My Dilemma

[Werblergerble]

First off, I'd like to say that even though I've been here a week, you guys here have already made me feel well at home. (:

Now, my dilemma.

To start, I'm 15 years old, and I currently live in rural North Michigan. My parents have been divorced since I was 3 years old, no hard feelings between them, and my dad lives 40 miles away from me (I live with my mother). Her and I get along well, she's even asked me if I was gay a few times and said she'd be fine with it, but I haven't had the courage to answer honestly.

Currently, I live in a small town, and go to a small Middle/High School with a lot of very strict religous people who wouldn't like it much if I came out to them. But, in 7 weeks I'll be moving a bit South, to a much larger school and city (Cadillac, Michigan) with way more students. My hope is that at least one of them is gay, and I could start dating, as I haven't dated in two years (And it was with a girl I didn't really like). But before I do, I'd like to come out to my mother over the Summer, possibly before we actually move.

My only problem is, She has a tendency to overreact about things she thinks make me depressed or hurt me emotionally in any way, and tell my dad. My dad is an ex-Marine who lives half the year in Alaska, managing oil rigs for an energy company. My definition of a blue collar Christian. I'd like to maintain a good relationship with my relatives who wouldn't like the decision, and not tell them yet.

I'd like to have advice on how to tell my mom, and not have her tell my dad. And trust me, promises don't work when she thinks I'm in some sort of "danger" that would concern my father.

Thanks for any help/advice you can give! biggrin

 

[jeffrulz2]

ok dude im a marine and i know wat ur going thrugh. i told my mom i was bi sexual when i was 14. she overreacted and said ur gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and told my dad im gay and i told he rno im bisexual. the way i told her was i did the day of silence which is actually this month and mighta been last friday or this friday. best way to tell her is say ur doing the day of silence or that u already did and tell her ur gay. trust me the sooner she finds out the better and if ur dad really does love you he'll understand trust me on this one. marines are trained a certain way but not all of them hate gays my sgt actually introduced me to a gay guy in boot camp and i was surpised he didnt discrimnate. ur father shud still lvoe you for who you are not bcuz ur gay or or anything but because your his son. ok just tell her sooner rather then later the longer u wait te harder she'll take it  

[Werblergerble]

jeffrulz2

ok dude im a marine and i know wat ur going thrugh. i told my mom i was bi sexual when i was 14. she overreacted and said ur gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and told my dad im gay and i told he rno im bisexual. the way i told her was i did the day of silence which is actually this month and mighta been last friday or this friday. best way to tell her is say ur doing the day of silence or that u already did and tell her ur gay. trust me the sooner she finds out the better and if ur dad really does love you he'll understand trust me on this one. marines are trained a certain way but not all of them hate gays my sgt actually introduced me to a gay guy in boot camp and i was surpised he didnt discrimnate. ur father shud still lvoe you for who you are not bcuz ur gay or or anything but because your his son. ok just tell her sooner rather then later the longer u wait te harder she'll take it

sweatdrop

I may have put too much emphasis on the "ex-Marine" thing. I just wanted to explain what he's been through, and how he is a really rough-neck, Christian family man (Despite the divorce, I now have 2 half sisters and a step mother). Him and I are quite close, but I do believe it would sever our relationship if he found out while he thought I was too young to make decisions for myself is all. I have no interest in joining the military myself, sorry for the confusion.

Plus, I really don't feel like waiting 'til the Day of Silence comes along.  

[jeffrulz2]

tday of silence mighta been last friday dude just come out and tell her. if he trully cares about you as his son he'll respect ur choice. i know how u feel ur afraid of ruining the relationship u have with ur father but the best thing to do is just tell him his love wont disappear at all. first off ask him wat his views on gays are and if they good views you tell him if not then you dont tell him for a while. as for your mom just hint at being gay and if she dont catch on just her  

[Werblergerble]

jeffrulz2

tday of silence mighta been last friday dude just come out and tell her. if he trully cares about you as his son he'll respect ur choice. i know how u feel ur afraid of ruining the relationship u have with ur father but the best thing to do is just tell him his love wont disappear at all. first off ask him wat his views on gays are and if they good views you tell him if not then you dont tell him for a while. as for your mom just hint at being gay and if she dont catch on just her

He has a strong, actually he has a massive dislike for gays. Against gay marrige, thinks it should be illegal, etc.

But still, I don't need to know the best time to come out, and I'm sure as hell not waiting another year to come out to my mother. I'd just like to know the best way to do so without her freaking out and telling all of my relatives.  

