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*Kanami walks in and makes a letter in the den instead of her journal*
Lost Den Entery, Leader of den.
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Sad as what I write maybe, but right now I feel lost in my own mind. I do not want anyone to cry becuase of me becuase it be pointless. My heart feels ill and now.. with no reason I am starting to crybefore I head to bed ALMOST, every night. Kaze and I are still together and are well and Still deaply in love. Lately we both have been Very busy with each other and with school work. I understand that and so does he. Yet This is not why I have fallen tears running down my cheeks at night. the reason is mostly Self doughting of ones self. its as if I can't stand myself. I show kindness to others in greatness and yet... I feel like half of me is a devil and is bothering. all that I have asked from my friends... all that I have borrowed from them. Still I feel shamefull to myself. I do not know what my greatness as a friend is anymore. I know My friends tell me that I am not a bother nor have I driven them insane but... why do I keep crying?.... It must be becuase I have not done a thing for my friends. yet there are times where I have repeated my stupidity and not been helpful and I get people mad at me. and alone is what i should be. what I have been saying are exaples of what my friends have been talking to me , threw my sadness to show me my greatness. yet alas I ,.. Have no control of myself anymore. lately a strange of power groth I can feel inside me. highten in muscles and in mind. The thoughts I pick up from others grows ever stronger. I wish I would stop this maddness but now I am lost in dispari and, I should not have help. I do not want to drag anyone I hold dear to come with me, becuase it will only make them fustrated with me and sad with me. That would be a downer to them and myself. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. maybe this is why I lose friends soo much, maybe I should be anti depressent pills my life so I would not be soo deperessed... Nop I do not want nor wish to resort to live on pills running my life. I feel such sadness and I wish it was gone!... Gone and AWAY!... but right now... I feel my heart grown cold and craves for things, from my friends mostly and.. I can not allow that to happen!... becuase I care for them to much. The question that still fills me is ... why don't I leave this planet. I see many of my clsoest friends when there not around me. on how happy they are and act. Am I in on the fun?... no I am there shadow that follows.. and feels a need of sadness... well no more, I donot want to be a burden of sadness at there side. I dunno how to do so nor do I know what to DO!...... Someone please hurt me crying I do not deserv pitty or anything. I am not worthy cry . my tears show how unworthy I am of anything and everything. I am not worth it anymore.
~Kanami~
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