So Ya Wanna...

[maenad nuri]

Illiezeulette

Um. This is entirely unrelated to religion, but still important to me. This post may be loaded with way too much information about my personal life. Get ready.

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I wanna learn how to have an orgasm during sex.

I can crank a few out on my own to be sure, but I just started having sex for the first time, and I cannot seem to come. Maybe it is because so far I still keep bleeding, and the pain is turning me off (but it's not that bad at all). We've done oral, several different positions, and I don't seem to be getting close. Not even when we tried a position that was extremely similar to how I usually masturbate. I'm really, really attracted to my partner, but I just can't seem to really get in the mood during foreplay or sex. I don't feel *that* nervous, no conscious pressure to perform well or anything. Everything seems to be working fine. I don't know what's wrong.

Any pointers?

Put it on the back burner. Don't make having the orgasm during sex the focal point of having sex. You just started -- this isn't uncommon to figure out what works for you. It seems like you've got a partner that is willing to experiment, and that's a really good thing. Just start having fun, and it may follow. Or it might not. Not every woman can orgasm during sex.

If you can knock a few out yourself, why not get yourself going first? Make it part of sexual activity.

I do have to ask, when you say "in the mood", is that you don't get to the point to orgasm building, or that you just aren't in the mood for sex?

Oh and toys. Wonderful things, them.

(by the by, TMI things they don't tell you about ADHD: that it can hinder orgasm. Because you get distracted. during sex. uber frustrating)  

[aoijea23487]

Right. I'm not super focused on the orgasm, but my partner is a bit. He feels a little down that I haven't had an orgasm yet, so I'm also asking on his behalf. We're super open about it all and willing to experiment with just about everything. I've been doing a bit of internet lurkage and I found it really surprising that so many women have trouble orgasming during sex, especially penetrative sex.

I'm usually in the mood for sex in an sort of mental way, but for some reason my libido drops during foreplay. I still *want* to have sex, but my body is like "meh." Things tend to feel far more relaxing than stimulating.

I am a newb to toys. I am planning on investigating shops tomorrow with leftover Christmas cash.

AWFUL about the ADHD. Luckily I don't have it.

Good tip on the masturbation beforehand bit. I think I'll give it a go next.

Thank youu~  

[Bastemhet]

Illiezeulette

I wanna learn how to have an orgasm during sex.

...

Any pointers?

K. I hope my answer is not TMI either. For those that don't want to see explicit stuff, I'll be whiting it out below.

My experience is that when I'm stressed I have a hard time getting into it. We do a lot of foreplay first, which includes kissing, heavy petting, and oral sex. Actually, I probably wouldn't enjoy the sex much at all if I didn't achieve orgasm at least once beforehand through oral or hand stimulation. The reason for this is that it will start my v****a lubricating, which is really important for penetrative sex to be comfortable. This also gets my nerves stimulated so that I can feel everything a lot more in the penetrative sex afterward. Furthermore, prior stimulation will allow for the v****a to start getting ready for penetrative sex, which makes it so that it gets longer with more ease. I couldn't tell you how it works since it's been a while since I learned about it, and I think that it's the uterus that moves to an incline or something. Otherwise the vaginal canal is only about 3 inches long which can be uncomfortable.

I think the three most important tips I can give is use lube, stimulate yourself during the penetrative portion as you would while masturbating, and communicate what you like, don't like, or want more of. I think it's like, 70% of women can't achieve orgasm through penetration alone, so masturbating during sex can be very very helpful. I was kind of embarrassed that I needed to do this at first, but I've since learned that when my partner sees me really getting into it and feeling good, this makes him even more excited and happy that he's helping in making me achieve orgasm.

My favorite lube is Eros silicone oil. This is safe to use with condoms. A little goes a long way, and the nice thing about it is that friction does nothing to evaporate it, unlike with water-based lube. However it can get a little pricey if you have to buy it often (I've been using the same gigantic bottle for maybe two years!). If you prefer the feel of water based lube, you can try having a spray bottle full of water near the bed so you can reactivate it if the lube starts to evaporate. When I worked at a porn store that also sold lubes and sex toys, I.D. Glide seemed to be the most popular water-based lube, and Eros the most popular oil lube.

Oh, by the way, silicone toys are tops. They feel a lot softer. Just can't use 'em with silicone lube. sad Unless you like the hard feeling. The place I used to work had blown glass dildos and plugs and I couldn't figure out how that would feel good at all. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  

[TeaDidikai]

Illiezeulette

Thank youu~

Toy Shopping at The Castle is awesome.

So... funny story, Isakane and I were driving past the place on our way North and I'm like "Oh! Hey Sweetie! Do you remember when we went there!?"

"Went where?"

"That adult store."

"Hunny, you've never taken me there."

"Oh. " redface "Oh look! A butterfly!"

~Drives by quickly~  

[Bastemhet]

TeaDidikai

Illiezeulette

Thank youu~

Toy Shopping at The Castle is awesome.

So... funny story, Isakane and I were driving past the place on our way North and I'm like "Oh! Hey Sweetie! Do you remember when we went there!?"

"Went where?"

"That adult store."

"Hunny, you've never taken me there."

"Oh. " redface "Oh look! A butterfly!"

~Drives by quickly~

rofl  

[Cunning Witch Angus]

I wanna learn how to become a Pope! I have always wanted to wear that awesomely funny hat!  

[Cunning Witch Angus]

Also, become familiar with your body. Know what it feels to orgasm and how you can control it. Breath deeply and concentrate on pleasuring your partner. Communication is key to all good sexual relationships. If something feels good that your partner is doing tell the partner to do it more and vice versa. Use simple phrases so they don't get lost like "Stop" "More" "Less" etc.

