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| Are you gonna bash and squeal about your real lif? |
| Maybe. >_> |
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36% |
[ 22 ] |
| Yuppers. |
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14% |
[ 9 ] |
| Nope. |
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13% |
[ 8 ] |
| I will indeed, and I'll also help out other folks, 'coz I'm cool like that. <33 |
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36% |
[ 22 ] |
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| Total Votes : 61 |
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 Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 8:43 am
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Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:46 am
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I know all to well what it's like to lose a friend. My dad was in the military up until I graduated high school, so I've lost many many friends. I didn't start keeping in touch with any of them until 6th grade. I still talk to my 2 best friends from 6th grade, but most of my 7th and 8th grade friends that I kept in touch with bailed on me when I converted from Christianity to Athiesm in 10th grade. And then the rest of them bailed on me when I converted to Paganism a few months later. (All of these friends live in Utah, and they're all Mormon). And then all of my 9th and 10th grade friends just kind of lost touch with me and we either don't talk to each other anymore, or rarely talk to each other anymore.
After losing so many friends in my life, I just put up this big wall. There were 3 people that I actually let in, that I actually got close to. One is my boyfriend. Another one just moved to a different city and is still waiting to get a cellphone (she moved like 2 months ago). And the other one, my best friend, I just lost her. She's just so selfish. She doesn't care who gets hurt, just as long as she's getting what she wants. Anyway, after not seeing her for weeks, so promised me that she would spend the night at my house one Friday night. She forgot. Her excuse... "my phone's been broken". That was a poor excuse because (1)she knows where I live and (2)she was over at one of our friend's house which is right down the street from where I live. And so now that wall I put around myself is like 10 times bigger. It's hard to get over that kind of stuff, but it happens.
If their not meant to be in your life anymore, than they won't be. And if they can't be friends with you over an argument, or because of your religion, than they weren't ever your friend anyway. True friends love you for who you are, not for what they want you to be.
I agree with Choir_Angel on what to do about your boyfriend. I for one never date a guy without telling him I'm Pagan before I go out with him. That way if he's not okay with it, I don't date him or at least not until he is okay with it.
As for your parents, you can either just straight out tell them. Or you can start small. Just ask them what their views on other religions are. Tell them that your interested in looking at various other religions to find what's best for you and tell them that you love them and that they're the most important people in your life and that you'd appreciate it if they could support you. And make sure they know that if you change religions that you're still their daughter and that you're still the same person, just with different religious beliefs. And tell them that if they're not really comfortable with it that they can kind of supervise you (such as letting them read your books). Just stuff like that.
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Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:11 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:44 am
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:56 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:46 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:54 am
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 9:17 pm
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"I have nothing (I don't want it)
I have nothing (I don't need it)
I have nothing (You can have it)
I have nothing, nothing, nothing"
-Plumb
I'm listening to this song and it seems to perfectly fit what I'm feeling right now. I'm lost, confused, tired. I've lost what is important and I've strayed so far away from my path that I fear I may never get back to where I'm supposed to be. But then again, maybe that was never my path at all. Maybe I get closer to my true path with each day. I honestly don't know.
I'm hurt and I'm angry. I just want someone to curl up with and take my pain away. I know that's not how it works, but it's my dream and absolutely NOTHING is going to take that from me. I have my dreams, my hopes, my fears and I hold them close to my heart. I refuse to live an unfulfilling life. I won't live the same day over and over. I can not "live" each day in the mindless existence so many Americans seem to crave. I don't want a job in some office. I want to spend my life doing things for the good of others. I want to live out my dreams. I want to travel the world and serve the people I meet. I want to go skydiving. I want to hike, camp, swim...LIVE!
Why is it that once we become teenagers we forget the dreams we cherished when we were young? What is it about society that forces us to choose between our dreams and making a living for ourselves? Where has the American spirit gone? I look around and I see so many people that hate the war that's going on, but where are all of the rebellions? No one liked the Vietnam war either. That's exactly why there were protests and sit-ins. Where has that rebelliousness gone? Do we have no pride? Or can we just not see beyond our own little worlds long enough to actually care?
Sometimes I hate living here just because there is no passion! It's so hard to live and be carefree now. There is all this pressure to conform, and to act like "adults," that we lose a big chunk of our childhood. How is that right? I refuse to live the life society has set out for me. I'm going to go out with my friends and act like a complete idiot, I'm going to love with the passion of the sun, I'm going to actually help others, instead of myself....I'm going to live the life that makes me truly happy and if you're not happy with it....well, there's really nothing I can say to change your mind so why even bother?
If you haven't listened to "I have Nothing" by Plumb yet, go do that now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkmqnt4UM-c
It's a Christian song, but I think it can fit in with the beliefs of almost any religion that believes in some sort of "God," "Goddess," etc. We could really learn a lot from this song. We come to this world with nothing, and once we die all of our material possesions will mean absolutely nothing. So why spend your life in pursuit of that?
Go outside. Run. Jump. Climb a tree. Smile at the people who pass you by. Hug your family and friends. Spend a couple hours a week volunteering. Stand up for your beliefs. Do everything you can to find what you are really passionate about and NEVER let that go! Don't let life pass you by, it'll be over before you know it.
