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 Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:17 am
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 RETURNMORETOCEN
【Enigma⌒o f⌒freedom】RETURNMORETOCEN
【Unclosing⌒a n⌒unseen⌒d o o r】RETURNMORETOCEN
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽RETURNMORETOCEN
“Ugh…are you some kind of pervert or something?”
Pino's response was answered with good humoured laughter from Einian's side.
"Only a little", answered the man with a full grin on his face. Kid's feather's were ruffled fast and it seemed his timing had been really of, because Iorwen hadn't taken it as lightly as she usually did. He heard the promise of movies and watched the kid drag Io out.
"Well have fun you two", Einian said, but it seemed to have reached only the ears of the walls.
Iorwen was a little bit confused when Pino started about a movie, but she had gotten the clue quickly enough. Well at least he knows what to say as a distraction. Einain was the last guy you had to tell your sister worries to. Especially when it concerned Bella. He was harmless though, so Iorwen was taken aback by Pino's next suggestion.
“ I think I saw that guy! Last night I thought I saw someone outside the window, but I assumed it was the neighbours. The house we are staying at only has one story, someone could have easily climbed in her window. She sleeps with it open!”
Iorwen frowned a little. That guy? No way. It wasn't exactly impossible, but implausible. Einian was just a fool or an idiot, depending how you looked at it, but he was harmless if you ignored the filthy comments from time to time.
Pino went on a little more and a bit more anxious. He might be on to something, but as he himself said... He couldn't prove anything and pointing finger too soon, might get him in more trouble than he bargained for. When Pino asked to be brought home Iorwen nodded a little.
"I'll bring you home, but it'll be with that garbage can across the street and you'll have to tell me where it is." She said signalling to a much older car across the street that obviously had had it's best years already. Last thing she wanted to was to drive off with Einian's car. "I know it's old, but it can drive. Let me get the keys."
Iorwen went back inside and after only a few seconds she was out with keys and her reading glasses in their container. She assumed Pino would follow her now and get in the car on his own account. She waited for the young man to settle in with seat belt.
"Just one more thing... Don't start pointing fingers too soon. For now we'll try to get your sister out of that... Shock..." And with that said Iorwen drove of, not saying much more as she kept her eyes and attention to the road and where Pino told her to drive.
__________________________ a while later__________________________
She pulled over to where Pino said she had to be. The piece of metal that only seemed to look like a car seemed to choke on itself when it came to a stop. Iorwen pulled up the hand break and looked at the house that Pino called home.
"You want me to come in with you?"
She sounded friendly enough, but she had other ideas than to just support Pino. If Einian didn't do introductions then it was better to get introduced by her brother. Iorwen was just curious, really curious about... Bella. Though Iorwen also considered she might be unwelcome.
She hoped she'd be welcome as a complete stranger...
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 1:19 am
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“ I‘ll bring you home, but it‘ll be with that garbage can across the street and you‘ll have to tell me where it is.” Pino’s eyebrow raised in curiosity as he turned about to try and find the car. ‘ …Do I have to get in that?’, Pino joked, but sadly, did not exaggerate much in the thought. Garbage can was right, and Pino almost grumbled his mouth in uncertainty before nodding and scratching the underside of his chin.
“…oh…alright.”, Sounding a great deal like Thumper from ‘Bambi’ when the rabbit commented on vegetables, Pino followed the woman towards her incredible moving trash can once the woman had gone inside to collect her glasses. Looking both ways before crossing the street even though the road was practically a ghost town, Pino waited outside the passenger door until the woman got into the car and thus proved that the doors were open. Quickly fastening his seat belt, Pino felt the need to tug it several times to reassure himself that the seat belt wouldn’t suddenly fall out and fail him.
“ Just one more thing…don‘t start pointing fingers too soon. For now we‘ll try to get your sister out of that…shock…”, Pino wanted to argue with her, but she sounded so smart and sure of herself that he felt that commenting was like correcting a school-teacher. Which was horribly rude and impertinent since he relied on her help like Marty needed Dr. Emmett Brown from Back to the Future. However, he could complain all he wanted to inside of his head. ‘ If it wasn‘t that freak-ster, then who would have motives to sneak into Bella‘s window?’ Pino guessed that his sister could have several friends she hung out with from the last school year; but, he really didn’t know. Wasn’t like Bella had ever brought a man home to meet the parents before. Pino randomly snorted from the thought. Bella. Bringing guys home. He snorted again and this time adjusted his shirt collar as if that had been a problem to try and excuse the almost giggle fit.
A few -turn here-’s later, Pino felt his heart freeze within his chest as Iorwen’s piece of tin car pulled onto the curb near their house. For the longest time, Pino couldn’t say anything; in fact, he didn’t even move. He just stood there, staring, like a goldfish. Probably doing a very good impression of his sister right then, Pino began to shake his head back and forth in worried disbelief.
“ You want me to come in with you?”, Pino shook his head up and down; still unable to speak or move. ‘ Where could she be?!?’
His sister’s care was gone, and he didn’t know where else she would have gone…without telling him first…
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 1:45 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 2:24 am
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Shuffling out of the car, if only because Iorwen got out of the car first, Pino rushed to unlock the door and proceeded to plop himself down on the couch. As if there was Velcro beneath his bottom, Pino didn’t move from that spot or position until he heard a car drive into the driveway that sounded like Bella’s car. Whipping his head towards the door at the sound of a door slamming, his heart was in his throat as the sound of key’s jingling could be heard. ‘ Oh no…’ Feeling like he had some serious explaining to do, Pino rose from the couch to apologize the second that his sister appeared through the door.
