If you would also like to add something to my rant, please leave a post with some feedback and I'll make sure to include it in my rant and/or guild! heart
Last updated: Oct. 25/05.
Before Reading My Rant:
Before I write anything, please read: If you are going to flame me, be nice about it. Don't insult me and then take off. Stay around to debate your points. And keep in mind I'm entitled to my opinion. In lieu of the post that someone has made, I have had to edit this a bit further: This is my rant, in which I am venting and giving my personal opinions and views on teen pregnancy. It is not meant to be an advice forum, and I'm sorry if it comes across like that. This rant is written as if I were talking to a girl, so if I say "you" (speaking to the reader), I'm writing as if I'm talking to a female. In all cases, I do mean it both ways - for example the guy doesn't always break up with the girl when she's pregnant, but I think I've written it like that. Or if I say "partner" it's usually referring to a male, because again I'm trying to speak to a female's POV. I mean no discrimination, and apologize if I offend anyone. I do hope it's understood what I'm getting at though, by my little explanation above... sweatdrop
ANOTHER IMPORTANT POINT BEFORE READING FURTHER: In no way am I saying falling in love before 17 is possible. Sex and love are 2 different things, though they can go hand in hand. Love is entirely possible before an age like 17 or 18, it just doesn't seem to be very common. Teens tend to not be fully mature (physically, mentally and emotionally) by the time they are 15 or 16, and so a relationship is usually unlikely to last more than awhile. However I am not ranting against teenage love - I'm ranting against irresponsible teenage sex, and teen pregnancy.
Now then... I'm writing this because of the number of teen-pregnancy threads that have been popping up in the LI subforum lately, and it's an issue that has really been bothering me. If this is supposed to be in ED or something, tell me and I can move it. However, because my first post is a rant, I'm posting it here instead.
To me, not getting pregnant at age 15 or 16 (or younger) is common sense. How many teenagers can afford to get pregnant at an early age and take care of their child? And why is casual sex something that younger and younger children are participating in? More on that in a minute...
My Rant:
So, if you've decided you're going to have casual sex with your partner at a young age, you are ensuring that should you happen to get pregnant, you are ready to take care of a child - a new life. This child is going to rely on you, its mother (and the father, if he sticks around), for all of its needs. From the moment you are pregnant, you are no longer first in your life - your baby now comes first. It gets fed, played with, changed, cleaned, etc, before you can deal with your own life.
Is that something you're ready to deal with?
Issues You Should Think Of BEFORE Having Sex:
- STD's. See here: http://www.bestd.org/stdsymptomlist.htm
- The fact that sleeping with your partner might have an impact on your relationship. What if he breaks up with you after? What if he cheats on you while you're dating and having sex together?
- If you're having sex with someone, what type of birth control will you use? How will you get it and how will you pay for it?
- If you happen to get pregnant, you have to choose between those 3 options: Abortion, adoption, or keeping the child.
- If you choose adoption, can you bear to give up the child you carried for 9 months inside of you? Which type of adoption would you choose?
- If you choose abortion, would that be ok with your morals? What about your partner - would he feel the same as you about it?
- If you decide to keep the child, how are you going to support yourself? How much will you have to rely on your parents for things like money, bills, and baby-sitting? Would you have to quit school to stay home and take care of your child? How will you support yourself once you're able to take care of yourselves without a decent education?
- If you get pregnant, how likely is the father of the child to stick around? How will he help you pay and take care of your child (if you decide to keep it)?
- If you get pregnant, will your parents let you stay at home? Or will you get kicked out of the house? (I've heard of it happening...)
Why I Say No Sex Before 17, Instead Of Another Age:
I've said this in a couple of posts when I pointed it out to a couple of posters, but I think it's a good point. So why do I say no sex before 17, instead of 15 or 16? Well, 17 can be fudged with 18 - either one is ok with me. It's just that if you're 15 and 16, or younger, you're still in high school, and it's unlikely you'd get a job even if you weren't pregnant. So if you get knocked up at say like 15, what are you going to do? You can't work, you're still in high school, you can't move out because you have no money, etc. Whereas if you're 17, you've most likely graduated, you can work full-time if you choose not to go on to post-secondary school, you can make money of your own to take care of your child instead of having to rely on several different people for support.
Quote:
Do you think sex will feel good my boyfriend i rushing things if you know what I mean wink
For the record, this comment was made by an 11 year old girl. This is why this rant was created - for stupid tweens and youth who think sex is all pleasure, but don't stop to think of the consequences if anything goes wrong. scream
Sex Isn't Just For Straight People...:
Edit 9/21: I can't believe I didn't add this sooner. I was asked what the "age limit" is for homosexual couples, and I would probably have to say 17. Maaaaybe 16. Why? Because although homosexual couples don't have to worry about getting someone pregnant, they are still diseases to worry about. HIV, etc, just as straight couples have to worry about STD's and diseases too. Condoms should be used whenever possible, to help any accidental spread of bacteria or diseases, and getting tested might benefit a couple too before they have sex for the first time.
