C o n f u s i o n | C l o s e t|--->A one x one.

[Rabenstein]

I will post as bella soon <3  

[Rabenstein]

Bella lay awake for fifteen minutes with her body cradled against Skull. Her head pressed against his back and her knees buried in the cavern that his raised legs created beneath the blanket. As Skull kept tossing and turning before finally settling into the deep sleep that left his body locked in one position like a decapitated tree trunk, Bella was eventually left under the cave of her blankets feeling trapped in a sleeping bag. On the plus side Bella was very warm; but, on the downside she could barely move. At first she was afraid to move, not wanting to risk waking the man up; but, then she attempted to lightly kick her foot at his legs and he didn’t even budge.

‘ At least he doesn’t snore.’ Her mouth tearing at the seams with a smile that was bittersweet and muddled, Bella yanked a little more of the covers from the blanket hog and curled up on her side like a burrowing snake. Everywhere but her face concealed beneath the blanket, Bella kept her eyes on the lighter patch of darkness that vaguely resembled where her bedroom door was located and blinked once or twice. How many times had she cried today? Bella didn’t want to think about it, but the guess she made was shameful enough to sigh about. As much as the woman wanted to sleep, she couldn’t. Not after Harold made a point of correcting her.

Disregarding the crap he did, told her about, she knew the old Harold. When he was lying or telling the truth, even if she didn’t know him as much as she once knew Casey, he hadn’t been lying when he said that the night hadn’t meant nothing to Casey. In the end of pondering the matter, Bella had to wonder if she was the one who assumed Casey didn’t care because it was easier than hearing Casey reject it himself. ‘ He’s always been gay…’ That she knew of, of course. So she had assumed he wouldn’t want to be more than friends because the night was a fluke. ‘ Well…’, Bella mused plainly. ‘ If it was a fluke, that didn’t mean that the night didn’t mean something to him…but…he was all over Harold when I did come back. Avoided me like the plague.’ But at the same time she was known to only pursue women.

‘ Did he assume I hated him because I left without telling him.’, They both really needed to talk…really talk, not fumble about in the kitchen. ‘ What was the point of the kitchen anyway? He said he wanted to fix things, was he trying so hard to try and convince me that he didn’t think I was disgusting?’ Or that he wanted her? At first Bella had assumed the second, but then he was gone again and now…he wanted to be friends and watch cartoons. ‘ I don’t know if I can go back to the way things were before. I don’t even know if I want to.’ She had spent a lot of time pining, hoping, and regretting to sit next to Casey for an entire morning and giggle when she wasn’t sure she could giggle next to him the same way.

Sitting next to him when she was unsure and hurt wasn’t going to get their old relationship back. If anything, who was to say the pressure might become so awkward that Casey might burst from the room again like their previous failed attempt at friendship. ‘ Maybe having Io and Skull there will make things less awkward.’ Well, not awkward…but it would reduce the chances of him kiss-attacking her on the couch and…Suddenly Bella’s blood ran cold.

Laying next to Harold on the bed, Bella felt mortified at the sheer thought of being a tangled ball of limbs with Casey on the couch. Unofficially, she and Skull were dating now and such little thoughts like that made her feel like she was cheating on someone else she cared about. You know, I thought Skull hated women sexually. Did he lie like Einian trying to get under your skirt? Bella began to consider it, but then…he didn’t have to fake something like that. He just had to dress up like Casey and be in a dark room. Einian wouldn’t have done something sleezy like that for sex…that she knew of. Harold had done it because he was outrageously jealous, not because he was plotting to bed her as a long-term goal. Well if you can turn one guy bisexual…

Bella grumbled and covered her head with the blanket at the thought that curdled her stomach. Deep down Bella didn’t feel like a woman, she used to not feel like a girl even. Everything she did growing up made her feel like she wasn’t meant to have a female body. It ran deeper than that, but there came a point when she was fourteen that her mother’s ‘little comments’ became too much for her to bear. So she stopped taping her developing breasts to hide them and started wearing the bras her mother bought her from the store, looking a little more feminine. But she hated it; loathed it still, and when she was all by herself sometimes…she would still tape them and wear a set of boys clothes that she hid in the bottom of her dresser. Along with a few other things that she might be made fun of for owning.

‘ Skull is the only guy…person…besides Morgan Moncrieff that she ever told her deepest beliefs too.’ But she hadn’t liked ‘Skull’ when she first met him. He was rude, conceited, and over the moon for Casey. That meanness disappeared when he saw that she and Casey were friends, but when he was nice to other girls and mean to just her, she felt hated for no reason and told him to gross him out. Petty, childish, but he seemed to calm down after she told him instead of being disturbed like she’d hoped. They talked about it for a bit, but like it was commonly known by the two of them; she hadn’t imagined ever bumping into him again.

Thousands of times over the years Bella had tried to tell Casey and ask his opinion, but he either hadn’t gotten her ‘subtle hints’ at breaching the subject, or he thought she was kidding in his adorable way and she felt like he wouldn’t see it seriously if she started to bring it up. ‘ Would he laugh if I seriously told him? Think I’m making some joke or ask me to take medication.’ Maybe he would just call her lesbian, like so many people did, think she had nothing wrong with her and say she was just confused. But it wasn’t like that…She didn’t think of girls without imagining herself with a different body…able to have a real relationship that people wouldn’t frown at.

She wasn’t a virgin by the world’s standards, but Casey had been the first boy she slept with. The first time she had been the submissive one too, which was horribly confusing. Or had been for several months. She thought she was strait, but she couldn’t explain the night with Casey. ‘He’ couldn’t be gay. Scared for a month that she could be, when she was sure that she was in love with Casey it didn’t seem as wrong as it had been. After all, it was just because he was special not because she suddenly had different preferences. Only a few hours ago…in the bathroom at that party…she suddenly felt more sure of herself and confused than she had ever been before. Maybe they’re right, maybe you are just a confused girl. Bella’s lip tightened angrily and she bit down fiercely on the inside of her cheek. ‘ Bullshit I do! I never look at men. Outside of…these two…I’m repulsed when men make advances towards me.’, If he even tried to call her..

