read and give me your opinion

[Altaria06]

please read this and tell me what you think.

Silence
silence more deafening then sound
darkness more blinding then light
acid more refreshing then water

Here we are bound in light and sound,
never to escape toward the outside darkness.
Always to be bound up in our own lives,
never to know what awaits us after death,

Being rushed from birth to death,
never knowing whether we will land in Heaven or Hell.
Never to pass the light alive.
Those who have, can never be asked,
whether there is a Heaven or Hell.

Those who have come back from the Darkness,
are considered to be insane or physically disabled,
because they are the Lost Souls which have seen and encountered creatures from the Darkness.

We, the few Chosen, have seen the Darkness.
We have met it with all the insanity of the world.
It has met us with all the evil it has instore for the dead.

We should be with the Lost Souls,
but the light binds usso.
We will never escape toward the one, good,
silence.
----------------
there all done!
I have more

[Altaria06]

if any one has an opinion messege me or MSN me

[Skiv]

"Always to be bound up in our own lives,"

Maybe that might sound better as "Bound by our own lives."

"because they are the Lost Souls which have seen and encountered creatures from the Darkness."

Throws it off some. Might want to change it too

"because they are the Lost Souls,
Which have seen and encountered,
Creatures from the Darkness."

All in all I loved it! I just like doing the cunstructive thingy. *shrug* I did likes it though. The first stanza was best.

[aysel_talulah]

Very dark, kinda cool. Yeah, I guess I liked it.

[SoFarAway]

It's okay.

[Mistress of the Stars]

It would be wonderful if you posted it in the right forum.. the poetry/lyrics forum

[Ashitaka Youkai]

I thought it was good. I don't understand why there is so much dark poetry in the world though.

[sangochan999]

Loved it! It was AWESOME! biggrin

[AT]

I liked it, great ideas on life and death! A little spooky, my brother was reading it over my shoulder and he got freeked out. Only thing I would change was in the first two lines. Then(time) or than(comparison)?

[Prairie_Fire]

I know this was already said, but I fear it bears repeating, mostly for the idiots who keep replyingto this.

This is in the wrong forum, it should not be here. She needs to PM a mod and have it moved. Stop encouraging misplaced threads.