Coping with anxiety & depression without support

[p r i n c e S A D O]

I'm a 23 year old female, recently graduated college with a degree in Fine Arts.
I've been dealing with anxiety and depression since high school and it's ruined countless friendships and relationships. Because of all of that I feel a lot of self loathing towards myself, paranoia that every relationship or friendship I start is doomed.

I've been up and down, I'd say better than before. I've managed to hold my job the past two years and even move up in it, despite having some very low lows, where I could hardly function.

Once again, I'm having relationship troubles. Once again, my thoughts are obsessively spinning into a negative spiral, it's like there is a black hole inside me eating up any positivity I put into it. I want my prospective relationship to work out, of course, but more importantly I do not want it to fail because of this anxiety. If it doesn't work I don't want it to be because I'm "mental."

The past week I've been struggling to eat and aside from playing video games to kind of escape these thoughts are never ending. Usually I'm okay to get myself up and work out and do art but everything I try to do I get discouraged immediately and I just feel like crying because I'm such a failure.

I don't have a lot of friends anymore and I'm not close to my family. I don't always like talking about my problems because I feel like it brings others down and I don't want to be a person who brings negativity into the room. But at the same time I feel so alone and in so much pain right now. I tried to call the therapist and all they did was recommend meds. I've heard this so many times. I just wish you could call the therapist and they could give you friends or a supportive family or SOMETHING more god damn effective than drugs.

I want to be the happy positive charming girl I KNOW I can be at times. I don't want this part of me bringing me down... or at the very least I want the positive me to be able to be stronger than the anxious, sad part of me. I want to be able to get up and do something with my life. Not waste it laying in bed crying trying to calm down enough to work. sad

I just need some help. Coping methods. Support. Something.

If anybody has any ideas, please tell me.

[Emthan]

I think you are in the a good place, albeit not the best to ask advice on the sadness you've been experiencing. The internet is home to several groupings of people that experience lows during their lifetime, and I think it a good thing to reach out to others to speak about these issues. You stated that you haven't had a lot of strong relationships around you as of late, and I'd think the first place to start is to begin forming supportive friendships that do things non-sadness related, perhaps even in relation to your degree.

Maybe check the local art events in town, produce a bit of content to share with other artists, and converse with others about your work?

Personally, perhaps because I'm an Indiana Hoosier.. I'm a fan of Kurt Vonnegut's idea that laughter is a response to distress. Though, zoning out and playing video-games helps me as well not to think about things that I'm anxious about, I usually find it most therapeutic to take my perceived feelings of sadness and create them humorous -- something I can smile at despite the idea that all seems not well.

If these ideas don't work, I'd suggest cartoons. Cartoons are amazing.

[theWeirdertheBetter]

There are some really active mailing lists on yahoo groups related to anxiety and depression. The anxiety one for OCD is really helpful, but the depression one is less helpful- more like commiserating, but they have a lot of helpful links in the sidebar area to more resources and helpful websites, etc. So the educational value might still be worth it.

One tip: Any time you try to escape anxiety (like with video games), it is helpful in the short term, but increasing your anxiety in the long term. My fav. website about anxiety is ocdonline.com, and I think the principles there apply to any kind of worrying, or obsessing. (which it sounds like you are doing).

All the treatments for anxiety are either going to say do such-and-such relaxation thing, or just learn to endure the anxiety so you can experience habituation. The latter is really hard and will probably test your patience to the extreme. Which is where antidepressants really, really help. They are effective with OCD.

On the other hand, mindfulness is good for learning to stop having thoughts spiral out of control. Simply set aside 10 minutes, and focus on your breath. When your thought wanders, simply bring it back to your breath. don't get mad at it for doing it, just gently direct it back, each time it wanders off. You'll be amazed how relaxing this is. I think it is good practice of exercising your brain so it gets used to not wandering off as much. Like a muscle.

Medication helps give you the strength to apply self-help methods for depression, otherwise it's like you're in a vicious cycle-- to depressed to fix your depression. Unless you can find strength elsewhere, then it's going to be a bumpy ride. imo.

hope this helps.

[CokeVoAYCE]

story of my life everyday.

[spellplagued]

❖ As someone who occasionally gets anxiety, but has not been actively diagnosed with it as a long-term condition, I find that the best way to cope with an episode is to channel it into a creature pursuit. ❖

[Jo-Suh-Feen]

I have both anxiety and depression, and I found that distraction is best for me, whether it be cleaning, reading, gaming, or watching videos. People have suggested reasoning situations out, but that just doesn't work for me when my anxiety or depression has taken over. c:
You can message me if you need someone to talk to. I'm more than happy to listen!