Squeezing the blankets at the thought of a bad confrontation, Bella just wanted to stop thinking about deep issues but she couldn’t escape from them when everything reminded her of Casey. She thought about school, then wondered how to avoid him. She thought about the baby, which was Casey’s no doubt…and she thought about Harold…who unfortunately resembled him in the right lighting. ‘ But that is not why I love him.’, her whole heart blossoming and burning at the reminder that the said person was asleep next to her in the bed, Bella turned over on her other side to snuggle into Skull’s back and press her cheek against his t-shirt. If it wasn’t so hard to get an arm under him she would have snuggled him closer; but for what she could do, she put her right arm around him and nuzzled his sleeping form.

“ I missed you.”, Bella muttered in a quiet whisper, feeling the warmth of her own breath warm the fabric against her mouth, Bella couldn’t help but feel cozy and secure. Being near Skull made her feel like she was in the eye of the storm, and her heart was drawn to his own like two magnets wanting to press together. But she could never be free to be with Skull the way she wanted to be if she kept holding on to Casey. ‘ He looked almost hurt when I stalled my answer…he must really miss our friendship, and if that’s all he wants…then I can give that. I do miss him in my life.’ But if she was going to wash her hands of…of wanting more than friendship, they needed to talk. She had to be sure before assuming the wrong thing and doing more harm than good.

To think you had been trying to tell Skull you wanted to make love tonight, Bella chuckled in a twisted sense of humor. Skull had just touched her mouth and spoke, and she froze like a deer. ‘ But he had been right to stop me if I was wrong that Casey…’ Bella couldn’t even repeat the thought in her head, she felt so ashamed and confused. They needed to talk, but she knew herself. If he didn’t burst away from an awkward situation, than she would mumble it or stutter and they would never get everything out.

There was only one way to ask Casey that could guarantee an answer. She would have to write him a letter, and ask him to write her something back. ‘ Then we could talk about the letters later, with everything having been said.’, for forty minutes Bella laid there snuggled next to Harold wondering whether or not it would even be wise to write that letter…should some things be left unsaid? Would it be better for them…if she forgot her feelings…and just worked on being friends again? Not while you still care about him…if you don’t tell him…really tell him…you’ll always look back on these months with sorrow. How can you look at his baby every day and not regret asking him when you had the chance to?

Feeling a sharp, globby, lump in her throat; Bella snuck out from her cocoon and turned on her bedroom lamp. Watching Harold for a few moments, he didn’t even stir in his sleep. Relieved, if only because she didn’t want to be caught writing a letter, Bella snuck a few pages of her notebook paper from the top of a make-shift desk and sat down to write a letter. At the end of an hour, Bella could barely keep her eyes open…but she had written down enough of what was on her heart to make it a detailed letter. Folding up the papers and stuffing them into an envelope, Bella tip-toed into the living room to see Casey asleep on the couch.

‘ He’s still here?! ‘, Surprised, but not impeded, Bella closed her eyes; wrote ‘Read this’ on the cover in big letters and then tip-toed towards the couch. Softly putting the envelope into Casey’s sleeping palm, Bella bit her lip and studied him for the longest moment before tearing her eyes away and slipping back to bed. Closing the door behind her, the last thing Bella did before going to sleep was turning the lamp out, and clutching her hand over her heart as if her own touch could steal away the pain and dread that drowned her spirits.

 

[Rabenstein]

x

Bella's Letter

 

[toxkillfraex]

Casey slept for quite a while longer before waking up all drowsy and with a pained neck. He first tried to remember where he was when he finally realized he was still in Bella's house, but with no trace of the woman in question. He decided to sit up when he realized he had a letter tucked into one of his hands. For a moment he stared at the paper confusedly as he was trying to think up what the hour about was. He just stared at the letters saying 'Read this'.

The raven head doubted if he should read it or not or wait until he was home. He couldn't do that though he had been postponing things for far too long in recent months and he really wanted a solution. That was why he was here, why he was trying to start as friends again and see where things went from here on. His heart had ached too much with feelings that felt right and opposing feelings that were just as much right. Casey just hoped he'd get through his confusion sometime and sooner rather than later.

With a deep breath he opened the letter and started reading and nodded lightly to himself at first before his emotions slowly sank back to the ground. It hurt... To read her words... To read that she really felt like a woman that was supposed to be a man, but he loved her like that. Yet what did that make him? Still gay? Bisexual? Something undefined? It hurt even more to read that she had been expecting him to do the same thing that he was expecting from her... He still knew how he felt waking up to an empty bed and knowing that the little things he remembered clearly weren't some sort of fuzzy dream. What had made it all worse was that his little Billy-bee seemed to be mad for what happened because she had ran of and had disappeared without a word without and explanation. Everything could've been solved in that morning.... Instead the pit grew deeper and deeper and now Casey felt like he was trying to dig a tunnel to back where he was, but there was a granite mountain in his way.

Casey lightly folded the letter again when he was done reading, unable to decide on what to do. Get out and write his response. Stay and do what he came for? Get in Bella's room and say that he had been just as convinced that she thought it was all a bed mistake? Casey felt terribly confused and it was even worsened by the fact that it was Skull who had indirectly triggered this letter. He had actually told her how terrible he had been in those days. That while Casey had been convinced that Harold would only spew more lies like he had been doing. Casey just sat there for the longest of time trying to decide what would less awful and then his rescue came in the form of a blonde just waking up from her sleep.

