I need an answer (WARNING! Wall of Text!)

[PewterKat]

I've been trying to figure this out, and while I feel right with God, I'm still confused.

My fiance and I had premarital sex almost a year ago. We've also done so a few times since then. We never could figure out why we decided this, and after the first time, we talked to God and got only positive feelings. Ever since we started going out, a year before that (we'll say May 2004), we had made plans to get married. We still do plan to get married, but the date is set off about a year and a half from now, because we don't have our own places yet (he lives with his parents, I live with my grandma). Since we've had sex, we feel closer than we have ever been. There are no thoughts of cheating, breaking up, etc. I am 19, and he is 18. He'll be 19 in about a month and a half.

My question is this: if a couple has sex before they are officially married, yet stays together, could they, by the act of sex, be considered married?

Consider this, the few things I have found:

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 And said, FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE: AND THEY TWAIN SHALL BE ONE FLESH? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Ephesians 5:31 FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL BE JOINED UNTO HIS WIFE, AND THEY TWO SHALL BE ONE FLESH.

Our marriage traditions today are based on an elaborate ceremony, with friends and the entire family present (in most cases) to witness the bonding of the man and woman in holy matrimony. However, I don't believe the Bible mentions such ceremonies. If it does, they aren't common place. What I see most commonly, is when a man chooses a woman for a wife, it says he "knows her" or "goes unto her", and they are married thereafter.

Could what me and my fiance did be considered the same thing? I am probably wrong about some things, and if so, please point them out. As I said, I feel right with God, and so does he, but I still am not sure. I would like to know what everyone else thinks of this.  

[thrashmetaljunkie]

no, ur not because when you have sex, your souls are united, but in technicallity, your not. i could be wrong, but i'm quite sure that your not. sex is a wonderful gift god has given us (says my pastor, i wouldn know -.-) but it isn meant for pure pleasure, just between a married couple in love. only if married is it holy, r w/e it was he said, sumthing along those lines, lol, sorry if this isn much help, i tried ^^

(i had exams today, please dun ridicule me, i'm TIRED!!...and i have to study for the last 4 tomorrow and the next day... crying )  

[PewterKat]

thrashmetaljunkie

no, ur not because when you have sex, your souls are united, but in technicallity, your not. i could be wrong, but i'm quite sure that your not. sex is a wonderful gift god has given us (says my pastor, i wouldn know -.-) but it isn meant for pure pleasure, just between a married couple in love. only if married is it holy, r w/e it was he said, sumthing along those lines, lol, sorry if this isn much help, i tried ^^

(i had exams today, please dun ridicule me, i'm TIRED!!...and i have to study for the last 4 tomorrow and the next day... crying )

It's ok. Good luck on your tests. smile  

[ElenaMason]

according to the bible sex is meant for those who are already married. pre marital sex CAN bring consequences of many sorts. but as thrashmetaljunkie said, its only considered "holy" if your married.

however since youve already had it, there really isnt much else that can be said here. if you plan on getting married thats great. i wish you luck.  

[Moliverio]

As long as you mean to stay together and see no other people ever, you can consider yourself married. The act of public marriage is just that, to make it public, and tie you legally to your partner.  

[KateDogg]

Actually, I beg to differ from most other people who have posted thus far...

I hate to say it, and I'm sure you'd hate to hear it, but premarital sex is, without a doubt, wrong. Doesn't matter if you get married or not. Any sex out of wedlock is (unfortunately, for me to say it) a sin.

Just wanted to clear things up for the people here. I wouldn't feel comfortable if I lied to you, so... ( neutral ) here's the truth.  

[Tarani Sarihi]

I'm going have to agree with KateDogg. I mean the reason that God told us to only have sex after marriage is so we wouldn't get hurt by any other means. He want's only to protect us. I mean he is our Father and he wants us to be kept safe.  

[christian chick]

yeah, I too would have to say what KateDogg said is true. Regardless of whatever one may feel or think, the fact is that sex is suppose to be inside of marriage for whatever reason God may have.  

[onecoolc]

In all those verses, the word "wife" was used. Are you his wife by law? If you saw no, Im sorry, but adultury is Adultury.

Im not saying anything bad, but a fact is a fact. However, It sounds like consously you know you arn't married, but not councously, you Feel married. Talk to god, I have no ansers.  

[MimiInWonderland]

pewterkat

I've been trying to figure this out, and while I feel right with God, I'm still confused.