[xXJack of SpadesXx]

You could try looking to see if there are any local support groups. I'd start with NAMI

[Crystal8Phoenix]

There are actually therapists who listen, they can just be hard to find. I've been through therapy for my agoraphobia, and when dealing with anxiety disorders, and anxiety in general, I have found that talking therapy works, along with relaxation techniques.
Dealing with anxiety and depression can be very tough, they pretty much feed each other. But solving a problem also means identifying the problem. Not just that you are anxious or depressed, but analyzing your days, finding out what specifically makes you anxious. Keeping a journal helps. Set aside a nice chunk of time and write down everything you can about your day, what made you happy and what made you anxious or depressed.

From experience I can say one thing that really helps is to not look at mistakes or not achieving what you wanted to as true failure. It's learning what not to do, learning what doesn't work. Children fall many times learning to walk, run, ride a bike. Making a mistake, "failing", whatever you want to call it, only takes you away from success if you refuse to learn. If you look at your mistakes, and make an effort to improve, you are not failing, you are simply taking smaller steps.

[Chiralistral]

I know it's hard to seek out help, I've been there myself, but depression is a serious illness that's hard enough to overcome already, and doing it on your own makes it that much tougher. Like someone else said, it can easily turn into a vicious cycle. You need to find the strength to take steps to overcome your depression, and though it may be scary to rely on others, and you don't want to bother other people with your problems, trust me when I say that there are people in your life who want to help you. Accepting help from others makes a big difference in treating depression. It will no doubt be tough, and it may feel like you're moving backwards at times, but having people there to prevent you from giving up is a big help. Feeling alone is one of the worst and most destructive feelings when you're depressed; at least, it was for me.

Therapists, though often expensive and hard to find the right one, can be very useful. I would definitely not recommend medication right away before you have a clear view of how severe your depression and anxiety is, but it seems you're not interested in medication anyway. Talking therapy can be helpful, and may sometimes be combined with medication if your therapist feels you need it. But don't be afraid to have in-depth discussions with your therapist about whether medication is right for you before accepting it. It's not right for everyone. Either way, I promise not all therapists are over-priced quacks wink

I know this may not be very helpful. Everyone deals with depression and anxiety in different ways, and as we all know, there's no miracle cure for either of them. I just want to say that you're not alone; there are people here that can relate to what you're going through, and I'm sure you can find support and sympathy here. If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is open. I know from experience that just sharing your feelings and experiences with depression with someone who understands can sometimes lift your spirits. Best of luck to you!

[Hiei the Epic]

i think you need to get checked for Borderline Personality Disorder, because you just described a pretty classic case.

maybe get some group outpatient therapy. helps you develop connections and relate to others.

[zhiliolia]

my roommate uses that "maladaptive daydreaming" as a coping method.

after almost 20 years of anxiety and depression, and countless mental diagnoses, she learned it was caused by a digestion disorder. Now she wants to sue for misdiagnosis.

[CH1YO]

Keep doing whatever it is that you are doing, eventually you'll get to know yourself better.

[AliKat1988]

Try going to a counselor instead of a therapist-you want someone whose training is in therapy and probably cannot administer medication. Psychologists may or may not be able to prescribe medication (though they are usually more focused on therapy even if they can prescribe) depending on where you live. If you can find a psychologist or counselor who mainly helps you through cognitive behavioral therapy, you will get the help you want and need. Psychiatrists on the other hand rarely have much training in therapies and just give meds-best used as a last resort. You might also try to find a good support group for anxiety and depression in your area.

[whorrcrux]

- avoid things that you know trigger negative thoughts
- try new activities to distract yourself from negative thoughts
- there are many essential oils that are thought to be mood lifters (http://www.iheartoils.com/2013/02/22/happy-essential-oil-blend/ is just one example)
- exercise and a good diet are huge contributing factors to mood

if none of that works, consider this:

depression and anxiety are often symptoms, not a diagnosis
when was the last time you had a blood panel done, or had a consultation with a medical doctor?
my sister was recently diagnosed with hashimoto's disease, which is an autoimmune disease that has symptoms that are very similar to depression (and is often misdiagnosed as such)

if i were you, i would pay attention to your mood swings (look at when they occur, what sorts of things trigger them, any other symptoms that go along with them) and do a bit of research to see if there might be another explanation