[PRP] The Monster in Me (Ufisadi x Awani'shairi)

[SilverLutz]

The days turned to weeks, which turned to months fairly quickly. Ufisadi's strength slowly returned, and after resting and training his body back to the shape he had been in before getting lost and completely hopeless in the rouge lands, he finally selected a rank. It had been a very happy day for him amid his usual dark ones. The scouting title he took was to reassure himself that he wouldn't be fighting too much, and would protect his pride as he hadn't been able to protect the lioness from so long ago.

During his time in the Chokwe, he had made a few new friends, the kind leopardess that he had come across a few days into his stay one of them. Awani had, true to her word, helped him heal both mentally and physically, although more so the latter than the former. He had yet to tell her what it was that bothered him so much, why he was so worried when dangers plagued their drinking holes. But he felt that it was time to share his burden. Awani was kind and very centered, sure of herself and her abilities. Surely someone so strong would be able to hold such a dire secret?

Ufisadi paced by the river bed as he warred with himself. Should he tell her? What if it scared her away? What if she told and he was chased from the pride? They surely wouldn't think of him as a brother anymore if they found out his secret. But at the same time he wanted her to know so she would know what she was getting herself in to. Being friends with and caring for a murderous coward...gods, he could barely live with himself when he thought of it that way.

"I'll just...come out and say it," he murmured to himself as he looked at his reflection in the water below, moving along slowly by his paws. "And if she reacts badly I'll leave. Find another pride, maybe..."

Talencia

 

[Talencia]

Awani was off-duty, taking a refreshing run around and through the pride's territory. Her heart was full, because her daughter was now grown. It had taken her a while to realize this, as busy as military life was. To be honest, the older her daughter had gotten, the less they had taken time together. Perhaps that was just the way of things, that youngsters grew and matured, drawing away from their parents so that they could stand on their own. But what Awani was struggling with now was that all her cubs were grown, doing their own things. She'd even had news from one of her daughters in Kitwana'antara that she had had cubs of her own! Awani was a grandmother, and had been for some time now, all unawares.

Somehow, it made her feel... old. Nothing thus far had ever made her feel that way. She had always been determined that one chose what age one felt, and one did not need to concede to age unless infirmity insisted. Thankfully she was still just as fit and muscular as ever, perhaps more so! But her heart... oh, her heart was starting to wonder if she should feel old. And here she was, too busy to visit her other children often enough to have been as involved in their lives as she had wanted. She mourned over this as she ran, heart aching. It wasn't that she regretted agreeing to leave her children to strengthen the sickened pride. She simply missed them.

So caught up was she in these sorrowful thoughts that she nearly ran right past Ufisadi without seeing him. She saw movement to the side, and recognized his dark mane just as she swept past. Slowing herself as she turned in a wide arc, she loped back towards him. It took her a little time, since she wasn't going straight to him, but it was a sufficient cool down that by the time she reached him, she wasn't out of breath at all. "Sadi! Sorry, I almost didn't see you here by yourself," she greeted him, using the nickname she'd picked up not long after taking him under her wing. "Is all well?" Her expressive face became concerned as she realized that he seemed troubled.  

[SilverLutz]

Ufisadi pawed at the water in front of him as he warred with himself a bit more. Telling his closest friend his darkest secret wasn't exactly something he'd relish doing, but he knew she was probably the best one to help bare his burden. She was level headed and calm about things, and while he doubted she'd just brush this off, he hoped she'd accept it and take it in stride as good as she could.

Or, she'd chase him off the pride lands. It was a fifty fifty chance. It wasn't every day someone you've been caring for tells you he accidentally killed a young lioness.

A dark blur passed him and he looked up in surprise, watching Awani pull a wide arc as she made her way back to him. He tried not to shake as she got closer. This was nothing to be terrified about. He'd be okay out on his own again now that his physical strength was back up to par...he was more scared about losing the one person that was interested in his well being enough to call him a friend.

The nickname made him relax just a bit, and Ufisadi offered Awani a small smile."That's all right," he said as she approached. The question made him hesitate, before he nodded slightly. "As well as usual. I suppose," he said, sitting down in front of her. "I've been. Thinking," he said slowly, hesitantly. He looked anywhere but at his friend, his heart beating a bit quicker now. Was he really going to tell her?

"Thinking about. Telling you what happened before I came here."

Talencia

 

[Talencia]

His tone told her just how serious this was. She didn't frown, but her whiskers spread and her ears pricked forward attentively. "Ah, I see," she answered him, moving closer and sitting down. She had to look up at him, but that had never bothered her. She curled her tail serenely about her paws and gave him her full attention. "I'm ready to listen, my friend," she said solemnly. She really had no idea what it was he might have to tell her, but his body practically vibrated with tension and distress.

He really had been rather close-mouthed about his past, now that she stopped to think about it. She hadn't dwelt on it before because, to be honest, his past really didn't impact his friendship with Awani. Whatever had happened in the past was the past. Mostly what she was concerned with was helping him through his feelings about it, helping him to find happiness again. In her strong opinion, he definitely deserved pleasure and happiness, and she would do her best to help him achieve that.  

[SilverLutz]

Awani's attentiveness never failed to amaze Ufisadi. She was genuinely interested in helping him feel better and, while that in itself blew his mind, it was her unquestioning compassion even though she was kept in the dark that made him so trusting towards her. She had seen him through every day that he had been here, and all he had given her in return were words of thanks. Perhaps by sharing this he'd help her understand just what it was that plagued his mind at nights, that kept him from resting as well as he should have.

"It's...a bit of a long story," he said, scratching a line in the dirt with a claw. "And you'll probably think I'm crazy but...I promise every bit of this happened. Even though I wish it hadn't."