Watching Bella as she came in, for a split second her eyes were on the floor in apparent melancholy before her head lifted from the carpet to see Pino standing there. Her eyes flashing wide from surprise, Bella blinked once or twice before everything seemed to melt away, and his sister waved and smiled; walking with some bounce to her step. ‘ What the?!’ This was -not- his sister either. What was this? A charade to convince their guest that all was well? His sister never walked with a ‘bounce’ to her step unless she and Casey were at the mall having a really fun time with their friends. This was not ‘every day’ Bella. ‘ She‘s overcompensating…’ Once more feeling the ‘invasion of the body snatchers’ vibe, Pino shook his head to and fro in disbelief as his sister smiled towards them while heading towards he hallway.
“ Pino! What are you doing home so soon?”, She laughed, “ Did Casey kick you out for being too hyper?”, Bella had -never- said Casey’s name with so bubbly a tone in the past four weeks. Especially after her ‘crying fit’ last night, he never thought he would hear his name again. Feeling chills run down his spine, Pino could no nothing as Bella turned the corner of the hallway.
“ I‘m going to take a shower, and maybe a nap, okay?”, Did she really think she was getting out of this predicament so easily? ‘ Oh no you don‘t!’, Bella was…what was that word…deflecting? Well, whatever it was, Pino definitely noticed it! Standing up from the couch, Pino saw his sister walk into the hallway bathroom before rushing to Iorwen’s side and grabbing her wrist in a ‘follow me’ mannerism.
“ Now she‘s acting even more weird! Come on!”, Pino whispered as he led the blonde towards his sister’s room and opened the door before rushing inside. Not really a spy type of brother since the year he turned nine, the young man began to look about the room before seeing something a little strange on the floor. ‘ What is that?’ It was a spiked earring, but Pino wouldn’t recognize that right off the bat, since he had no piercing and rarely took the time to notice anything that Casey or Bella’s friends might happen to have been wearing when they visited. Lifting it up to inspect before his eye, Pino handed it to Ior. Completely oblivious to the white and pink little test sitting at the bottom of the wastebasket.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:07 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:25 am
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Pino watched Iorwen look at the piece of jewellery with a hopeful dread fluttering in his chest. Like Watson handing something to Sherlock Holmes, the boy waited in earnest for the blonde to recognize it or have some sort of revelation of any kind. ‘ Is it Einians?’, the hope soon died when Iorwen seemed to give him a blank expression. ‘ Well…she did just move here, so maybe its from whoever rented this room before…’ Somewhere, in the pit of his stomach, Pino didn’t really believe that; but, he could convince himself enough to not fret about the piercing.
Pacing back and forth while Iorwen found a startling discovery in the trash bin, the oblivious young brother heard the shower turn on in the bathroom and immediately started thinking really disturbing thoughts within his head. ‘ She wouldn‘t go in there to cut her wrists would she?’, Pino thought with a panic as he rushed from the room and pressed his ear to the door. In -any- other situation Pino would very well look like a creepy stalker, but as it was he just listened and hoped to hear a bottle opening or clothes being flopped on the floor, or something normal that wouldn’t prerequisite death.
“ Foutre…”, Pino vaguely recognized the French swear word that their mom had taught them long ago. It was basically the ‘f’ word, but his mother never liking swear words in general, only taught it to them when she began to tire of washing their older brother Rudega’s mouth out with soap. Shaking his head in disbelief, Pino thought he heard something plastic hit the ground, and he squinted his eye as if that could somehow improve his hearing. ‘ Did she cut herself shaving?!’ Panicking once more, it took all his reserve not to cover his eyes and rush into the bathroom. ‘ Come-on! Your acting psycho!’, White and cloaked with Goosebumps, Pino became the zombie he had been talking about as he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. There was nothing he could do…they both just lost someone very dear to them…and he guessed that they all grieved in different ways. Maybe that was all her robot-ness had been from…‘ I guess I can‘t do anything but wait…’
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:45 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:14 am
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Contrary to popular belief, Bella wasn’t naked in the shower, or half naked on the porcelain throne. No, Bella had only removed certain articles of her clothing when it was necessary, and once the proper place had been urinated upon, Bella had wiped; washed her hands, and flushed the toilet. All while Pino was in her room, thankfully enough. Not realizing she could have a concerned stalker the young woman had moved to sit upon the counter while she waited for the results to show…and when they did; they were not the results she had hoped for. Her heart sinking, Bella was still mesmerized by the two fully formed lines in read-out that clearly meant: pregnant. Not that she really needed to take a third test, the first had been a blessing. She had really hoped that it was negative, but it didn’t explain the nausea or other symptoms she had been experiencing, so she went to see her doctor. Quite…spur of the moment. More or less anything to keep from having to go back into her bedroom again. Be ‘home alone’ in a house full of freshly made memories that she wished to forget. The doctor’s test unfortunately showed positive so of course she wasted the extra money to buy a better brand and came home to find Pino home.
‘ I thought he would want to stay all day or something…’ Him and Pino got along just fine…him being home was the most confusing part of the entire day. ‘ Does Casey not even want to talk to Pino anymore? What did Pino ever do to him?’ On the verge of tears, simply because of the strain on her heart, Bella had raised her right hand to wipe at the water starting to form a gob when a knock sounded at the door. ‘ Pino?!’, her heart lurched in her chest. Great. Just what she needed…more emotional talks with her adorable, half-wit, brother.