At the sound of a door closing Casey looked back into the hallway with the rooms only to find Iorwen. He had actually been hoping that it was Bella waking up, but... Casey could only imagine that she was still sleeping. It didn't take Iorwen too long to stop the 'intruder' in the house and that's when Casey decided on what he could do and what was probably the best solution for now.

"Iorwen.... Don't ask why I'm here, but could you please tell Bella I wanted to stay. I just needed to do something important."
The blonde seemed baffled and too drowsy to actually register what Casey was telling her.
"Just please tell her that... Okay?" Then Iorwen nodded and before she could say anything Casey got out of the house and went back home.

The blonde in turn just stood there trying to get a hold of what just happened or was going on. Failing to do so, she just decided she could warn Bella immediately. She quietly tiptoed to Bella's door room and opened it just as quietly. She stopped dead in her tracks though when she saw the woman laying there with Harold in the same bad. In a near instant reaction to the sight Iorwens heart clenched angrily. Was this why she so needed to leave the party? A little love making! All that while there was another guy absolutely blown away by her in their house! Pretending to be Harolds girlfriend her butt. What she just saw made it a little too real.

Almost gritting her teeth Iorwen simply closed the door and made to get her breakfast and study. Bella could write that message from Casey on her belly if she missed it because of Harold sleeping there!
 

[Rabenstein]

A chirping bird awakened Bella from her slumber just as the sunshine began to formally pour through her window to warm her cheek. Wrapped in her cocoon in the same manner as her toddler days, the blanket firm around her neck, the posture of snuggling beside Skull could only too easily have given the impression that she was naked beneath the covering. Yet, unaware of anything besides how warm it was underneath the comforter and the mahogany, musky, scent radiating from the body she had pressed her nose against. Finding it ironic how she never noticed the particulars of Skull’s natural scent before this evening, Bella nuzzled her nose into his shirt like a puppy and breathed him into her nostrils to sate her curiosity. Casey smelled very spicy, but she had to admit…Harold either used a very handsome body spray, or he smelled lovely too.

The bird outside the window chirping its optimistic opera oblivious to how strong of an irritant that he or she was. Quite happy to pretend to ignore how queasy her stomach felt and nuzzle back to sleep, the sound of a kitchen appliance, pot, or some metal object clanking in the kitchen. Too tired to move, Bella sighed contentedly as she squeezed Harold to her chest and tried to go back to sleep…however, soon another smell became far too tantalizing to allow sleep to cascade over her.

Iorwen was cooking crepes.

Best get up…Bella thought with an attempted stretch, followed by another five minutes of procrastinating, before finally sitting up in bed wearing the same outfit as the previous night and climbing out of the cocoon she made for herself. Strangely, without her cocoon she felt unnaturally cold. If there was ever an omen to warn the brunette, she should have listened to the strange tingling chills rushing along her spine and gone back to bed. But no…Bella yawned, walked form her room, and wandered into the kitchen to find a lack of pancake crepes made extra for her. ‘That’s odd, we must be out of milk. ’and with another waddle into the kitchen, she opened the door to rummage for left-overs to find half a gallon of milk in the fridge.

Something didn’t feel right, and so the brunette opened the freezer to see the bag of flour practically unopened. ‘ She didn’t make me anything today.’, Not assuming that Iorwen was required to make her breakfast, it simply being something that the blonde did enough to be nearly routine, Bella began to believe that it had to be because Iorwen had a hectic schedule…but upon looking to the living room, Bella saw Iorwen studying for a class she already excelled in…with an unreadable, and strangely angered expression plastered about her face.

Casey wasn’t there.

Having nearly forgotten about the raven-head on the couch, Bella forgot her queasy stomach and soundlessly waddled her sock-covered feet into the living room to take another glance about to search for Casey. He wasn’t here, and in turning around the bathroom door was open, and so he couldn’t have been at the house. ‘ Did he throw away the letter?’, Bella glanced at a nearly empty trashcan with momentary relief flooding onto her face. The envelope was not there, just some tissue paper and a few worthless advertisements. However, her heart could not rest. Did Casey and Io get in a dispute? Why had she not woken up?

“ Io…have you seen Casey?”, Bella asked obliviously as she glanced out the window to see an empty spot where his car had been. Had Bella been a dog her eyes would have watered and her ears would have drooped, but as it was she frowned, breathed a soundless sigh, and turned her attention back to Iorwen. Who seemed to be in a peculiar mood this morning.

“ Do you know if he’s coming back?”
 

[toxkillfraex]

RETURNMORETOCEN

【Enigma⌒o f⌒freedom】RETURNMORETOCEN
【Unclosing⌒a n⌒unseen⌒d o o r】RETURNMORETOCEN

☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽RETURNMORETOCEN

Perhaps Iorwen had no right to be mad, but even if Bella next to Harold wasn't what it looked like, then it was still quite a bit rude in the blonde's view on the world. The man creeped the crap out of Iorwen and it didn't help knowing that Casey had in the past told her that couldn't talk to Bella where Harold would hear it because that odd male was jealous. Yet Jealous in what way exactly? Because he didn't want his now ex to talk to his new treat or because he preferred a complete and utter, continuing mess? Then how well did Bella think about anything? In a way Casey was blessed in how oblivious he was compared to the blonde now.

“ Io…have you seen Casey?”
For a second Iorwen's eyes shot up in a light glare that Bella didn't even notice because she was searching.
“ Do you know if he’s coming back?”
"I doubt that it really matters..."
Mumbled Iorwen under her breath barely hiding a vile undertone now keeping her eyes on a series of formula's that she didn't care for any more. Right now she more wanted to whack Bella on the head with the book in hopes of getting a little sense in her head. That wouldn't work though and it was just senseless violence. After a while Iorwen sighed and continued into a little rant actually looking at Bella now.

