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Magical Shoujo

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Genres: Action&Adventure, Gender Bending, Fantasy

Plot Synopsis: Ciel Fyrron, Online handle Kyrie, finds a game sharing the same name as said online handle. Being the gaming enthusiast that he is, he brings it over to his friend’s house in hopes to play together. After setting up the game they find themselves trapped in a new world. Now they must travail across lands conquering dungeons and vanquishing demons all in hope that they are not dead by end of the day.

Chapter One is around 4000 Words, 10pgs in 8x11 Times New Roman 12pt font single spaced. Though since the Link is to a Deviant Art page, I guess only the word count matters

Chapters Two and Three are around 2000 Words and I'm working on Chapter Four right now, but before I continue, I guess I wont some people to tell me what they think of what I have so far. When I'm done I hope to have something around the length of a novel.

What I want from the people who come across this is to basically tell me what they think. Not something so in depth that you have to break down what I have, but things like, Would you continue reading it, Did you drop it after the first paragraph, What parts did you find interesting and what parts did you find boring, Things like that.

If you can, please also point out any typos and things like that so that I may fix them.

They're still in my DA Sta.sh, but here are the Links
Chapter 01: http://sta.sh/01nw4g49w3eo
Chapter 02: http://sta.sh/01nkqney7905
Chapter 03: http://sta.sh/061wq9lgnju

Bonus Fight Scene
Sei Hachi Versus Alford: http://sta.sh/01es0iqrk9ca

Not knowing any Japanese I wanted to name Sei something like Eight Worlds, so I thought of the Kanji Sekai (World) and the Kanji Hachi (Eight) and put it together as Sei Hachi. She has a real name, but let's not get into that.

I want her to have other titles for her other... Forms? Think of it like her going Super Saiyan. If anyone can put these together in Awesome Kanji, that would be nice.

The One who Slays Gods (The One is to be interpreted as all, as she represents the last bastion of human existence... yeah... the story eventually gets very... interesting)

Ten Realms (Or Worlds if that's what's needed to keep up that who Sei thing)

108 Prayers

The Final World

Magical Shoujo

6,650 Points
  • Gender Swap 100
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Invisibility 100
For Those To Timid To Click On Out Going Links

Chapter One - Game Start!

‘Kyrie’ is what the game case read. It was hard to tell though, since the cover had mostly faded, most likely due to age and over exposure to sun light.

I popped open the old square PSone game case to look inside. I could already tell there had to be a game manual in there from the weight. There was a feeling a joy finding the game manual along with four game disks. There wasn’t any album art, which was kind of a letdown.

“Key-ri” I read aloud the title printed on the disk. It’s spelled the same as my online name, so I figured it was pronounced the same. Kyrie, pronounce like the latter half of Valkyrie.

*Ring!*

The school bell rang and I put the items back into the game case. School was starting soon and I didn’t want to be late again…

I took my seat in the back corner of the classroom. I could already see today being a long one. I couldn’t wait to get home to try out the game that I found.

The game I was looking at was something that I found on the way to school today. I had noticed the thick square shape and green color that made a PSone cases stand out, just lying on the sidewalk.

*Ring!*

The final bell rung and Mr. Richford called the class to his attention. “Alright class, please take your sets… Ciel Fyrron, if you would, please move up to one of the empty desk closer to the front.”

“You and I both know moving me to the front isn’t going to make me any more productive.” I spoke in a flat tone feeling awkward as I said it.

Mr. Richford sighed. “Please see me after class.”

Class went by like any other day. Students following their social stereotypes and Mr. Richford trying to be the ‘fun’ teacher that the students can get along with; even I fell into the social order. I was the kid who sat in the back off the class and didn’t talk to anyone. That’s how I was in class. I do have friends, but even with gaming being a big thing now, my group of friends and I still just do our own thing with kids asking why we act so weird.

Class ended and before I could slip out, Mr. Richford caught me. “Ciel, I told you to wait after class.”

I wanted to say ‘My next class is on the other side of campus.’ but I knew that wasn’t going to work. He’d just tell me that he’d write me a pass.

“Ciel, why do you do this? You’re a very intelligent student. I know you are. If you would just apply yourself…”

That’s where I started tuning him out. I wanted to say so much. How I didn’t care, how this educational system is flawed. Going to the Philippines taught me that much. I really just didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t even want to muster the will power to say anything back to him.