“ It‘s not your brother…but I saw your test…I remember taking mine five times to be sure.”, Bella couldn’t recognize the voice, though that could be blamed on a harried mind, and so the brunette turned her attention towards the door when it started to open. ‘ Thank god its -not- Pino…’, her heart softened; but only just. Seeing the blonde girl from the party the night before, her bottom lip began to tremble somewhat. ‘ Casey‘s friend…what is she doing here?’, terrified; though she did not scream, Bella seemed to emotionally withdraw into herself even though she offered a half smile. ‘ If she tells him…oh no…no no no no no…’ Inside her chest a hammer had been sprung from a trap; and her heart was smashed by the blunt force of the trauma. On her face was the most acute pain she had allowed herself to show so far -today-, and she tried to be polite simply because the woman seemed to be wanting to help.
“ I‘ve only taken it three times…but…”, Bella wasn’t sure if she should lie or not. She certainly planned on lying to Pino. ‘ Dad just died…I can‘t surprise him with a ‘congrats you‘re gunna be an uncle’. He isn‘t ready for that yet…’, Bella being anti-abortion, just because it was her own personal choice to be so, she hadn’t even considered what she was going to do if the doctor’s tests -stayed- positive. ‘ Adoption? Quit school and raise the baby?’ Whatever she did, it wouldn’t involve Casey…it couldn’t. Not anymore. ‘ I have to keep this a secret…for as long as I possibly can.’ But to have no one ‘in the dark’ with her was a horrible reality. While Bella was used to shouldering life on her own, Casey had always been her rock, and without one best friend to share the world with she felt like quite the castaway. ‘ If I tell her…she could tell Casey…’ The whites of her eyes began to redden. ‘ And I don‘t want to bother him anymore.’ Perhaps Bella lost her trust in people, but she covered the reading with her palm and gently tossed it into the waste-basket behind the cubby door. Closing it, she looked down at her feet with an unrestrained, broken, expression.
“ The doctor says its negative…but I‘m still a little worried I guess.”, Bella knew her nostrils would flare slightly, so she scratched her nose to hide it. A perfect stranger wouldn’t know her little subtleties, so she felt relieved in that fact. Strangers were always easier to lie to, even if you didn’t want to lie to them from the start. Whoever the blonde was, as she couldn’t remember her unique name because of all the strain on her mind, she was very nice. So far. Innocent until proven guilty, Bella just gave another awkward smile.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:52 am
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RETURNMORETOCEN
【Enigma⌒o f⌒freedom】RETURNMORETOCEN
【Unclosing⌒a n⌒unseen⌒d o o r】RETURNMORETOCEN
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽RETURNMORETOCEN
Iorwen had imagined a meeting with this Bella quite differently, but it seemed to the blonde that as a stranger she might allow the girl to get rid of some of that immense strain she must be feeling. Io had been lucky, it had stayed negative, but still she had been stressed out of her mind. Yet what if this girl wasn't lucky enough? She seemed like she only had her brother left as some sort of a support, but how much support did a brother really offer?
“ I‘ve only taken it three times…but…”
Iorwen simply kept her eyes on Bella for a minute, not noticing those tell-tale signs of lies because she was dealing with a complete stranger. Iorwen's eyes followed the young women as she tossed the test and closed the door again. Io didn't move to check though. She looked much like a broken doll though. Did that mean it was bad news after all. Three times is supposedly a charm.
“ The doctor says its negative…but I‘m still a little worried I guess.”
Io let out a small sigh of relieve. Negative so far, let it stay that way. Now with curiosity somewhat quenched -Iorwen couldn't imagine lying about something so serious- she was even less tempted to check the garbage again. She rather left that where it was on normal occasions.
"It's normal to be worried.", said the blonde directing her eyes to the tilled floor for a minute. "So worry all you want." At that point Iorwen approached the brunette and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. Iorwen's mind was buzzing with questions, but she felt that she would be better of letting the brunette talk and perhaps share at her own pace.
"I know it's not much, but if it does turn... bad, then I'll listen if you need it."
Iorwen was honest about what she said. She could at least help bear the weight if turned wrong and even if the girl had just lied, Iorwen didn't think she'd be mad.
She was a stranger after all. A stranger offering minor comfort if possible.
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 5:17 am
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“ It‘s normal to be worried.”, The blonde woman replied, and Bella could feel a small speck of worry dust off of her shoulders. “ So worry all you want.” The phrase should have been helpful, but or some reason another tiny pebble was set onto her back for her to carry. ‘ You have no idea what you’re saying…’ She couldn’t afford to worry, because it would give her entire situation away like a sore thumb. Casey couldn’t know, and neither could Pino. ‘ Pino is going home soon…I can hide it from him at least.’ It was worth protecting the people who cared about you most right? Bella certainly thought so. She hadn’t told her brother about that night with Casey, nor would she if she was given the chance to go back and repeat the last four weeks. Yesterday…was as low as she could sink, and now when she was trying to recover from the second worst day in existence, she discovered that the pregnancy test she took wasn’t accurate. ‘ Can things go worse? I certainly believe so.’ Bella enjoyed very limited company, and to have crowds of people at college looking at her because she was pregnant…oh…it sounded horrible.
