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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:20 pm
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After their discussion Zar had sat dismally on the couch immersed in the mingled scents of Barth and Calder until he could stand it no longer. Leaving the cabin he'd leapt forward, throwing out his arms even as they twisted shape, shifting into enormous hooked claws. He hit the ground running, tail arching out behind him. And he stayed that shape, running wide of the lake. It didn't matter that he was in danger here, that his parents could show any moment, he was in the kind of mood to give either of them a good run for their money if they wanted to take him or harm him.
But even motion only did so much and as his energy and drive ebbed away, as the adrenaline no longer took the edge off his feelings, he turned back towards the cabin.
On the way back he spotted someone out by the dock near the lake and unsure who it could be - he had left Calder up in his room after all - he made his way over. In this form he had no glasses, it was almost impossible to tell who he was looking at from a distance, and wouldn't Calder be in the water?
He tilted his head. "Isss that you?" he said as he slunk nearer.
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:44 pm
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Calder had waited in his room, a mix of horrible emotions he hadn't felt since a freshman in Amityville and some way since then. The cabin felt colder than it had been the entire stay so far and he had no one to turn to to talk about it. Barth was busy, Christof was ill-equipped and he doubted Grimhold was prepared to listen to him when he seemed to be running errands.
He had been hopeful that Zar would come and use him for whatever purpose he felt Calder was there for and for Calder to seep some imagined romance out of the situation to lessen the hollowed out feeling in his heart. Part of him wondered if he was just trying to make due as he really had only started to know Zar more when Barth became serious about him, but he also felt sad that he had been trying to be Zar's friend way before he had been intimate with Barth and yet it just seemed to hit a brick wall somehow.
When no one came, he tried to sleep, but the bowl of protection charms made a terrible bed-mate and he set them side and decided to head outside. He usually went for a swim during times like this or even a run, but Barth said it was dangerous and Calder was already nervous. He had never traveled great distances alone before unless it was in familiar woods or with is parents. Now, at the cabin before the woods and lake, he felt skittish and wary.
The water was strange to him, fed from some unfamiliar water source and he looked out across it's moon-lit surface for any ominous signs of rippling. The smell was still intoxicating and he wished he could seep down into the dark mud and stay there, but instead he sat on the dock, legs pulled up against him and wearing nothing more than an oversized cotton tunic for a nightgown. His hair was undone along with his tail.
When he heard the voice, he turned quickly, startled and afraid, until he saw what it was. Usually a large monster would confirm his worries about being hunted, but instead he knew that it was Zar and that Calder could at least handle him trying to eat him - for the most part.
The fact Zar was talking was surprising.
"It's....me. Yeah. I didn't know you'd be.....going out." He continued to watch him before he slowly sat back down again, wary. "You're changed again. Like it?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:04 pm
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"I thought you were going to ssssleeep." Zar exhaled, his voice in this shape always a deep throaty growl, arching into sibilance now and then. He couldn't help the predatory posture he adopted as he waited at the end of the dock, the way his tail seemed to sweep into tense zigzags of coiled energy. "Not ssswimming?"
The kelpie was an enigma the Zar. One minute he could swear he was deep down completely callous, classing everyone as his friends and thereby negating the whole concept of friend in the first place. Other times there were glimpses of something else, something genuinely sensitive and also - he noted, sitting out here overlooking the moonlit lake - very lonely.
"It'sss controllable now." he said.
He took a step onto the dock, intending to join Calder, only to have it creak precariously under his weight. He pulled back the offending forepaw and shifted once more out of that natural shape, back into his pinned and far lighter form. Only then did he make his way over to sit next to the other boil. Against his will his tail swept around him gently, throwing wide the emotional link. For a moment there was a flash of Zar's curiosity and something that could have been guilt before it was locked down neatly.
"I just don't know."
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:15 pm
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Calder liked Zar's tail. It seemed to like his company far better than Zar did, and he welcomed it like a favorite pet that rarely stuck around long. He could tell himself that it was Zar controlling it, but now he just didn't feel like kidding himself was a good idea. Being prove wrong hurt too much recently. For that reason, he didn't pet it like before. It was there and he would not engage it. It was still, in the end, part of Zar.
The faint feelings were like toxic honey. Sweet and something he wanted more of, but they were also just small enough to not tell him enough and leave him hungry for more contact and more clues into what Zar was actually feeling inside. Typically, he just seemed to be either angry or tolerate with Calder and he hadn't detected any clues in Zar's behavior or mannerisms that said he felt otherwise.
Sitting on the dock, he looked over at Zar, wondering why he would even be sitting next to him. Whatever faint feelings that Calder felt, the only ones that were given into return was that of sadness, loneliness, self-loathing, and a mingle anxiety and fear.
"No. Not sleeping. Not swimming either. The lake....isn't one I know." He said, and looked back at the water.
"It's good that you learned so quick to shift. I guess part of me thinks it's weird for other people to have to learn that. I've always shifted since I was a little colt. I guess since I pushed being a stallion, I can relate. It took me a very long time to control it and I still don't feel I have the hang of handling the changes it has caused. I bet if I was in a clan, it would make a lot more sense to me."
He watched the water move under the faint wind, ears turning about to listen to any distant sound.