He took a slow breath to steady himself and closed his eyes, starting from the beginning, of how he had grown up playing jokes on his siblings and relishing the delight in tricking others. This was the easy part to tell. It was once he got to the next part that he hoped she'd believe.

"After I killed the rabbit, a goddess appeared," he said quietly, opening his eyes but staring at the ground still. "I asked for the power to trick anyone I came across without them being able to catch on, to be the greatest prankster that ever lived. There were stipulations, of course...my jokes couldn't seriously hurt anyone, and I had to give her something in return. Which I did...there are a few...well, adults now, probably, running around the savanna that I sired, that I am never to see. She left after I agreed to the deal, and I went on my way."

He swallowed thickly and glanced up to see if she believed him so far, buying a bit of time to somehow ease his way around the real problem he was getting to. "But...as you can probably tell...things changed."

Talencia

 

[Talencia]

She listened, not expectantly as if anticipating the problem. She truly listened, accepting the honor of being told about his life. This wasn't the first time she'd been approached by someone with a life's tale to tell, after all. In fact, one big male had had quite a tale to tell, and he hadn't been her friend before the fact. This was her good friend, Sadi, who clearly needed to unburden himself. Whether his early life was related to what troubled him was irrelevant. This was a chance to know him better, to better appreciate him as an individual. She gave her whole heart to absorbing what he had to tell her.

She smiled about his pranks, nodded at salient points, and raised her brows at the arrival of a goddess. She stifled amusement at the idea of grown-up babes of Sadi and a goddess running about the roguelands, creating havoc and seeing visions. It wasn't exactly funny, really, but the image was cute. Plus, she had somewhat made a similar deal herself, though not with a god or in exchange for an ability. She firmly turned her mind from the recent thoughts on her own children and pinned her focus on him once more. He seemed to be coming to an important part, at least one part that seemed to trouble him. Sober once more, she waited patiently for him to tell her more.  

[SilverLutz]

Ufisadi let out a slow breath as Awani continued to look at him, listening the whole while. He was quite for a bit to summon up his courage to press on. This was the first time he had said anything aloud since he had spoken to the young lioness's parents, and it was like ripping a horribly formed scab off a wound that desperately needed healing.

"There was a young lioness," he said quietly. "Barely an adult. She was very sweet, and...those were the kind of lions I enjoyed taking advantage of the most, to see them falter and fall. I wanted her to fall into the watering hole she was drinking from, a harmless prank...but falling in where water met sand wouldn't be as funny. So I talked with her and led her up a little cliff, not too high, that overlooked the center of the pond."

He let out a slow breath and closed his eyes again. "I backed away...and the edge crumbled. I didn't mean for her to fall in at such an angle...when she hit the water she was stunned. That was when I noticed there were crocodiles in the water. She was helpless...they closed in. I-" His voice wavered and he stopped, swallowing thickly.

"I was...frozen to the spot...I couldn't do anything but watch. And they...they pulled her apart...she didn't have a hope in the world. She was still alive when they pulled her under and...I just couldn't look away." He hadn't meant to go into such detail, but once the story began he just kept talking. "The goddess returned to me. I couldn't have hidden from her if I wanted to. I broke a rule to our agreement, and she took my powers from me, which was more than fine. I never wanted to hurt her," he added, his voice a bit desperate. "I would have never led her up that hill if I knew how it would end."

Talencia

 

[Talencia]

Ah, here was the heart of the matter. She could tell by how he swallowed thickly, how he wasn't meeting her eyes. However, she did not brace herself, nor try to prepare for whatever was to come next. She listened. Only listened. He poured out his feelings like the boiling waters from a hot spring, searing and painful but finally released. She heard pain, guilt, desperation, and agony. Oh, the agony! Her expression was soft and gentle, allowing him to throw it all out at her.

When he was done, she moved close. She said nothing, nothing at all, but merely wrapped one strong paw around his very large shoulders. She couldn't reach far, but she tugged what she could reach close. Very gently she wrapped the other paw about the other side of his neck, and leaned her forehead into his cheek comfortingly. She let her throat vibrate in a light purr, but she held him close. Not tight, for he could break away if he chose, but close as if to embrace him in her heart. Poor dear, he had so much unhappiness pent up! She did not scold, reassure, excuse, or otherwise belittle his experiences. She simply offered what comfort and understanding she could.  

[SilverLutz]

Whatever Ufisadi was expecting Awani to do, it wasn't this. He flinched as she moved closer, expecting a swift paw to land on his face, but instead he found himself being pulled into a hug. It took him a few moments to realize she was, in fact, accepting him despite his story, and he all but collapsed against her. He squeezed his eyes shut as he pressed his forehead against hers, pain leaving his chest for the first time in months.

"Thank you," he said weakly, his chest aching now in thankfulness for his friend. He didn't know what else to say, so he remained silent, his mane covering them both as he bowed his head.

Talencia

 

[Talencia]

She felt the tension in his body release, his head sagging down with what was obviously deep relief. The poor lion! She patted him gently and let him nuzzle close, glad to offer the comfort he was craving so badly. There really wasn't anything to say, but she didn't mind. Sometimes hearts could speak without a word being uttered. She had full faith that his could hear what hers was trying to tell him. It was alright, it was done now, he was safe, and he was loved. Had she been apart from the situation, she might have been privately glad that he wasn't a trickster anymore, as she couldn't stand that sort of nasty, self-indulgent person. She liked him just as he was now, even with all the heartache that led him to be this person. He was a better lion today for having endured all that, and Awani was quietly glad for it.