“ I now its not much, but if it does turn…bad, then I‘ll listen if you need it.”, Just then realizing that there was a hand on her shoulder, however nice it felt, Bella’s nostrils subtly flare as she smiled and displayed the wordless signs of being grateful. ‘ You don‘t know how bad I wish I could believe that…’, Smiling her half smile, Bella knew she couldn’t talk to this girl. As nice and considerate as she was, she lived with Casey. If they talked over the phone, he might hear something by accident, if Iorwen was worried about her and Casey asked why, she might spill the beans or hint in any way that it had to do with her. ‘ I wish I could…but right now, I can‘t.’ Perhaps if her secret slipped out somehow, then they could be better friends, but for the moment all Bella could do was scoot closer to the blonde and fold her arms around the blonde’s shoulders. ‘ Maybe there is some way she can help.’
“ If your going to the college with us…um…I…don‘t have anyone to eat lunch with or talk to. So if you wanted to, I‘ll always be available for conversation then.”, Bella parted the hug and wasted the time to wipe her eyes even though no tears had slid down her cheeks. Perhaps the girl needed some form of answer, and Bella could probably use a small form of venting. If she had to say one thing to sum up what she felt, than this certainly was it.
“ It just feels like I‘ve lost everything at once…and everything I hoped for is crushed beneath someone else‘s feet.”, Smiling her best to be reassuring, though she didn’t feel it, Bella slowly departed from the bathroom and headed for her room, where she proceeded to softly shut the door and head towards the bed.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:32 am
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RETURNMORETOCEN
【Enigma⌒o f⌒freedom】RETURNMORETOCEN
【Unclosing⌒a n⌒unseen⌒d o o r】RETURNMORETOCEN
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽RETURNMORETOCEN
Iorwen wasn't sure if she would be believed. Bella looked pretty damped, but Iorwen hoped she could lift her spirits, if only a little, if only later. She couldn't expect to be trusted so quickly though. Yet if anything her lips where sealed tight, she wouldn't tattle with anybody. Io didn't even know whom she'd dare to tell any of this. She'd have to add that she understood if for personal reasons she didn't want to share. The hug, however, was a welcome reassurance she had done at least something.
Iorwen was glad to be offered a chance, if only it was for lunches in college. That would definitely work and it had to do. She nodded slightly in a hopefully understanding way when Bella described her feelings. Iorwen hadn't felt that bad, but at least half of it sounded familiar to her.
She watched Bella leave the bathroom and go for her room. Iorwen then hesitated, doubting if she should check anyhow, before leaving the bathroom with good faith in the truthfulness of the brunette. It was obvious she desired some time alone so Iorwen could only leave. She gave her regards to Pino and added to it that he should give his sister some time to settle. There was no need to tell Pino unless Bella decided he had to know.
__________________ Noon, a little more than a week later__________________
Iorwen hadn't been able to find much time or space to take allot of lunches at college. Most days she had laboratory courses right over noon and mostly they had to stick around for results or just to make sure there wasn't an acid that was spilled or that there weren't any minor fires or explosions. Though that last was highly unlikely. However whenever she was a little faster she'd try to find Bella to sit down with. Sometimes she opted not to look, but then Bella found her instead somehow.
The blonde stared over what seemed like a thousand heads. She was never going to find Bella in here. So instead of going for a long an tedious search she sought a spot of her own at a table that was hardly occupied. Well at least she wasn't eating lunch in the laboratory and had a chance to talk with Bella again. She seemed to be... Doing well. Well that was what Iorwen guessed after seeing the girl again four times.
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 9:54 am
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On the first day of school, Bella thought that the worst thing to possibly happen was to see Casey again. In hindsight, that fear of pain was minimal compared to what it actually felt like to see Harold and Casey sneaking a kiss in a hallway before classes. Of couse Bella had ducked away into a bathroom (haha wrong one too) to hide from them; but, the pain had been much more agonizing than she could ever had deemed imaginable. Locked in the stall of a bathroom she wasn’t ‘technically’ allowed in, Bella had wept through her first class. ‘ A good thing too, considering Casey is -in- that class.’ Perhaps it wasn’t just that he enjoyed that little kiss with Harold; oh no, it was the fact that the happiness splashed across his face only solidified everything that Harold had told her that night after the party.
And trapped in the bathroom with nothing else to do but ponder the events she tried so hard to erase, Bella could not escape the memory.
Bella could remember that night distinctively. After an hour of finally admitting to her brother that she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was in love with Casey, Bella and Pino had parted for the night. Pino thought that she should tell him, and after an hour of crying it seemed like a good idea. The worst he could say was: ‘I don’t feel the same way’ after all? ‘ Oh no…he could have said much worse.’ But at the time, Bella couldn’t have imagined Casey in so terrible a light. ‘ I definitely need to apologize for what I said…’ Of course she didn’t really mean it when she said she didn’t love him. It was a vicious lie meant only to seek and destroy. She’d said it over the years in cuteness of course, all best friends do, but…she had also said it that night. ‘ Course he seemed to be asleep…and probably didn‘t hear me.’
Wiping off the remainder of her tears on her pillow that night, Bella had pondered their four week separation in new understanding. ‘ Dad and Casey got along very well. I was a jerk for not telling him he died.’ Bella could have called too, but what could she say? She knew her friend was gay, and actively so. Had been for as long as she’d known him, and suddenly this happened? It was a fluke…Casey would think it was a mistake. Even if it wasn’t…she was a woman, thereby it would never work out for him. ‘ The truth hurts. But we all need those cold, hard, facts of life.’ Lying on that pillow after the party, Bella had made the decision to tell Casey…in the understanding that it would probably be to just say goodbye in a tender and meaningful way. The way friends should end relationships, if ever a pair of friends has to stop talking to each other. I can’t stay friends because I love you in a different way now. Casey deserved an explanation, and she had made up her mind to give that to him. But oh, it hurt. Just contemplating the thought of waking up everyday without being able to talk to him. See his smile, hear his laugh, share his company. The little things she took for granted.
