Peace of Mind - advice on giving poetry to others, please.

[Lyvidian]

Peace of Mind
I'm constantly checking to see if you're there
Wanting to ask if everything is okay
I want to hear that life is getting better for you
That you're doing the things you've always wanted to
I want to know that you've found peace of mind and happiness
Even if it doesn't involve me

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I've been debating posting this somewhere else that someone I like has access to viewing (and it would be obvious to him that it's about him). We're an ocean apart, and mutual feelings of liking each other were once there; I still like him (obviously), but I think his feelings have calmed down a bit. We still talk from time to time, and as hard as I try to let go of my feelings, they just get stronger. He knows this as well, as I've mailed him a hand written "love" letter, explaining my feelings for him (this didn't change our friendship at all - we still talk regularly).

Now here's what I'm wondering... If you were to receive this from someone you used to like, how would you feel about it?

[Nemone]

I'm not really sure how I'd feel. I guess it'd depend on if I had lingering attachments. I guess if I didn't have too much attachment anymore I'd feel like maybe the other person still has feelings. But it sounds like you're letting go so I don't think they'd be offended.

[Lyvidian]

Cageless

My thought is that you have good intentions - made apparent in the last two lines - but it seems to build a tension with expectation. Think a lot about expectation. Expectation is a huge concept that isn't talked about enough in psychology, but it brings probably the majority of pain we feel. I wouldn't want the other person to feel anything that makes them think I'm hurting because they aren't here with me. Even if you are, it's unkind sounding to say this - have it weighing on them. The first line didn't feel romantic, it felt needy and like I'm being blamed. Try speaking of them, not at them.

Good point. Do you think it might be better if I just omit that first line? I was actually just about to post it on my tumblr, too.