“Ciel, are you listening to me?”

“Yes, you want me to try harder.” I could have given any lame excuse. Maybe ‘things at home keep me from doing so, or I have a lot of personal problems…’ I can’t say I don’t, I just hated making excuses. I hated people that make excuses. That’s probably why I don’t. Just sit through the pain rather than whining like a child.

“Ciel, if something is wrong you can always talk to me or even your counselor.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I guess I just…”

*Ring!*

‘Saved by the bell’ as the saying goes, with Mr. Richford next class shuffle in. He gave a sigh then pulled open his drawer. “I’ll write you a pass for your next class. You really should think about your life Ciel. You may be a sophomore now, but once you’re out of High School you’re going to wish you did.”

I took the pass and left for my next class without saying a word.

The rest of the day was more of the same. Go to class and daydream until school was over. During lunch, I would head to the video game club. After Seiyu graduated last year, I had become club president. It’s not as if I had much to do. The members would sort things out on their own. Other than saying yes or no to their ideas, there really wasn’t much to do. It’s just as Seiyu had told me when he gave me this position.

I spent the lunch period reading the manual for the game I found earlier today.

Long ago lived the Old Gods led by the All Father Odin. It was he and his fellow Æsir who created law for the once chaotic world to follow. However… peace did not last for the mighty and powerful Odin and the great heroes he had been gathering for the coming day… Ragnarok had come just as was foretold, and it had come without mercy…

Over two hundred years have passed since that day. A New World rose from the ashes of the old. However, the Old World and its gods, both good and evil, refuse to sleep. Demons have once again shown themselves, and now humans, the surviving species of the old world, must rally their numbers together and prepare for the coming day.

Ragnarok will not rest ‘til it has put an end to all the nine worlds.

This is where the intro had ended. After came the some art and intro for the hero, his companions, and the antagonist. There were four playable characters, two available right away and two that you unlock through gameplay.

Name: Kyrie
Age: 15
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Swordsman
Weapons: One-Handed Swords
Off-hand: Shield
Special Item: Valkyrie’s Plume

Kyrie deserted at birth left to die in the wilderness until a group of scientists found the young boy and took him in to use for experimentation. With demons on the raise, Kyrie was to become a test subject. He was to become to ultimate weapon to defend humanity in the coming battle.

Name: Lord Yu
Age: 28
Race: Human
Class: Weapons Master
Weapons: All weapons except Staves, Rods, and Books

Seiyu is a powerful mercenary hired to protect the lab where the Valkyrie resurrection project took place. It has become his duty to insure that Kyrie remain safe from all those who may wish to interfere with the project.

Name: Aerilyn (Eri)
Age: 21
Race: High- Æsir
Class: High Priestess
Weapons: Daggers, Staves, and magic swords
Magic: Holy Magic
Special Item: Ring of the Æsir

Originally, a High Priestess to be a sacrifice to stop the coming evil, Eri fled her temple not wanting to die. Eventually the evil had taken the land and Eri had begun a life as a demon hunter. Her heart storming with guilt she often finds herself zoning out wishing she had not ran away that dreadful day.

Name: Sei Hachi
Age: 16
Race: Human
Class: Master of the Fist
Weapons: Swords, Gauntlets, Fist, and HEART
Magic: None, Uses Ki
Special Item: Restraints

In her home nation, she quickly became the strongest fighter in the land even earning the title of The World’s Strongest. Still unsatisfied she journeys west in search of stronger and more powerful foes.

There was art for some early game bosses with an explanation about them and a section for writing notes in. Manuals from this era of gaming were much cooler. It makes me wish I were born sooner. Maybe about three years sooner, then Seiyu and I could have spent our entire high school together.

I noticed the game say it was multiplayer. Strange, I didn’t think there were multiplayer JRPGs on the PSone. It’s Friday, so maybe I could use this as an excuse to go to Seiyu’s house… Now that I think about it… he’s the only person I know that has a PSone anyway. I quickly sent him a text, went about the rest of the day.

~After School~

“You’re finally here.” Seiyu invited me into his apartment, nothing special. A bar separated the kitchen and living room and down the hall were a bedroom and a bath. The blinds to the sliding door were open to let in light. To be honest, I hate natural light. It hurts my eyes.

He does seem to manage to keep the place clean. Even his entertainment system was well organized with no exposed cords. The PlayStation however was hooked into an old television sitting on the coffee. “We’re not going to play on your big TV?”