‘ This is assuming Casey even wants to talk to me after what I yelled to his face.’, the brunette presumed to ponder that if he would not listen, she would write him a note and leave it. Wasn’t her fault if he never read it, but at least she did her part. Her conscience would be clear. ‘ So…that’s it then. Tomorrow is our last day.’, her heart seemed to be made of glass, because just thinking those words sent tears streaming down her face. A hand had taken residence within her chest, and every so often it squeezed her hear to pieces. Tonight? Oh tonight that grip had yet to release. She felt breathless, weak, and overwhelmed by agony…and no one was around to comfort her. Not the person she wanted most. Not her Casey. She could never have a bad day and go to him for an embrace ever again. Never just sit and watch cartoons like sit-coms had never been invented. It was all over; and there was nothing she could do to stop it. ‘ I love you Casey…I wish I didn‘t. More than anything else, I wish I didn‘t.’
It was then that a tapping sound snapped her attention to the window. Glancing at the clock in mid-swipe, the hour was late; but not so late as to be irrational. Whomever it was, Bella couldn’t see anything but a silhouette. Wiping the water from her eyes onto her pillow, Bella blinked twice before turning towards the silhouette, who was now climbing into the window. Basing her thought process only on the physique, hairdue, and stance; Bella’s heart…stopped. Her mouth gaping open as her lungs tightened in pain from lack of oxygen. ‘ Casey? What are you doing here?’ in shock, the brunette could only keep blinking as he held up one hand and looked towards the door like any person who sneaks into a window would do. He seemed to be worried that he would be caught, but it only lasted a few seconds before he kicked off his shoes and climbed onto her twin bed. At that point, it either had to be Casey, or she was going to scream bloody murder. Her heart breaking at the sheer thought of the person she loved sneaking into her room to say something, Bella had to pinch herself just to reassure herself that this was not an illusion.
“ Casey?”, She whispered, and his finger rose up to where his mouth would be before a ‘shhh’ exited his mouth. Taking that as enough proof to know who was in the room, her nerves began to both relax as her heart started thumping beneath her breast. ‘ Why would he be here? Is he going to talk about our fight?’ The birdlike idea that perhaps he felt horrible and wanted to apologize was a delightful thought. Not because she wished him pain, but because his feeling terrible signified that he cared about her wellbeing. In hindsight, that was a very selfish hope; but, at the moment Bella’s little heart had been overjoyed. What was better? He crawled up right next to her in the bed as if about to turn on a movie like old times and folded his arms around her body. With Casey being so close, Bella could vaguely scent his cologne, and the smell left her ravenous and intoxicated. Trying so hard to forget that night, it was hard not to have fleeting thoughts of their bodies intertwined when his scent was rekindling her desire.
And it was in that moment when his hands fiercely cupped her face, as if desperate to be heard, before he half rolled on top of her just to try and share eye-contact. Given the angle he might have seen her face in the next-to-nothing light, but she could still only see his outline. At being clutched so, her heart wildly fluttered, even as concern for Casey overpowered every other thought that passed through her brain.
“ I‘m so sorry.”, To think that Bella doubted whether she could instantly forgive him. His voice sounded hoarse and fluid, choked really, as if he had been crying outside for fifteen minutes before jumping into her window. Unable to help it with their faces just inches apart, Bella could find no trace of alcohol on his breath, and it was that combined with his words that destroyed every hateful thought or feeling she had ever felt in the past four weeks.
“ I‘ve been…crazy without you Billy-bee. I didn‘t think you wanted to see me again…after what happened…”, The water in his voice gagged (what certainly sounded like Casey if his vocals were distraught) his speech in several places, and Bella tried to interject several times whenever he paused; but his finger pressed to her mouth so that he could finish. The emotion in his voice was bringing her to the point of tears, and Bella didn’t know what she would do if he could suddenly see the water cascading down her face. In the end, it didn’t matter, because a tear brushed against his finger, and his mouth leaned forward to kiss beneath her eye. Feeling his lip piercing, Bella didn’t suspect a thing as she raised her hand to cup his sweet hand and process what to say. He was being so honest, and it was all too easy for her to open up when he was being honest.
“ Casey…You can be a real numbskull sometimes.”, Knowing from hearing the sound of her own voice that the tears were evident in her words, Bella cradled her hand beneath her fingers and nuzzled her cheek against his palm. Words simply couldn’t express what she was feeling, Casey was here, and he was here because he wanted to be here. In brushing her fingers over his hand; it did not take long for Bella to find her old present situated on his ring finger. ‘ He…still has it…’, fresh emotion poured down her face and for once Bella didn’t feel ashamed to be crying. ‘ Oh I can‘t believe!’ Her breath expelled in a shuddering gasp as her fingers looped over the precious ring.