EDIT: So I just read over this..it's pretty amazing what writing can do for a person. It's been over two months since we broke up and my ex-boyfriend barely even talks to me, even though he claims to be "over it" and is now my "friend." I feel like he's been avoiding me, and it really hurt because I still really care for him. This all made me angry....
But anyways, I can't believe how calm I am now after I've written this. It feels good to put my musings where others can see me in my true "naked" form. Thanks for your time!
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The Goddess of Earth Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:39 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:02 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:39 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:46 pm
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I feel strange posting but I guess I will
Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I ever got. I stayed up to do my science portfolio and I got half way done before I looked at the clock and saw that it was way past twelve. I knew I would never make the bus in time if I stayed up to finish the homework that wasn't due till sixth period that day. Sighing I pushed all my stuff off my bed ( hehe I am a very messy person, which doesn't help when I try to set up my altar o.O ) turned off the lights and curled up under my quilt. I thought I would get to sleep right away due to the fact that I was so tired, but I couldn't have been more wrong.
I was up till three in the morning listening to my parents fight and my little sister crying. Made me wonder how I slept through the night any other day. I had no idea what was wrong with me, besides the noise I was cold, hot, aching, my head hurt so badly that I cried. I didn't understand why I was feeling that way.
I finally feel asleep somewhere between four and four thrity and woke up at six fifteen to take a shower. It helped and to my surprise I was awake, not tired at all. I was ready to brace the day; until my mom started with me. I have lived in this home for a good twelve years and I can honestly tell you there is too much negative energy in this house to be able to think straight. ( Despite my attempts to clear it all up )
So I nod my head like a 'good little girl' and head off to school, a little too early. When I reach the bus stop no one is there, and no one would be there for a good fifteen twenty minutes.
I took the time to think, and clear my mind. I had two tests that I needed to do good on instead of dwelling on my mother's words.
Once at school I was calm and ready to face the day, until * they had to ruin it. I stayed by myself until I walked into home room, stopping to chat briefly with my only true friend Jade. I have only two classes with her so I waited till then to speak.
I told her about home and life, and how I thought that I was living with my Karma, she only retorted "What did you do to live with that?" my theory therefore went down the drain. I have no clue why I live with them or why I put up with my so called "friends" ( excluding Jade ). I am tired of the backstabbing ' I am your friend today and I'm not tomorrow' attitude. They don't even know of my religion, thank the goddess for that because if they did they would ride me for that too.
| Eh wow that was a lot and I didn't even get to the rest |
So I come home from school and I get a ride to therapy. ( YAY! Someone who cares :stare ) So we get to talking and well , I tend to see why I put up with all the bs that I deal with everyday. Besides that I come home and get more hell from my mom and will continue to get it until I leave this house, ether when I am of legal age or when I file for emancipation.
*They would be the 'people' who have fun pushing/shoving/name calling/ destroying my self esteem
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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 4:12 pm
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I hate how one-minded people are. My family included. I just can not take much more of this. The one sided arguments, all set against me.
I do nothing right in the eyes of who matter most, the one's who say they love me, just set me up to shoot me back down. It makes no sense what so ever. I am just tired of the target being me.
Its not only my family, but my so called friends and the kids at school. They know nothing about me and still, they assume they know everything. I can not take the condescending attitudes, snide remarks, and elaborate jokes, much longer.
Is it not bad enough that I live in hell? But to have hell brought to the only place I can escape, is unbearable.
I would find somewhere else to run to, if I didn't have so many responsibilities at home. I am limited to walking and my mother literally does not let me out of the house. then complains that I have NO social life. If that is not contradicting I don't know what is.
I have just had it with the fighting, they want me to talk to them, I do and then I get yelled at for doing so. There are too many mixed messages and I have had enough of it.
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Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 3:02 pm
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Lately it has been really hard for me to write, &&writing is how I let go of emotion &&"recover" from the negitivity that builds up. So everything has felt worse than it really is. Seeing new myspace pictures of the guy that I like &&his prom date didn't help at all either...
Jack London Square: I'm not your cup of tea
All night I lay awake and wonder;
Tears fall from my hurting eyes,
As rain falls from the midnight clouds,
I fall down further…
Thoughts bombard my selfless mind
In for of wordless sentences,
And songs without a melody,
I’m just not your kind… Of girl…
All I wanted to do was to write you a love song
That would make you fall for me, but don’t get me wrong
I know I can’t make you love me, don’t get me wrong
I’m not about to change, even for you, my love…
I envy the world asleep and dreaming
I’m stuck awake in a nightmare
I can’t let go, you won’t hold on
Hope keeps fading
Time just moves along too quickly
My fears may have burned my chance
I fear I’ll never have a chance
I’m not your cup of tea…
All I wanted to do was to write you a real love song
And make you feel for me how I’ve felt for five years too long
And maybe make you cry, as I’m crying…
Don’t get me wrong, its not self pity… no…
No, just an attempted love song
For my lovely, not mine.
I can’t forget it all, you’re always there
When I pass by that lovely Jack London Square.
©2008 ~theemogirlnextdoor |
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Reply
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