Children of Divorced Parents - a support thread -

[Calelith]

As you were, I was

Wow...a support thread....for children of divorced parents....

As I am, you will be

[iCharlieee]

My parents divorced at the very end of my 9th grade year, so it's been going on two years now. My dad told me that he was thinking about divorcing her for a while, but he finally did. I don't cry as much like I did the first month or so, but my mom keeps saying that she wants to move back to CA, which makes me upset...because I don't want to choose who to live with or move with. It is now a custody battle between my nephew, either my mom or my dad gets him. I'm going with whoever my nephew gets custody with, but I'm thinking it's going to be shared custody, like it is already.

[Saentific]

My parents are legally divorced but are togather still.


It's a bit odd.

[Ozraptor]

My parents have been divorced for about...8 years? It was when i was around 6. The thing was...my parents never fought at all, until my dad had a brain tumor. It changed him. My mom took a lot of emotional abuse, as well as me and my sister. I still go visit him, and his 'wife' every other weekend. He absolutely hates my mom, and my second oldest sister. He favors my oldest sister. I am pretty much wasted space, time, and money. And i hate him for it.

My mom remarried about 4 years after to a wonderful person who i would consider him to a better father figure than my actual dad.

TL;DR: In short, my 'Dad' died september 8th, 2002.

[Jaishirri]

Calelith: separation and/or divorce can take a huge toll on children's (and adults for that matter) lives. While not having a support thread when I was eight/nine, I did do a lot of fan-fiction RPG and therapy which helped me.

iCharlieee: Choosing who to live with can be a difficult decision. I do hope your mother and father can understand that you don't want to be put in the middle of their divorce.

I'm assuming you live with your father... would it be easiest then just to continue living with him as opposed to moving? I never had to make a choice because my Dad just kinda left (well was kicked out and never fought for it). Of cource my mother used to tell us to go live with our father when she got really stressed but I don't believe she ever ment it.

My boyfriend actually had a rather rough Christmas this year, because his parents just divorced (the whole process took about a month!) and when he went home for break he didn't know who to stay with. He split the time between both of his parents depending on what was happening that day.

Moral of the story, try to not let them put you in the middle of their custody battle! If they do, let them know that you love them both and want to be kept out of it! It's much less stress on a teen finishing high school.

Kimberly: I've never heard or experienced that situation. Did they divorce, then get back together, simply refraining from marriage?

Osraptor: I'm very sorry about your father.

[Jaishirri]

Woodrow Oliver: It's great that you can spend time with your father more often. And you are more than welcome to lurk and/or offer words of support. Fear not, my feelings towards my father have become very bitter, though I will try to rain that in as well.

Dyzzi: I'm happy to hear of a divorce "success" story if you will. Much to often we hear of parents that stay together for the sake of the children, which in turn can end up leaving negative impacts on all involved.

Bovid: I'm sorry your father has stopped calling you, but glad that it's been good for you. My father's mother (gramps passed before this drama), dislikes my mother in general because she was my father's second wife. Being religious she doesn't believe in divorce and decided to take that out on my mother... Sadly, I wish I could keep in contact with her but alas the only way to do that is to go through my father's family, which I'm not in contact with. (he finally decided that after seven years of no relationship with me, he'd "stop trying" because apparently he was trying before. He now refuses to answer my e-mails regarding other things than our relationship)

[Jaishirri]

LD, I'm off for the night. I need to give my dog her meds and good to sleep. Good night!

[Saentific]

Yes.

I kinda want them to get remarried. Them being un-married it makes me think they'll just split and not have deal the legal ickyness of it.

[Masturbating_Rot_Crow]

I gotta tell ya, I don't feel like I need support for this at all. My life is a thousand times greater because of my parent's split. I have way more opportunities now than I would have ever had with them together, and there's a lot more love going around too. The fighting was too much for our family to handle, and I wish kids who had parents who stayed together just for their sake would be so lucky as to have their parents split and find real happiness.
I get that a lot of kids have a tough time, but if I had to choose between my old life and the one I have now, I wouldn't even have to think about it.
I honestly wish people would stop trying to hug me or give me therapist's cards and their sympathy and that crap; I'm happier this way. We all are.

[Lexia_Starr]

Kimberly - Well, not everyone is cut out for marriage. They probably just didn't like being legally married. It doesn't mean they're less committed or that their relationship is less valid. Some people just feel trapped by labels. At least they realized that was the case and stayed together rather than people who feel that way and end up resenting each other for "tying them down".



Anyway, my story is that my parents divorced when I was 16/17 and it was really the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wish my mother had gotten her nerve earlier. My father was always an extremely self-centered, self-serving, self-obsessed a*****e and very emotionally and marginally physically abusive. My childhood was awful. Not as bad as some, but still quite damaging.

My sister was extremely effected by the divorce. I guess because she was my father's favourite and only experienced barely a fraction of what he did to me so she probably didn't understand. Now I think she's beginning to understand what kind of person he is because now he only does things for her if he thinks it will benefit him and has been trying to ploy her to his "side" off and on over the past few years.

[Lynor Eclipse]

I've been pretty lucky. I guess I feel like sharing a more positive story of divorce. Actually, my parents haven't fully divorced yet, though they may as well have. I guess they're just saving on not spending the money until one of them wants to get married to someone new. They've been separated since just before I turned 9. This was a very good thing for our family.

At the time, I was sad that my dad would be moving out, but it didn't take long to settle into the new life a few months later. My younger sister and I got to have two bedrooms to decorate, three Christmases to celebrate (heh, well, one with mom, one with dad, and Russian Orthodox one on January 7th with grandmother), etc. Actually, the Christmases eventually turned into alternating years of spending Christmas with one parent and New Year's with the other. And even sometimes Christmas Day would be spent with both parents.