"You know I don't intrude on your privacy unless I think it's important, but it seems that I've missed that you have more interest in the ex, than your ex-best friend. For all you know Casey ran in instead of me and then what would've happened?"

Iorwen turned her gaze back to her book, her face slinking into an expression of disinterest.
"Perhaps I jumped to conclusions, but you'd best realize what that looks like..."

((not quite as long as I had hoped, but I think Bella needs to defend herself =D))

☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽

The beat : Sensual nothing
The body: much like this

FILLERFILLERFILLER

 

[Rabenstein]

“ I doubt it really matters.”, like accidently stepping on a mousetrap, Bella’s eyes widened in surprise as pain flooded through her chest. It didn’t take being a genius, or even a confused bumbling girl, to know what Iorwen was as upset. Disturbed for not having noticed the blonde woman’s moods before, Bella swallowed the rising fluid in her mouth and opened her mouth to speak; but she barely spoke over a tiny mumble.

“ You know I don’t intrude on your privacy unless I think it’s important, but it seems that I’ve missed that you have more interest in ‘the ex’, than your ex-best friend. For all you know Casey ran in instead of me and then what wouldn’ve happened?”, Bella’s face was starch white, and her pale hands began to tremble at hearing such words spouted towards her. He could have ran in and seen Skull and I…but Bella hadn’t even thought of the consequences of it…after all, it wasn’t like Casey was her boyfriend…he made that plenty clear. ‘ We were only sleeping…’, Bella mused with a knife stabbing her in the chest. Shut the hell up! You would have made love to him last night if he hadn’t stopped you! Guilt being the name of the weapon mercilessly burying itself into her heart, her lip trembled too greatly for her to ponder a response to Iorwen’s disapproval.

“ Perhaps I jumped to conslusions, but you’d best realize what that looks like…”, Bella felt horribly confused, was Iorwen warning her? It certainly didn’t feel like she was, and had Casey said something mean to her…wouldn’t she just tell Bella that Casey was cruel? At a loss for words, Bella could only feel what she believed were ‘attacks’ and glance behind her…towards where Harold was sleeping. Guilt still tore at her belly, but finally she spoke. Emotion making the features of her face seem more angered than she was.

“ What are you talking about? Me and Harold? Cause as we did was talk until he fell asleep.”, Her eyes contorting in pain, the brunette glanced about the room just to keep from holding eye contact with Iorwen. The woman who she had believed was a good friend, that was now seemingly attacking her for reasons that shouldn’t even be bothering her! Why is she upset to see you with Harold! Is she on Casey’s side? Did Casey say something to her that would make her feel upset for Casey because she saw her with Harold?! This thought was like a worm that festered into her heart and began to eat and devour her mind until she could not stand to keep from asking it.

“ Did Casey say something to you?! Is that why you’re upset?!”, Water began to cascade from her eyes in a thin drizzle, but the brunette seemed unfazed by the excess.

“ What did he say Winnie!? Cause you wouldn’t be acting like this if he really did storm out and leave! ”, Glancing strait into Iorwen’s eyes with the sharpness of a blade and the venom of a serpent, Bella grabbed a nearby pillow and squeezed it in her hand; tossing it back onto the couch in a miniature display of fury. ‘ Casey! Why do you always leave?’ A voice in the back of her head began to plague her; whispering that she should have waited…not written the letter…that he wouldn’t have left if she had not sent it; but alas, the past could not be undone.

Iorwen was acting psychotic to think that she had any right to mess with her personal life! Are there house rules?! Am I not allowed to snuggle whom I please? ‘ Outside of you being here Iorwen, Skull was the only one to try and make things right in any way! He was a vicious b*****d; but he apologized and meant it, quit taking the harmful drugs, and showed signs of improvement. ’ He was the one here! And as much as she loved Casey, all he did was leave! Yet here Iorwen was…trying to vote for Casey…Confused to no end, Bella shook her head in dismay…not because of what she was hearing from Io…but because her heart was like a dog refusing to let go of a toy…she was defending Harold.

“ What the hell is wrong Winnie?! If you have something to say, you might as well say it.”

 

[toxkillfraex]

RETURNMORETOCEN

【Enigma⌒o f⌒freedom】RETURNMORETOCEN
【Unclosing⌒a n⌒unseen⌒d o o r】RETURNMORETOCEN

☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽RETURNMORETOCEN

Iorwen listened to Bella's defence and the further Bella's return barrage went the more it felt like Bella considered that the blonde was defending Casey, but right now she wasn't any more. If she had been on the male's side she would actually say what the male had said, but right now she'd rather not. She was pissed and hurt and definitely felt like giving people space wasn't the right way to go, not any more at least.


“ What the hell is wrong Winnie?! If you have something to say, you might as well say it.”

Iorwen sighed, dropping the book she had used as some sort of distraction -whenever she felt she could- on the couch, before looking up at Bella for a few second and then burying her face in her palms.
"I honestly believed that giving you space would be the best thing to do, that I'd have the patience to wait until you picked up the pieces with or without my help."
Iorwen sighed again in a more depressed manner and then got up from the couch.
"But I'm sick of watching you let two different men take you by the nose and lead you around like you wanna be on this merry go round to hell I found you on."
For a second Iorwen hesitated, she had said what she had been doing, but she still felt uncomfortable just spilling the beans on why she had been waiting for the girl to get al right. Last thing Bella needed was knowing she had another admirer.
"I like you Bella...Love you... That's what's wrong..."
The Iorwen turned her eyes to the floor, giving Bella a couple of seconds to let it all sink in before the blonde turned on her heel and went to her room.

(('nuff said <3))

☾ ❂ ☽~┈━─═─☽ ❁ ☾─═─━┈~☾ ❂ ☽

The beat : Sensual nothing
The body: much like this

FILLERFILLERFILLER

 

[Rabenstein]

Bella could only watch as Iorwen set the book down and hid her face in her palms. What sort of reaction was that? Why on earth would someone as studious or scientific as Iorwen hide her opinion? It was like keeping findings secret, and the action of the chemistry girl hiding her expression was almost like seeing the brave woman she knew become a hurt little girl. It was unreal and made Bella feel like she had walked into the wrong living room.

