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Dangerous Dabbler

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Post Edited and completed.

Hygienic Lunatic

OKay now that it is finished, you've done really well. I didn't expect the helicopter to appear so soon, but you pulled it off nicely, especially the pilot's response and the lagg in the transmission. It left you the feel of Silph's true feelings. The post did end up being quite long however, and you have a couple of paragraph walls in there. Possibly try to split them up a bit to make reading less of a hassle.

I'm going to start on my part soon now.

Dapper Sex Symbol

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I agree. I think a bit of paragraph splicing would do nicely.

Dangerous Dabbler

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Good grief I feel like I made it even longer XD

Hygienic Lunatic

You can try to shorten it now if you want. Omit some things that arn't absolutely necessary.

Hygienic Lunatic

Prologue: Chapter 3



The flight to headquarters was quiet. The next couple days was even more quiet. Well... except for the third day...

The three rested waiting for a call. Silph Co seemed too quiet and hesitant, almost as if the bodies in charge were scrambling for a new task for the group, but finally, a call arrived.

Instead of a mission, however, the three were summoned to attend a ceremony in their honor. They were to be promoted, the higher-ups informed.

The ballroom of a large and well known estate had been rented out specifically for this event. It was extravagant, and it took the team by surprise. Mary, in her long silky black and white gown, and Wynn and Drake, in their respective tux of choice, stepped into the room all unsure of how to take in this new turn of events. Many higher ranking officers had attended. The event began quite dull, however. Mary had begun to rely on her male counterparts for adequate conversation, but now they remained silent and still. A part of them wished for no call at all. They felt an emptiness in their hearts that only seemed to grow as time passed. They endured, however.

At the peak of the night, the festivities of others were finally quelled, and an announcer had stepped forth in the ballroom stage. This tall man was more than an announcer with his dark grey hair and highly expensive tux. His name was Thomas B. Heart, although, most referred to him as Mr. Heart. He was the second in command under the newest leader of Silph Co. Although few had laid eyes on this new leader, Mr. Heart was vastly seen as the deep, strong voice of authority.

"We have all gathered here today," he began as every face turned up and towards him. His voice had power and even stilled a bit of fear. No one dared speak.
"to promote and congratulate three very talented and diligent officers. I am here to tell you the great achievement of this team. Seemingly against all odds, they have done more than ensure their own promotion. And in Operation Beta, they ensured the promotion of our beloved company in this difficult world."

Mr. Heart took a short pause to scan the crowd, his sharp eyes locking onto the three persons of note as a group of officers led them on to the stage. "It is my pleasure to now name these three Class A operatives! Look upon them and applaud," Mr. Heart informed and commanded with a strong but fake smile on his face. The crowd applauded, some with genuine smiles of excitement, others with indifference. "From here on, you three will no longer have to depend on one another as I make each of you a solitary officer. No longer will you have to share the spot-light with your teammates. Now you each have your own spot-light in the eyes of this great company. Congratulations."

Mary winced at this declaration. They were effectively splitting the group up, and she couldn't help but feel that the decision had an ulterior purpose. She knew that she would have to cope on her own sooner or later, but she wasn't prepared for the former.

"To top that off, all three of you will be awarded new and much more worthy pokemon to use in your upcoming missions in replacement of the old," Mr. Heart informed, the devious smile still on his face.

This time a look of shock slapped its way onto Mary, Wynn, and Drake's faces. The two guys looked over at the taller man, their expressions immediately turning sour. Not only did he neglect to mention the sacrifice of their beloved partners, but they were to be given new pokemon... Just like that. Mary finally looked over as well, but with a look of confusion. She still had Altaria. Why would he need replacing?

Mr. Heart noted their emotions swelling to the surface and laughed. "Not to worry, my friends," he began again. "You will all be given the chance to choose your new exclusive tools yourself. You three are Class As now after a-"

"No", Drake interrupted in a harsh tone.
"Pardon?" Mr. House asked, surprised.
Drake clenched his fist so hard that his nails had begun to cut into the palm of his hand. "No. I do not want a new partner," The red haired man began with emphasis. "In fact I want nothing to do with this at all!"

A gasp had escaped the crowd. Mr. Heart casually folded his arms behind his back and held two fingers outward. A few agents from across the room noted this and began to make their way to the stage.

Wynn's expression changed once again as he turned towards Drake. "W-what are you saying?!" he asked his partner in genuine worry. Wynn pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose to prevent them from falling and placed another hand on his friend's shoulder. He understood his frustration and anguish all very well, but Drake had just hinted at the unspeakable. He then leaned over and whispered, "As much as it pains me too... All we can do is move forward."

Blood had begun to drip from Drake's trembling fist as he turned and shoved Wynn away. "And what about Mary, huh?! Should she have to bear this heart ache as well?!" he yelled.

Wynn gritted his teeth. Drake was right. In his heart he wanted nothing more than to just leave, but he did not believe that now was the time for such actions. Much taboo has been hinted at, and Wynn turned and scanned the audience in worry. It was then that he noticed the agents heading their way. Things had already escalated beyond repair, as if they had expected this type of reaction.

