[WM 5/26/24] Edge VS. Christian [IRON MAN]

[Renee Young]

 

[Tayzlawg Swiftlawg]

Just a few minutes before the match begun, a mini concert was scheduled for lil' Tay. In her Lockheed C-141 Starlifter (valued at $37 million dollars) circling the stadium, Swift was doomscrolling on Insta reels, laughing as she would watch some of the funniest Don Pollo reels she'd seen throughout the day. A peasant—or as others would call them, an assistant—would let her know that it was almost time to perform. Taylor would acknowledge this, ready to perform in front of the thousands of less fortunate peasants. After a little snort of the nose candy and a sip of Dom Perignon on the rocks, Taylor, sporting an elegant, Italian-made silk single-strap top and a matching but slightly darker skirt with Chanel high heels—all done to flaunt her enormous wealth. Wearing a $2.5 million dollar Cartier Swiss-made silver watch, she would accompany her pilot to the cargo space within the plane. Stored in the space was a smaller Gulfstream jet with the capacity to hold two passengers. Her serf—err, pilot—would help her get in the aircraft as the cargo plane's shuttle would slowly begin to open. With the pilot in the cockpit, the jet's engines would start, as it would roll down the way upon the pilot disengaging the hand brake.

As the smaller jet would roll out and glide into the sky above the stadium, the engines would start, the plane descending in a circular motion above. Once they were close enough. The pilot would say "Be careful down there, Boss" akin to Pequod dropping off Venom "Punished" Snake at a Landing Zone—Swift would be ejected, deploying a parachute once she reached the highest point. She would slowly descend onto the ring, safely landing thanks to the parachute. The announcer would go ahead and introduce her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome best-selling artist, TAYLOR SWIFT!!!"

The brainless midwits in the crowd would begin to cheer, especially the brain-atrophied females.

As the staff would remove the parachute and hand her a microphone, Taylor would smile and look around while in the center of the ring. She loathed being in front of broke, goyslop-consuming, left-leaning cuckolds. However, she knew she had to maximize shareholder value by exploiting these subhumans for every miserable penny that they have.

"L.A.! Let's get this party started!!!"

'Karma' would begin, the lights would become red to enhance the aesthetics of the performance.

"You're talking s**t for the hell of it
Addicted to betrayal, but you're relevant
You're terrified to look down
'Cause if you dare, you'll see the glare
Of everyone you burned just to get there
It's coming back around
And I keep my side of the street clean
You wouldn't know what I mean
'Cause karma is my boyfriend
Karma is a god
Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend
Karma's a relaxing thought
Aren't you envious that for you it's not?
Sweet like honey, karma is a cat
Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me
Flexing like a goddamn acrobat
Me and karma vibe like that
Spider-boy, king of thieves
Weave your little webs of opacity
My pennies made your crown
Trick me once, trick me twice
Don't you know that cash ain't the only price?
It's coming back around
And I keep my side of the street clean
You wouldn't know what I mean
'Cause karma is my boyfriend
Karma is a god
Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend
Karma's a relaxing thought
Aren't you envious that for you it's not?
Sweet like honey, karma is a cat
Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me
Flexing like a goddamn acrobat
Me and karma vibe like that
Ask me what I learned from all those years
Ask me what I earned from all those tears
Ask me why so many fade, but I'm still here
(I'm still, I'm still here)
'Cause karma is the thunder
Rattling your ground
Karma's on your scent like a bounty hunter
Karma's gonna track you down
Step by step from town to town
Sweet like justice, karma is a queen
Karma takes all my friends to the summit
Karma is the guy on the screen
Coming straight home to me
'Cause karma is my boyfriend (karma is my boyfriend)
Karma is a god
Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend (weekend)
Karma's a relaxing thought
Aren't you envious that for you it's not?
Sweet like honey, karma is a cat
Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me
Flexing like a goddamn acrobat
Me and karma vibe like that
Karma is my boyfriend
Karma is a god"

She'd dance around as her performance of one of her renowned singles was sung along by the sandwich-makers in attendance. Once the music died down, the arena darkened all of a sudden. Then the spotlight would focus on the ring with Taylor in the center, the crowd cheering as they were excited to see what she'd do next.

