Esanx
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- Posted: Wed, 23 Apr 2014 20:08:25 +0000
"Rolh here," called out the knight, rapping his knuckles against his metal breastplate. The chime echoed through out the alleyway. "Rolh, the royal knight of this kingdom, is here." he repeated, his voice higher. He bashed his fist against his armor. "ROLH HERE-"
"Dear Goddess, must you be so loud? There are kittens sleeping here, you know." croaked a frail voice.
Rolh jumped and whipped around to see an elderly man standing before him. "Do not sneak up on knights, sir." gasped the man.
"An old man frightened a mighty knight? What tale will the bards make of this?" sung the elder, brushing past Rolh and entering the alleyway. Rolh followed with his head lowered. "Did you bring what I asked?"
"Yes, but it wasn't easy."
"Oh, did you have some trouble?"
"Some trouble with my stomach. This is my break, sir. My lunch break." groaned the knight as a growl resonated out from his armor.
"Worry not, it shouldn't take long. Not long at all." The old man turned and faced Rolh. "The item, please."
"Oh, of course." Rolh dipped his hand beneath his breastplate and pulled out a tattered parchment, its surface covered with ink blotches and smeared words. Rolh looked it over once more before handing it over to the old man. "Don't know why you need this though. Trash, if you ask me. I actually had to sneak it out of Greph's feeding pile."
"The fool was going to devour this treasure?" shrieked the elderly man, pressing the paper against his chest. "Fool! What a fool! Can't trust a goat, that's what my father used to say. He was a wise man, you know. Once, he managed to trick a chicken into covering his work shift while he was a lad. A genius, he was."
"A...chicken?" Rolh frowned. "Anyway, how is this trash-"
"Treasure." corrected the man.
"How is this...treasure...considered, well, treasure?"
"Here I thought knights aided the common folk out of the goodness of their heart, not for their own curiosity! How times have changed. My father also said to never trust a shiny man. My, he sure was wise."
"I-I'm sure he was, but I just want to know, that's all. You came to me out of nowhere yesterday and asked for this document."
"Yes, the document with blue borders and a broken, green seal of wax! And you brought it, that you did! My father always said to trust shiny men."
"But I thought you said he-"
"Enough, you'll wake the kittens!"
"I don't even see any." grumbled Rolh, looking around the alley. Only torn webs and hills of trash inhabited the alley, neither of which looked to house any cats.
"Of course you don't, because they're sleeping. Cats always know the best hiding places to sleep, you know."
"I don't know." muttered the knight.
"Now..." The old man stuck a wrinkled hand in his pocket and fished around for a moment. "Somewhere...somewhere...my father always told me to avoid deep pockets, but did I listen? Nope!" The tip of his tongue poked out through his lips and his face twisted. "Somewhere...here!" He pulled out dusty glasses and blew them off, sending dust flying into Rolh's face.
"My eyes!"
"My father always said that eyes were overrated." informed the old man.
"Minotaur s**t." moaned Rolh.
"Language, language! You may upset the kittens!"
"There are no kittens." hissed Rolh through clenched teeth. "None at all. I see trash and abandoned spider webs."
"Because you're looking with your eyes." observed the old man.
"What am I supposed to look with then?"
"Great men look with their penises!"
"....Is that another piece of...advice...that your father passed down?"
"Nope, my mother used to say that."
"Your...mother?"
The old man placed the glasses over his eyes and peered through them at the paper. "Yes, yes. Interesting. Mhm. Wow, look at that! So fantastic! Yes, a masterpiece! Mhm, beautiful, just beautiful! Why, I didn't know that! How witty!" laughed the man as his eyes slivered down the page.
"What does that page say?" wondered Rolh.
"Hm? Oh, I haven't deciphered that yet." confessed the old man, shrugging.
"Then why were you saying all that?"
"My father said you should always say those things when looking over a piece of paper! Makes you look smarter."
"I..see...." Rolh pondered on whether the old man would be offended or not if he left. "So, um..I'm a busy knight. Very busy, actually. So I'll just be going..."
"Going? But don't you want to learn what the paper says? I thought you were as curious as me!"
"Oh, I am, it's just that...I'm busy."
"With what?"
"With...knight stuff." mumbled Rolh into his fist.
"Knight stuff? Like?"
"Like slaying dragons and saving princesses."
"Our kingdom doesn't have a princess."
"Well, maybe that's because we need to save one from a dragon first." barked the knight as he adjusted his breastplate. "So I'll be off. I'll return with a princess."
"Bring two!"
"Why?"
"Two princess are better than one, duh. You call yourself a knight, yet you do not that simple rule?"
