A "friend" of mine dresses like a "slut"

[Niko Aiko]

MayMonster

To be honest you sound like you're insecure yourself, about the amount of attention she might getting or WHO might be looking at her...

But really. It's not your problem. How she dresses is none of your business, especially since you two don't seem to be super close or anything.

why are your words so small? XD
HAHA i'm insecure? please. I have the man of my dreams. I was just concerned about her, I don't need any attention for any other guy, but she loves attention, as she's told me, and does that to get attention. I'm confused because she has a boyfriend who's very loyal to her yet she keeps doing those things. Like I said, I never judged her directly, I just told her how I felt about her role model. I've known her for a year and we talked a lot, that's how I know about her insecurities and how she likes to scrunch up her breasts for a "good cleavage". I didn't tell her upfront that I do not like how she dresses, I just told her I was concerned since she's by herself now and her boyfriend can't protect her from all the guys who want to sexually assault her, as which she's told me about. If anything, you shouldn't be judging me and my viewpoints. It's none of your business as well. All I was asking for was tips on this issue.

[Niko Aiko]

Shark Bacon

I Serene I

Shark Bacon

Um. I think you were totally in the wrong. She didn't ask for your opinion on how she dresses, and if she wants to dress provocatively, that's totally her right.

You broke up the group by offering up an offensive and unwanted opinion, and caused tension between everybody. If she doesn't want to accept your apology, she doesn't have to.

If you really want to fix things for your boyfriend, you can try to apologize again, but be aware that maybe they find you unpleasant after that episode, and maybe that's why no one's talking to you anymore.

Good luck.

Um. She put out her opinion on how it's ok to dress like a slut, therefore it invited me to give my thoughts. I didn't directly tell her "you dress like a slut. it's wrong" I'm totally cool with a little cleavage or a mini skirt, i told her that.

She's very insecure, she's told me why she dresses that way, because she loves the attention from her guy friends. I have nothing against makeup because I wear it for fun but she told me she wears it because she's insecure and wants to hide all her blemishes.

Her boyfriend isn't there to protect her anymore since she's in college and it just concerned me as a friend who doesn't want anything bad (rape, sexual assault) happen to her. This is all that I told her.

And honestly, as I said, I am not fond of them. My boyfriend and I are best friends. I could have him and only him and I'd be fine. It just sucks that most of his guy friends (who are also her friends) are ignorant on this.

Okay, so you want our opinions, but you don't actually want our opinions?

No wonder they don't want to talk to you anymore.

I wanted tips that actually would make a difference on this situation. Not opinions of ignorant people who judge my viewpoints on this matter and automatically think I have no friends entirely. I have my separate group of friends that I hang out with, I was just concerned about my boyfriend's. But now the situation is resolved because he just needs me, so it's all done. I did my part and stood up for what I thought was needed. An insecure girl doesn't want to be told her insecurities, but when someone knows and is concerned about it, they have to let them know even if it ruins a friendship. This is why the other guys didn't want to express their feelings and chose to stay quiet.

[Niko Aiko]

z3fyr

Sounds to me like you need to figure out your priorities. She ain't your problem.

yep

[YANDERE BABY]

I Serene I

MayMonster

To be honest you sound like you're insecure yourself, about the amount of attention she might getting or WHO might be looking at her...

But really. It's not your problem. How she dresses is none of your business, especially since you two don't seem to be super close or anything.

why are your words so small? XD
HAHA i'm insecure? please. I have the man of my dreams. I was just concerned about her, I don't need any attention for any other guy, but she loves attention, as she's told me, and does that to get attention. I'm confused because she has a boyfriend who's very loyal to her yet she keeps doing those things. Like I said, I never judged her directly, I just told her how I felt about her role model. I've known her for a year and we talked a lot, that's how I know about her insecurities and how she likes to scrunch up her breasts for a "good cleavage". I didn't tell her upfront that I do not like how she dresses, I just told her I was concerned since she's by herself now and her boyfriend can't protect her from all the guys who want to sexually assault her, as which she's told me about. If anything, you shouldn't be judging me and my viewpoints. It's none of your business as well. All I was asking for was tips on this issue.

