taintedHeroine
(?)Community Member
Blessed Lover
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- Posted: Thu, 24 Mar 2011 12:18:00 +0000
I kind of need some advice and a place to rant.
So here's my life:
My mom was never there, she was but she was always out of it on booze and whisky and such. I'm grateful she never turned to drugs, but still. My grandmother, who plays mind games, and metally tourtures the girls in the family(for some reason she only likes the boys.) was the one who watched me grow up. By the time I was five I had all the living skills down pat because my grandma didn't help me. My older brother didn't know how to do anything but buy clothes because she spoiled him. by age seven my mom had another girl. Guess who had to watch her? And when she did somethign wrong, guess who got slapped by mom? Damn, I hated my sister then. But back then I didn't talk much either. I closed my self off from the world.
What does this all have to do with the title?
Well...now that I'm so close to being out of the house, she has stopped drinking. Or so I thought. She now can go for two months with out drinking then she breaks down. And I don't see her for a while.
Now there are details I didn't go into in my childhood. But those things left me with scars. I cant deal with to much at once or else I just sink into a depression. Now, as I type this, my mom is gone. I'm sick with worry and have been up all night wondering if she got in a wreck, or is out drinking, or simply stayed the night with a coworker. I really don't know. But I go to school at six-thirty. I'm skipping today though. Know why? My older brother stayed up half the night and is dead a sleep. I have a little sister who is in fourth grade who goes to school at eight-fifteen. I have a little brother who is home schooled. However, I can't send my sis to school. She is worried too. Plus, you know what the kicker is? My GRANDMOTHER is with my mom also.
And now for the pushing me to far part:
My mom is so proud of me. She likes to brag to everyone. I'm going to be a youth of the year canidate. I'm going to be in volleyball again, this time on varsity. I'm going to be a writer because i'm so talented. I enter art contests and win. I do this I do that!
I DONT EVEN WANT TO DO THEM!!!
She expects me to follow her plan, go on the radio every saturday and be a "voice for the youth".
She wants me to be a leader, when I don't know how because IM TO BUSY BEING LEAD BY HER!!!
My god She makes me want to scream. And when I try to say no she always pulls the rug out from under me. example.
"Mom I never wanted to be a canidate!"
"You are though, my boss wants a teen there at the competition!"
"I've done enough for you! I go the f*&#xki;ng warrior award for volley ball! I was in drama! I was even in drill team for f*"&k sake!"
"Oh yeah? What about all the stuff I've done for you! Taking you up town to be with your friends! I bought your prom dress! Thsoe concert tickets too!"
Now this would be where i cave. The funny thing though?
My dad died. I get money from his death. Thats where the money came from she is using.
Well...
Any advice? Please. I really need to know how to cope with all thsi stuff....
So here's my life:
My mom was never there, she was but she was always out of it on booze and whisky and such. I'm grateful she never turned to drugs, but still. My grandmother, who plays mind games, and metally tourtures the girls in the family(for some reason she only likes the boys.) was the one who watched me grow up. By the time I was five I had all the living skills down pat because my grandma didn't help me. My older brother didn't know how to do anything but buy clothes because she spoiled him. by age seven my mom had another girl. Guess who had to watch her? And when she did somethign wrong, guess who got slapped by mom? Damn, I hated my sister then. But back then I didn't talk much either. I closed my self off from the world.
What does this all have to do with the title?
Well...now that I'm so close to being out of the house, she has stopped drinking. Or so I thought. She now can go for two months with out drinking then she breaks down. And I don't see her for a while.
Now there are details I didn't go into in my childhood. But those things left me with scars. I cant deal with to much at once or else I just sink into a depression. Now, as I type this, my mom is gone. I'm sick with worry and have been up all night wondering if she got in a wreck, or is out drinking, or simply stayed the night with a coworker. I really don't know. But I go to school at six-thirty. I'm skipping today though. Know why? My older brother stayed up half the night and is dead a sleep. I have a little sister who is in fourth grade who goes to school at eight-fifteen. I have a little brother who is home schooled. However, I can't send my sis to school. She is worried too. Plus, you know what the kicker is? My GRANDMOTHER is with my mom also.
And now for the pushing me to far part:
My mom is so proud of me. She likes to brag to everyone. I'm going to be a youth of the year canidate. I'm going to be in volleyball again, this time on varsity. I'm going to be a writer because i'm so talented. I enter art contests and win. I do this I do that!
I DONT EVEN WANT TO DO THEM!!!
She expects me to follow her plan, go on the radio every saturday and be a "voice for the youth".
She wants me to be a leader, when I don't know how because IM TO BUSY BEING LEAD BY HER!!!
My god She makes me want to scream. And when I try to say no she always pulls the rug out from under me. example.
"Mom I never wanted to be a canidate!"
"You are though, my boss wants a teen there at the competition!"
"I've done enough for you! I go the f*&#xki;ng warrior award for volley ball! I was in drama! I was even in drill team for f*"&k sake!"
"Oh yeah? What about all the stuff I've done for you! Taking you up town to be with your friends! I bought your prom dress! Thsoe concert tickets too!"
Now this would be where i cave. The funny thing though?
My dad died. I get money from his death. Thats where the money came from she is using.
Well...
Any advice? Please. I really need to know how to cope with all thsi stuff....
