Davor decided that today, he would frustrate himself.
That was how he'd come to think of it as, because that's how it always ended up. If there was any improvement in his playing, Davor missed it completely as he tossed everything back into storage -- only to inevitably pull it back out again before it could even begin collecting dust, when he began missing the music. As he did now.
Everything was retrieved in the usual manner: stand balanced over his shoulder, case in hand, and the music book carried as daintily as possible in his teeth. His other hand was occupied, of course, by being no longer attached to the rest of him. In its place instead was a specialized prosthesis Davor privately called the mantis arm, thanks to a comment his younger brother had made in one of the rare instances he'd acknowledged Davor's work. He'd also called it grotesque, but, well.
Stand set, music placed, and case open, he opened the music book up to a familiar page before taking his violin and getting into position. His arm was the bow, held over the strings, right hand at the fingerboard. He began to play.
One wouldn't have guessed Davor had been playing for years, with how slow and halting his playing was now. He moved past every mistake with his usual impassive expression, the only indication that it actually was getting to him in the increasing tightness in his jaw with every wrong note. And, like a crescendo, it built until he exploded into swearing, dropping position and scowling at the piece that used to be one of his favorites.
He'd lost all the coordination he'd had to struggle to learn, forced to play violin the standard right-handed. It wasn't enough to have to relearn playing with a prosthesis -- he had to learn to handle the bow left-handed, as it should have been in the first place. Even now, as he looked down at the violin gripped tightly in his hand, he could imagine the fingers that no longer existed fingering the strings to play the notes no problem, no problem at all.
But thinking about that wouldn't help. The phantom pain was something he always had to distract himself from. Regaining his composure, Davor began flipping the pages of the music book again. He'd been stubborn to always try attempting the more advanced pieces first, as though he might find he's spontaneously relearned to play the violin. Wishful thinking. It was just another inner embarrassment and reminder of of how set back he'd been, to have to resort to the beginner practice pieces.
But resort he did, opening the book to a simpler piece of music named -- Davor Kozel.
He blinked, quickly, sitting up in surprise. That was his name when it couldn't have been, a piece of music composed by -- You can been chosen. Davor stared for a moment. Closed his eyes tight. Opened them again. They were still there, a piece that never existed and didn't really make sense, honestly, because there were no notes on the lines. Only letters.
He sat back, frowning at the music book. So he was finally going insane. This was the real deal, everything finally coming to a head. Davor was at last losing it. Alright. They all expected this. It started with feeling what wasn't there, his amputated arm throbbing with a pain that should have long subsided, and now he was seeing things, too. Davor felt his blood run cold when the thought occurred to him.
He stole a glance down quickly, before he could think to stop himself, but no. No, his prosthetic was still there. Then he looked over the music stand, around at his room, everything the same as it always was. But the music, the music was wrong.
The notes were still letters, a message written on the lines he had to force himself to confront. No longer will you be defined by what you lack. I am Hephaestus, and I will give you the greater purpose you seek. Open yourself to the opportunity that will come to you very soon, someone seeking to recruit you, and you will find your place.
Well that sounded all fine and good, didn't it. Davor closed the book. Opened it again. Pursed his lips at the very simple piece of music he'd meant to fumble with. The words were gone, yes, but the message stayed with him. His heart was hammering despite the calm he forced himself to show to no one. Maybe that was enough violin practice for today, actually. (785 words)
Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 12:41 am
I HAVE A CHARACTER CONCEPT!
BASICS
Name: Davor Kirilovich Kozel Nickname: Vorya Gender: Male Age and Birth Date: 43 (June 28th) Occupation: Volunteer Prosthetist
APPEARANCE Not especially tall, but solidly built thanks to a life of labor and strife, Davor can be rather intimidating at first blush thanks to his often stone-faced expression and a conspicuous scar splitting his lips, along with many more unseen but easy to imagine on such a rough-looking guy. And yet, his blue eyes are surprisingly soft, hooded in weary contemplation that speaks more for someone who's had bad luck as opposed to gone looking for trouble. His black hair is short, often tousled, and the only real apparent effort he puts into his appearance is keeping his beard trimmed at least. Otherwise, he tends to dress like he just came in from an outdoor excursion, often wearing boots, a ragged old red scarf he can't seem to let go, and heavy coats that hang from his shoulders or loose layers in dark colors that do well to hide his residual limb.
Ah, yeah. Davor's left arm as been amputated, just below the elbow. Despite having a variety of prosthesis he can use, he prefers to go without unless he's going to be working or put in a situation he may very well need the use of both hands. Otherwise, he does his best to keep his disability hidden and as inconspicuous as possible, still self-conscious of needing to use prostheses.
