1. Believe in me, your Lord, Carl. You shall have no other divine Cervus before me.
2. Do not construct any idols or alternative forms of worship in my likeness. I am the one and only lord of the heavens. Do, however, refill the salt lick three times a day, no more, no less, with one rest on the middle day of each week to pay tribute to my majestic Elkiness.
3. Do not take the name of Carl in vain. All other Carls are to be held in similar divine regard as my immediate angels.
4. Keep holy the day of rest, wednesday.
5. Honour thy buck and doe despite their evident lack of understanding for the changing world. Do not hunt the doe and only hunt the buck two weekends of the year.
6. Thou shalt not kill or commit any form of violence unless in the presence of attractive doe that is capable of bearing a child. Then you may resort to violence against only your competition for her affection.
7. Thou shalt not cheat unless latter doe is more capable of bearing healthy children.
8. Thou shalt not steal unless it is in the case of a family picnic or small band of young campers.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor, unless they are of a different species or less intelligent than yourself.
10. Covet your neighbor's goods as it stimulates the economy.