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This week, the very first evolution of the Hidden Ace, an update to the Reve Rouille and an exciting evolution of The Nightmare, this time handled by the creator of Fremere's Guard. Have a look!



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Read on for the full report, featuring a hotshot lawyer attempting to secure Timmy's release from prison...



Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for all the latest news on your favorite items. Timmy's still locked up in prison, so it looks like I'll be doing the show on my own this week-- though I've brought along a lawyer this week to offer some advice on Timmy's situation.

Hugo Lane, Esq: Glad to be here, Doctor. Just let me know how I can help.

Dr. Singh: Well, I do have a show to host, so I'd appreciate it if you could just sit tight and not speak out of turn for a few minutes. Think you can handle that, you sleazy legal hotshot?

Hugo Lane, Esq: I'm, uh, not sure where this hostility is coming from, Dr. Singh...

Dr. Singh: Oh! I'm terribly sorry, Hugo, I just have a difficult time suppressing my natural loathing of lawyers. I'm sure you understand, you lying son of a reptile.

Hugo Lane, Esq: I'm just here to help, ma'am. In fact, in the interest of helping Timmy, I'd be honored to offer my services free of char--

Dr. Singh: Quiet, you cur! Anyway, folks, if I can quell the rising bile in my throat, I'd better get started. First up, I'm excited to present the very first evolution of one of our newest items: the Hidden Ace! You never know what to expect from a magician's deck of cards, so this week's update is sure to be the first of many unexpected sleight-of-hand feats.

Hugo Lane, Esq: I'm actually an amateur magician myself, mostly doing volunteer work in children's hospitals, so I'm quite excit--

Dr. Singh: Shut it, slimeball! Next up, another delirious return from the spine-chilling Nightmare! This time, the artist of Fremere's Guard lends her considerable talent to the proceedings, leading us in an elegant, dreamlike direction...

Hugo Lane, Esq: Funny you should mention nightmares-- I've done considerable charity work with a foundation that helps provide psychological treatment to children who suffer from night terrors, and I'd love to take this opportunity to publically pledge a personal donation of ten thous--

Dr. Singh: Don't try to impress us with your disgusting largesse, you snake. Last up, we've got another elegant update to the Reve Rouille, one of our most breathtaking EIs. That's all for this week, but don't go away just yet! We'd appreciate it if you took a moment to vote in our poll, and you'll definitely want to stick around to see if this reprehensible S.O.B. can help get Timmy out of prison.

Hugo Lane, Esq: Yes! That's what I'm here for, Doctor. Tell me, how exactly did Timmy find himself in this situation?

Dr. Singh: What situation? Oh, the prison thing? It was a few weeks ago, so I don't remember exactly... something about a police officer accusing him of stealing a murderer's jacket, I think.

Hugo Lane, Esq: Stealing a jacket? And now he's in maximum-security prison among Gaia's most dangerous murderers?

Dr. Singh: You're asking me? You're supposed to be the legal genius. What am I paying you for?

Hugo Lane, Esq: Paying me? As I said before, Doctor, I'd be happy to offer my services pro bono.

Dr. Singh: Don’t get fresh with me, you pervert! Just tell me how to get Timmy out of prison.

Hugo Lane, Esq: Well, since he didn't have a trial or anything, I'm guessing he was accidentally transferred into a maximum-security prison due to some kind of horrible clerical error. If you'd allow me to write a letter to the prison board, I'm sure they'd release him immediately...

Dr. Singh: A letter? Let me guess: I'd have to pay an arm and a leg for you to draft it, right? Sounds pretty expensive. Are you sure you're not just trying to rip me off, you bloodsucker?

Hugo Lane, Esq: On the contrary, Dr. Singh; a mistake of this magnitude-- putting an innocent man in prison due to an error in transfer paperwork-- could entitle you and Timmy to considerable compensation from the government. We're talking millions of--

Dr. Singh: Don't try to confuse me with your legal switcheroo mumbo-jumbo, buddy. I think I've had just about enough of your sleazy little sales pitch, you shark-suited parasite. I don't think I need you wasting my time and money, so just send me a bill for this hour and get the hell out of my sight!

Hugo Lane, Esq: But, Doctor, I--

Dr. Singh: Out!