Toys are great fun. I also suggest playing with different fetishes that seem out of the ordinary: bondage, tickling, rimming. Change positions during sex.

And also try being on top, that way you can control the amount of pleasure you are receiving. It also feels good for him too wink  

[patch99329]

It's pretty uncommon from what I've heard, to have an orgasm the first few times. Especially if you are still bleeding.

If you're still bleeding, and it's been a few times, maybe you're rushing into the penetration part of sex before your body is completely ready? (Been there done that, it hurts and is not cool).
Not only is a woman wet when she is ready for sex, but the surrounding area swells a little (Women have erectile tissue too wink ) and the v****a opens.
Being wet is not the sole signal of being ready, as some women could just be wet because of their own natural juices anyway.

That aside, I read somewhere (I have no idea how reliable this is) that something like 60% of women can't get an orgasm from PIV sex alone.
I suggest asking your boyfriend to stimulate the sensitive areas of your v****a beforehand (or even better, during), or trying positions that will maximise clitoral stimulation. 3nodding

I really really hope that wasn't TMI, sorry folks. xD

*edit* Upon further reading I think I have basically just repeated almost everything Basthemet has said. Sorry xD  

[Cunning Witch Angus]

patch99329

It's pretty uncommon from what I've heard, to have an orgasm the first few times. Especially if you are still bleeding.

If you're still bleeding, and it's been a few times, maybe you're rushing into the penetration part of sex before your body is completely ready? (Been there done that, it hurts and is not cool).
Not only is a woman wet when she is ready for sex, but the surrounding area swells a little (Women have erectile tissue too wink ) and the v****a opens.
Being wet is not the sole signal of being ready, as some women could just be wet because of their own natural juices anyway.

That aside, I read somewhere (I have no idea how reliable this is) that something like 60% of women can't get an orgasm from PIV sex alone.
I suggest asking your boyfriend to stimulate the sensitive areas of your v****a beforehand (or even better, during), or trying positions that will maximise clitoral stimulation. 3nodding

I really really hope that wasn't TMI, sorry folks. xD

In other words: cunnilingus.  

[maenad nuri]

Arcanist Angus

patch99329

It's pretty uncommon from what I've heard, to have an orgasm the first few times. Especially if you are still bleeding.

If you're still bleeding, and it's been a few times, maybe you're rushing into the penetration part of sex before your body is completely ready? (Been there done that, it hurts and is not cool).
Not only is a woman wet when she is ready for sex, but the surrounding area swells a little (Women have erectile tissue too wink ) and the v****a opens.
Being wet is not the sole signal of being ready, as some women could just be wet because of their own natural juices anyway.

That aside, I read somewhere (I have no idea how reliable this is) that something like 60% of women can't get an orgasm from PIV sex alone.
I suggest asking your boyfriend to stimulate the sensitive areas of your v****a beforehand (or even better, during), or trying positions that will maximise clitoral stimulation. 3nodding

I really really hope that wasn't TMI, sorry folks. xD

In other words: cunnilingus.

TMI ahoy



....doesn't work for me. It feels fabu, but never enough for orgasm. Bodies are different after all.

Which is why my advice is to just have fun and don't worry about orgasm. It's not an endgame, promise, and you need to tell your partner that. Let yourselves get comfortable with each others bodies.

From experience? That's usually the best part anyways. I've gone through serious spells were orgasms, for whatever reason, just aren't going to happen and you know what? Sex is fun.  

[TeaDidikai]

Arcanist Angus

I wanna learn how to become a Pope! I have always wanted to wear that awesomely funny hat!

At the risk of a 666.5, which tradition?  

[Cunning Witch Angus]

TeaDidikai

Arcanist Angus

I wanna learn how to become a Pope! I have always wanted to wear that awesomely funny hat!

At the risk of a 666.5, which tradition?

razz Wouldn't you like to know? Voila I have accomplished my Popeship!  

[whiporwill-o]

Arcanist Angus

And also try being on top, that way you can control the amount of pleasure you are receiving. It also feels good for him too wink

when i was with my ex, i could never orgasm unless i was on top... unless we were doing oral.

[aoijea23487]

maenad nuri

TMI ahoy



....doesn't work for me. It feels fabu, but never enough for orgasm. Bodies are different after all.

Which is why my advice is to just have fun and don't worry about orgasm. It's not an endgame, promise, and you need to tell your partner that. Let yourselves get comfortable with each others bodies.

From experience? That's usually the best part anyways. I've gone through serious spells were orgasms, for whatever reason, just aren't going to happen and you know what? Sex is fun.

Same. Oral is great but I never get close to orgasm. Sex definitely is fun. I have a blasty blast just getting him off. Right now we're just brainstorming different things we can do to get me to orgasm whilst still having fun. He's an awesome partner to have. I'm really lucky.

As for different positions, we've tried out more than a few. Even with me on top.

White outtt:
My clitoris actually does not like being touched directly and generally not at all when things are inside of me. I have tried it alone and with a partner, and it is just not happy. Maybe a vibrating bullet or something will be different than manual stimulation. I've never owned a toy before, so, we'll see~

@Arcanist: Unfortunately this is a bit more complicated than body familiarity, communication, and positions (at least the few handfuls we've tried so far). Being on top actually does nothing for me.

@Celeblin: That's really interesting. That might be my problem right there. Sex is still really weird to me.

@Everyone: THANK YOU SO MUCH. You all are super fabulous for being so open about this.