Jealous of the dog?

[` B e l o v e d]

Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I know for a fact that I'm PMSing so clearly my hormones are all over the place.

Anyway, I digress.

My issue is this: I've been dating my boyfriend for over six months now. Ironically, we worked together for about three years (2009-ish-2011), however we never saw each other "like that" because not only was he married, but I was dating (a douche bag).

Fast forward up to Summer of last year. We were always buddies on Facebook and then I found out he had a really nasty divorce (his ex-wife had two affairs behind his back, she was psychotic, yadda yadda yadda). Our talks about that issue with his life/ex (over the phone) led to a discussion of, "How about we start to date? Besides, I was really attracted to you when we worked together and we pretty much already know each other very well."

Bam! We've been dating for quite some time and I know that he wants to marry me in the future - he and I actually fit VERY well together and in a lot of ways, I have no room to complain (that, and his family is amazing).
Keep in mind, he's 34 and I'm 24 (please don't put any stereotypes on either one of us - he's not a creeper and I'm not a party-girl, trust me).

Obviously when you start dating, you find out things about the other person... right? Right! I knew he had a 7 or 8 year old Boston Terrier that he raised from a pup. He adopted this dog from an agency that snatched him out of a puppy-mill. Needless to say, he and the dog are very bonded. The problem? He never stops bugging me about his dog and treats this dog almost better than he treats me AND any other human.

That might sound strange, I know, but it's really starting to bother me. And before any of ya'll go on this "communication is key" tangent, I'm really trying to figure out how I feel and to process my own emotions.

He is constantly attentive to his dog and how his dog is doing. This dog follows him around everywhere and if my boyfriend leaves the room, he freaks out and either follows him or begins to do a bit of whimpering. When we're doing simple things together or if he's laying on the couch, he'll grab the dog and snuggle up with him. He will always grab his dog and do funny things with him, like give him a voice and talk for him or play with his face and front paws. If my boyfriend is eating, he throws pieces of food in the dog's direction and the dog gobbles it up (mind you, he's got this dog so spoiled that when ANYONE eats, the dog stands there next to you STARING at you, waiting).

This is barely doing it justice really, but for me, it's annoying. It's annoying because to me, a dog is a dog. They don't need to be constantly touched, constantly snuggled, constantly played around with! In fact, I've been trying to break the dog of the ANNOYING begging habits but I just look like the big, bad wench. Mind you - my boyfriend hasn't gotten mad at me over this, he just won't help me enforce the "Okay, when I'm eating, I don't want this dog standing there like a creeper staring at me until I drop the slightest crumb on the floor or give him a table scrap."

I've made it pretty clear that certain things that dog does (because of him!) annoys the ever loving crap out of me. All and all, I feel like during his divorce and seven years of being married to someone that made him absolutely MISERABLE, he psychologically and emotionally bonded with this dog in a way that is a bit unnerving and uncomfortable. I nag him and tell him that clearly the dog is his "baby" and he denies it every time, claiming, "Amber, he's not my baby, he's just a dog. He's my companion and my friend."

Thoughts?

[Roake]

I know you're digging at a stereotype people get itchy over easily.

But you're in the right in many ways! If he geeeenuinely is treating the dog better than people that is problematic. Yes it's okay to see your pup as part of the family, as a person even. [I have a point about this later] BUT! It is not okay to put them higher up in the ladder when you're his fiance or wife to be and you're deeply committed as you are.

It just really sounds like you need to have a gentle but hard conversation about it.

I've worked with dogs, I've volunteered at shelters and helped trained dogs of my own and other peoples. He is showing very critical signs of "too much affection" [this doesnt have to do with how much he loves the dog, that's ok] It has to do with he's encouraging and feeding his BAD behavior. Staring at you while you eat is really not cool. That's A VERY clear sign the dog feels entitled to your food, AND your space, and probably your BF. It's clear he loves his dog but needs to get some training done for it's behavioral issues and he himself needs to learn that too much lovey dove can be bad for the pup and he's hurting you as well and you're very right to feel hurt.