“That’s a digital TV; unless it’s HD it’ll end up looking terrible. I also never really thought I would be pulling this thing out again. Most PlayStation One game I can just play on my PSP.” He dropped into his sofa and picked up the second player controller while gesturing to the PSone for me to start it up.

I popped the disk in and booted up the console. It was just a black screen and we waited for something to change. I stayed kneeling before the console waiting for something to happen.

“Sometimes these old consoles are like that. Try restarting it.”

Right when I was about to restart it the screen flashed and immediately froze. At first, it was so I didn’t hit the restart button. The screen stayed white and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t scream. In my mind, I began to panic, but I couldn’t do anything. The screen started shining brighter and brighter until… it all went black.

~???~

“Ciel…!”

Huh? Was someone calling me? I feel like I’ve been sleeping forever… who would be waking me up? Isn’t it a weekend…?

“Ciel damn it! Wake up!”

My eyes shot open and I started breathing rapidly as my heart rate went jumped as quickly as I opened my eyes.

It was Seiyu, why is telling me to wake up. I was more than upset with him, almost pissed off actually. He sighed relieved while looking down at me. “Finally you woke up.”

Coming back to my senses, I looked up at Seiyu. He was holding me in his arms and I could feel they had become slightly larger and more toned… and for some reason he was wearing heavy armor. His gauntlet was pressing into the skin of my back and I could feel the cold breastplate against my bare skin and… wait… “Why am I naked!?” … “And why are you holding me!?”

I pushed myself off from him and huddled up trying to hide my naked body. I looked around trying to find something to cover myself with, but all I saw were walls turned to rubble and test chambers destroyed with liquid pouring out of them. Symbols that looked like magic circles were drawn all over the floor, walls, and ceiling. They connected to each of the test chambers as if this entire room was a mixing chamber for all sorts of magic and alchemy. There were no windows and only one large stone door that looked like it had been busted inward. “What in the hell is going on here?”

“So this is the mighty child of a Valkyrie? So far, I’m not impressed.” A voice I didn’t recognize came from across the room. I turned to look who was talking.

It was a demon looking woman. She looked like a succubus. I mean those proportions and that well-toned body… Damn it why did I have to be naked!? She was standing mostly exposed, save from two drapes of clothe just scarcely covering her more private areas.

Her skin was red and her long hair was a shade of dark bloody crimson. Two obsidian dragon horns swept back on both sides of her head, it looks as if she decorated her head with a fiendish crown. Her eyes followed the red color pallet and her lips were a darker shade of purple. Though she looked tall, I noticed that she was wearing high heels, which I must admit complemented her long legs, and she had a spade devil tail!

She started to grin. I looked away quickly and started blushing. “What’s wrong dear? Should I have given you more time to take this all in?” She said while striking a sexy pose.

“That's enough Alford!” Seiyu shouted and leapt forward with great speed. He swung a giant broadsword down at the demon woman. I’d never seen a human move that fast before, let alone Seiyu while swinging around a sword just as big as he was.

Alford was rather unphased, and side stepped the attack. Seiyu Followed up with a horizontal swing, only for him to miss again as Alford moved back.

“I’ve had quite enough of this farce. I’m going to end you two now.” She raised her hand into the air. I could feel a dark power lingering in the air. “Black Calamity” Was all she said. Shock wave after shock wave started pounding against back while a giant dark energy ball formed overhead.

“It was fun you two.” Then she dropped her hand and the energy ball fell onto Seiyu and me. It was then I knew what it felt like to be a Dragon Ball Z character hit with an energy blast. Pain coursed through my body, the feeling of electricity shocked my every nerve with and intense presser forcing down on me.

Great, I wake up to see the most gorgeous woman of my life, and she kills me. Dad said women would be the death of me. The pain soon past and I started to feel a different sensation. I could feel wings on my back. I guess that meant I was dead now. I’ve died and I’m going to the world above…

I couldn’t see anything, but I could feel my body as it moved. I started ascending while my wings spread out. After feeling my feet lift from the ground, my wings surrounded me like a shell or an egg. That’s when I felt this warmth move through my body like water pouring down from my head. I started feeling a tickling down my back. I think my hair had become longer. “What’s going on?”

“Just relax.” I heard. It was a soothing response from a woman’s voice. It had a nice and gentle ring to it.