Distracted in the sweet music that she felt just by knowing he was really wearing it, that he really had been crazy without her, Bella was unprepared for Casey’s mouth when he began to kiss the tear line down her jaw and neck. Up around towards her ear. It was probably something that happened in every romantic interlude, but it certainly brought back fresh memories of that night four weeks ago, and her body certainly began to weaken in surrender now. Swallowing the fluid that was building up within her throat, Bella was unaware of how her spine curled to press her belly into his own. Or of how strongly her arms had locked under his arms to grip his shoulders. All she could focus on was how wonderful his kisses on her neck felt, and all the little things he would whisper in her ear. Returning the little kisses to his neck when her mind could process through the lovesick desire, past her restless heart‘s relentless pounding, she didn‘t quite know when her legs folded around his hips, only that at one point their mouths joined together and melded as one. And it was then, after who knows how much time passed, that she felt his explorative hands travel back down towards the roof of her jeans to tug at the material and thus release the button.
“ Casey…”, Bella pleaded in a whisper; her lips glossy and voluptuous from the ferocity of their prior kisses. Before, as wonderful as it was, it had been a delirious haze. Almost fearful when Casey undid the button and began to search for the tip of her zipper, her heart began to anxiously tremble. She hadn’t begged him to stop, and given the tone of her gasp, it probably sounded like she was pleading for him to continue but her real reason for saying his name was to delay him long enough to know he was certain. ‘ We‘re not drunk this time.’ It meant something if it happened now, and Bella needed that reassurance that he knew what he was doing and wouldn’t regret it later. Just the idea of that happening, of another four weeks of not talking again, broke her heart enough to try and stop him. What was worse? He froze like a deer in headlights. Except that a deer could be seen in the light. Bella still couldn’t see anything, and that was what frightened her the most. She couldn’t tell if he was apprehensive, or longing, or disgusted, or wounded. His face was a shadow. ‘ Casey! Say something! Don‘t just stare at me!’, Starting to move, just to reach her hand towards him, his hands stopped holding onto the zipper to clutch the sides of her face almost possessively. Leaning in, his mouth collapsed on top of her mouth in the Casey fashion; her worries beginning to melt under his touch.
“ Billy. I love you.”, Relief flooded through her veins as his mouth once more collapsed onto her own. His teeth nibbling her bottom lip before gently suckling, his hands traveled back down her body towards that illustrious zipper and the hour continued henceforth from there.
~
Lying on the now dampened twin bed, panting, Bella had been using Casey’s shoulder as a pillow after the event took place; but, after they had laid still for a while; he began to slip out of her grip. Perhaps he thought she was asleep, but him leaving so soon was so entirely different that Bella sat up just as she heard the sound of metal jingling. It didn’t take more than a silhouette to know that Casey was slipping his pants back on and hobbling slightly to keep from falling over.
“ Casey?”, He turned around towards her, as if only then realizing that she had ‘woken up’. Meanwhile Bella’s heart seemed to throttle and scream in the bitterest agony. ‘ Is this some kind of revenge? I left while you were asleep, so now you‘re leaving while I was asleep?’ If so this was really childish, and she could pronounce him ‘winner’ of whatever stupid game and he could come back to bed. She waited in earnest, but the man kept fiddling to adjust his pants and find the zipper. As it was a great pain to get up and flick on the light, Bella had waited, but now he was putting on his shirt; and her heart began to bolster and panic. ‘ No…no no no no no…what is happening here?’ Bella wasted no time in scrambling on her hands and knees to climb out of bed and rush to the lamp. For some reason, her panic made him panic and she turned the light on just in time to see the man slip his foot into the last shoe. But it was too late or him…Bella had already seen his face.
And in a state of shock, her numb body sank in a defeated collapse onto the floor. Her eyes never leaving Harold’s indifferent face as he just froze there and stared back at her. ‘ What the? Why? How? Who?’ How could that have -really- been Harold? He wasn’t just gay! He was turned -off- by women! Shaking her head in disbelief, the beginnings of a zombie expression shone in her eye just from being so stunned to see him in her room. Oh he was a brilliant actor, and he certainly had her fooled. ‘ This has to be a dream! This can‘t be real!’, Bella finally tore her shocked eyes away from Harold’s face to pinch her arm and grab the dampened blanket from her bed to wrap it around her body. The dampened cloth, even if only dampened by sweat, seemed to prove the truth to her more than an hour’s intertwining had seemed to do. The blanket made it seem more real, less illusionary, and as if he could read her thoughts, Harold began to speak.
“ I can‘t believe you really thought I was Casey.”, Bella looked up then with a dagger stabbing her in the chest. Not really from his words; but from the tone he used just before he laughed. It rubbed it into her face just how foolish she was, and Bella felt her mouth hang open in dismay from Harold being so cold. Hadn’t she always tried to be nice to him? What had this been? A game?! ‘See how long it takes before Bella realizes who I am’? Too stunned to speak, Harold just continued as if no time had passed at all.
“ My god are you gullible.”, Bella wanted to throw something at him, particularly his face, but she couldn’t move. She was still in shock; and the only thing she could focus on we’re her emotions. Harold, unfortunately, saw her face and started chuckling again.
“ I can‘t believe you really thought Casey would want to show up for you.”, a nine hundred pound acme weight crashed down on her heart, and by then, all the strength had been sapped from within her body.
“ Bella…we both know that Casey cares about you…”, His eyes moved towards the bed. “ But not like…this.”, Harold genuinely seemed to be compassionate; but, that didn’t soften the blow very much. She desperately wanted to turn her eyes away, but she couldn’t. She had to find out more, listen more, try and find a lie somewhere in his words that she could cling to.
