Welcome to Gaia! ::

Bahaha that last sentence. xD

Hm, yeah I get that feeling too :/ Its like, I WANT to sit down and focus on this, but then its like where do I begin? Then I panic, and I distract myself because I don't want to deal with it. There have been times when I try to work and my mind decides to physically give me a headache because so much of me doesn't want to process information lol.

Don't think I necessarily have that problem. When writing papers though, I just put everything that runs into my head because why the hell not. Add more to the paper XD. I do understand all the thoughts and you're just trying to retain it all.

I kind of love just sitting around sometimes, literally not doing anything but just thinking. Running through trying to process all the thoughts in my head. I'm sure if someone saw me, they'd be like there's a weird kid staring at the wall or something right now lol. But that's why I just chill in my room or lie in my bed. It's a good way to really grasp how I feel, where I currently stand. Most of the time its kind of evaluating my relationships with people, how much has changed (and how I've changed over the years). I really like to think about people lol. Its fun in my good moods and very depressing in my bad moods haha. And when I'm stressed, just a lot of negativity.

Ohhh that's a better way to word it. Social interactions. I really enjoy it, and thinking through situations, hypotheticals, and just who people are as a person. And how they influence and affect me, whether good or bad. I also really enjoy piecing together connections. For example, I kind of mapped out in my head who kind of brought me into this culture group in my school that has been a huge deal in my life, in the best way possible. Constantly I like to think about how different my experience would be if that never happened. What if I didn't hang out with that person that day? What if I chickened out like I normally do and didn't go? All this kind of stuff is just fascinating to me. As other people's relationships though, thats also fun to analyze. "Hm, I wonder how they're doing? Oh. I think those people are definitely into each other." lol. You also mentioned observation, one of my friends who's like a big brother (known him since I was an awkward child in high school) said that I'm very observant even when to others, it doesn't seem like I am unless they know me well. The only difference is back then, I would keep all my thoughts to myself, and now, even though that's true, I do tell more of my thoughts to him and his girlfriend (who's like my big sissss <3).

Since we're having such in-depth conversations, I'd like to bring up another discussion topic. I'm curious about your friendships. I kind of had this talk with a friend and realized that I prefer these relationships that are like big-brother big-sister kind of things. And I'm always the "child" of the group. I prefer to be around friends that are older than me rather than the ones that are my own age. They say its because I'm more mature than the ones my age, but then around them I get to be the child again. And well, I have 2 big brothers so that plays a part too I guess. Of course, I have regular, normal friendships too. Overall, this past year and current year have been a huge change than my high school years in the best way possible though so that's good.

Wow ^^ See this is what I do lol. Its also interesting because I used to never have these kinds of conversations with ANYONE. Never had close friends like that until college. That's why I would just need to sit and think because then I could discuss them with... myself? And figure things out. I was definitely the quiet, shy kid.

Haha, niceee. Sucks when you're like "Okay, I have to do this. I have to do this." And then you forget to do it after saying it multiple times in your head. And in elementary school and middle school I was fine. I actually felt smart back then lol.

Its been a while but we have OPEN SLOTS again! We've made some changes. Come and order! :]

Omg. Yes. I was actually talking the other day to a friend about what makes certain people "popular," for lack of a better term--not in the teen-movie awful leader of the pack kind of way, but someone who everyone seems to like. Because what I was noticing wasn't charm or charisma, which would ordinarily be my guess. I had a friend who uploaded a cover photo on FB and 213 people have liked it so far. And it's like, what do you have to do to be someone who has made contact with so many people (she's got over 1k friends) and make such an impression on them that they like your cover photo, even if it's been years? And how do you even spread yourself so much in your social groups that even a conversation or a photo you're tagged in gets a huge amount of attention, comparatively? Or is it just the social group that she's in, where there is a culture of everyone being super affectionate? I know a lot of these girls, and we basically boiled it down to these things:

1) They're non-controversial/not strongly opinionated (which basically means I will never be popular, aha).
2) They're attractive. (Although I would disagree that this is a huge part of it; it's probably not as necessary.)
3) They're extroverted. (You have to be. And like, the more I think about extroversion/introversion, the less useful I find it, but it helps to have a general definition.)
4) Being well-off helps. (Having the resources to go places, having a car, being able to take people out, pay for stuff, buy them presents...)