[jeffrulz2]

tell her u think ur gay but dont know yet for sure and that if she tells ull b really upset ythats how i got my mom not tell anyone but just t3ll her dude shes your mom she lvoes yo  

[Stars Flying]

From your first post, your mom sounds like a really kind and understanding person. Coming out to her first would be a good idea. However, you don't seem comfortable with your dad knowing about it. So if you decide to come out to your mom, let her know that you're uncomfortable with him finding out (or anyone else, for that matter). Even better, you could tell her that you'd rather tell your dad yourself so he doesn't have to hear it from someone else first.

[By the way, Day of Silence is on the 20th. Don't worry - none of you have missed it yet.]  

[Sajjue]

Seems like your mom would accept you well. If you have a good relationship, you can ask her some advice, just like jeffrulz2 said. Tell her you need some help. Also, you need love and comprehension.

You should explain it isn't a choice of yours. Believe me, it's important. Tell her you'll always be the same and being gay won't change your character.

I'm also 15 years old and I told my mom a couple of weeks ago. She accepted it well, so does my father. But they're married. Also, my older brothers are fine with it. My other family members, such as grandparents, cousins and uncles, don't know yet.  

[Werblergerble]

Stars Flying

From your first post, your mom sounds like a really kind and understanding person. Coming out to her first would be a good idea. However, you don't seem comfortable with your dad knowing about it. So if you decide to come out to your mom, let her know that you're uncomfortable with him finding out (or anyone else, for that matter). Even better, you could tell her that you'd rather tell your dad yourself so he doesn't have to hear it from someone else first.

[By the way, Day of Silence is on the 20th. Don't worry - none of you have missed it yet.]

Thank you for the advice and telling me what day the Day of Silence is. I didn't have a clue. redface

Anyways, that's what I was planning on doing soon, but didn't quite know if that was the best way to go about it. Thank you. biggrin

Also, if there is any specific time in which I should tell her, or even how to open the conversation up. I'm really awful at talking to people in real life, and often stumble over myself trying to explain the simplest things, so this won't be a cake walk, given my social skills. razz  

[Shadow Ra Warrior]

Ahh, this is very difficult; I would recommend a proffessional/taking advice from people who been in your shoes.  

[Stars Flying]

Wabbajacked

Stars Flying

From your first post, your mom sounds like a really kind and understanding person. Coming out to her first would be a good idea. However, you don't seem comfortable with your dad knowing about it. So if you decide to come out to your mom, let her know that you're uncomfortable with him finding out (or anyone else, for that matter). Even better, you could tell her that you'd rather tell your dad yourself so he doesn't have to hear it from someone else first.

[By the way, Day of Silence is on the 20th. Don't worry - none of you have missed it yet.]

Thank you for the advice and telling me what day the Day of Silence is. I didn't have a clue. redface

Anyways, that's what I was planning on doing soon, but didn't quite know if that was the best way to go about it. Thank you. biggrin

Also, if there is any specific time in which I should tell her, or even how to open the conversation up. I'm really awful at talking to people in real life, and often stumble over myself trying to explain the simplest things, so this won't be a cake walk, given my social skills. razz

Haha, don't worry about it. Google is a great tool.

A good time to tell your mom would be anytime that she's not doing something important. If she's, say, doing the dishes, she should be willing to sit down and talk. Basically, say that you want to talk to her for a moment about something that's kind of important. And about explaining it... well, don't. Answer her questions if she has any. However, your mom doesn't seem like the prying type.

Just remember one thing: your mom will take it well. Just take a deep breath and stay relaxed, there is nothing to worry about.  

[Werblergerble]

Shadow Ra Warrior

Ahh, this is very difficult; I would recommend a proffessional/taking advice from people who been in your shoes.

xd
That's kind of why I asked you guys.  

[Werblergerble]

Alright, I just came out to my mom not 10 minutes ago, and it went great!
*Inner Victory!*

I had to take a shower to physc myself up for actually doing it, and my heart kind of sank when I walked down the stairs.

When I actually told her, I told her that I needed to say this before she interupted, which she usually does. razz I told her outright that I was gay, and then explained why I felt that way, and how long, the points leading up to me telling her, etc. I tried to actually think of something to say on my way down, but I couldn't remember anything by the time I got there. Actually telling her was far easier then I expected, and I felt better right after saying "I'm gay".

Her main concern was my actual safety as far as bullying, which was also her only concern, actually. But, she took it well and has no problem with it, and actually reccomended a couple of her lesbian friends for me to talk to that I know in case I need help in some way.

 

[Stars Flying]

Congrats!! I'm glad it went well for you ;D  

[Werblergerble]

Stars Flying

Congrats!! I'm glad it went well for you ;D

Thanks. biggrin

The actual tough part was getting myself to tell her, and trying not to consider the bad outcomes, which were actually really unrealistic when I got to thinking about it.