"Nice to meet you, where you been?
I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven, sin
Saw you there and I thought
"Oh, my God, look at that face
You look like my next mistake
Love's a game, wanna play?" Ay
New money, suit and tie
I can read you like a magazine
Ain't it funny? Rumors fly
And I know you heard about me
So hey, let's be friends
I'm dying to see how this one ends
Grab your passport and my hand
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over, mm
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young, and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless, mm
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name
Cherry lips, crystal skies
I could show you incredible things
Stolen kisses, pretty lies
You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen
Find out what you want
Be that girl for a month
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh, no
Screaming, crying, perfect storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like
"Oh, my God, who is she?"
I get drunk on jealousy
But you'll come back each time you leave
'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over, mm
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young, and we're reckless (oh)
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless, mm (oh)
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane (insane)
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over (over)
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane (I'm insane)
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young, and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far (ooh)
It'll leave you breathless, mm
Or with a nasty scar (leave a nasty scar)
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name"

As she performed, she was disgusted to see a certain 13% that did 52% alongside other swarthies in attendance. "Oh, God, does Ticketmaster accept EBT now? Jesus." she thought to herself after Blank Space closed out.  

[Adam Joseph Copeland]

"Un video más mi gente pa' perder el tiempo", "WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT" (in a Dominican accent), "WAZZAAAAA","No! No lo diga! Así no!" (with a Squidward AI voiceover) and zesty ahh sound effects would be heard on Edge's iPhone 15 Pro Max as he was doomscrolling Instagram reels, laughing at bill collector vs. blud videos—one of his favorite hobbies—before being interrupted by a staff member. "Vince says you're up. Get to gorilla", the staff member would say in a curt manner. "On it," Edge would respond as he'd lock his phone and store it in his briefcase. Already in ring gear, he'd head down to the gorilla position as Swift's 'Blank Space' was 2/3 over with.

After Taylor's performance, the arena turned pitch black sans a few smartphone
camera flashes by certain midwits in attendance.

A ring of fire would be ignited, and smoke would emerge from the mouth of the ramp. The Rated-R Superstar would rise in the center of the ring of fire, as "Blood", the Brood's theme song, would play throughout the arena. Many fans boo'd and nostalgic fans cheered—the reference was phenomenal. Edge, sporting a red leather duster coat, red-and-black ring gear, and black Ray-Ban shades would scan the arena as he was amped to destroy Christian's career once and for all. The fire would die down and the arena's lighting reverted to its normal state. He would step off the platform and take a few steps before stopping.  

[Tayzlawg Swiftlawg]

..."You think you know me?"

Suddenly, the silence is shattered by the thunderous eruption of his entrance theme, a symphony of electrifying guitar riffs and pulsating beats that reverberate through the stadium, igniting a fervor among the thousands of fans gathered in attendance. With each chord, the crowd's excitement swells to a crescendo, building to a fever pitch as the stage is engulfed in a spectacular display of pyrotechnics, a dazzling array of fireworks painting the night sky in a kaleidoscope of colors. 'Metalingus' (Taylor's version) would be performed by Swift.

"On this day, I see clearly!
Everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day it's so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive

I've been defeated and brought down
Dropped to my knees when hope ran out
The time has come to change my ways
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind
I'll never long for what might have been
And now regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain

Fear will kill me, all I could be
Lift these sorrows
Let me breathe, could you set me free
Could you set me free
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day it's so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive"

 

[Adam Joseph Copeland]

”…You think you know me?

In perfect synchrony with the music, the arena erupts in a dazzling display of pyrotechnics, illuminating the stage in a shower of sparks and flames. The spectacle captures the attention of every fan in attendance, setting the stage for Edge's grand entrance.

From the shadows emerges Edge, a commanding presence bathed in the glow of the spotlight, his silhouette cutting a striking figure against the backdrop of chaos. Adorned in his signature attire, a fusion of leather jackets, steel-studded accessories, and a steely gaze that speaks volumes, he exudes an aura of undeniable charisma and unbridled confidence. The crowd erupts into a deafening roar of disapproval, their boos echoing off the rafters, as Edge strides purposefully down the ramp, his every movement a testament to his unwavering determination and indomitable spirit. With each step, Edge draws the audience into his orbit, his magnetic presence casting a spell over the masses. But Edge's entrance is more than just a spectacle—it's a performance, a carefully choreographed display of charisma and showmanship. Upon reaching the middle of the ramp, Edge would stop once more, lowering his head.