"Were you stretching your legs before bed?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:28 pm
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The tail only seemed encouraged by the lack of attention, slithering more and more around Calder, bundling its heavy muscled coils into his lap and around his feet, warm and startlingly soft in spite of the strength inherent in every inch of the appendage. Zar ignored it, intent instead on the emotions he felt from Calder. They were difficult to tolerate, amplifying his own negative emotions as he touched upon them, but he didn't pull away.
"I had no choice but to learn to shift." he said. "You know, I figured out eventually that that form. Well, it was just me. Me without the pin. I must have looked like that once. Before amity, before my parents fixed it for whatever reason. I guess bottling it so long it was bound to spill over somehow. I still don't have full control over it, it is a lot of ...urges. But I have to deal with those in this shape now too, I have to..manage a lot of instincts that I never did before."
He looked at the water dismally, once upon a time water would certainly have drowned him, water logging his wings and pulling him down and under every single time.
"I don't sleep a lot of the time." he said. "It is easy not to sleep, not to eat, neither fulfill me unless they are just right. They rarely are." He shook his head and his heavy horns slowly. "I was stretching my legs because running takes my mind off of absolutely everything for a short time."
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 9:00 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 9:23 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 9:39 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:53 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 3:04 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:01 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:39 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:49 pm
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"An extra person, surplus to requirements. There are a lot of people competing for the attentions of one individual." He let out a sigh and flopped back onto the dock, wings splayed on the wood. His tail did not move from around Calder, thriving in the attention and changing in texture, turning slightly slimy wherever the Kelpie touched it. Zar didn't notice, too busy looking up at the sky overhead.
"I do not particularly hate it, no. It hurts often, it is uncomfortable and anxious and leaves me feeling rather bad about myself and my potential self worth." He took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. "But it is better than before when there was nothing at all, when all I had to look forward to was some unspecified time when I would dissipate permanently or become part of some twisted force like Insanity."
He rested a taloned claw on his face, looking weary. "Sex is everything to Incubi I am afraid. It is what we are, what we live and breathe. In principle it is only business, hollow enactments of out prime hunting instincts, like a minipet play fighting or play hunting. It is hunting without the fear payoff. It should be just an action."
"But it is not." he added after a moment. "Not all of the time. Sometimes I find myself fascinated or ensnared by the emotions that I encounter, on those occasions it is dangerous. Broken, taboo."
He shrugged his shoulders as the very tip of his tail stroked Calder's chin affectionately.
"But demons do not love."
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 5:04 pm
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"You mean Barth? Yeah, we all want his attention but that doesn't mean we don't want the attention of each other. Barth is Christof's friend and mine. You are Barth's friend and I would like to be yours. Barth likes all three of us. It's just a natural exchange. Everyone wanting to be together."
Calder noticed the slime, looking a bit concerned. To him, slime had been a sigh of being sick. It had been a symptom to a fever, and he looked as Zar when he fell over and wondered if he had exhausted himself. Yet, the man wasn't slimy all over and he wondered what that meant.
Looking at the icor on his hands, he splayed his fingers to see how the tendrils of slime connected and then sniffed it.
"Feeling bad or anxious about something that is natural to yourself seems like a bad thing. If sex is what incubis do, then why feel worse about yourself? You're doing as you are meant to do."
Calder noticed no peculiar smells. It simply smelled like Zar and still confused, he gave a long lick of his hand, rolling the taste in his mouth. It tasted like Zar, the sort of sweet sweat and heat of a creature, though slightly stronger, sweeter, and more tangy on his tongue. It felt strong on his tastebuds and he swallowed, taking it in. It wasn't....bad. It actually was rather pleasant as far as slime went. He could imagine it on a cupcake.
He gave his hand a long lick again before looking at Zar. "Liar. Barth loves. I know that. I'm sure you do too. At least....I think you mentioned you did before.....Before Barth."
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Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 5:25 pm
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"I don't want Christof's attention. I despise him." and he curled his lip at nothing, the tension running through his tail, cold black rage sparking over his hold on the emotional link before he swept it up once again and put it away, out of Calder's reach. "Nor do I much like the sound of friends. Friend is a lukewarm word, it is hazy and weak. It means nothing. I believe in all or nothing, yes or no, rule or submit. You offer none of those things, only a middle ground of nothing much at all. It is not something that makes me want to be part of it, you can't trust neutrality."
"I just do not know where you got the impression that it was ever equal. Not everyone in this arrangement wants to be together and that is part of the problem."
He tried very hard not to think about his tail, which made no difference as subconscious as it was, still trying to get close to the kelpie, exploring him bordering on invasively with its coils and providing him with more slime whether he wanted it or not.
"It is when I do it wrong." he said. "That I fret about sex. There should not be feeling attached at all, I should not get sentimental about prey in any way at all."
He wasn't sure what Calder was up to, only able to feel the lightning shocks of sensation at whatever it was, making it cloudy and difficult to think straight.
"Nn.. No. No, I don't think I did. I mean. At the time I think I thought I did. I didn't understand how it worked, I didn't understand what I felt was something else. It was the joy of possessing a thing, an object. Someone to do whatever I told them, someone to feel better about as I ground them under my heel." and it did feel good, so very good to be in control, to have a creature cower under him helpless, devoted and his.
But it was not love. Not really.
He danced his claws across the sky overhead as if he could touch the pinprick distant stars. "I enjoy hurting creeple." he said. "I enjoyed hurting him, I enjoyed owning him. I feel that is the opposite of love, some dark inverse of sadism."
Only then did he give Calder a sidelong look.
"I enjoy hurting you too, sometimes."
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