Rolh made no response. He turned away, waved his hand, and stomped out of the alleyway. I think I'm going to become a gatekeeper or a guard. This knight business is too much.
"Dear Goddess, must you be so loud? There are kittens sleeping here, you know." croaked a frail voice.
Rolh jumped and whipped around to see an elderly man standing before him. "Do not sneak up on knights, sir." gasped the man.
"An old man frightened a mighty knight? What tale will the bards make of this?" sung the elder, brushing past Rolh and entering the alleyway. Rolh followed with his head lowered. "Did you bring what I asked?"
"Yes, but it wasn't easy."
"Oh, did you have some trouble?"
"Some trouble with my stomach. This is my break, sir. My lunch break." groaned the knight as a growl resonated out from his armor.
"Worry not, it shouldn't take long. Not long at all." The old man turned and faced Rolh. "The item, please."
"Oh, of course." Rolh dipped his hand beneath his breastplate and pulled out a tattered parchment, its surface covered with ink blotches and smeared words. Rolh looked it over once more before handing it over to the old man. "Don't know why you need this though. Trash, if you ask me. I actually had to sneak it out of Greph's feeding pile."
"The fool was going to devour this treasure?" shrieked the elderly man, pressing the paper against his chest. "Fool! What a fool! Can't trust a goat, that's what my father used to say. He was a wise man, you know. Once, he managed to trick a chicken into covering his work shift while he was a lad. A genius, he was."
"A...chicken?" Rolh frowned. "Anyway, how is this trash-"
"Treasure." corrected the man.
"How is this...treasure...considered, well, treasure?"
"Here I thought knights aided the common folk out of the goodness of their heart, not for their own curiosity! How times have changed. My father also said to never trust a shiny man. My, he sure was wise."
"I-I'm sure he was, but I just want to know, that's all. You came to me out of nowhere yesterday and asked for this document."
"Yes, the document with blue borders and a broken, green seal of wax! And you brought it, that you did! My father always said to trust shiny men."
"But I thought you said he-"
"Enough, you'll wake the kittens!"
"I don't even see any." grumbled Rolh, looking around the alley. Only torn webs and hills of trash inhabited the alley, neither of which looked to house any cats.
"Of course you don't, because they're sleeping. Cats always know the best hiding places to sleep, you know."
"I don't know." muttered the knight.
"Now..." The old man stuck a wrinkled hand in his pocket and fished around for a moment. "Somewhere...somewhere...my father always told me to avoid deep pockets, but did I listen? Nope!" The tip of his tongue poked out through his lips and his face twisted. "Somewhere...here!" He pulled out dusty glasses and blew them off, sending dust flying into Rolh's face.
"My eyes!"
"My father always said that eyes were overrated." informed the old man.
"Minotaur s**t." moaned Rolh.
"Language, language! You may upset the kittens!"
"There are no kittens." hissed Rolh through clenched teeth. "None at all. I see trash and abandoned spider webs."
"Because you're looking with your eyes." observed the old man.
"What am I supposed to look with then?"
"Great men look with their penises!"
"....Is that another piece of...advice...that your father passed down?"
"Nope, my mother used to say that."
"Your...mother?"
The old man placed the glasses over his eyes and peered through them at the paper. "Yes, yes. Interesting. Mhm. Wow, look at that! So fantastic! Yes, a masterpiece! Mhm, beautiful, just beautiful! Why, I didn't know that! How witty!" laughed the man as his eyes slivered down the page.
"What does that page say?" wondered Rolh.
"Hm? Oh, I haven't deciphered that yet." confessed the old man, shrugging.
"Then why were you saying all that?"
"My father said you should always say those things when looking over a piece of paper! Makes you look smarter."
"I..see...." Rolh pondered on whether the old man would be offended or not if he left. "So, um..I'm a busy knight. Very busy, actually. So I'll just be going..."
"Going? But don't you want to learn what the paper says? I thought you were as curious as me!"
"Oh, I am, it's just that...I'm busy."
"With what?"
"With...knight stuff." mumbled Rolh into his fist.
"Knight stuff? Like?"
"Like slaying dragons and saving princesses."
"Our kingdom doesn't have a princess."
"Well, maybe that's because we need to save one from a dragon first." barked the knight as he adjusted his breastplate. "So I'll be off. I'll return with a princess."
"Bring two!"
"Why?"
"Two princess are better than one, duh. You call yourself a knight, yet you do not that simple rule?"
Rolh made no response. He turned away, waved his hand, and stomped out of the alleyway. I think I'm going to become a gatekeeper or a guard. This knight business is too much.