Announcer: “From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing two hundred forty-two pounds…. Please welcome THE RATED-R… SUPERSTAAAAAR~…. EEEEEDGEEEEEE!”

Upon being introduced to the fans by the announcer, Edge would rapidly raise his arms and form demon horns with his hands, the pyrotechnics behind him going off in an amazing sequence. After that, he'd continue walking down to the ring.


Pausing for a moment on the ring apron, he surveys the sea of faces before him, a knowing smirk playing at the corners of his lips, before finally stepping through the ropes and into the hallowed battleground. He'd nod at Swift, thanking her for singing his theme song for him. With the crowd firmly against him, Edge stands poised to leave an indelible mark on the annals of wrestling history once again, ready to unleash his trademark brand of intensity and aggression upon his best friend turned bitter rival, Christian.

 

[Tayzlawg Swiftlawg]

After her work there was done, she'd hear "This is Pequod, I'm arriving at LZ!" through her earpiece. "Finally..." she'd thought as a UTH-66 Blackfoot helicopter was right above them. Once it was straight above the ring, a flying ladder would drop so Taylor could get on it. She'd do so, using it to ascend. Once she was secure, the helicopter crew would pull her up to the 'copter's cabin, where she would be taken back to her plane that was still circling the LA area at the moment.  

[The Christian Cage]

After a lengthy preview to this highly personal match between two former best friends, the fans at Wrestlemania were all highly anticipating the Iron Man match between Edge and Christian Cage. Suddenly the lights in the massive arena would go dark, pitch dark. After a few moments, the titantron would show a countdown from 10, and they cheer loudly as they know who was coming out first. The lights return as the theme music of Christian Cage begins, except in this special Wrestlemania only moment, his theme is the actual song by Evanescence - "My Last Breath" with the lyrics would play instead of his normal instrumental. Christian Cage would walk out to a pop, as he walks to the top of the ramp and puts his hand over his forehead looking at the PACKED crowd in house for Wrestlemania!





The Instant Classic would walk down the long ramp as the fans were happy to see him as the actual Evanescence version of his theme song continues to play in the background. He would be introduced loudly. "The following contest is an Iron Man Match! from Toronto, Ontario Canada, weighing in at 220 pounds... he is the INSTANT CLASSIC, CHRISTIAN CAAAAGE!!" A pyro goes off after the introduction and Christian continues down the ramp, finally making it to the end of the long Wrestlemania ramp and walking up the steps and entering the ring.





Christian would walk to one turnbuckle and climb, doing his signature look to the crowd, staying up there for a while before getting down. He would go to the opposite turnbuckle and do the same thing. He then gets down, pacing around the ring warming his arms and legs up, taking off his tank top entrance shirt and throwing it deep into the audience. Christian Cage would wait for Edge as the Evanescence version of his theme song would slowly fade out and the fans were still cheering Christian, one of CWF'S most beloved superstars and the fan favorite easily in this matchup.

 

[Adam Joseph Copeland]

Edge would firmly glare at his opponent across the ring as Christian made his way to the ring... An Iron Man match, one hour... the crowd was anxious to see who'd walk out the winner.  

[The Christian Cage]

Christian would stand across the ring from Edge... a HIGHLY anticipated match months in the making. The referee calls for the bell and the Iron Man match is underway! Christian would start circling the ring staring Edge down..  

[Adam Joseph Copeland]

Edge would mirror Christian, keeping his distance, staring him down, analyzing his movements—as a veteran should.  

[The Christian Cage]

Christian would get closer to Edge, looking to keep it traditional in this long wrestling match... by going for a lock up!  

[Adam Joseph Copeland]

Edge would get close as well. His emotions high, he'd reject the lock up and go for a slap to Christian's face!  

[The Christian Cage]

Christian would step back a step, holding his jaw from the slap, and of course retaliates with one of his own!  

[Adam Joseph Copeland]

Edge was slapped across the face! Stumbling back, he'd try to hit Christian in the face with a forearm smash!