“ Casey cares about you too much to tell you, that…what happened didn‘t mean anything to him. ”, Harold began to remove the ring she had given Casey and gently toss it in her direction.
“ B…but…”, Bella’s mumble was little more than a whispered murmur, and Harold didn’t even hear it before he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away from her face. But it had to mean something…no one kisses like -that- and doesn‘t mean it…
“ You‘re like his sister…and every time he looks at you or thinks about you he feels disgusting and blames himself. He physically can‘t stand looking at you without remembering what happened and going into another depression.”, Ashamed; Bella turned her head towards the floor and let her hair cover her face. Had she not been so emotionally stunned, she might have questioned the validity of some of his speech, but as it was, her heart was too ripped apart to notice a thing such as truth or lies. It assumed everything he said was right, even if it wasn’t; it absorbed these verbal weapons so as to use them over and over inside her head if she should ever wish to punish herself later.
‘ He was drunk Bill…and he doesn‘t want to be with you.’, Harold touched his ear as if noticing that something was gone before glancing about the room for a moment to search for it. His determined eyes then flickering back towards Bella as he remorselessly swallowed any remnant of ‘pity’ and crossed his arms over his chest.
“ He said, and I quote: “ I <********> her.” Just leave him alone...before he kills himself.”, Harold's eyes were genuinely saddened with concern, and Bella knew Harold well enough to believe that look in his eyes. Sinking deeper and deeper into the floor without moving her body any lower than her knees, Bella seemed to be staring back at Harold as if she was just an empty shell. Everything Harold had said were meant to be arrows, and they were skilfully aimed towards their target and fired successfully. But the final words; they were the death blow. Even with her eyes being dried of tears, one managed to fall as the color disappeared from her skin. Harold wasted no time in hopping out the window, and Bella could only watch as he took what broken, bleeding, pieces that were left in the devastation with him.
Bella had spent the night on the floor, unable to sleep and unable to dream. It was as if an emotional flu had drained her of emotional life, and her heart felt bruised and hazy. Ill, and feverish. She believed that if it wasn’t true, Casey would make some action or statement to disregard it…but in the moment Harold left…her hope had died a miserable death. The only thing she could hope for, trust in, depend on, was solitude. At the end of the day, people failed you whether they wanted to hurt you or not. ‘ Of course Casey doesn’t want to hurt me…’ He had no choice, though. One couldn’t change how they felt no matter how hard they tried. From spending four weeks realizing how strongly she loved Casey, her time trying to dampen and kill that love had failed. Even Harold…ripping her heart out and feeding it to her on a silver platter hadn’t killed that sweet affection she felt for him. Bella still loved Casey, only now, she would forever regret it…because that love was the cause of Casey’s guilt and remorse. It was the reason why Casey couldn’t be her friend anymore, and for that she hated her love. But she couldn’t change it…and until then…she couldn’t go near him anymore. Harold was worried about his health, and rightly so.
‘ I had no idea…No idea he was so distraught over this.’, the next day she was a shell of who she was…but how else does one respond when all their hopes had been demolished?
~
Even with the constant bruising of her mending heart, seeing Casey and Harold behaving like a happy couple was just too much for her to handle in the beginning. See honey? He’s really happy when you’re not there. The proof was in the smile on his face, and since then she avoided the lot of them like the plague. If she and Casey were in the same hallway, she purposefully moved or gathered close to a crowd of people to keep from being seen, or to make it harder for someone to talk to her. Casey, hurt and blaming himself; of course Bella didn’t want that. She didn’t want him to be the way she was when she wasn’t faking her moods at school. Emotionally dying and withering from shame and remorse. ‘ Casey deserves to be happy…so I‘ll leave them alone.’, unfortunately, that wasn’t the problem. After two more tests, it seemed that the news of the first test hadn’t been accurate. She was expecting, even if it wouldn’t show for months. When she wasn’t heartsick for Casey, or running to the bathroom to get a hold on her emotions, she was in there for another reason. Vomiting. Not very often, strangely enough, but enough to warrant the occasional trip to the nurses office to rest for a while.
And that was where Bella had been for the last hour. Recuperating after quite a nasty turn of events. The nurse insisted that she eat; however, and as she didn’t want to make her new friend Iorwen worry about her whereabouts or suspect that she had the bird flu, she left the nurses office and headed towards the laboratory. Oddly enough, she wasn‘t there.‘ I haven‘t seen her in days…I wonder where she went…’, and checking the cafeteria, Bella purposefully made it a point to avoid any males looking like Casey or Harold as she thought she spotted her new friend at the usual table. Waving to catch her attention, Bella got in line to order lunch. Her heart still bruised and mending as she secretly prayed that she could just disappear entirely.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 10:45 am
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~ • Carl • Cαsε[y] • Jøнηsøη • ~
See my awful life in a cage.
I'm suffering for years, but you don't care.
For as hope went Casey was one that tended to hold onto it terribly. Sceptics had already told him is was a terrible lie, the thing called hope, yet nothing could convince the young raven that it really was such a lie. Casey hope there was still a chance despite the promises from Harold he wouldn't hear or see much of Bella again. Casey hadn't hid it to well the first few days of school. He had looked pretty much everywhere and hadn't even seen a sign of that familiar brunette. Casey was pretty sure they had a few classes together though, but he hadn't seen much of Bella then.