You don't want "tips" on the "issue". You want to be validated and have someone tell you how to tell HER to change her style of dress.
Protip: You can't. How she dresses should not be your concern, and there's no way to bring it up to her without making yourself sound either A: Insecure/Jealous (even if you aren't) or B: Really rude.
If you want a tip, you would do best to let it go. Worry about yourself.

[Niko Aiko]

MayMonster

I Serene I

MayMonster

To be honest you sound like you're insecure yourself, about the amount of attention she might getting or WHO might be looking at her...

But really. It's not your problem. How she dresses is none of your business, especially since you two don't seem to be super close or anything.

why are your words so small? XD
HAHA i'm insecure? please. I have the man of my dreams. I was just concerned about her, I don't need any attention for any other guy, but she loves attention, as she's told me, and does that to get attention. I'm confused because she has a boyfriend who's very loyal to her yet she keeps doing those things. Like I said, I never judged her directly, I just told her how I felt about her role model. I've known her for a year and we talked a lot, that's how I know about her insecurities and how she likes to scrunch up her breasts for a "good cleavage". I didn't tell her upfront that I do not like how she dresses, I just told her I was concerned since she's by herself now and her boyfriend can't protect her from all the guys who want to sexually assault her, as which she's told me about. If anything, you shouldn't be judging me and my viewpoints. It's none of your business as well. All I was asking for was tips on this issue.

You don't want "tips" on the "issue". You want to be validated and have someone tell you how to tell HER to change her style of dress.
Protip: You can't. How she dresses should not be your concern, and there's no way to bring it up to her without making yourself sound either A: Insecure/Jealous (even if you aren't) or B: Really rude.
If you want a tip, you would do best to let it go. Worry about yourself.

You obviously don't know what I'm trying to get across here. I know for a fact that my opinions cannot change a person for who they are or how they act. What I can do is express my opinions to her, which I did. Nobody else was going to say something and have her think about it. Yeah, she's not going to change, in fact she hasn't. I just wanted my boyfriend's friends to talk about whatever they talk about and not have to worry. I'm fine as I am, and I was concerned because she's been assaulted once or twice and since she's in college now without anyone there to protect her, it's a high chance a guy will grab her a**. Oh and you missed C which is : being a friend who actually and truly cared.

[YANDERE BABY]

I Serene I

MayMonster

I Serene I

MayMonster

To be honest you sound like you're insecure yourself, about the amount of attention she might getting or WHO might be looking at her...

But really. It's not your problem. How she dresses is none of your business, especially since you two don't seem to be super close or anything.

why are your words so small? XD
HAHA i'm insecure? please. I have the man of my dreams. I was just concerned about her, I don't need any attention for any other guy, but she loves attention, as she's told me, and does that to get attention. I'm confused because she has a boyfriend who's very loyal to her yet she keeps doing those things. Like I said, I never judged her directly, I just told her how I felt about her role model. I've known her for a year and we talked a lot, that's how I know about her insecurities and how she likes to scrunch up her breasts for a "good cleavage". I didn't tell her upfront that I do not like how she dresses, I just told her I was concerned since she's by herself now and her boyfriend can't protect her from all the guys who want to sexually assault her, as which she's told me about. If anything, you shouldn't be judging me and my viewpoints. It's none of your business as well. All I was asking for was tips on this issue.

You don't want "tips" on the "issue". You want to be validated and have someone tell you how to tell HER to change her style of dress.
Protip: You can't. How she dresses should not be your concern, and there's no way to bring it up to her without making yourself sound either A: Insecure/Jealous (even if you aren't) or B: Really rude.
If you want a tip, you would do best to let it go. Worry about yourself.