I can't remember ever seeing my parents kiss. From what my mom has said, the love in the marriage started to leave after my sister was born (she's 2 years younger than me). They used to argue a lot, but they never really dragged us into it (well, if they did, we weren't around to hear it). When dad moved out, he only moved over to a nearby neighbourhood, and my sister and I could bike there in 5-10 minutes in the summer. It was a 2-minute drive between the two houses.

They still got along with each other after the separation, for our sakes. My dad usually came over to my mom's to help put Christmas lights up on the roof and remove them afterwards. In the earlier years of separation, they would occasionally get into a fight if they were in the same room for too long, but now it's been several years since they last fought. They just have very different views on certain aspects of life, how to handle money, how to drive, etc. They both love us very much, and I think their commitment to us was what made my sister's and my childhood great. As I said, I was only sad for a little while when it came to them separating. Most of my growing up, I was bubbly, happy, and thought the world and my family were perfect. In high school, my views started to change, and I got in touch with reality, but I haven't lost my positive attitude.

It's funny, only last year did my sister and I stumble upon the thought that we could have had step-siblings while growing up (and that the possibility still exists). I was 23 and she was 21 at the time of these thoughts. It just never occurred to us that our parents might remarry. Maybe that also had something to do with how smooth the separation and our growing up was. Our dad dated a few women around the time I was 12-15 (honestly, I only remember one, but my sister remembers a couple of others). The one that I remember smoked, and thus, I didn't like her much. One of the ones my sister remembers came to watch one of her water polo games and was fairly nice to her. I don't think she thought much of it.

Our mom hasn't really dated anyone, apart from a few random dates here and there that have never led to any more beyond that. She has had rheumatoid arthritis since a year or so before I was born, and she wants to be healthier before she gets into another relationship. That discussion that my sister and I had last year about the possibility of step-siblings made us start to hope that our parents do find new partners soon. We're hoping to get brothers! Not that it really matters, since we've long since left for college and decided not to return (I decided that the city I ended up in for university was the best place for me, so I'm staying here... my sister is my roommate, and since we're like best friends, she's decided to stay here too. As of last year, we've both graduated - I finished my degree two years ago and went to a specialized technical school for a year).

But even without the possibility of step-siblings, we want both of our parents to be happy. They should be! They should get themselves new partners, especially now that we're no longer around! Both of them have even moved out of the houses that we'd known for 17 and 11 years respectively. My mom lives in an apartment now and my dad's pretty much bought his retirement home though he isn't retiring yet (it was our grandfather's place, but our grandfather wanted to downsize and is living in an apartment now). Our dad's house is on a rather large property (compared to where we used to live), with a large lawn, a creek running through it, and a lake at the end of it. The downside is that it takes him an hour and a half to drive to the city (and an hour and a half back) each day for work. But one of his sisters has retired and is living not far from him (well, it's like half an hour away).

Anyways, I tend to write too much on pretty much everything I reply to... so sorry for the length! I just felt like sharing a positive story of separation. Maybe some people who's parents are considering divorce can be inspired to know that not all of them turn out bad.

[Jaishirri]

Kimberly: I agree with Lexia_Starr. Also, if you're still in their custody, there are still legallities to their relationship. Once a child is brought into a family or they've been living together long enough they become "common law", which is theoretically marriage. The fact that they've worked out there differences and rekindled is a great sign.

Lexia_Starr9: Though not physically abusive, I do remember my father acting so much differently after his accident. My mom tells me that he used to look down on me all the time. He was always so negative.

Alexander took the separation so much harder than everyone else. I shrugged it off, he worked so much I never say him anyway. He turned physically abusive in his pre and early teens. But with therapy, has since stopped. I think it's weird how siblings can take separation and divorce so much differently.

Finally my youngst siblings are catching on to his lies and deception. Secretly, I'm happy about that.

Masturbating_Rot_Crow: Not everyone feels like they need support. Though you are more than welcome to lurk and support others! Personally, I never though I needed any help but therapy (family and private sessions) really helped me, until that is they told me to quite gymnastics stare at which point I stopped going.

Lynor Eclipse: It's awesome that your parents still get along with each other, at least for your sake! Thank you for sharing another positive story!

My mother (well and myself really) always wanted another child. Though she had a historectomy (sp?) after my sister so I always knew that was out of the question. I did love having step siblings though! I was glad my mother started dating (even though it did take her a few years), in retrospect. It can be healthy for all parties involved.

[AnActualLizard]

My parents got divorced last summer. I'm fine with it now, but the only thing that's bugging me is the relationship with my parents.

[Jaishirri]

Paprika Muffin Is that the relationship between your parents or the relationship you have with each of your parents?

[Shima Shinji]

Calelith

As you were, I was

Wow...a support thread....for children of divorced parents....

As I am, you will be

I know, wow. At this rate we'll have threads for people who are engaged and under 21, married and under 21, divorced and under 21, people who are married, people who are engaged, and people who are divorced, people who want to get divorced, people who are divorced and have kids, widows, pregnant widows, arranged marriages, marriages without family's blessings, divorced because your family didn't like them, and who the ******** knows what else.

Anyway, my parents were never married. My dad pistol-whipped my mom in the face and then shot her in the chest because he didn't want her to take me away, and while that's some badass love, it's a good reason not to get married. It happened when I was around 2, so I have no memory of him, although I did look him up a while ago in the Florida prisoner listing or whatever. He got out when I was like, 18 or something, I haven't seen him though. While I was in school, I knew very few people whose parents were married, it wouldn't surprise me if the divorce rate was 75%.