I think I've done something stupid...

[Shinigami-Rem_Death-Note]

...again redface

Okay, so my last relationship ended a while ago and I'd been getting close to this guy I've known since January. He's sweet, we have a lot in common, he's pretty much perfect for me and I really like him. Thing is he asked me out a couple days ago. I was really happy then, and I thought I was making a good choice, even yesterday when we were out all day together it seemed great, but then as soon as I got on the metro home, I started feeling weird. It was like I felt guilty, as if I'd made the wrong choice and I want out. At least par ot me wants out, while the rest of me feels terrible for even thinking that and knows I would definitely regret it after if I broke it up after just two days! He's such a sweet guy, I don't want to be the b***h and I definitely don't want him to hate me. I honestly (seriously) think I'd end up doing something very very stupid if that happened (you know what I mean...) but at the moment I don't know what I should do. I feel like I'm constantly regretting it but at the same time I keep feeling like it's just me worrying at the beginning of a relationship. I don't like being single, but I don't like staying with someone if I end up feeling like this. Then again, I can't bear the thought of hurting him like that. I just wonder if I made the right choice because I didn't have the heart (or the want) to reject him when he asked me out either. crying

What should I do?  

[Independent Renegade]

Shini, I know how you feel. I 'dated' a guy on and off for five or so years because I really liked how similar we were. We were both geeky, interested in similar things, and we made each other laugh. He is into math and fractal art, and I am into English and traditional styles. He's chaotic and random, I'm ordered and precise. We are both insane. We always thought that 'opposites attract' was the way we were.

But something always told me from day one that it was wrong. I kept things hidden from him and myself because I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want this good kid, raised a PK (military slang for 'preacher's kid'), to know that I had a completely different belief system than his own. When he talked philosophy, I'd nod and try to not push any of his Christian buttons. I didn't want to break it off with him because I knew it would hurt him.

I knew this because he has chronic depression. I didn't want to be the reason he did something stupid. I knew he'd been to psychiatrists before I met him, but he never told me why, and those mysteries kept me dancing around him, wary of his moods and actions. I didn't want to be told one day that he'd purposely stepped on an IED in Iraq because I told him I didn't want to go out with him anymore.

We got close, yet I always pushed away, kept a wall up between us, because I didn't want to hurt him. In the end, I knew it was over because I literally felt nothing for him when I finally told him that we couldn't be what he wanted. I wanted to be friends, but he wanted so much more that I cannot give. When he told me that we couldn't even be friends, I felt absolutely nothing. That is how I knew it was wrong all along. It was a relief to not have to worry about him anymore. It made me feel better once I knew that he could move on and find someone else who could return his affections.

I tell you this not as a dissuasion from your current course of action, but to let you know that you can try. Don't cut it off right away. You never know if something real will come of it. But do take things slow. If you don't feel comfortable around him, pull away from the situation. But don't kill it unless you feel that it is the only course open to you.

Also, don't be afraid to be alone. Being single isn't a bad thing. After all, there's lots of stuff one person can do that two cannot. Like walk through deserted woods at night and be completely at ease with the surroundings. With another person, it is likely that you will not hear the call of the Great Horned Owl from somewhere in the distant darkness. You won't feel the gentle breeze from the South that carries the scent of night flowers, purple and white, hidden somewhere beneath the oak brush because you will be too wrapped up in the feeling of his fingers in yours. You won't taste the dew just settling upon pine needles cushioning the forest floor beneath your feet because you will will be imagining the taste of his lips on yours. You won't notice the bustle of a family of squirrels, or perhaps sleeping birds, moving about in their hollow tree because you will be too enraptured with his chattering voice. You won't bother to reach out and touch the pebbly smoothness of Ponderosa bark because you will be wanting to hurry indoors to someplace for two people. The real world would be completely lost if you insisted on being always with another. Stay single for a little while, if you find yourself in that state.

But, only, only if you feel absolutely sure that you cannot make what you might have with this boy work.

Plus, I would also dissuade you from becoming intensely enamored with anyone until you hit 25... but that's me. I think love should be a mature thing, something like wine that gets better with time. Let it grow and mellow.

[/personal take on relationships]  

[PoisonedPixel]

Follow.....your gut feelings......... they are there for a reason!
Love should make you feel completely happy especially in the beginning!
"RUN"  

[[-Erik-]]

Move on.

And deal with it... cool  

[Shinigami-Rem_Death-Note]

Charming, [-Erik-]. Thanks for the support guys, I decided to end it and let us just be friends. Thank goodness he took it well! I'm pretty relieved now and a lot happier by the looks of it