“ I honestly believed that giving you space would be the best thing to do, that I’d have the patience to wait until you picked up the pieces with or without my help.”, The color may have looked normal on the brunette’s face; but, Bella was far from stable. Io’s words kept spinning round and round in her head, like smoke easing out from under the door and back again without any way to stop the air from traveling. Give you space? Why on earth would she want to give you space? Deep down, perhaps Bella knew, because a terribly cold sensation began to travel down into her belly with the same intensity as swallowing an ice cube.

“…But I’m sick of watching you two different men take you by the nose and lead you around like you wanna be on this merry go round to hell I found you on.”, Another ice cube passed down Bella’s throat, warning her to turn and bolt back to her room; but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak, no matter how much she wanted to…the starch white look of panic stealing the color from her flesh as she could only stare into Iorwen’s troubled face. Sick of watching you let two different men take you by the nose and lead you around…’ I do not follow Harold blindly around! Yeah! I was a complete fool with Casey. Hoped for something that I knew wasn’t going to happen, but Harold is back to his old self again! I willingly--’, Bella wanted to say, but she couldn’t. Both from her lips being unable to move from being frozen, and from Iorwen continuing to speak…

“ I like you Bella”, The brunette tried to shake her head in dismay, but her head was frozen in one spot. The best she could manage was a throttle, and even then, it was small and indiscreet. The expression on her face being one of almost certain terror. ‘ No…No please don’t--’, She begged for Iorwen not to continue.

“…love you…That’s what’s wrong…”, There was a soundless scream that cried out in bitter anguish on the inside of her heart at hearing those words. Those beautiful words that she would have been honored to hear just a few short months ago. Even though her heart still softly treasured the sound of them, a deep and gut-wrenching pain had caused her heart to cry out uncontrollably. For the thousandth time, one large gob of water nearly dropped from her left eye, and she could not look away from Iorwen’s beautiful face. Bella couldn’t stop the guilt in her features from overpowering her heart and soul. Iorwen, for reasons unbeknownst to Bella, loved her…

And she wept because she couldn’t love her back…

How could you not notice!? HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE!? The words slammed her hard against the chest. You wretch Bella! How could you be so blind?! Did you really think that the bathroom with the pregnancy test, her moving in with you, being so helpful…that there wasn’t a motive behind it! The whites of Bella’s eyes began to hazily transform into a scarlet red as a heart-wrenching sob strangled its way through her mouth like a cough. Fluid glistening on the edge of her lip from being unintentionally sprayed forth during the gag-like cough sob. ‘ God what am I supposed to say?’, Bella begged; but no magic words flooded into her mind.

“ I…iulk…c…cant…lkk ”, Bella gagged so much that she couldn’t even hear her own choked mumble through another watery gag.

Do you really not know the difference between a friend and a lover? Bella’s eyes were almost an off-white hue behind the red as her shattered face followed Iorwen to her room like a sunflower chasing the sunshine. ‘ I didn’t know Io…I…I didn’t know…’ She had been so blind…thinking of Casey as more than a friend when he didn’t care that way, and now thinking nothing but innocence of Iorwen when Io thought the world of her. You fool! You ignorant fool! You broke her heart! Another sob shattering through her, Bella blinked far too much to try and stop the inevitable tears to no avail. Hyperventilating under her breath, Bella was about to collapse, run out of the house, anything to feel some semblance of humanity; when she felt arms wrap around her from behind. Not even needing to know who it was, Bella turned around in a wobble and nearly fell as she clung to Harold. Burying her face in his chest as the full weight of the guilt consumed her.

“ I’m here Billy.”, A fresh wave of agony broke through her; the pain of hearing a voice that sounded so much like Casey’s echoing into her ear was too much for her to bear and not start weeping. Gently searching with her fingers to try and discover where his fingers were, Bella touched the fingers behind her elbow to discover an odd little thing…

Casey’s ring…

At first, Bella’s fingers froze completely, but then the pads of her fingers began to encircle it like a ravenous traveler who hadn’t eaten in three weeks. Feeling that ring on another human body, on any human body, was a fantasy she could not ignore. Not when she so desperately wished that Casey was here to hold her and be there for her. He’s gone baby…he’s not coming back…Mom had said at the funeral, and the news hadn’t truly sank in at the time. She still felt like her father was home, waiting for her to visit…but only when she realized her father couldn’t hold her did she truly feel the weight of his absence. Casey was gone, her father was gone, and now…Iorwen was gone. Gone to her room, possibly to pack and move out. Meet someone who wasn’t a complete and total mess. The ring spoke of better times, when someone she loved would snuggle her close when she was heartbroken. Even if it wasn’t Casey wearing it, someone was wearing it…

Harold was wearing it, and that simple thing felt so good.

“ I’m here Billy Bee.”, Distinctly hearing Harold say those words felt even more glorious than when she thought he was Casey. She was still someone’s Billy Bee. Squeezing the taller man into her arms as he swallowed her into an embrace, Bella raised her hand up his back to feel the back of his head. Run her fingers through locks of hair she could not see, but felt so much like Casey. She knew it wasn’t Casey, and perhaps that made her mind feel more at ease. Harold could never compete with Casey, but he was here…he loved her, and he was willing to do anything to make her feel better. With his mouth close to her ear, Harold whispered something…and Bella squeezed her arms around him tightly and kissed his neck over and over until she found his face and kissed him everywhere she could reach. Finally settling on his mouth, Bella kissed Skull hard against the lips before breaking the strong embrace and looking at him with shaking eyes.

