Pagan Manners

[Starlock]

I haven't been posting much on Gaia or I would've put this up sooner... but I went to this cute presentation by a friend of mine last Wednesday on stupid Pagans. Or rather, Pagans not using their brains and doing some really silly things during rituals. Like trying to set up a maypole indoors in a basement when the maypole is too long... only to have it crash on someone's head (who happened to be the photographer who was doing a media report on the event). One thing braught up at this activity was Pagan Manners. For those out there in the community, it becomes an important thing to consider. Here's a paraphrased list from the handout we got at this meeting of things that you should be careful of (see bottom for inspiration credits). Please feel free to comment on these or add to them!

1) Never assume that just because you are invited to a non-public ritual that your friend is too. ASK!

2) When participating in a ritual lead by a group which you're not a member, ASK them what will be done instead of assuming. Ask if you need to bring anything ro dress in a certain way. If something about it bothers you, quietly do not participate.

3) Never just walk out of a cast circle! If you must leave, have someone cut you a door.

4) Don't comment about the ritual, its leaders, or its quality unless asked. Save it for after the ritual is over and privately; don't be a spreader of gossip.

5) Be sure to consider deitary needs: if you're vegetarian or will be hosting vegetarians, make sure to plan dishes to meet those needs.

6) It is never, EVER permissible to 'blow someone's cover' by talking about someone's membership in a Pagan group. While some people are out of the broom closet, some people prefer their secrecy.

7) If you drink or take drugs personally, it is your own personal buisiness. Do not urge others to do so at gatherings.

cool Just because most Pagans are under 40 and mobile, not all of them are. Have rituals take place, where public, in accesible areas with plenty of places to sit down.

9) Be mindful of those around your ritual area who aren't Pagan, especially at night hours. Keep noise levels low at such times and be polite.

10) Do not allow yourself to get the idea that you know the One True, Right and Only Path! If you don't like it, don't do it... it is not acceptable to say someone 'shouldn't be doing things a certain way (exception being if it is against the law).

11) If you can't stand the slightest deviation from your own tradition, don't take part in cross-cultural rituals or gatherings.

12) Stop all the silliness about who is and who is not a Witch/Wiccan/Pagan and what one must do to be one. Be respectful of other's differences at gatherings.

13) Add a dose of good humor!

Source Credits:
-- "Pagan Manners -or- Are There Any Dead Animals in The Soup?" by Grey Cat
-- "Pagan/Craft Etiquette" by Soapbox Sam with additional ideas fromMerlin the Enchanter and Beket Aser Edithsdatter  

[emmfullness]

3nodding I've read a few lists very similar to that. ^_^  

[A_Flames_Desire]

I've read that before and I think everyone else should to.  

[SoilWork]

very good list my friend smile , good luck on your path.  

[TeaDidikai]

I considered most of these to be just good sense- however, I disagree with the whole "Thou shalt not debate the nature of the pagan scene (#12)"

To be honest- it gets really old. Do you know how many people have walked up to me and said "My Grandma was a gypsy and she passed along all her ancient gypsy wisdom to me!" And then the blank look when I ask Whose they are. Or their insistance that "gypsy" isn't an ethnicity, but a way of life. stare

It's like you're saying no one should disagree, no one should call bullshit. While I agree that there is a lot to be said for treating others with respect- how disrespectful is it for someone to insist on using an ethnic slur in my presence and claim to belong to a bloodline they do not?

I'm all for debate, and supporting one's opinion with reason- but their ignorance is not my bliss!  

[PurpleDragonsGems]

i like thoughs, i may write them down somewhere xd (of course, if its alright with you wink )  

[LadyEladrin]

That's a great little list you've posted Starlock. I think there are more Pagans out there who need to read that. I have to say though, that most of the events I've been to the people have been very well behaved.  

[damasta15]

thats nice stuff to know and learn exclaim  

[Zan_Demona]

I like that list. smile  

[Jishin]

Starlock

5) Be sure to consider deitary needs:

Yep. My deity will definitely want Coke and Twinkies at ritual. wink

Sorry, the typo was priceless.  

[Starlock]

You guys can do with it as you like... but do note that I took all of these from pre-existing manners lists. I'll stick the author credits back in the first posts and here as well. Mostly I just shortened it up so it was easier to read in a forum post but the main ideas of these are mostly still there. Aspects of this list were drawn from:

-- "Pagan Manners -or- Are There Any Dead Animals in The Soup?" by Grey Cat
-- "Pagan/Craft Etiquette" by Soapbox Sam with additional ideas fromMerlin the Enchanter and Beket Aser Edithsdatter

You might be able to find the full lists on the internet... I haven't looked for them myself though.

As for calling BS on #12.. sure you can do it, but it is sure the hell rude, especially at a gathering where everybody is supposed to be relaxing and having fun! If such discussion is part of the gathering, by all means go for it! Those talks do need to happen!  

[TeaDidikai]

Starlock

As for calling BS on #12.. sure you can do it, but it is sure the hell rude, especially at a gathering where everybody is supposed to be relaxing and having fun! If such discussion is part of the gathering, by all means go for it! Those talks do need to happen!

You didn't seem to make a distinction between yelling at someone in circle about that, and applying those to the pagan scene as a whole.  

[iRTsuki]

love the list and i like 12 especially. there are some memebers of gaia who should use this rule, cuz i have come across some very disrespectful members. rofl  

[Starlock]

TeaDidikai

Starlock

As for calling BS on #12.. sure you can do it, but it is sure the hell rude, especially at a gathering where everybody is supposed to be relaxing and having fun! If such discussion is part of the gathering, by all means go for it! Those talks do need to happen!

You didn't seem to make a distinction between yelling at someone in circle about that, and applying those to the pagan scene as a whole.

Well, ideally it should be used in both really. Just be respectful of all things in general. like AisuruTsuki, I see a lot of that here on Gaia as well and get very, very sick of seeing it. I've got no problem with the debate itself, its the rudeness I can't stand sometimes.

Does anybody have a point to add to the list? biggrin  

[Deoridhe]

Starlock

I've got no problem with the debate itself, its the rudeness I can't stand sometimes.

I have issue with this. Why is it rude to ask someone "What Rroma tribe are you in?" and not rude to lie, claim a heritage that isn't yours, and use racial slurs?