Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Forums » GAIA Community » Life Discussion » Life Issues
<3 </3
Reply
1 2 >

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
Thank you everyone, for the advice. I highly appreciate it.
Hopefully this mess clears up and things get better.

Normally I don't share personal things like this, but I'm between a rock and a hard place. I'm kind of out of options, nobody I know will help me with any of it, or give me leads on what to do. Just anything.

It's a very long story, so I'm gonna TRY to keep this summarized.
You don't need to read this, going to warn you this is kind of longer than I anticipated.

Also, this may be triggering to some people! Don't go further than this, if you think you'll be triggered by this thread. Please. ♥
If you need anyone, I'm always here. But PLEASE, if you need the help, GET IT. Don't wait no matter how nervous you are! It's not worth keeping it away from you acting like nothing's happening, don't worry about people being mad at you. GET HELP.
((tl;dr is included at the bottom of the spoiler, sorry this is so long))
So around last year, I told my friend that I didn't wanna be his friend anymore. Due to, how he treated me and other people, I didn't wanna put up with his rude actions anymore.
He had liked me, I knew too. But, I thought we were over that.
Apparently not.

I have anxiety and depression, he used to say the most hurtful things to me.
We were really close friends too.
For example of things he would say.. one late night he asked if I could skype and game with him. I didn't wanna play a video game that night, so I decided to just skype him. I wasn't in a good mood at all.
Was really depressed, he asked me what was wrong, I told him about my suicidal thoughts, and he told me I should just hang myself and get it over with. How he'd "dance on my grave" and so would my family, that I didn't matter to anyone. Then laughed.

Stuff like that and he would joke about the most triggering/worst things ever.
Anyways, he started getting touchy with me whenever I would see him, also my anxiety acts up whenever I'm too close to someone usually and it makes me feel in a way, claustrophobic. He would do things I didn't like, I did talk to him about it before, he would apologize then continue.

Later I find out he's pretty much obsessive over me.
Would follow me EVERYWHERE. Check up on me and try to talk to me every time I took a breath.
So around last Christmas I told him I didn't wanna be his friend.
I was scared in general telling him, cause he has anger issues. I was upfront and mature about the matter too.

He took it the completely wrong way.
Anyways, later on he starts talking to my friend a lot more, than he used to.
Then I hear from her that she now likes him. confused So, they started dating..this girl was my "best friend" I don't like using that term, but let's just say, we were that close.

My whole world collapsed after this.
He would send her threats towards me, she defended him sexually assaulting me, she defended him with everything. She also would tell me when he'd come over, when they would cuddle, etc.
Also, I didn't know a single thing about the threats he plotted against me. Till one day, I go to her house and she's texting him. She was sitting on her floor, so I checked on her and asked if she was ok......then I found out, he sent her a text saying he was gonna blow my brains out. That wasn't the moment he sent that either, that was a few days prior.

She was upset cause he was calling her a b***h and s**t, cause I was at her house.
ANYWAYS..
I didn't go get help when I should of, which I regret.
But, that day..I called the police and they placed him under arrest.

WHAT I'M STRUGGLING WITH IS:
She's still trying to be my friend..and it doesn't feel right anymore. When the situation happened, after everything was "sorted", I continued to be friends with her. Went back to how we had acted and we weren't aloud to speak of the matter that happened with the guy that did this.

Thing is, after this happened..she was still talking to him and when we saw him in public, she'd try to get his attention.

I don't wanna talk to her or be in contact anymore, I don't even wanna see her anymore. I DON'T WANNA JUST RANDOMLY TELL HER
"Hey, even though we've been talking again, I don't wanna be friends with you anymore cause of the stuff that happened during winter."
Like, ugh. I don't know what to do, can someone give me advice/leads? Nobody around here is giving me anything.

tl;dr: My friend dated my sexual assaulter, as it was happening, when she knew about it and defended him. Now I don't know how to not be in contact with her anymore, she thinks as if nothing happened. I need help and nobody will give me advice/leads around me.

Timid Phantom

16,650 Points
  • Pet Lover 100
  • Fluff Healer 100
  • Fluff Rehab 200
Offline
Drop them. Both of them. Cut off contact. She's inconsiderate, selfish, and a complete moron for condoning this guy's actions.

I'm glad you called the police on his unsorry a**.
He's an a*****e, he's a perverted jerk, and even if he isn't convicted, he's going to suffer. Sure you have anxiety and depression, I have it too, but it's okay. You're better than him, stronger than him, let him suffer life because how much of an a** he is.

For the girl, don't give a ******** if you reconnected and if you started talking to her again. No, ******** her. She isn't supportive in the least and condoned the guy's actions. Drop her now. it's healthy for you.

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
Reiko Iwamaru
Drop them. Both of them. Cut off contact. She's inconsiderate, selfish, and a complete moron for condoning this guy's actions.