Who's To Blame (IMO):
There, onto what I mentioned earlier: possible reasons for why teenagers are starting to have sex at an earlier and earlier age. Maybe it's because there's "nothing much else to do"... or maybe it's they don't know how to get birth control, or have no access to it.
Personally, I blame 4 main units for teen pregnancy:
1) The media. Famous celebrities and musicians who glorify having sex and sleeping around, while knowing their main audience is young girls or young youth in general. Look at today's teenagers - within the past few years, it's suddenly become "cool" to wear one's jeans halfway off their a**, or to wear miniskirts and halter tops to school at the age of 14 of 15. In my grade 12 year (last year) for Halloween, I was very disturbed upon seeing a girl I'd once gone to Brownies with, coming to school dressed as a "super-slut" in a school uniform, fishnets, knee-highs and waaay too much make-up for someone her age (I think she was 14 or 15 at the time? Maybe 16?) And the sad part was, she got away with it. No one told her to go home and change; no one said anything. Girls think it's cool to show off their bodies, and guys will take advantage of that sometimes. Why? Because they see it on TV and hear it on the radio, and no one stops them from buying into it. The sick thing is, sex sells. Sex sells very well. I'm so bloody tired of seeing children walking down the street in lowriders with thongs hanging out, or boys wearing "pimp" jackets with baseball hats on sideways, and "bling-bling" around their necks.
Edit: To clarify what one poster pointed out, about girls "showing off their bodies": I have no problem with girls who dress nicely and reveal a little skin. I have no problem seeing legs or arms or a little cleavage revealed. What DOES bother me however, is when I'm seeing thong straps and outlines/imprints of bras through clothing left and right, or seeing someone's excess weight being squeezed out from under their tight clothes (don't wear lowriders if you don't have the body for them, I can't stress this enough whee ), seeing someone's a** crack or just half their a** because their skirt is so short, etc etc. If a girl can pull of being revealing in a flattering way, then she can go for it. It's when 14 and 15 year olds are dressing like whores that it bothers me, which is what I was referring to in my rant.
2) Parents, for not educating their children about sex, and for not monitoring what their children wear. I'm ashamed to say it, but apparently up in Canada in Newfoundland (or somewhere in that general area), parents were rallying against teaching sex education in school to children in grade 6. And as horrifying as that might be to some people, it's sadly needed. Nowadays some children are having sex as young as 12, 13 or 14 - I've seen it on Gaia, we all have, and I've heard about it too. It's not the most uncommon thing. At the very least, I think basics should be taught in school, starting around grades 6 or 7: How one gets pregnant, male and female anatomy, STDs, etc. The year after, up it up a bit - teach them some of the details, and stress the importance of not having sex until they're much older.
When it comes to clothing, don't buy clothing that makes your 14 year old look like a prostitot (not a typo). No low cut shirts, and no lowrider jeans. I don't want to see your daughter's a** crack, nor her thong strap. If you insist on buying her that kind of stuff, expect older guys to eye her up. It's a fact of life. Guys, buy clothing that fits. Extra baggy clothing is a turn off. Lose the "bling", and wear your hats properly. There are many of us who laugh at those who try to imitate being a pimp. lol
3) Schools, for a lack of proper sex ed. I started learning about that stuff in grade 7 or 8, but I'm so shocked sometimes that you get 14 or 15 year olds in here who don't know what a period is, or if it's normal to have erections all the time. If you aren't being taught enough, go find out the information yourself. Read a book, or check the internet - it's a big place. www.google.com will usually do it, or another major search engine. While you're at it, research birth control please and its uses as well as its effectiveness. Educate yourselves, we don't need any more teen parents as it is.
4) Last but not least, teens share part of the blame too. It's called common sense, please use it. If you're younger than 17, you shouldn't be having sex. If you insist on having sex, then for God's sakes protect yourself and your partner! Research what you need to know, or go and ask someone, like a pharmacist, doctor, or parent even. Excuses for not knowing only stretch so far. Educate yourself BEFORE you decide to have sex.
My Other Complaints:
For those on Gaia who ask if having sex at (insert underaged # of years here) is ok: if you have to ask, then you're not ready. If you're under say 16 or 17, minimum, you're probably going to get flamed. Having sex at an age younger than 17 or 18 is not recommended due to the risks involved, psychological reasons, and also due to the social stigma attached to teen pregnancy/sex at a young age.
