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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:03 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:47 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:59 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 8:40 pm
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If you really truly want to get this story you're working on published, you need to do A LOT of spelling, grammar, and punctuation fixing. The publishers won't do it for you.
Also, that was the most INDESCRIPTIVE beginning of a story I have ever read.
I wrote a story back in middle school, around when I was 13 or so, and the introduction to the story was two or three pages long.
Seriously though, type up all the ideas for your story on a notepad file or something, save it on your computer somewhere, come back in a year or two, and try it again, because by then you will have completed more of school and know a little more about the English language, and your story will be a LOT better.
Don't take this as bashing either, I'm giving you comments and advice on how to better your writing.
This is probably how it SHOULD look with corrected spelling, grammar, and punctuation:
Quote: The queen sat, holding her forbidden child, "You must take her, sister, I can't keep her", she said. "Sister, I cannot take her, I have five children already." "I can deal with her, sister, I will take care of her." "Goodbye, my sweet," whispered the nymph queen to her new born child. As she put the child in the basket the aunt muttered to herself, "Good riddance." As her aunt took her to the river, the child slept soundly, "Goodbye, you vile thing," she said harshly as the baby floated away.
Every time someone speaks, you're supposed to start a new line and either double-space or Tab. I did double-spacing because Tab won't work right.
Also, when numbers are used in a story, generally they are typed out. You see with the number 5, I typed it out as "five". The only cases I know of where a number number can actually be used are in things like:
"Captain! The starship S422 Logatania has been hit!" The crew-mate shouted across the control room. "Their shields are down, they could be gone with the next attack!"
and
"Baby, you know how much I've missed you..." Kensington mumbled over the phone. "Please, can you meet me tonight? In front of my apartment at 263 East 3rd street."
In the first example, the numbers were used as a name for an object, in this case, a starship. In the second example, the numbers were used for Kensington's apartment address.
I'm sure there are other examples, but those are the ones I came up with.
If I saw more of the story, I'd be able to help out a bit more.
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 8:27 am
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:34 am
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:41 am
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:50 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:35 am
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:50 am
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