Joking for Gold Contest! ☺

[whispering_angel1314]

When does B come after U?

When you take some of its honey!  

[EbonyDrippinSwagoo]

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home  

[- Jazmyyn -]

“it’s a big a** moose right ?
and it go into the store
and it ask the lady b***h, ‘where can i find the potatoes ?’
and the lady b***h says ‘ahhh, down aisle 5’
so he goes sown aisle 5
and there ain’t no potatos”
HAHAHAHAHAHAH .  

[sexy chick149]

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"  

[Omg peoplz]

1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-story car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."

6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like a double standard."

7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

cool Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."

10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."  

[iiJayz-x]

Wut poem should u listen to wen u r sad?? Dah Roses r dead violets turned blue dis i called sadness wen im not wit u!!! I noe its not funny but its a poem i made up! Hoped u enjoy it!  

[ExplodingInk]

A little boy went up to his mother
little boy: mommy, can I have some cake?
mom: Honey, we don't have any cake
little boy: yes we do you and daddy made it
mom: ....
little boy: remember? I licked the icing off the counter this morning

OH SNAP! ALWAYS CLEAN THAT COUNTER ;D  

[Obstinate Amity]

4laugh
Dead baby jokes. : 3

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more. 3nodding

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head. 4laugh

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung. twisted

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor. blaugh


c: Muuuurrr.  

[ExplodingInk]

The corniest joke I can think of....
Why did the tomato blush?

He saw the salad dressing.


My mom told me I needed a life
So I found Gaia
she said I needed a more interesting life
so I became an assistant to Gambino
she told me that was to scary
so I went to Barton
she told me I was dressing to normal
so I went to Aereka
she said I looked funny
so I became a tattoo artist in Skin Tyte
she told me I looked like a freak
so I went to work at Durem
now she thinks I'm an overachiever

the best part, she doesn't know this is on the internet x3
(Not a true story... I just started rambling, not rly a joke, I just dont wanna erase it x3 )  

[xx-Ohh Anna]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna going to tell you!

emotion_kirakira  

[Obstinate Amity]

Story time joke. 4laugh


One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."  

[whispering_angel1314]

nagarebosh1

Hi Hi everyone! xd

Ready to earn some more Gold and Prizes? whee

Here is another contest for you all to win some! Are you excited? I am wink

Well here it goes, The person who can make us smile the most will get the prize! 3nodding

Did I mention how? As you can see with Jokes of course! 3nodding The funniest Joker will get a huge amount of nothing! Kidding, Gold of course. lol <--- That was horrible sweatdrop

The Contest is forever on going, Picking a Winner Every 3 Days. cool


1 Winner: 10k
2 Runner-ups: 5k
Participants: 1k

Now, make us laugh biggrin

May the Odds ever be in Your favor (;

Q: What instrument can you hear, but can't see and can't touch?
A: Your voice.  

[FionaFeroux]

okay...
umm....
Q : whut if me gusta die ?
A : it'll turn into a me gostha biggrin xp  

[Bittch Bend Over]

This Joke will be SO corny, but my silly friend Zadie told me this Lol:
What did the Bufflo say to his son when he was getting out the car school?
Bison LMAOO! Get it Bison (Bye Son) emotion_awesome . Sorry for the corniness lol

 

[sexy chick149]

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast- feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.

After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them."