I'm glad you called the police on his unsorry a**.
He's an a*****e, he's a perverted jerk, and even if he isn't convicted, he's going to suffer. Sure you have anxiety and depression, I have it too, but it's okay. You're better than him, stronger than him, let him suffer life because how much of an a** he is.

For the girl, don't give a ******** if you reconnected and if you started talking to her again. No, ******** her. She isn't supportive in the least and condoned the guy's actions. Drop her now. it's healthy for you.


Hell no, I don't keep in contact with him anymore.. I hate his guts..literally hate. I feel I have the right to.

That's true..I wish I would of stopped talking to her as soon as everything happened. Sucks so much now and I dealt with other things since we've been connected and in contact. Like her just doing rude things in general.

What really sucks too, is lately I've been having so many nightmares of him and ugh.
This situation is such s**t. Just want it all to stop.
I really just need to cut her off already.

She even still sometimes brings him up, sigh.
I never thought she'd do any of this to me. Especially since how long I've known her, not in 1000 years would I have guessed.

Well, I guess it just shows how she really isn't needed in my life.. I don't know why I care about her more than myself right now about the situation. Like, being worried about how she feels after I stop talking to her. All I know is that, I hate it. Although, I know I have been talking to her a lot less. She's even brought it up, "We never talk anymore, how come?" I just ignored it.

Super Streaker

9,175 Points
  • Money Never Sleeps 200
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Forum Regular 100
Offline
Drop them faster than you pull your hand away from a hot stove.
Good on you for calling the cops on that ********, I hope he learns his lesson one day.
That b***h, just cut off contact with her. She is NO friend if she condones sexual assault. She's completely unhealthy for you to be around. Drop her.

Irregular Gatekeeper

22,965 Points
  • Daring Investigator 50
  • Headstrong Believer 50
  • Friendly Flashback 100
Offline
I'm sorry that this happened to you. Something happened to me similar where I had pregnancy and miscarriage involved as well.

Your friend could not hold up to your standards of being a friend twice. She friend dumped you the moment she defended him over your allegations against him. Sure she could be skeptical about your side of the story or want to be in denial, but as a civil rational human being you do NOT openly question or defend the person unless you're willing to risk or do not mind losing a whole relationship for the rest of your life with the victim.

She may be sincere about holding onto the friendship and try to redeem herself, but she shows instability and have him as a priority over you. She cannot have the cake and eat it. Your friend friend dumped you again by refusing to follow through your verbal contract on the mutual understanding of excluding past and future relationships of this scumbag.

Since she has difficulty of showing loyalty for either party and following appropriate behavior to be a friend on even a low standard, you will end the relationship.

Tell her that "The moment you dated someone who has hurt me deeply and continues to hurt me, you stopped being a friend. You continued to do so after your apology. I'm sorry, but your actions retracted our agreement of excluding a person who has hurt all of us. I no longer want to repair this friendship in the near or far future. This will be the last time I will talk or acknowledge you."

Edit: Also expect her to grovel or try to make a mess out of your life. Usually it takes about 9 months or less for a long term friendship or relationship to leave you alone 100%. Keep in no contact where at least you don't stalk or respond them again. Explaining to them once and clearly is enough. Grab everything you loaned to her that you want back before you confront with ending the friendship.

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
Trainer Aurora Rain
I'm sorry that this happened to you. Something happened to me similar where I had pregnancy and miscarriage involved as well.

Your friend could not hold up to your standards of being a friend twice. She friend dumped you the moment she defended him over your allegations against him. Sure she could be skeptical about your side of the story or want to be in denial, but as a civil rational human being you do NOT openly question or defend the person unless you're willing to risk or do not mind losing a whole relationship for the rest of your life with the victim.

She may be sincere about holding onto the friendship and try to redeem herself, but she shows instability and have him as a priority over you. She cannot have the cake and eat it. Your friend friend dumped you again by refusing to follow through your verbal contract on the mutual understanding of excluding past and future relationships of this scumbag.

Since she has difficulty of showing loyalty for either party and following appropriate behavior to be a friend on even a low standard, you will end the relationship.

Tell her that "The moment you dated someone who has hurt me deeply and continues to hurt me, you stopped being a friend. You continued to do so after your apology. I'm sorry, but your actions retracted our agreement of excluding a person who has hurt all of us. I no longer want to repair this friendship in the near or far future. This will be the last time I will talk or acknowledge you."

Edit: Also expect her to grovel or try to make a mess out of your life. Usually it takes about 9 months or less for a long term friendship or relationship to leave you alone 100%. Keep in no contact where at least you don't stalk or respond them again. Explaining to them once and clearly is enough. Grab everything you loaned to her that you want back before you confront with ending the friendship.