My fiance and I had premarital sex almost a year ago. We've also done so a few times since then. We never could figure out why we decided this, and after the first time, we talked to God and got only positive feelings. Ever since we started going out, a year before that (we'll say May 2004), we had made plans to get married. We still do plan to get married, but the date is set off about a year and a half from now, because we don't have our own places yet (he lives with his parents, I live with my grandma). Since we've had sex, we feel closer than we have ever been. There are no thoughts of cheating, breaking up, etc. I am 19, and he is 18. He'll be 19 in about a month and a half.

My question is this: if a couple has sex before they are officially married, yet stays together, could they, by the act of sex, be considered married?

Consider this, the few things I have found:

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 And said, FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE: AND THEY TWAIN SHALL BE ONE FLESH? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Ephesians 5:31 FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL BE JOINED UNTO HIS WIFE, AND THEY TWO SHALL BE ONE FLESH.

Our marriage traditions today are based on an elaborate ceremony, with friends and the entire family present (in most cases) to witness the bonding of the man and woman in holy matrimony. However, I don't believe the Bible mentions such ceremonies. If it does, they aren't common place. What I see most commonly, is when a man chooses a woman for a wife, it says he "knows her" or "goes unto her", and they are married thereafter.

Could what me and my fiance did be considered the same thing? I am probably wrong about some things, and if so, please point them out. As I said, I feel right with God, and so does he, but I still am not sure. I would like to know what everyone else thinks of this.

Ten commandments. No commiting adultery. Adultery = sex without marriage. :/ You may be conforted by people who try to comfort you and say it's A-okay, but it's not in God's book. You can't have comfort by people who tell you what you committed is okay, but you can find comfort by asking for God's mercy once again, and leave it alone (it's in the past and God doesn't nag) and don't have sex like that again. Don't go by what you feel because the Bible clearly says to be sober of your feelings, your feelings are from the flesh, and the flesh will fail you.  

[zz1000zz]

MimiInWonderland

Ten commandments. No commiting adultery. Adultery = sex without marriage. :/ You may be conforted by people who try to comfort you and say it's A-okay, but it's not in God's book. You can't have comfort by people who tell you what you committed is okay, but you can find comfort by asking for God's mercy once again, and leave it alone (it's in the past and God doesn't nag) and don't have sex like that again. Don't go by what you feel because the Bible clearly says to be sober of your feelings, your feelings are from the flesh, and the flesh will fail you.

Adultery includes having sex while married, with anyone save your spouse. Despite this, people in the old testament had sex outside marriage, and there was no condemnation. You know, Abram and Hagar. The father of the people of God had sex with a slave and that is okay.

But heaven forbid two people in love have sex.  

[somebodys_PeNgUIN]

zz1000zz

MimiInWonderland

Ten commandments. No commiting adultery. Adultery = sex without marriage. :/ You may be conforted by people who try to comfort you and say it's A-okay, but it's not in God's book. You can't have comfort by people who tell you what you committed is okay, but you can find comfort by asking for God's mercy once again, and leave it alone (it's in the past and God doesn't nag) and don't have sex like that again. Don't go by what you feel because the Bible clearly says to be sober of your feelings, your feelings are from the flesh, and the flesh will fail you.

Adultery includes having sex while married, with anyone save your spouse. Despite this, people in the old testament had sex outside marriage, and there was no condemnation. You know, Abram and Hagar. The father of the people of God had sex with a slave and that is okay.

But heaven forbid two people in love have sex.

Abram had sex with Hagar because his wife wanted Abram to have a child and she sent Hagar unto him for said purpose. I'm not so sure that's considered adultery. stare Who knows...could be.

Anyway, just random outburst there, sorry to get off topic. sweatdrop  

[zz1000zz]

somebodys_PeNgUIN

zz1000zz

MimiInWonderland

Ten commandments. No commiting adultery. Adultery = sex without marriage. :/ You may be conforted by people who try to comfort you and say it's A-okay, but it's not in God's book. You can't have comfort by people who tell you what you committed is okay, but you can find comfort by asking for God's mercy once again, and leave it alone (it's in the past and God doesn't nag) and don't have sex like that again. Don't go by what you feel because the Bible clearly says to be sober of your feelings, your feelings are from the flesh, and the flesh will fail you.

Adultery includes having sex while married, with anyone save your spouse. Despite this, people in the old testament had sex outside marriage, and there was no condemnation. You know, Abram and Hagar. The father of the people of God had sex with a slave and that is okay.

But heaven forbid two people in love have sex.

Abram had sex with Hagar because his wife wanted Abram to have a child and she sent Hagar unto him for said purpose. I'm not so sure that's considered adultery. stare Who knows...could be.

Anyway, just random outburst there, sorry to get off topic. sweatdrop

Oh yeah, if your wife is cool with it, you can have sex with anyone you want.