You obviously don't know what I'm trying to get across here. I know for a fact that my opinions cannot change a person for who they are or how they act. What I can do is express my opinions to her, which I did. Nobody else was going to say something and have her think about it. Yeah, she's not going to change, in fact she hasn't. I just wanted my boyfriend's friends to talk about whatever they talk about and not have to worry. I'm fine as I am, and I was concerned because she's been assaulted once or twice and since she's in college now without anyone there to protect her, it's a high chance a guy will grab her a**. Oh and you missed C which is : being a friend who actually and truly cared.

Uh okay, if you already made up your mind about what you're going to do then what exactly do you expect to get out of posting here?

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

What's wrong with confident people showing off their bodies?
You were in the wrong.
I'd suggest you apologize to her for your nasty comments.
Would you be saying the same thing if she were a man showing off his body all the time?

[Niko Aiko]

MayMonster

I Serene I

MayMonster

I Serene I

MayMonster

To be honest you sound like you're insecure yourself, about the amount of attention she might getting or WHO might be looking at her...

But really. It's not your problem. How she dresses is none of your business, especially since you two don't seem to be super close or anything.

why are your words so small? XD
HAHA i'm insecure? please. I have the man of my dreams. I was just concerned about her, I don't need any attention for any other guy, but she loves attention, as she's told me, and does that to get attention. I'm confused because she has a boyfriend who's very loyal to her yet she keeps doing those things. Like I said, I never judged her directly, I just told her how I felt about her role model. I've known her for a year and we talked a lot, that's how I know about her insecurities and how she likes to scrunch up her breasts for a "good cleavage". I didn't tell her upfront that I do not like how she dresses, I just told her I was concerned since she's by herself now and her boyfriend can't protect her from all the guys who want to sexually assault her, as which she's told me about. If anything, you shouldn't be judging me and my viewpoints. It's none of your business as well. All I was asking for was tips on this issue.

You don't want "tips" on the "issue". You want to be validated and have someone tell you how to tell HER to change her style of dress.
Protip: You can't. How she dresses should not be your concern, and there's no way to bring it up to her without making yourself sound either A: Insecure/Jealous (even if you aren't) or B: Really rude.
If you want a tip, you would do best to let it go. Worry about yourself.

You obviously don't know what I'm trying to get across here. I know for a fact that my opinions cannot change a person for who they are or how they act. What I can do is express my opinions to her, which I did. Nobody else was going to say something and have her think about it. Yeah, she's not going to change, in fact she hasn't. I just wanted my boyfriend's friends to talk about whatever they talk about and not have to worry. I'm fine as I am, and I was concerned because she's been assaulted once or twice and since she's in college now without anyone there to protect her, it's a high chance a guy will grab her a**. Oh and you missed C which is : being a friend who actually and truly cared.

Uh okay, if you already made up your mind about what you're going to do then what exactly do you expect to get out of posting here?

I didn't have my mind made up about it before posting this. I made up my mind from the people that actually posted a relevant point to the situation and thus gave me the solution to the problem. Your opinions did not matter and were highly irrelevant.

[Niko Aiko]

!d!ot Amer!ca

What's wrong with confident people showing off their bodies?
You were in the wrong.
I'd suggest you apologize to her for your nasty comments.
Would you be saying the same thing if she were a man showing off his body all the time?

You obviously did not read my post carefully and this has nothing to benefit from.

[4everBanned]

WOOOW. This topic is SOOOO interesting... rolleyes

[Niko Aiko]

4everBanned

WOOOW. This topic is SOOOO interesting... rolleyes

I KNOOOOW riiiiiiight!!?? rolleyes

[shezu]

Honestly if a friendship broke and got awkward because an opinion wasn't handled well then it wasnt a very good friendship to begin with. Especially when it has nothing to do with them.
rolleyes People say stupid things it isn't something to hold a grudge on, especially when you apologized for it. If they honestly cant get over it and move on then I don't think they're the type of people to concern yourself with.
Sounds like petty drama and not worth your time to mend.
This is why I don't hang with people who can't just keep s**t between themselves and the person and has to involve everyone.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem to care and why should he.
I'd think wtf if my friends got awkward over what some newly added edition to our friend is upset about when it has nothing to do with me or the rest of the group.