I just sent her a message, and blocked her on everything.
I am so nervous.

She has nothing of mine, made sure before I sent her the message explaining and such..
I didn't think of her trying to do that, but true.. I'll keep that in mind.

This was really hard to do and I just really hope this will all be over with..

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
SleepyBojazzles
Drop them faster than you pull your hand away from a hot stove.
Good on you for calling the cops on that ********, I hope he learns his lesson one day.
That b***h, just cut off contact with her. She is NO friend if she condones sexual assault. She's completely unhealthy for you to be around. Drop her.


It was a hard thing to do, but I did cut off all contact from her just now.

Hurts. Not the fact of not being her friend, but knowing her for so long and thinking I knew her so well. Never thought this would ever happen..it sucks.
Just don't want her trying to contact me about anything, I know something will happen I won't like soon after she reads what I sent. It wasn't bad either, I made sure to be mature about the matter.

It's really aggravating how she acted as if nothing happened after this whole thing went down too..just everything about this is complete s**t and I hope all the guilt and regret I have, goes away.

I shouldn't feel bad for her, I shouldn't feel guilt.. but I do. For some of it.

Offline
real friends DONT DO THIS s**t. if she was a close friend to you, she wouldnt condone him talking bad about you, and she definitely wouldnt date a person who hurt you so deeply; she wants to have her cake and eat it too. her morals are so insignificant... i'm surprised you have let her carry on for this long. they are both manipulators and just terrible people. dont put yourself in a position where they can hurt you more than they already have.

good to hear you blocked her and gave her a piece of your mind. this is so unacceptable and sickening; you deserve so much better than this.

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
Glitterama
real friends DONT DO THIS s**t. if she was a close friend to you, she wouldnt condone him talking bad about you, and she definitely wouldnt date a person who hurt you so deeply; she wants to have her cake and eat it too. her morals are so insignificant... i'm surprised you have let her carry on for this long. they are both manipulators and just terrible people. dont put yourself in a position where they can hurt you more than they already have.

good to hear you blocked her and gave her a piece of your mind. this is so unacceptable and sickening; you deserve so much better than this.


Really wish I had the realization when it all went on.
I just recently came to the realization, cause lately whenever we would hang out, she would manipulate me, ditch me, ignore me a lot, and just a lot of other things..
I took a second and thought about why I even was her friend.

No good answers were in my head.

I feel sick to my stomach right now.
Really can't believe it came to this, any of this. Sigh.


Throughout this whole time, nothing good came out of keeping her around. All it did was damage me and feel worse than I already did. She was never there for me, but I was too blind.

Super Streaker

9,175 Points
  • Money Never Sleeps 200
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Forum Regular 100
Offline
Sith Sithis
SleepyBojazzles
Drop them faster than you pull your hand away from a hot stove.
Good on you for calling the cops on that ********, I hope he learns his lesson one day.
That b***h, just cut off contact with her. She is NO friend if she condones sexual assault. She's completely unhealthy for you to be around. Drop her.


It was a hard thing to do, but I did cut off all contact from her just now.

Hurts. Not the fact of not being her friend, but knowing her for so long and thinking I knew her so well. Never thought this would ever happen..it sucks.
Just don't want her trying to contact me about anything, I know something will happen I won't like soon after she reads what I sent. It wasn't bad either, I made sure to be mature about the matter.

It's really aggravating how she acted as if nothing happened after this whole thing went down too..just everything about this is complete s**t and I hope all the guilt and regret I have, goes away.

I shouldn't feel bad for her, I shouldn't feel guilt.. but I do. For some of it.

What do you mean "something will happen I won't like"?
You need to be careful and distance yourself from her as much as possible.

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
SleepyBojazzles
Sith Sithis
SleepyBojazzles
Drop them faster than you pull your hand away from a hot stove.
Good on you for calling the cops on that ********, I hope he learns his lesson one day.
That b***h, just cut off contact with her. She is NO friend if she condones sexual assault. She's completely unhealthy for you to be around. Drop her.


It was a hard thing to do, but I did cut off all contact from her just now.

Hurts. Not the fact of not being her friend, but knowing her for so long and thinking I knew her so well. Never thought this would ever happen..it sucks.
Just don't want her trying to contact me about anything, I know something will happen I won't like soon after she reads what I sent. It wasn't bad either, I made sure to be mature about the matter.

It's really aggravating how she acted as if nothing happened after this whole thing went down too..just everything about this is complete s**t and I hope all the guilt and regret I have, goes away.

I shouldn't feel bad for her, I shouldn't feel guilt.. but I do. For some of it.

What do you mean "something will happen I won't like"?
You need to be careful and distance yourself from her as much as possible.


I know and I will.

I mean, her trying to contact me in any sort of way or showing up at my doorstep to try and "talk it out", when I don't want to. That sort of thing. Calling my house, etc. I don't think it would ever go that far, but once again.. I mean, look at everything that's already happened.