My own partner and I plan to have a dog soon, and we both understand the dog will be /ours/ it's a team parent life effort. Maybe you can try and achieve something closer to that with the pup yourself? Like bond to it more.

[The Peppermint Bunny]

I don't get jealous of friends/boyfriends's dogs, because I usually end up loving them just as much, if not more, as their owner.

[` B e l o v e d]

Roake

I know you're digging at a stereotype people get itchy over easily.

But you're in the right in many ways! If he geeeenuinely is treating the dog better than people that is problematic. Yes it's okay to see your pup as part of the family, as a person even. [I have a point about this later] BUT! It is not okay to put them higher up in the ladder when you're his fiance or wife to be and you're deeply committed as you are.

It just really sounds like you need to have a gentle but hard conversation about it.

I've worked with dogs, I've volunteered at shelters and helped trained dogs of my own and other peoples. He is showing very critical signs of "too much affection" [this doesnt have to do with how much he loves the dog, that's ok] It has to do with he's encouraging and feeding his BAD behavior. Staring at you while you eat is really not cool. That's A VERY clear sign the dog feels entitled to your food, AND your space, and probably your BF. It's clear he loves his dog but needs to get some training done for it's behavioral issues and he himself needs to learn that too much lovey dove can be bad for the pup and he's hurting you as well and you're very right to feel hurt.

My own partner and I plan to have a dog soon, and we both understand the dog will be /ours/ it's a team parent life effort. Maybe you can try and achieve something closer to that with the pup yourself? Like bond to it more.

Thanks for your response!

And yes, that's precisely how I feel. I forgot to mention however, that he and I both worked at a Petsmart (lol) so when it comes to dog behavior, we definitely know what's right and wrong. Buuuut, I think he's forgetting.

In a lot of ways, I think it's something he does subconsciously. He has trained the dog well (sit, stay, leave it, come, etc.) and the dog DOES listen, but now he's developed a bit of a co-dependency that I just don't like. I'm in my right mind to... actually bring this up with his mother, because truthfully I don't know how to word it to him. It's a lot like he's in denial - even down to him getting defensive when I tell him that his dog is like his baby (he's the type of guy to never consider an animal like a child or a human, in other words).

I also forgot to mention, that the dog is very bonded with me, too. He follows me all over his house and makes an effort to get in my lap sometimes and lay down. I don't know. Sorry if this is scattered, I just have to work soon.

[Moogle Voodoo]

Well he's know the dog a lot longer than he's known you.

[Flynn Fylnn]

Why shouldn't he? I respect and treat my dogs better than any b***h I would date for a few months.

You should bring this up with him so he can find out how insecure and neurotic you are and dump you before you become psychotic ex wife number 2.

[dissociate my days away]

lol you sound crazy
read over this in a few days time when you're not pmsing and hopefully you'll see how absolutely psychotic you're coming across as

[Roake]

Jeeeesus ******** christ you two above me are so little and petty.
That's the epitome of trying just being an a*****e, ONTOP of having no comprehension. Like actual morons both of you.

[The Odious]

Ugh, I come across too many pet owners that think their dog is a factual person.
No. It's a freaking animal that you've allowed into your personal living space.
It's not a kid.
It's not a lover.
It's not a relative.
It's not a human.
But a substitue.

People that lavishes attention on their animals, and spoil them rotten; are the same people that wonder why their animal is obese or why their animal is a neurotic mess.
Too much attention is as bad as too little.

The staring while eating annoys the crap out of me; and I think it's fair to want to eat your meals in peace without someone staring at you, begging for food.
If my dog did that, he automatically was put outside (and he hated to be parted from us humans). Luckily, he's never been one to stare at us longingly while we ate, maybe a glance and then he'd go lay down and pout about his woes.

Maybe you could put the dog in another room while you both eat, or have your s/o take the dog on a walk while you eat your meal in peace? Or something?

[Shane Diesel]

shyt I aint ready all that xp

[Crookee]

` B e l o v e d

Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I know for a fact that I'm PMSing so clearly my hormones are all over the place.

Anyway, I digress.