“ Skull…I have no idea what to say to that, but I forgive you.”, Sending him a compassionate little smile, Bella slowly parted from his arms enough to grab the house phone and turn her body around so that he held her body from behind her. Knowing she would not be able to rest until she tried to do this, Bella dialed Casey’s number and set the phone against her ear. She didn't feel right staying here...when she couldn't give a relationship to a person she deeply cared for...

After an eternity…the phone began to ring…
 

[toxkillfraex]

As always and eternally Casey was oblivious as hell to any mayhem happening and believe it or not, that was perhaps for the best. He couldn't have stayed and now home he was going on like a half a maniac to get the right words out of his hands. He had already gone through a couple of papers and slightly thought that it might've been better to start on a computer that didn't cost paper when you went through exploration-ville. Somehow he managed to still convince himself that it wasn't going to get out of hand after three tries. He was just going through what would be his fourth try to satisfy himself with a proper answer for Bella when his phone rang. He first checked who was actually calling, not having had an interesting call in forever. He was quite surprised to see that it was Bella calling. Without much further hesitation he picked up the phone pressing the device to his ear and just started talking because of the numerous thoughts floating through his head, not quite giving Bella time to say anything.

"Bella!... I didn't think you'd call" Well yes, that was obvious, he sounded quite surprised to begin with. "Did Iorwen tell you what I told her? I mean... I didn't mean to go like that, but... I didn't want to just stay and not give you a proper answer. I couldn't!" He was just rambling continuing on and sounded somewhat excited even. He couldn't be any less energetic, because the whole letter thing just seemed like a good idea.

"I'll just need a bit of time to get it together." While he was talking took his latest draft and crumpled it up disposing of it by tossing it over his shoulder. it just wasn't good enough. "If there's anything I can promise... It's that this is the last time I'll ask for this sort of time." Then he sighed, managed some sort of laugh before he realized that Bella had been the one who actually had been calling him and he was just rattling on.

"I'm sorry...I'm boiling over... You called not me...What's on your mind?"
 

[Rabenstein]

It did not take very long for a bubbling brook to begin spouting its way through the earpiece. All of the flushed statements flooding through the phone made her eyes widen, her eyelids to blink incessantly, and a glowing smile to grace the edges of her mouth. All in that order. ‘ and he calls me the ‘bumble’.’, Bella mused with an affectionate heart as she soundlessly pressed her hand to Harold’s arm wrapped around her waist to wordlessly convey that she wanted to talk in privacy. Skull sent her a questioning glance, but did not follow the brunette when she stepped away towards the backdoor. Not leaving the room, nor lurking close to it for fear of Iorwen being brilliant enough to invent some device to eavesdrop or overhear, Bella felt so blessed that Casey was trying this hard…even if that joy did not overpower the pain of seeing Iorwen’s face.

“ I’m sorry…I’m boiling over… You called not me…Whats on your mind?”, For the first part, the sentence Casey blubbered about ‘finding out something from Iorwen’ stabbed her in the stomach. ‘ So she did know something about Casey!’ A part of her heart began to feel vindictive; but, she allowed the feeling to slide away. Iorwen was heartbroken, any sane person would have been too hurt to want to share. No right to judge girl… A bittersweet twinge returning her mind to the point, Bella smiled against the phone as if he could see her face.

“ C-Casey…”, Having tried to interject several times, Bella chuckled softly under her breath because he finally stopped talking enough for her to speak.

“ Casey…that…actually means a lot…but that’s not why I’m calling…”, Glancing behind her apprehensively, Bella saw Harold seated at an armchair…possibly falling back asleep.

“ You see…Io…well…I’ve come to find out that she…loves me.”, Struggling to find the words, Bella swallowed the water in her throat and took a hasty breath.

“ I…I don’t feel right staying here…when…I mean…I love her deeply…but…not that way. God…I didn’t even notice Casey, and I feel horrible. I can’t stay here…and make things worse for her.”, and glancing once more behind her to double check that Iorwen was not in the same room, Bella turned her head back towards the wall and let out a sigh of surrender.

“ Can I stay with you for a little while? I really don’t want to stay at Skull’s house because of the room-mate ciphering strong medication…”, Adding a rich, pleading, texture to her voice; Bella’s previous heartbreak slipped through the cracks of her statement as her heart ached into the phone. Out of everything she had gone through, she deeply missed the comfort and support of her best friend. She hoped he would not say no, but she had the sinking feeling that he would…’ Please say yes Casey…please…’
 

[toxkillfraex]

Casey…that…actually means a lot…but that’s not why I’m calling…”

For a moment, just a moment it seemed like there was no reason to be afraid any more. Like there was no reason left to be trouble about past events. Yet it could turn around at any moment or at least it felt like that. Listening on with a slight smile on his face that soon faded into confusion at her next statement.

“ You see…Io…well…I’ve come to find out that she…loves me.”
Wait what? When did that happened and how?
“ I…I don’t feel right staying here…when…I mean…I love her deeply…but…not that way. God…I didn’t even notice Casey, and I feel horrible. I can’t stay here…and make things worse for her.”
Where was this going? Was Bella even sure that 'staying' would make things worse on the blonde? Slowly this was starting feel like a whole series of bad ideas to come and Casey lightly bit his lip as Bella continued.

“ Can I stay with you for a little while? I really don’t want to stay at Skull’s house because of the room-mate ciphering strong medication…”
For a second Casey frowned, not sure how Harold fit in as a possibility for staying even though he was fully aware that Bella and his Ex had been doing things together. For a second Casey remained silent weighing the consequences of saying yes or no. It didn't take too many seconds for him to settle with a yes though.

"Yes... If that makes you feel better, feel free to crash here for a while."
Yet, there was still... The things he'd been trying to work out in the letter that were starting to nag in his mind after he gave the go ahead. He just hoped he didn't have to deal with Harold allot any more.
 