I guess moral for you is to either
a) stop caring about petty people like that
b) not openly say your opinion and thoughts to people you aren't close with that you know who can handle things like that.

I recommend option A its a lot easier. Your boyfriend probably chose that and its probably why he doesn't care because like me he probably think its petty girl drama that I honestly don't wanna get into and just do my own thing.
Its why I avoid girls who cause drama like that who has to make everyone else feel bitter.

Honestly If I were her I'd say I don't care what you think of me and I dress how I like and I'd just ignore your comment.
She doesn't sound like someone confident to me and just an approval seeking insecure attention whore.
I have no problem with showing cleavage and sexy parts either if they have the right attitude.

[freelance lover]

Look, how she dresses doesn't matter. Would you value her more as a person if she dresses like a school marm? Would it improve her personality, kindness, or other positive qualities? Probably not.

Obviously there's a time and a place to dress how you want. If she's got her boobs hanging out as say, a job interview, that's not wise. But if she wants to wear a yellow bikini and be pikachu at a con, let her. Who cares what other people think? You're more concerned about it than she is, and if someone is really willing to judge her based on what she's wearing they're an a*****e anyway. Let the girl wear what she wants. This idea that a woman must cover up because how she dresses is somehow related to her worth as a person is ridiculous.

[Niko Aiko]

shezu

Honestly if a friendship broke and got awkward because an opinion wasn't handled well then it wasnt a very good friendship to begin with. Especially when it has nothing to do with them.
rolleyes People say stupid things it isn't something to hold a grudge on, especially when you apologized for it. If they honestly cant get over it and move on then I don't think they're the type of people to concern yourself with.
Sounds like petty drama and not worth your time to mend.
This is why I don't hang with people who can't just keep s**t between themselves and the person and has to involve everyone.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem to care and why should he.
I'd think wtf if my friends got awkward over what some newly added edition to our friend is upset about when it has nothing to do with me or the rest of the group.

I guess moral for you is to either
a) stop caring about petty people like that
b) not openly say your opinion and thoughts to people you aren't close with that you know who can handle things like that.

I recommend option A its a lot easier. Your boyfriend probably chose that and its probably why he doesn't care because like me he probably think its petty girl drama that I honestly don't wanna get into and just do my own thing.
Its why I avoid girls who cause drama like that who has to make everyone else feel bitter.

Honestly If I were her I'd say I don't care what you think of me and I dress how I like and I'd just ignore your comment.
She doesn't sound like someone confident to me and just an approval seeking insecure attention whore.
I have no problem with showing cleavage and sexy parts either if they have the right attitude.

You nailed it.

[Niko Aiko]

freelance lover

Look, how she dresses doesn't matter. Would you value her more as a person if she dresses like a school marm? Would it improve her personality, kindness, or other positive qualities? Probably not.

Obviously there's a time and a place to dress how you want. If she's got her boobs hanging out as say, a job interview, that's not wise. But if she wants to wear a yellow bikini and be pikachu at a con, let her. Who cares what other people think? You're more concerned about it than she is, and if someone is really willing to judge her based on what she's wearing they're an a*****e anyway. Let the girl wear what she wants. This idea that a woman must cover up because how she dresses is somehow related to her worth as a person is ridiculous.

You obviously didn't read my posts carefully. I never said that I judged her for what she wears, I don't mind a little bit of cleavage or a mini skirt. Guys have harassed her before and she cries to me and wonders why these things happen to her. Don't judge my viewpoints when you can't read them.