My issue is this: I've been dating my boyfriend for over six months now. Ironically, we worked together for about three years (2009-ish-2011), however we never saw each other "like that" because not only was he married, but I was dating (a douche bag).

Fast forward up to Summer of last year. We were always buddies on Facebook and then I found out he had a really nasty divorce (his ex-wife had two affairs behind his back, she was psychotic, yadda yadda yadda). Our talks about that issue with his life/ex (over the phone) led to a discussion of, "How about we start to date? Besides, I was really attracted to you when we worked together and we pretty much already know each other very well."

Bam! We've been dating for quite some time and I know that he wants to marry me in the future - he and I actually fit VERY well together and in a lot of ways, I have no room to complain (that, and his family is amazing).
Keep in mind, he's 34 and I'm 24 (please don't put any stereotypes on either one of us - he's not a creeper and I'm not a party-girl, trust me).

Obviously when you start dating, you find out things about the other person... right? Right! I knew he had a 7 or 8 year old Boston Terrier that he raised from a pup. He adopted this dog from an agency that snatched him out of a puppy-mill. Needless to say, he and the dog are very bonded. The problem? He never stops bugging me about his dog and treats this dog almost better than he treats me AND any other human.

That might sound strange, I know, but it's really starting to bother me. And before any of ya'll go on this "communication is key" tangent, I'm really trying to figure out how I feel and to process my own emotions.

He is constantly attentive to his dog and how his dog is doing. This dog follows him around everywhere and if my boyfriend leaves the room, he freaks out and either follows him or begins to do a bit of whimpering. When we're doing simple things together or if he's laying on the couch, he'll grab the dog and snuggle up with him. He will always grab his dog and do funny things with him, like give him a voice and talk for him or play with his face and front paws. If my boyfriend is eating, he throws pieces of food in the dog's direction and the dog gobbles it up (mind you, he's got this dog so spoiled that when ANYONE eats, the dog stands there next to you STARING at you, waiting).

This is barely doing it justice really, but for me, it's annoying. It's annoying because to me, a dog is a dog. They don't need to be constantly touched, constantly snuggled, constantly played around with! In fact, I've been trying to break the dog of the ANNOYING begging habits but I just look like the big, bad wench. Mind you - my boyfriend hasn't gotten mad at me over this, he just won't help me enforce the "Okay, when I'm eating, I don't want this dog standing there like a creeper staring at me until I drop the slightest crumb on the floor or give him a table scrap."

I've made it pretty clear that certain things that dog does (because of him!) annoys the ever loving crap out of me. All and all, I feel like during his divorce and seven years of being married to someone that made him absolutely MISERABLE, he psychologically and emotionally bonded with this dog in a way that is a bit unnerving and uncomfortable. I nag him and tell him that clearly the dog is his "baby" and he denies it every time, claiming, "Amber, he's not my baby, he's just a dog. He's my companion and my friend."

Thoughts?

just,
great...

[` B e l o v e d]

Flynn Fylnn

Why shouldn't he? I respect and treat my dogs better than any b***h I would date for a few months.

You should bring this up with him so he can find out how insecure and neurotic you are and dump you before you become psychotic ex wife number 2.

You know, I find this funny.

Normally I wouldn't respond to some little punk hiding behind a computer screen trying to talk all this crap, but, you didn't even read the entire post. Like, lol.

At least try. Come on, can you do it for me? sad

[` B e l o v e d]

acoustic finish

lol you sound crazy
read over this in a few days time when you're not pmsing and hopefully you'll see how absolutely psychotic you're coming across as

The first sentence I was okay with, but no, I'm not "psychotic". What are you, a psychologist? A doctor?

Oh wait, no, you're a Gaia user.

Either way, I said at the get-go that I'm PMSing. Am I super irate and freaking out about it? No. I'm just looking for a good dumping ground for my emotions. I've been feeling this for quite a few weeks now.

If you don't want to say anything productive, turn off your computer and go outside. For the sake of all of us.

[Typing Nonsense]

My ex once said to me, "it's like you love that cat more than me".

He was right.