Spork! How do I love thee? Let me count the prongs...

[Your Dad! xD]

Contents-

1. Right here.
2. Rules (Sorry, but we have to)
3. What is a spork?
4. Uses for a spork
5. Sporks from around the world
6. Sporks which aren't sporks
7. What the heck is a Foon?
8. Pictures!
9. Link to us!  

[ConfusedScribbles]

Rules-

1. Obey Gaia TOS
2. Keep EVERYTHING Pg-13
3. Bring your own spork
4. Respect your fellow guild members
5. Read the rules
6. There is no rule number 6

 

[Your Dad! xD]

What is a Spork?

Spork:
Blend of sp(oon sb. + f)ork sb. A proprietary name for a piece of cutlery combining the features of a spoon, fork, (and sometimes, knife).

Patent Information:
1970 Official Gaz. (U.S. Patent Office) 11 Aug. tm 65 Van Brode Milling Co., Inc., Clinton, Mass... Spork for Combination Plastic Spoon, Fork and Knife.

Yet a spork is so much more than just a poor excuse for an eating utensil.

A spork is a perfect metaphor for human existance. It tries to function as both spoon and fork, and because of this dual nature, it fails miserably at both. You cannot have soup with a spork, it is far too shallow; you cannot eat meat with a spork, the prongs are too small.

 

[ConfusedScribbles]

Uses for a spork-

As we know, a spork is completely innapropriate as an eating utensil, so the question arises: ``But then, what can I use a spork for?''

1. Pull out all but the edge prongs, rip off the handle, and stick it in your mouth.
Instant Dracula!
2. Invert the spork (turn it into a foon) and load stuff into the depression and fire!
3. Foon your spork and lay it on the table with the arch up, then press on the high
arc and release. Flying Foons!
4. Foon your spork and then spork your foon in rapid sucession, the resulting
crack sound is known as a `spack'. This is hours of fun.
5. Foon your spork and turn the prongs up, you have just created a
sporfoontapult, perfect for launchings (see above).
6. Alternately bend the prongs inward and outward and stand the spork on end.
This is a leaning tower of spork. You can then launch foons over it.
7. Get a bunch of friends together and make a plenty foons. Then start launching
them at each other, the objective is to collide foons in mid-air. Note: The more
foons in the air the better, try to launch 5-10 at a time for a challenge.
8. Plant them in your lawn to scare away burglers
9. Stick them in your backpack to scare away friends
10. Instead of roses, give your girlfriend sporks in new and interesting ways
11. Plus much much more...

What other people do with sporks.

-The band "Soup'' threw out one thousand of them during shows.
-Dark Helmet suggests the ``Spork War''. Much like pencil war, you try and crack
one spork with the other. One player holds the spork horizontally, and the other
holds it vertically, bends back the handle, lets go, and hits the midsection of the
other spork as hard as possible. If you dont break the other spork, you switch
off roles. I would recommend using thick sporks with this one.
-Joseph D Mulholland, remembers that way back in the fourth grade he and a
bunch of pals played ``lowest spork number'', where you compare the number
on the back of the spork and the lowest wins.
-John Bragg likes to paint them gold and put them behind his ear, so he can be a
"Spork Pimp''.

 

[Your Dad! xD]

Sporks from around the world-

Yes there are sporks from around the world. xp

-Taco Bell, while their sporks only have three prongs and are unsuitable for
fooning, they are nice and sturdy.
-Kentucky Fried Chicken, in some parts of the country, still gives out sporks. If I
remember properly, They are quite tiny and flimsy, with four prongs.
-Wendy's in upstate New York gives out sporks, and according to Peter Blackbird,
they are very easy to foon.
-New York Public School's sporks are green and have four prongs. They are
among the best I have ever used.
-New Jersey Public School's sporks are white, four pronged, and quite thin, perfect
for fooning, yet do not jump as high as as New York sporks.
-In Central High School in Kansas City, Missouri, the sporks have three prongs
and are quite tough to foon (but it can be done, Joe Leone holds the record, with
4 seconds).
-In New Zealand, according to Lydia Mills, Sporks are made by a company
named "Lily''.
-Daren A. Sommers says that there is a giant spork about 25 feet tall at Kansas
State University, which is called "The p***s on the Prairie". It's normally located
in front of the Chem/Biochem building.
-According to Barbara Keller, you can get silver sporks from a company called
Dansk.
-In the Pima County Adult Detention Center (located in lovely Tuscon Arizona),
sporks are issued with each meal.

 

[ConfusedScribbles]

Sporks which aren't sporks-

-In Canada you can get a spam-like food called ``Spork''.
-There's a guy named Maz Henrik Spork.
-The band, `Spork', may be seen in Marana, Arizona (I hope their guitars have
prongs)
-The band, `Spoon Fed', uses sporks as their mascot, logo, and destiny.
-There's yet another band called `Spork' in Albuquerque, NM. The singer Jeremy
Clymer also has a strange fixation with stroons
-Donald Biggs is also in a band called `Spork' located in Colorado.

 

[Your Dad! xD]

What the heck is a Foon?

A foon is the inverse of the spork, and is created through a process known as fooning. The process can only be done on flexible sporks (Taco Bell sporks are right out, they crack as soon as you apply any kind of pressure) and it takes a skilled hand. Beware! You are apt to crack many sporks before you become a true master of the foon.

The process of fooning is as follows:

1. Place your thumb on the bottom curve of the spork
2. Gently push in with the thumb until the spork is inverted
3. If done properly, you may let go and the spork will retain it's foon shape

Once you have your foon a whole new world of enjoyment between you and your spork/foon will open up for you.

 

[ConfusedScribbles]

Pictures-

Me likey pictures!


Indeed.


o.O


Please?


Hawt skirt.

 

[Your Dad! xD]

Link to us!

[url=http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/index.php?guild_id=9493][img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a27/x_dieclown_x/spork333.jpg[/img][/url]

Just copy the link and post the pic in your sig and spread the word!

 

[balongaboy]

do you know what we will probalby never hear on the news that some guy was brutaly beaten with napkins and was sporked to death at KFC  

[balongaboy]

ConfusedScribbles

Sporks which aren't sporks-

-In Canada you can get a spam-like food called ``Spork''.
-There's a guy named Maz Henrik Spork.
-The band, `Spork', may be seen in Marana, Arizona (I hope their guitars have
prongs)
-The band, `Spoon Fed', uses sporks as their mascot, logo, and destiny.
-There's yet another band called `Spork' in Albuquerque, NM. The singer Jeremy
Clymer also has a strange fixation with stroons
-Donald Biggs is also in a band called `Spork' located in Colorado.

heres a pic of that spam wannabe
http://www.stu.co.uk/b3ta/spork.jpg  

[balongaboy]

http://mysite.verizon.net/jorghahaq/spork/233873971_m.gif  

[The.waffle.in.your.brain]

This guild is dead join the Purple shortbus insted! its alot better and its still alive! pm me and you can join for free