[Rabenstein]

“ Yes…if that makes you feel better, feel free to crash here for a while.”, After a painful wait for the gallows blade to crash away her hoped answer, the actual response from Casey rendered her speechless. ‘ Truly Casey?’, She asked in her head like a little child coming out from under a desk; but the words never left her mouth. For a moment she thought she had, and so the woman lingered against the phone for the longest moment…her heart yearning for his answer that she had been too afraid of loving to voice the question. Yes he means it, now don’t screw this up! Almost distrustful of her mind being optimistic at this point, Bella looked behind her towards Iorwen’s room and felt a powerful heartbreak crush her spirits. Io needed time to heal before they could be friends again…if Iorwen even wanted to be her friend. Brokenhearted at the thought, Bella knew she couldn’t stay and watch their relationship fall apart, and so she pressed her mouth to the phone and tried so very hard to hide the emotion in her voice.

“ Okay; great. I’ll um…I’ll just get some of my things and stay in the guest room til I find another place.”, Fearing some form of rebuke or ‘errr whatever you want’ response, the brunette felt the fear like a cold stab in the chest and this forced a mumbled reply to escape her mouth quickly to try and keep him from making a response.

“ I should go, Skull’s here, and I don’t want to be rude…”, Almost crying into the phone, Bella bittersweetly opened her mouth to say goodbye when she realized what she very nearly whispered into the phone and felt shame wash over her body. ‘ I love you, take care? YOU CAN’T SAY THAT TO HIM!’, hurt beyond belief at the rebuke of her natural feelings, Bella just panicked and hung up the phone, thankful that she hadn’t actually said them. Glancing behind her though, Bella had another storm cloud looming overhead.

Harold was staring at her like she was a complete stranger, and the expression of pain glistening in his eyes was powerful enough to choke her with her own saliva. Gagging a little from the intensity of the guilt, Bella sent her Harold a pleading glance. You didn’t even think of how he would feel about you moving in with Casey again! Why didn’t you ask him before doing this spur of the moment! Skull would have wanted you to live with him! Feeling horrible to be responsible for that brokenhearted look that shattered his heart and mirrored the pain on his face, Bella rushed forward to try and apologize but Harold just raised his hand and shook his head as if regretting the previous night. That gut-wrenching expression being too powerful for Bella to handle, she took another step as Skull began to take a step towards the door.

“ N…no! Please Harold…”, The man looked like he was about to break out in tears, and the sight of him walking away hurt so much more because that response was entirely her fault. He didn’t seem hateful by walking away, and that was what stabbed her the most. He truly did love her, or he would be yelling at her or would cast her ‘******** you’ stare.

“ I just couldn’t stay here, I--”, Bella whispered very loudly as she begged and took a few steps after him. Skull had almost reached the door when she begged, and the words were more of a bullet than the reassurance she had tried to give.

“ Don’t feed me any bullshit!”, Harold tried to take another step and leave the situation before he became angry, but it was too late. He was too hurt that she said that, and he had to speak his feelings.

“ You could have asked to live with me if you wanted to leave!”, Harold spat in a whisper, his voice clogging in his throat. “ But no, of course not, you want your precious Casey!”, There was a horrifying look of accusation that shot from his face like an arrow to convey that his words were meant to attack her even if he didn’t mean it at the moment. His face screamed: Why don’t you just tell me I’m worthless! and Bella’s heart slammed in her chest in response. Frozen in one spot as if she had just been smacked in the face by how intense that accusatory stare had been. Unable to bear it again, her heart followed him like a magnet, and when he started to walk towards the door she grabbed his hand and nearly fought him from the doorknob.

“ Harold please; please! Don’t!”, Bella’s hand feebly kept fighting with Skulls on the slippery doorknob.

“ No! Please don’t go!”, Bella was hyperventilating; gasping the begs at this point, and Harold’s lower lip quivered and tightened in what looked like that same broken-hearted disbelief that she had seen in the mirror for months after she had slept with Casey. Harold still tried to grab the door after her begs, but his hands fumbled; slipped on the knob, as if he didn’t truly wish to leave when his body kept moving like he did. Seeing that his eyes were simply too dry to let any tears fall; Bella’s heart lurched again when their eyes met and she saw the genuine agony pleading back at her. But like a solar eclipse, the look faded beneath an expression of unfeeling, pissed-off, ‘******** you’ glance that almost curled into a snarl as he turned away to open the door.


“ No what? You going to try and feed me a ‘try and understand Harold’ when you’re ******** each other senseless!”, Bella slapped Harold then without thinking about it, and Harold froze from being stunned; but, the anger never left his face. That accusing, bitter, face that had stared down at her after the light turned on that light. The only difference was that the menacing glee was gone; replaced by anguish. In heartbreak of looking at it, spoken such things, Bella was almost tempted to slap him again for yelling such whispers!

An excruciating minute passed by…both staring angrily at each other.

“ I know he’s all you want; so just go for it.”, Bella had been so ready to say a response when Skull broke the silence first with a statement of death. Smacked in the face not being a term powerful enough to explain how shattered Bella felt from hearing those words, she could only gasp and weep as Harold started to shirk open the door to leave. ‘ How could he think that!’, she thought in past tense. ‘ Don’t you believe that I love you!?’, Watching Skull leaving being as powerful as having the breath knocked out of her lungs, she lunged forward to grab his arm and his pissed-off face came forward to bite her mouth off.

Only…the once-painted male did not bite her lips off…

The male swallowed her mouth with his own like a starving man and locked his hands under her chin to forcibly keep her mouth connected to his own. Melting beneath how wonderful the kiss felt, Bella sucked on his tongue when it slammed against her tongue and moaned against his lips. Breathing him in like oxygen, his taste overwhelmingly powerful. Needing him desperately, Bella softly brushed her hands under his chin and moaned against his mouth in a beg for him not to leave; to take what he wanted and mount her until he realized she loved him. But…when she moaned Harold’s starving kiss lustfully clambered to a sudden stop. His mouth smacking away with a frustrated suck-like sound of air slamming into his lungs through his teeth. She didn’t even have time to see his face before the door whooshed by her face.