Mary watched as the situation before her had begun to fall apart. Her arms trembled in worry and dropped her handbag. She immediately dropped down in order to retrieve Altaria's pokeball, but it only served to escalate her panic as the ball was not there. "No!" she yelled. "Altar- not. Someone took. I. Someone!" Tears had begun to swell from her eyes. Her speech had become incoherent.

Wynn forced himself to take a deep breath. Both of his teammates were about to explode, and not even he would be able to contain their rage. His highly intelligent mind quickly began to calculate their options. The approaching agents began to sprint in their direction in an attempt to apprehend the three, so he did not have much time.

Suddenly a dense cloud of black smoke had begun to fill the room, and Mary felt an arm pulling her behind the stage curtains. When proper vision had returned, she was running, pulled by a strange woman. She looked to her side and saw Wynn and Drake being led as well. That didn't last long however and Drake pulled back to a halt and swung his fist into the jaw of his mysterious leader. The man plummeted to the ground. The lady who was pulling Mary had stopped and proceeded to hold back Wynn's puller from hitting Drake in retaliation.

"Wait!" the woman began, looking at Drake. "We mean you no harm! In fact we are here to rescue you. Seeing as how its us or them," she began again referring to the commotion behind them. "We are your only chance, or did you honestly plan to punch your way out of this place?"

The woman was right and the three agreed to follow, and thanks to their help escaped the estate.

The smoke had finally cleared from the ballroom with the help of a few flying pokemon, as Mr. Heart stepped forward on the stage. He held a pokeball in his hand. Another agent rushed to his side and inquired, "We seemed to have lost them. What should we do?"

"Nothing," Mr Heart replied. "They will return to us eventually," he concluded as he looked down at the ball, a dark smirk on his face.





((Edited it. Changed the end quite a bit. I think this works better.))

Dapper Sex Symbol

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As I was reading, something you said made even more sense than what we originally had planned. You said that the team was going to split and get their own offers. Wynn and Drake have had their traumatic events so I think the event that would effectively put them all over the edge, would be towards the closing of the ceremony we're it is announced that even Mary is to be separated from Altaria.

From there you can go anyway you want. Either Drake and Wynn can both flip out and have to be held back because they know that separating Mary with Altaria would be more than devastating as the both of them have felt it and they kinda know it might be just as bad/worse for Mary. Or you could have it where Mary flips out and Drake and Wynn jump in. Just depends on which way you want to swing Mary's reaction to the news really. Whether she'll freak out right then and there, or be speechless while Drake and Wynn jump into the fray first.

Either way though, it seems to make more sense to me that the straw that breaks the "Camerupt's" back is the fact that the separation is made even more complete by being reassigned and their Pokemon removed. Just sounds more traumatic than flipping out for not honoring their fallen dead only.

Those are just my two cents. Sound good?

Also note that Drake will probably be vicious. He's been fighting since he was a kid, so when they start trying to hold him back, on top of the trauma he's already had, it'll be understandable that he will lash out angrily.

Hygienic Lunatic

updated and finished. Give me all your opinions and preferred edits.

Dangerous Dabbler

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I think it's great, and compliments my long post before hand. There is a spelling error in the second sentence with three. It's spelled tree but other than that it seems fine. Good work.

Hygienic Lunatic

Kage Shunketsu
I think it's great, and compliments my long post before hand. There is a spelling error in the second sentence with three. It's spelled tree but other than that it seems fine. Good work.

Reguardless. We are all going to try and trim up our posts. Remember that everyone who wants to join will have to read them first.

Dapper Sex Symbol

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I went ahead and edited my post once again. Added a few details here and there and added some sentences for the background to make a bit more sense. Altogether though, the changes are subtle, but I think they work much better than the first two drafts. If you guys say its better and you like it, I'll go ahead and put it up on the main thread on my reserved post so we can get started. I may have trimmed it slightly, but really I just couldn't figure out what to trim without the background story making enough sense.

Also, I shouldn't be bothered by this, but in your post Kage, when the Mutant Machamp attacks us for the first time and Drake says, "Whoa that's fast..." it just doesn't seem to sit right after reading it a second time. I've kind of painted Drake with a bit of a rebellious or bad streak, so "whoa" just doesn't seem to fit right. Its a small change, but maybe a "s**t" or a "Damn" is needed there to fit better. Lol.

Again, its just a super small change, but one that I just started to notice that is bugging me a tiny bit. Everything else though is perfect with your portrayal of Drake and Nico's as well. Although with Nico's, the satisfying crunch of a fist against a Silph Co. soldiers jaw would have been much more satisfying. I can live with it though. It'll just make Drake more eager next time they happen upon Silph. twisted

Hygienic Lunatic


[align=center][color=olive][size=18]Prologue: Part 1[/size][/color][/align]

Here use this header for your post.
Prologue: Part 1


Also I edited my post as well. I changed the last part quite a bit. I believe this works better. Drake even got to punch some one.

I'll go ahead and put mine up aswell.

Wynn just edit the header with "Part 2" for yours.

Dapper Sex Symbol

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Mine's up and I noticed Nico's up as well.

Dangerous Dabbler

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Alright, i'll have it up soon. Preoccupied with assignments atm, but it'll be up by tomorrow.

Dangerous Dabbler

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mine is up

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