Whatever happens, I will try my best to be distant and be careful. I will.
If she ever tries anything like that, I'll make sure it officially stops.

Fashionable Sex Symbol

14,075 Points
  • Ultimate Player 200
  • Millionaire 200
  • Flatterer 200
Offline
You don't need to say a word to either of them. You do not owe them anything at all. Just cut them out, and ignore them. If you get threats, keep them and give them to the police, and explain the situation. That is it. Learn to cut toxic people out of your life right when this s**t goes down, and not have them hang around if they say such nasty things towards you.

Super Streaker

9,175 Points
  • Money Never Sleeps 200
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Forum Regular 100
Offline
Sith Sithis
SleepyBojazzles
Sith Sithis
SleepyBojazzles
Drop them faster than you pull your hand away from a hot stove.
Good on you for calling the cops on that ********, I hope he learns his lesson one day.
That b***h, just cut off contact with her. She is NO friend if she condones sexual assault. She's completely unhealthy for you to be around. Drop her.


It was a hard thing to do, but I did cut off all contact from her just now.

Hurts. Not the fact of not being her friend, but knowing her for so long and thinking I knew her so well. Never thought this would ever happen..it sucks.
Just don't want her trying to contact me about anything, I know something will happen I won't like soon after she reads what I sent. It wasn't bad either, I made sure to be mature about the matter.

It's really aggravating how she acted as if nothing happened after this whole thing went down too..just everything about this is complete s**t and I hope all the guilt and regret I have, goes away.

I shouldn't feel bad for her, I shouldn't feel guilt.. but I do. For some of it.

What do you mean "something will happen I won't like"?
You need to be careful and distance yourself from her as much as possible.


I know and I will.

I mean, her trying to contact me in any sort of way or showing up at my doorstep to try and "talk it out", when I don't want to. That sort of thing. Calling my house, etc. I don't think it would ever go that far, but once again.. I mean, look at everything that's already happened.

Whatever happens, I will try my best to be distant and be careful. I will.
If she ever tries anything like that, I'll make sure it officially stops.

Oh phew, I thought you meant something physical. sweatdrop But you're right, lots of things have happened.
I hope you manage to recover from all this. Not fun to go through.

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
quayla666
You don't need to say a word to either of them. You do not owe them anything at all. Just cut them out, and ignore them. If you get threats, keep them and give them to the police, and explain the situation. That is it. Learn to cut toxic people out of your life right when this s**t goes down, and not have them hang around if they say such nasty things towards you.


I already sent a message, but it was mature and it had nothing to do with forgiving.

From this, I learned a lot.

Lonely Shapeshifter

Offline
SleepyBojazzles
Sith Sithis
SleepyBojazzles
Sith Sithis
SleepyBojazzles
Drop them faster than you pull your hand away from a hot stove.
Good on you for calling the cops on that ********, I hope he learns his lesson one day.
That b***h, just cut off contact with her. She is NO friend if she condones sexual assault. She's completely unhealthy for you to be around. Drop her.


It was a hard thing to do, but I did cut off all contact from her just now.

Hurts. Not the fact of not being her friend, but knowing her for so long and thinking I knew her so well. Never thought this would ever happen..it sucks.
Just don't want her trying to contact me about anything, I know something will happen I won't like soon after she reads what I sent. It wasn't bad either, I made sure to be mature about the matter.

It's really aggravating how she acted as if nothing happened after this whole thing went down too..just everything about this is complete s**t and I hope all the guilt and regret I have, goes away.

I shouldn't feel bad for her, I shouldn't feel guilt.. but I do. For some of it.

What do you mean "something will happen I won't like"?
You need to be careful and distance yourself from her as much as possible.


I know and I will.

I mean, her trying to contact me in any sort of way or showing up at my doorstep to try and "talk it out", when I don't want to. That sort of thing. Calling my house, etc. I don't think it would ever go that far, but once again.. I mean, look at everything that's already happened.

Whatever happens, I will try my best to be distant and be careful. I will.
If she ever tries anything like that, I'll make sure it officially stops.

Oh phew, I thought you meant something physical. sweatdrop But you're right, lots of things have happened.
I hope you manage to recover from all this. Not fun to go through.


Oh, no! Sorry if I confused you.

Thank you, I appreciate your advice and help.
Also, no it really isn't fun.
Gaia Forums » GAIA Community » Life Discussion » Life Issues

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
More
Get GCash
Offers
More
Get Items
More Items
More
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
  • Guilds
    fan clubs for the stuff you love
  • Chat
    chat in real time with other Gaian's
  • Art Arenas
    browse & rate gaian art galleries
  • Clans
    play zOMG with others
More
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
More
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
More
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum
More