“Alright” Was all I said, but it had sounded just like the voice I was hearing before.

My legs began feeling longer and my waist smaller. Fat was rearranging itself through my body and my skin and muscles became tighter. A weight started forming on my chest, which felt almost swollen. My body was coming to the end of its change.

My wings had burst open, revealing myself as they scattered feathers that landed on the ground. Finally, I could feel cloths on my body. They were heavy and tight fitting. In fact, I could feel my chest supported by something.

At last, I opened my eyes to look down at myself. My view blocked by the mound of the breastplate I was wearing. “I… have boobs?” I could feel the weight of them under the Valkyrie armor I now adorned. The design is similar to the armor Lenneth wore. It had the same color scheme, but there were alterations. My helm had feathers in it, and a skirt fell from the amour on my hips. I had a large gauntlet on my sword arm, while the other had a black glove with open fingers going up past my elbow.

“I can’t believe this.” Even though I was speaking, all I heard was the same voice that was speaking to me before.

“Ho~ I guess you really are more than just some weak human.” I looked over at Alford again. She had kicked Seiyu over to get a look at his face. “But your friend here, I really can’t say the same.”

I looked at Seiyu in horror. As I looked at him, I could quite literally see the life in him fade and dissolve into the air. ‘Use a Valkyrie’s Plume to revive him.’ It was the voice again, only this time not from my own mouth. Like earlier, I could hear her in my head.

Instinctively I reached my hand out toward Seiyu. A single white plume flew from my hand toward Seiyu. Alford leapt back, unsure of the technique I just used. I wasn’t even sure what I just did.

The plume found itself at Seiyu’s chest and dissolved into it. His bruises and other injuries healed rapidly, and he started breathing steadily again. He opened his eyes slowly and found Alford standing above him. He leapt to his feet and to my side. “It’s good to see you again Kyrie.”

“Kyrie…? Why are you suddenly calling me by my online name?”

Seiyu had a puzzled look for a moment before turning to face Alford with a serious gaze. “I think Kyrie would be a much better name for you in this world. Do you think you can distract Alford for a moment?”

“What, you want me to fight? I’ve never used a sword before!” This was crazy; I wasn’t even sure what was going on!

“Don’t worry, neither did I when I woke up in this world. Just do what feels natural.” He gripped the handle of his sword and prepared for battle. I’m not sure I appreciate being a distraction, but I guess I couldn’t just sit back and watch.

I placed my hand on the scabbard at my waist sliding my hand up until I found the hilt of my blade. I drew my sword as I dashed forward. I could only pray that my attack actually hit.

As the blade left its scabbard striking upward, I got the chance to see its brilliance. The blade itself looked like a jewel radiating in the air. The hilt was also a work of art. A golden handle with a magnificent looking gem at the end and the hand guard was in the shape of wings that looked as if they carved from pearls.

I took my eyes from the sword, remembering the battle at hand. Alford had dodged with ease. I brought my blade to a downward swing and started to string together a combo, not that it did much since I couldn’t land a hit.

I jumped back and took a defensive stance. This wasn’t working, I was fighting as if I were using a two handed Katana while I was using a double-edged saber. I couldn't think of to many anime characters that use such swords… That almost seemed sad now that I think about it.

“You’re never going to beat me like that.” Alford took the chance to lean forward into another sexy pose. I started feeling things that I had never felt with my normal body, and it was making me uncomfortable. I shook the thoughts out of my mind and prepared for combat again.

Alford wasn’t going to wait this time around. She lunged at me attacking with her claws. I managed to block with my sword. I tried to parry, but things truly were not working to my favor. She kicked me in the stomach. Her heel stabbed into my armor.

Wait, I just remembered! Knocked into mid-air, I shifted and held my sword out before me, like taking a sword stance. How could I have forgotten this kind of anime character? An almost cheeky grin formed on my face.

“Looks like some nerve got knocked into you kid, though you look much more mature now. You know, I don’t limit myself to just males.” She said with a laugh. I started feeling… disturbed again, but quickly shook the thoughts out of my mind.

“Let’s say I just now learned how to use this kind of sword.” I ran toward her with my sword back at my side. As she came into my range, I started building all the energy I had into swing. I raised the sword above my head to attack. “Excalibur” I shouted out as I swung. I did this more as a joke, but it seemed that it was enough to put Alford on guard rather than dodge. That’s when something even more unexpected happened. A blast of shining light actually came out from the attack. A blast so large that it’s no wonder Alford didn’t try evading. It blew a hole in the wall, probably piercing to the outside.

