe his mother could help? But no, it was late, and he shouldn't bother her at this hour. Fortunately, he had a ready confidante at hand in the form of his familiar, Amini. Who was also sleeping, but he didn't feel as bad about waking her up (okay, a little, but not enough that he wasn't going to do it!).

"Amini. Hey, Amini!" he called up to where she was perched. "Wake up!"  

[Meepfur]

Amini was sleeping soundly - and happily - when the voice of her bonded tugged her out of sleep and into wakefulness. With a deep, long-suffering sigh, she untucked her head from under her wing and looked down to see Faraja staring up at her, with a distinctly pleading look.

Oh, dear. He knew exactly what that face did to her, and he'd gotten very good at using. That didn't mean she wasn't annoyed with him for waking her up, though! Very deliberately (and absolutely not with a tiny twinge of guilt), she turned around on her branch to face away from him, twitching her tailfeathers.

Just because they were bonded didn't mean he could wake her up whenever he pleased!  

[Meepfur]

When she turned away, he was absolutely crestfallen, ears drooping and his whole posture sagging. He needed help! He genuinely needed help this time! He wasn't waking her up just because he was bored, or couldn't sleep and wanted someone to talk to (although, admittedly, he was guilty of that on occasion).

"Oh, come on, Amini! Please!" he pleaded, desperate for the attention she was denying him. "It's important this time, it really is! I promise it is. Please just listen to me?"  

[Meepfur]

He sounded genuinely distressed. That was not something Faraja generally sounded. In fact, he never sounded like that. The tiny twinge of guilt was suddenly a huge pang, one that made Amini turn back around to regard her companion again. She fluffed up and resettled her feathers, trying to compose herself for whatever was disturbing Faraja so.

"I thought you were just lonely again," the eagle explained. "So, tell me, what is it? What's eating you so bad?"  

[Meepfur]

"I don't know! I don't know what it is," he confided in a frustrated outburst, tail lashing as he set to pacing again. "I just feel weird! I want to walk and keep walking until I'm somewhere else, except I don't want to. I want to stay here!"

"I don't get it. Why don't I want to stay here, when I do want to stay here? What's wrong with me, Amini?"  

[Meepfur]

Outbursts were not something Faraja was prone to. More uncharacteristic behavior. Watching him pace and rant, Amini couldn't help but grow increasingly worried. None of this was like the lion she liked to think she knew very well, better than anyone. The speckled eagle shuffled her wings and clicked her beak, suddenly anxious, as though Faraja's nerves were contagious.

"I...am afraid I don't really know," she answered, cringing even as she said the words. "If you were an adolescent, I'd say it was that, but you're long past that, dear. Maybe it's just late in coming on?"  

[Meepfur]

"Late in coming on? You think?" Faraja laughed, but there was no humor in the hollow sound. Ten more steps, then he turned, and walked his short path over again, and again, trying to think but frustratingly unable to clear his mind. "Whatever it is, I just want it to stop! How do I make it stop? I just want to get some sleep, and then go hunting, and be normal..."  

[Meepfur]

"I don't know," she said again, feeling the weight of worry grow heavier. Worry, and guilt that she was not able to give the answers that her friend needed. She clicked her beak again, and shifted her weight from foot to foot. "If you want to walk, then maybe you should walk. If you want to go somewhere, then go. You don't have to go far. Just...over the border. Have a look around and come back, and maybe you'll feel better."

"I'll go with you, make sure you don't get into any trouble."  

[Meepfur]

"You want me to go across the border?" Though that was the urge that had been driving him to distraction, hearing his friend actually tell him to do it was a shock to the striped lion. Enough of a shock that he actually stopped pacing for a moment, though his tail continued to flick in indication of his continued agitation. "Do you really think that would help?"

Without waiting for her to answer again, he made up his mind, and turned away to face the border. "Okay. Yeah. It's not like it could possibly be any worse than staying here and wearing down the grass. And it's not like we're leaving leaving, right? We'll just look around for a few hours and then come back."

"Maybe there's just something out there we're supposed to see! Maybe life's just trying to show me something." That thought made him feel better, so he clung to it.

"C'mon, Amini! Let's go!"