But there's still something particular that I don't get, mostly because the people that I do see as being "popular" don't actually possess any sort of appeal for me? Like, I like them well enough, but maybe it's not so much that they're magnetic, as that they're palatable enough for most people to generally like, but not adore/worship a la boy bands. So I don't know. But it's stuff like that that interests me, not in a "why aren't I popular way," but in a, "why do people work like this?" way. And I also get the feeling that this isn't even the correct analysis. I'll hit upon it one day!

Regarding roles in groups: I think I tend to take on the mentorship role, which is probably related to the fact that I'm the oldest child in my family. I tended to get along better with people at school who were younger. I definitely had good friends my age/in my grade, but I think I had a lot more fun hanging out with people who were younger than me. I also tended to provide advice to people, and that was sort of my Internet "niche" or personality. And I think a lot of my interactions were shaped by the fact that my parents were very restrictive. I used to talk on the phone a lot with friends in elementary school, but in high school I lived in the dorms and didn't have a cell phone, so I got more and more used to interacting online/via text than in person.

And yeah, I think introspection on who you are/how you interact is something I do all the time. I'm forever reevaluating my friendships (I'm actually thinking about how I should approach breaking off a friendship with someone I know, because he's just...ugh) and daydreaming about potential situations or scenarios just so I'll have a response to them...if it happens. xD But at the same time, I'm wary of being like, "~I'm super deep! I'm not like the rest! I actually think about things!~" because I dislike that sort of vibe in other people. I feel like a lot of things that I think make me different aren't necessarily the case, just because people rarely have that sort of conversation anyway. And it's also why I'm skeptical of personality type stuff, which is related to the extroversion/introversion thing.

I went quickly through most stuff in elementary school, and I didn't have too much difficulty in high school. My issue wasn't so much that I wasn't capable, it was that I would forget or procrastinate. And I always got the sense that I could have done way better if I had just buckled down and tried harder. And I guess everyone feels that way, but I'm aware that what I can do is so much more than what I've actually done, but I also feel like I'm just complaining because by everyone else's standards, I've done really well. I'm sure having Asian parents also...impacted this. xD

Yeah, exactly. I think another component of it is that they're usually not aware of the fact that they have a lot of friends, and wouldn't even classify themselves as popular. Which makes them even more popular! xD It's very refreshing to hang out with someone who isn't putting on a show. Sometimes I envy them, but since I've gotten through college, I'm a lot less willing to suppress my opinions or spend time with people I don't really like, so you know. Trade offs.

And yeah, I had a friend who was very popular, because he always knew how to talk to people and compliment them. But I noticed that he would often talk about other people he didn't like, but they'd absolutely love him and whenever he was around, he was really congenial and stuff. Eventually people would be confused because they noticed that about him, and wondered if he also talked about them behind their backs...sigh. People are confusing. I used to really enjoy hanging out and talking with people, but now I'm like, totally consumed with understanding their motivations and that kind of thing, and then it gets hard to find something to talk about. xD

Yeah, staying true to who you are is always a struggle. Because sometimes people will say things that are absolutely terrible, and either you can try to keep being their friend, because you like having a group of friends and feeling social, or you can take a stand and distance yourself. That happened to me freshman year; I was part of a group that got along fairly well, but I was always on the fence about stuff they said that would be racist or sexist or something, and eventually I distanced myself because I decided to stay true to what I believed was important, yada yada.

I used to get more likes on Facebook. D: It'd range from like, 10-30something likes, and now it's dwindled. Waaahhh. xD

I've gotten back into League and the Sims, so my weekend has been...very packed. xD I played the Sims for like 8 hours yesterday, and then I stayed up till 5am playing League with my boyfriend. There's a new champion that I loveeeee. xD

Don't forget to send pay trades! I kind of forgot... haha. But no one sent any!