If you get pregnant, you'll probably have to drop out of school for some period of time, or at least until you're able to find a baby-sitter/school that has a daycare. You'll need a job to provide an income for you and your child, and if you don't even have a high school education, that might be hard. Plus you might have to wait a couple of years for your child to grow up before you can go back to school.
Big issue with me here: If you're going to have sex, for the love of God, USE BIRTH CONTROL! Condoms are good but they're not enough. If you're of age, go get the Pill and use it. Better yet if you're older and can afford it, try the Depo Provera shot, or something like an IUD (see types of birth control: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/). The pulling out ("withdrawal") method DOES NOT WORK and you are liable to get pregnant if you use this method repeatedly. Pre-c** DOES have sperm in it, and can get a girl pregnant. Learn that and remember it. Also, a condom is not 99% effective! And using 2 condoms at once will break them both. If you're just using a condom, think again and use another form of birth control with the condom, in case the condom breaks somehow.
If you come on Gaia and tell people that you're worried about being pregnant because you neglected to use a condom or other birth control, because you either forgot, didn't care or were too lazy, then you have NO sympathy from me, and from probably many other Gaians as well. This is going to sound really bitchy, but basically as far as I'm concerned, if you have sex while knowing the consequences, then you get what you deserve. If you can't deal with the possible consequences of sex, then don't screw around. Simple as that.
More Issues - Maturity and Psychological Aspects of Sex:
Edit: I forgot to mention a couple of things, and since people have been posting, they've come to my attention and so I will mention them.
First thing: There is a psychological aspect to teenagers having sex, and the issue of maturity too. Many teenagers do not and cannot think of the consequences of their actions - it's been proven in tests. I can't find an article about it on the internet, but I've heard that teenagers (when they're young) are programmed to think that they are "invincible" - that "nothing can happen to them." They can have unprotected/unsafe sex, and nothing with happen. They won't get STD's, they won't get pregnant, etc. There's not much you can do for this except try to prevent early pregnancy as much as you can. Give them a good education, and teach them at home, that having sex at an early age can lead to pregnancy if they are not careful.
Maturity is the other issue - many teenagers can't handle a normal relationship with a guy at a young age, let alone a sexual one. True, some teenagers at 15 or 16 can pull off a longstanding relationship, but sex adds a whole new aspect to that relationship. You're giving a part of yourself, and a special part at that, to someone... and if things go wrong and you break up with your partner, what happens next? Will you regret it and wish you hadn't made the choice to sleep with them, or will you just move on to the next guy/girl and sleep with them too, because you're no longer a virgin and it "doesn't matter anymore"?
Edit: I meant this generically, I didn't mean to be specific, as a poster pointed out to me... since I am too lazy to go back and edit the whole post, if i ever make a specific reference to a guy cheating or breaking up with his girlfriend, just know that it goes both ways as well - that girls can cheat just like guys can, and they can be the one who breaks up with their partner as well. So if I say "he", then just pretend I said "he/she" because that's what I mean.
Another branch of maturity, regarding birth control. I don't care how mature enough you claim you are for your age - if you haven't taken the time to research birth control and sex so that you don't end up pregnant (like finding out that just using a condom will not protect you 99% or 100% from pregnancy stare ), then you're not mature. Mature people take care of themselves, and they go on birth control or use multiple methods to make sure they don't get knocked up. Mature people are responsible and they educate themselves properly before screwing around. Better to know what you're doing than to find out you're pregnant and then having to deal with the consequences resulting from that unwanted pregnancy.
Guys Using Sex Against Girls:
The other big issue with me that I haven't mentioned: Girls: If a guy pressures you to have sex and you're not ready, and even if he threatens to break up with you if you won't sleep with him, DUMP HIS a**. Sex should NEVER be used as something to use against the person you supposedly love. If your partner truly loves you, he/she would never think of holding that against you. People like that are scum, and aren't worth dating, no matter how long you've been going out for. Explain to your partner that you're not ready to have sex, and if they continue to insist/ask/threaten you to sleep with them, then tell them "good-bye" and move on. This section also applies to any guy "friends" a girl might have.
But Not To Pick On The Guys...
Don't get me wrong, having a girlfriend get pregnant is tough on a guy too. Guys are also put under pressure to have sex with their girlfriends sometimes (from friends, the media, etc) - it is just up to them to ignore that pressure until they're ready to accept the consequences of possibly knocking up their girlfriend. Sometimes if a guy refuses to have sex with his girlfriend, she will dump him. Also, he may undergo teasing from his male friends, being called things like "f**", "wimp", "loser", etc.