Harold hadn't been blind though or at least his first gift that week had seemed to be sign of it. Another ring, one to replace the one he had stolen. It was still that, but as large as his heart was Casey had already forgiven the situation. He couldn't help his dreams though. They were very distorted after a few hours, but they lingered and resurfaced in a judging voice that was of Bella. Casey just ignored it, know that it was simply that doubtful side, that leprechaun trying to keep him from Harold like in the past. In the past the confused rantings in his mind had been different though and voiced by a different person in his head. In the past it had been continuously talking about how Casey had felt that he might confuse his friendship with Bella with love and that if it happened it would be cheating.
That was what kept Casey from regretting the past. What if he had never broken up with Harold. Then things might have stood differently. Then he might still be bearing that weight of what happened in full. Now he had been able to confess it to Harold. The results were... Of target, but they were what they were.
Harold is taking this way to well.
I know, but what does this change?
The reason why you haven't been seeing me
It doesn't. You declared our relation void.
Did I really? Wouldn't I tell you personally
Casey absently looked at the new ring over his finger and didn't respond to his mind's voice anymore. He had often wanted to take it of again and again, but had resisted that urge. For Harolds sake... He had meant to do well with it. Now was one of those few times he was alone because of a different class. Yet he had agreed to meet with Harold in the hallway. Sadly enough these times tend to last a little too long and let his mind worry.
I have to stop being such a worry-bee
Exorcise my violent insanity.
Share my distressing grief and die with me.
-One death every forty seconds-
დდდ
XXX |
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 11:10 am
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RETURNMORETOCEN
【Enigma⌒o f⌒freedom】RETURNMORETOCEN
【Unclosing⌒a n⌒unseen⌒d o o r】RETURNMORETOCEN
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽RETURNMORETOCEN
It was hard to see Bella from time to time. Not because Iorwen didn't like her, but because she was learning to read the brunette. Sometimes she looked like she just took a sledge hammer to the heart and at other time because she really wanted to ask. Iorwen was wondering why the girl looked so pale from time to time or why she had seen her come out of the nurse office a few days ago. She hadn't gone to face Bella then and turned tail to avoid the most uncomfortable conversation she could imagine starting.
She really doesn't want people to know, but how long does she think I will ignore that occasional pallor, that occasional unexpected run to the bathroom, while she's been sharing her mind a little?
It was a worrying thought, but it was also a proof that Bella didn't entirely trust her, even though Iorwen almost desperately wanted to be trusted. She had another plan though. Iorwen wanted a chance to talk to Bella out of school in a cute little cafe she had found only recently. She wasn't to sure if Bella would take the offer when she got it though. If she didn't Iorwen would still go on her own, because her Danish heart yearned for that one speciality she had found there by mere coincidence.
She smiled sweetly when she saw that now familiar brunette pass by and she waved back. She had taken her own lunch, because it was so uncertain whether she would be able to eat her own lunch or not. She was pretty much finished by the time Bella came around to sit, but she knew she wouldn't be leaving until Bella was done.
"You look good.", Iorwen meaning more that she looked better than last time she saw the girl. Yet she rather sounded more positive in hopes of making the girl smile, if only a little.
"Say I've been thinking. I want to talk somewhere less crowded. Would you mind taking a drink later today?" Iorwen still smiled sweetly, hoping allot for a yes from Bella.
☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 5:37 pm
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Walking to the table after spending ten minutes debating between what looked good and what she could actually stomach eating, Bella eventually walked next to Iorwen holding a paper tray that contained chicken nuggets, bbq dipping sauce, and a bag of carrots. She had strawberry milk with it, but she might end up not being able to drink it. Not because of the pregnancy, but simply because she knew where Harold and Casey usually sat and if he even -tried- to look her way she would lose her appetite all over again. It wasn’t that he was glaring or looking at her in any hateful way, but she knew that just the sight of her worried him and made him uncomfortable. ‘ I don’t even know -why- he‘s staring at me.’ What point was there in that?
“ You look good.”, Bella faked a smile and sat down next to Iorwen as her eyes drifted back towards her food. ‘ How am I going to eat this?’ that was the tough question of the day, but Bella reached down and grabbed one little nugget and began to nibble on it just as Iorwen began to speak once more.
“ Say I‘ve been thinking. I want to talk somewhere less crowded.” ‘ How come?…’ “ Would you mind taking a drink later today?”, Not thinking of there being a coffee shop, Bella grimaced and wasted some time chewing on her meal piece.
‘ I can‘t have alcohol!’, But if she said ‘no’ it would be far too suspicious. Oblivious to the fact that her new good friend already suspected what she was trying so hard to hide, Bella just nodded and grabbed another chicken nugget.
“ Sure. That sounds like fun.”, Iorwen knew that she didn’t have a class, just time in the library to do homework after lunch, so Bella passed the blonde her smile and nibbled on her chicken nugget. ‘ If we go out -now- instead of -later- then we‘re less likely to drink something alcoholic.’ But why was Iorwen wanting to have a drink with her? Bella couldn’t wrap her mind around the subject until…‘ Is this a date?’ Oh no. oh no no no no no! Iorwen was beautiful and considerate, two things any person would have a hard time saying ‘no’ to; but, she was still recovering from loving Casey…she just couldn’t look at anyone else without missing him. It didn’t matter how wonderful Iorwen was, Bella couldn’t let her be a rebound. She just wasn’t going to be that selfish.
“ I don‘t have classes after this…so if you want to go in a few minutes…we could…”, She was soaring through her classes anyway, and if this ‘drink’ was so important, then she wouldn’t want to wait.
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FILLER
FILLER
FILLER