PERSONALITY
[+]Selfless: The kind of guy who would give you the shirt right off his back, as the saying goes, Davor is always looking out for others, even and especially complete strangers. It's a compulsion, somehow -- he can't stand to see anyone struggling, immediately going out of his way to help and care for others when given the opportunity. He doesn't need a longtime bond to feel the need to protect someone, either, known to put himself in difficult or dangerous situations if it means alleviating someone else's trouble. Davor tries his best to be as noble and compassionate as possible, placing great faith in the concept of altruism. [-]Guarded: Ironically, despite how much he holds up the ideal, Davor... doesn't really expect nor want any concern shown back at him. He bottles up his emotions, appearing always stoic and composed even when he's anything but, loath to ask for help or admit his own problems to anyone, no matter how close. This has, predictably, led to the breakdown of more than a few relationships, as Davor's tendency to withdraw without a hint of something wrong causes misunderstanding after misunderstanding he simply can't find it in himself to communicate. He has this irrational hatred of being pitied, and would rather suffer in silence than bear that thought.
[+]Humble: For all the good that he does, Davor will always downplay himself and his achievements. He's not one to brag, demand acknowledgement, or even particularly desire or enjoy attention, quick to deflect praise even as he speaks of highly of others in the same breath. He seems content to live simply and predictably, sensible of his shortcomings and realistic about his prospects. You wouldn't even know he came from a wealthy, privileged background unless he told you and, well, he's not likely to tell. Never does he want anyone else to feel as small as he feels. [-]Passive: But actually, yes, despite being realistic that he likely won't achieve any great things and being okay with that, this can... sometimes bleed into a lack of ambition that makes itself very clear once Davor needs to make decisions. He can't. He doubts himself constantly, and is more keen to follow others' actions, opinions, and have choices made for him. Not all choices, mind -- he'll make his own if he dislikes something enough to speak, finds himself alone, or especially affected by something -- but Davor left to his own devices can and will turn into a complete hermit. Better someone else gives him a purpose if he can't think of one himself, right?
[+]Open-minded: Having had a rather storied past, Davor has run into people from all walks of life, and has always kept an open mind about the situations he, and others, end up in. He is not one to judge a book by its cover, so to speak, treating everyone with equal dignity and respect while never really expecting the same back. He does not (usually) purposefully snub authority, but he is not one to ingratiate himself to others, either. Davor is always willing to listen to every side of a story, and seeks the good in others not everyone else can see, hating to make enemies and therefore always open to forgiveness and second chances. And third. And... [-]Stubborn: Despite how wishy-washy he can be, once Davor gets into something, he's likely set. It doesn't matter how often he gets burned, literally or figuratively; Davor does not like to give up on anyone or anything. His open-mindedness can, unfortunately, work against him as he turns a blind eye to any problematic or hurtful aspects of his new causes and relationships, especially if he's the one getting the brunt of it. Once again, Davor doesn't like to admit when he's struggling himself, and will likely deny, deny, deny there's anything wrong when, to everyone else, there very clearly is.
DEITY Like Hephaestus, Davor knows what it's like to feel cast out and defined by disability, even if part of that perception is his own injured self-image. He was always rather aimless and unambitious before his loss, which is a shame, as it turns out Davor rather has a knack for picking up technologies he never had access to before.
Having been especially affected by the sight of children having to attend physical therapy alongside injured old veterans like himself, he's joined a local chapter of a volunteer group dedicated to designing, building, and supplying 3D-printed prostheses to those who can't afford the more advanced, and therefore more expensive, kinds.
However, he's also begun attending the local university for more than just borrowing their 3D printer, studying and excelling in the more advanced fields of orthotics and prosthetics, particularly interested in robotics. He has the advantage of being able to test drive his designs on himself, which is helpful...!
Soldier of Song Captain
Bear
Offline
Soldier of Song Captain
Bear
Offline
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2016 12:57 am
[list][size=11]The choice felt immediately obvious to Davor. Naturally, he was horrified to find so many of his fellow Chosen voting the complete opposite. Not one to usually speak up, more liable to follow majority rule than come up leader himself, he felt himself growing increasingly [i]angry[/i]. As more and more professed their support for what felt like complete and utter abandonment of the very people relying on them, his hand, at least the flesh-and-blood one he had left, turned to a shaking fist at his side. No man left behind had been the rule among his comrades, and he felt himself thrown back there again, back when he'd still had everything but a healthy sense of self-preservation.
He'd lost a lot, and still never learned. He'd lost a lot and hadn't learned because he clearly hadn't done [i]enough[/i] then. Davor's jaw was set, tense, his teeth gritted and biting back words that usually were a struggle to pull out. He heard Erica's vote loud and clear and wasn't exactly surprised -- but it hurt, almost. He'd come to consider her someone he'd look for, out there. He didn't want to consider the [i]chance[/i] that they'd be sentencing more people to their deaths when they [i]could[/i] help it. Davor took a step back. Not mentally, as though to really weigh sides and think this through objectively. Literally, took a step back, as though just edging to slip away and look for any more civilians himself. He'd been left for dead before and it wasn't something he'd wish on anyone.[/size][/list]