SLAM!!!

Harold was gone, and by the time the pangs in her broken heart stopped stabbing her chest enough to have the strength to open the door, Harold was gone; and she could hear his car driving away in the road behind the house.

~

Three hours later, Bella’s truck came to a stop in front of Casey’s house. Her eyes were red and puffy; but, the make-up she wore hid a majority of the evidence from view. Sitting in the car for the longest time, Bella finally dragged a large camper’s backpack full of things off of the passenger seat and opened the door of her car. Closing the door with another mortifying slam, her heart ached as she walked to the door and rang the doorbell. Of everyone she hoped to see in the house, Bella wasn’t sure who she wanted to see more.
' Please don't notice Casey...Please...just please don't ask...'
 

[toxkillfraex]

For the whole three hours time Casey was still trying to order his thoughts in a proper way so he could actually write them. During that time another few drafts were dismissed and so the time until he'd get out a proper response was delayed even more. It was starting to become a pattern. Go back to what he originally thought then back to a new idea then back to the former then back to a new and back to the first 'new' idea. If that was confusing, then you're on the right track. He just couldn't decide what he wanted to write. If he'd really shout out how mingled his feelings have been and in some ways still were. The longer he tried, the more clear it became that it'd take a while before he was on the track that felt just right to him.

When he heard the bell ring i didn't quite immediately get to him that it might just be Bella on the door steps. Yet, before Einian could even think of getting on his feet and getting the door instead Casey yelled out. "I'll get that." Before getting up and sprinting downstairs like a little puppy that was about to see it's owner again after several months or just a day.

When he opened the door, however, he was taken back for a second, standing there for three easily countable seconds as his mind registered that Bella looked worse for wear compared to 4am or whatever the time actually was when he had dropped down to her place.

"Uh.... Sorry...." Casey finally said when he got out of his temporary surprise daze and actually managed a thought other than 'She looks so terribly sad' that would actually rationalize why she looked like that. The explanation was simple though. The reason why she came here, but then again... Casey didn't think his closest friend could be that shattered from just hearing I love you

"Come in..." He eventually said, avoiding commenting on how she looked, because in the years he had known her it had only ever led to a worsening of how she acted. Now it felt different though for Casey, because what he had been writing had made things clearer for himself as well. He really wanted to give her some sort of hug or comfort and that made him slightly uncomfortable.

"Your old room is still available." Casey continued lightly shifting his weight from his heels to his toes like a small child not quite sure what to do or say. "And I still owe you cereals and cartoons." Casey added with a slightly queer little grin.

"Just... Take your time." Yes.... That sounded right and sufficient.
 

[Rabenstein]

Standing outside the door, Bella had watched the neighbor water their flowers for enough awkward to consider just trying to open the door when it finally opened before she could touch the doorknob. Seeing Casey up close, in all his radiant glory, was enough incentive for her to stand there without saying anything until he finally spoke.

“ Uh…Sorry…”, Clearing her throat as she snapped out of whatever little spell she had been under, Bella blinked once or twice as she raised her head back up to share eye contact with him again.

“ Come in…”, Glancing back at the neighbor watering their flowers and staring at the awkward pair over the hedges, Bella didn’t need any more encouragement. Following Casey inside, Bella softly closed the door behind her as her nose took in the variety of smells that lingered in the house. Casey’s cologne, hints of Einian’s usual smell, and food and fabric permeated through her nostrils and for a moment she wondered if it was even a good idea for her to be here. Reminded of several memories just because of the familiar smell, the brunette glanced back and forth between Casey and the room before he spoke again and her attention was drawn back to his eyes.

“ Your old room is still available.”, Bella was still too tender from what happened earlier with Harold to respond more than a smile. ‘ He’s being really calm…’, For some reason, she had expected him to be less…strong? Was that the word? Or was it bold? In the back of her head, she didn’t really think he would answer the door…or initiate conversation.

“And I still owe you cereals and cartoons.”, Bella couldn’t just nod to that, and so she sent him a playful smile. About to say ‘ Cereal for dinner…’and chuckle her usual chuckle but she smiled up at him with a smirk in preparation to speak and she saw that queer little grin plastered on his face. Having expected her heart to be mostly over the man, that grin was quite overpowering and desirable. Shivers ricocheting down her spine because of it, Bella looked away to hide the gentle flush of color that returned to warm her cheeks.

“ Just…Take your time.”, Did her heart just melt? It certainly felt like it did. Casey was being so sweet, like the Casey she knew so well, and she could help but send him a half-smile that shined through her broken face. If only for a little glow of a moment. ‘ What am I supposed to say to that Case?’, too hurt to truly wish to speak more than a few words, Bella just glanced about the hallway and pressed her arms around Casey’s body. Squeezing him to her in a bit of a hurry, like she expected to be awkwardly shoved, Bella laid her head on his shoulder for just a little moment before trying to move out of the embrace…and failing. Casey felt so warm and wonderful, and she desperately needed to be held right now.

“ You still have lucky charms?”, Barely even speaking, Bella breathed in his comforting scent and nearly broke…He smelled like himself of course, but he also smelled like his cologne…which reminded Bella of that night with Harold; and oddly enough, just made her miss the painted fellow who wouldn’t return her calls. Almost wanting to push Casey away because of the pangs in her heart, Bella just snuggled him a little closer for a moment longer before trying again to end the hug.

“ Cartoons sound really fun right now…”, leaving the subject open for Casey to interpret, she tried to send him a weak smile.