The blast finally died down. Alford look exhausted and her arms burned. “I didn’t think that kind of attack counts as learning to use that- Ack!” Alford dropped to the ground coughing in pain.

“Does she not know when to stop talking?" Seiyu was standing behind her. He had struck her down and left a large gash in her back.

“Tis’ a shame leaving a scar on a beauty such as her.”

“It’s about time you did something! I was starting to think you turned tail and ran.”

“Come on man.” I noticed how he tried not to laugh as he placed emphasis on the word man. “I would never leave when there are two gorgeous ladies fighting over my life.” He broke into open laughing.

“Alright, ha-ha, you seem to know what’s going on. Tell me how to change back.” With a scowl on my face, I made my way toward him. I finally got in arm’s reach of him when a force violently knocked me back. “What in the hell…?” I looked down at the ground in surprise. “Seiyu, Move!”

A magic circle had formed from Alfords blood and now encircled both her and Seiyu. Seiyu moved as quickly as he could, but was met with the same result I bumped into. “Damn, Kyrie- Gah!”

I watched as Seiyu’s body floated above Alford’s body. I could hear her mumbling some sort of chant as Seiyu rose into position. That’s when I saw it again; the life energy from both Alford and Seiyu started moving between each other. It was incredible how much life force Alford had, she was far from ever dying.

All I could do now was watch as the life force exchanged between the two. Two distinctive looking orbs of light passed each other and rippled into the other’s body. I’d seen enough anime to know what this meant.

The rite came to its end with Seiyu’s body now standing on its own feet. I didn’t hesitate, I moved in between Alford and Seiyu’s body. “Answer me, who are you!?” I took a fighting stance preparing myself for the worse.

Seiyu’s body started laughing. “What’s wrong Kyrie? Don’t recognize your good friend Alford? Normally, most mortal beings could never possibly hope to house my soul; however a body resurrected from a Valkyrie’s Blessing, an Einharjar…” He took a deep breath followed by a drawn out exhale. “It truly is something to behold. I can use this to breed with a demon, or maybe an Elf to create an even more powerful vessel.”

I was afraid that this would happen. Now I might have to do some harmful things to Seiyu’s body. “What are you, Answer me!” Seriously, how cliché is it to have a human breed with any other race to create a more superior being?

“I am Alford! A God from the Old World, I have returned surviving off vessels from this world. And I have come to take back the worlds that were once mine!” That was pretty much Alford’s cue to laugh maniacally and he did not hesitate to do so.

Behind me, I could hear Alford’s old body, now most likely Seiyu, groaning in pain. I’m going to have to retreat for now. I looked over to a hole in the wall that I had made with my earlier attack.

“What’s wrong? Looking to leave the party already?” He stepped closer and I retreated closer to Seiyu.

Quickly, I turned around and snatched up Seiyu. I darted toward the hole in the wall, and escaped into a dark path made by my attack. I ran down the tunnel until eventually I saw a light. I took a quick glance behind me; Alford was not too far behind. It didn’t seem like he was in much of a hurry to catch up to us.

As I ran out to the light, I felt myself in the air. “What?” The hole led out of the side of a mountain reaching into the clouds and I was now falling… fast. “Well… GOOOODDDDD DAAAMN IT!”

I focused hard on what I felt when I had wings. “Come, if there was ever a time I needed to fly, now would definitely be it!” I then started to feel it once again, wings forming on my back. They weren’t solid like before, rather they look ethereal.

My descent slowed, but I was still moving too fast. I saw trees coming up and braced myself for impact.

Magical Shoujo

6,650 Points
  • Gender Swap 100
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Invisibility 100
Awe come on. Is no one interested in what I've written?
Kyrie-Otaku
Awe come on. Is no one interested in what I've written?

i love it!!! 4laugh 3nodding 3nodding xd

Magical Shoujo

6,650 Points
  • Gender Swap 100
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Invisibility 100
xX Elmina Xx
Kyrie-Otaku
Awe come on. Is no one interested in what I've written?

i love it!!! 4laugh 3nodding 3nodding xd

Good to know! Thanks for reading. I'm kind of stuck on chapter four right now though. Not sure when I'll get back to it. It took me a year to get the story to where it is now.

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