Bumble Bee

[Chitse]

Bumble bee, bumble bee
Oh, what have you done to me?
All I did was love you so
Now I have to let you go?
Bumble bee, sweet bumble bee
Why, oh why, was this done to me?

[Ukamiyasha]

what the heck was that?!! talk about a stupid poem. you've got the rhyming thing down but dang you need better words!

[Casual Monday]

Ayumi Li

Bumble bee, bumble bee
Oh, what have you done to me?
All I did was love you so
Now I have to let you go?
Bumble bee, sweet bumble bee
Why, oh why, was this done to me?

What has the bumble bee done to the narrorator? This piece is very vague to the readers. And the imagery is, well, not there. Give the readers something to see when they read this poem. In other words, show don't tell. ^_^ It's a good start, though.

[Alcura Duvo]

Did that nasty sucker sting ya?

[animepurinsesu]

Alcura

Did that nasty sucker sting ya?

^____^ I'm sure you hope he's dead now.

[Chitse]

Ukamiyasha

what the heck was that?!! talk about a stupid poem. you've got the rhyming thing down but dang you need better words!

Ahem. The least you can do is give constructive criticism, or you're just as intelligent as you say my poem is.

Also, it's not like it's meant to tell a story. It's just a little poem I wrote randomly. Perhaps it doesn't need to be descriptive. Maybe I left it open to interpretation.

The so-called "bumble bee" was not necessarily meant to be taken literally, either. It's more of a metaphor. But I suppose since my poem is "stupid," that isn't obvious.