Jaded

[FAoSilence]

Jaded: Based on a true story

Definition: feeling or showing a lack of interest and excitement caused by having done or experienced too much of something (ref: Merriam-Webster

I once knew you, I was complacent with my life when we first met. As time grew on, I became unhappy. Your promises sounded like dreams, how right I was I wouldn't know. I dreamed of a life with you, and found myself with the opportunity to act and achieve them. The things I didn't know came to quick knowledge, and haunted me.

Your life was a complete mystery, in your shrouded history. That didn't curtail the dream, a different life a happy home a chance for change and excitement. Take the veil off, I didn't care nothing back then stopped my pursuit. Your Life, your wife, my stupid stupid stupid dream.

"He won't leave her."
"He doesn't love you."
"You're being used."
Friends told me and warned me, I didn't care. I wouldn't allow them to put my dream out.

"I am trying to make it work."
"I will come see you."
"I don't care what she would think."
You told me and reassured me, I thought my footing was sure. You added the fuel to keep the fire going.

"I am doing my best."
It's not good enough.
"I am sacrificing as much as you."
More, more, more.
"What can I do to change?"
Stop sucking at life.
Words in my head, psycho babble bullshit. I was burning, Burning, BURNING OUT.

You chose to try to make your marriage work. That's cool I get it, I don't ever want to be divorced, that's why I have never been married. Two years past, we didn't speak. Life changed, people matured, and time grew on.

I am not the girl you met five years ago, cause I am not a girl anymore I am a woman now. You say I have lost my ability to dream, to imagine, to think of the prospect of you.

You're wrong.

For a smart guy, you are stupid.
For a passionate guy, you don't know love.
For a good guy, you are a jerk.

I haven't lost the dream, I am just JADED toward any dream that involves you.