It's also not easy for a guy to walk away from his pregnant girlfriend - if he leaves, he will not be respected for his choice. His friends may cheer him on for not having to be a father at a young age, but the guy will have to face pressure to pay child-support, and whether or not to be there for his pregnant (ex) girlfriend to support her, both emotionally and financially.
Girls Can Be Trouble Too...
Thanks to someone who PM'ed me with feedback, this section has been added. Sometimes, because they're insecure, selfish, or for their own reasons, a girl will trap a guy into a relationship by getting pregnant. She can tell him she's on the Pill, and that she takes her pills like she's supposed to, but then can lie and just not take them, landing her pregnant and him with the expected responsibility of staying with her to support her and his child.
This is of course very wrong... so I guess I'm adding it as a sort of warning to guys, so they know it can happen to some people sometimes.
Edit 9/05: It's been brought to my attention that apparently sometimes girls will also threaten to tell people that her boyfriend (or whoever she wants to have sex with) "raped her", if he refuses to have sex with her. So in that case, a guy might have sex (even unprotected sex) with a girl, because then it means he won't be accused of rape.
More STD Information:
Edit #2: I'm bored and remembered this was one of 2 things I wanted to add, so here goes.
This was taken off a website (http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa091500a.htm) and I am adding it because I think it is very important:
"Not all STDs are spread through intercourse, many can be spread through simple touch. If you have oral sex with a person who has cold sores you could develop lesions on your genitals which could progress to genital herpes. If somebody has open sores (not wounds caused by injuries, but sores) on any part of their body do not have sexual contact with them until the sores have cleared up.
Not all STDs have symptoms, many are symptom-less. Guys have symptoms less often than girls, but they still get STDs just as often. Because of this fewer guys seek treatment, and many are carriers without even knowing it. Since many sexually active girls have regular gynecological exams, STDs in females are more likely to be caught early and/or discussed with a doctor. Just because you have no symptoms doesn't mean you are disease free, you can even spread diseases to people when you yourself have had no symptoms. The person who has symptoms first is not always the person who had the STD first. An STD does not have to be flaring up to be contagious."
Physical "Damage"/Complications That Can Occur From Sex:
This was brought to my attention by someone who posted a comment about my rant, and so I have edited my rant to add this section.
If you have sex with someone, there is a list of things that can happen. I have added as many as I can think of, including those submitted by the poster in their comments:
- Not all women can get off by penetration. Sometimes oral or manual stimulation is needed, or even something like a vibrator.
- Sex can be painful in more than one way. If you're a virgin, you might bleed your first time when you break your hymen. If you've already had your hymen broken by some other way, you might still bleed. If you have sex and you're not lubricated enough, it can hurt and will burn if you have to urinate later on.
- According to my poster, in some sitations, sex can also cause bruising.
(more to be added later when I think of it)
A Last Note:
Before I get flamed, yes there are some responsible and sex-educated teenagers. I know some are mature, and could probably handle a sexual relationship from about the age of 16 or 17, and that's fine. This rant isn't aimed at them - it's aimed at the tweens and young teens who think that have sex (or unprotected/poorly protected sex) at like age 13 or 14 or 15 is ok, when it's not.
Yes, I do understand it's their choice to make - but if they make the wrong mistake and end up pregnant as a result, one has to think about who else that choice will affect. What about the teen's parents, who must deal with giving away or aborting their grandchild, or having to help raise their grandchild because their own child was too irresponsible to use birth control properly? So why should they have to go into early retirement or quit their job to stay home and watch a new baby, while its mother finishes school or goes to work?
Also, for the teenage mothers who go on welfare or who get government help of some sort, they're also drawing on taxpayers' money to pay for their mistake. I'd rather my money went towards paying for a new building or some educational program instead of a monthly cheque for some girl who couldn't keep her legs closed.
Myself personally, I am 19, and I don't want to get pregnant. I learned enough in school and on my own that I wouldn't be able to financially support a child, and I wouldn't want to force my parents to deal with a newborn either. I am against abortion, but if I did get pregnant, I'd keep the baby and deal with the situation then. That said, I know birth control and was on the Pill for over a year, before switching to Depo, which is what I'm on now. Yes I had sex at 17, but I have been on birth control from the very beginning, to make sure I didn't get pregnant. I also know condoms on their own aren't enough, and should always be used with a back-up method of birth control.
I guess it's just I know I'm responsible and such, and it just boggles my mind that there are young teens out there who can't be bothered to take care of themselves enough to keep from getting pregnant. stare If I can research things and put myself on birth control and pay for it myself, then I don't see why other people can't do the same.
My rant summed up on Planned Parenthood: http://www.plannedparenthood.com/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/pregnancy/pub-pregnant.xml
