Still in love

[A Random Act of Terror]

Not to thread jack, but thanks for the replies, guys. They helped me, too.

I'd been friends with this girl since the 7th grade and moved away at the end of 9th grade. I found out I was moving during the middle of 9th grade and never worked up the courage to tell her I liked her as more than just a friend, partly because I felt it would have been selfish to tell her when I knew I was leaving and I could never have asked her to wait for me. We stayed in contact almost every day since I left and we've both even dated other people since then. I started university this year and finally wrote her a letter telling her that I loved her (she opened it this morning). And essentially responded with "Let's just be friends."

I understand and accept this. Given if even if she did like me the same way, it'd still be 4 years before I ever got to be with her (Unless I took a trip up over breaks. And I'd been planning on going to med school near my hometown because I could stay with family).

We talked a lot about one day seeing each other again that I always thought the feelings were mutual. The worst part is, I should feel sad, but I don't. I actually feel kind of hollow.

[Kannonm]

I suggest talking to them about it, regardless of consequence, and seeking a resolution one way or the other. It's hard to move on when you have unresolved feelings. If there is never an absolute end to it, how are you supposed to move on with your life.

[Dystopic Energy]

Nomerico

I'm still in love with someone after 3 years but I'm really good friends with them. Is there anyway to get over them without ending the friendship? I don't know what to do anymore I feel miserable and the thought of them being with someone else makes me sick, I don't want to tell them I'm still in love with them and risk our friendship ending or becoming awkward. I just want to get over them and it seems impossible ? Advice?

Just give it time. Yes, you can stay friends with them and still get over them. The reason you haven't moved on is you haven't found someone to replace the emptiness they left. There's no time limit on that, sadly. As long as you can find happiness just being friends, then just keep doing what you are doing. And keep hope up that there's someone else out there who might be the one for you one day.

[Nomerico13]

legnanellaf5

You dont need closure, and telling him is inherently selfish. However, the solution to this isnt fun, because if 3 years isnt enough to get over him while being hsi friend, you probably cant be his friend. It sucks, but you need to seperate yourself from the bond you have with this guy and that means not being around him as much.

Why don't I need closure and why is it selfish? I don't want to tell him but im just wondering. Thank you for the advice.

[Nomerico13]

Thank you

[legnanellaf5]

Nomerico

legnanellaf5

You dont need closure, and telling him is inherently selfish. However, the solution to this isnt fun, because if 3 years isnt enough to get over him while being hsi friend, you probably cant be his friend. It sucks, but you need to seperate yourself from the bond you have with this guy and that means not being around him as much.

Why don't I need closure and why is it selfish? I don't want to tell him but im just wondering. Thank you for the advice.

It is selfish because it is an act that you do just for yourself, and it isnt closure mostly because it doesnt really do what people say it does. Closure is when there is a loose end there, that would be something that the act of talkign would fix. Here you could try to say that it is closure because you dont 'know' that he is into you, but you also seem to 'know' without asking anyways with how you are approaching it. If you arent sure about the dude's feeling towards you then sure you can go and try it out, but dont expect that to give you a resolution. Confessing when you know the answer is a no is a selfish act because all you are doing is putting the issue onto this person who cant help that they dont like you back, and it isnt their issue to deal with.

[The Luminosity]

Nomerico

Minus the selfish part, legnanellaf5 is right. Closure is for those who want answers to certain questions. Connecting the lines in hope to make a complete picture, and gain more understanding. I assumed (which I shouldn't have) that you were using the word closure wrong, since you were planning on taking a break from the friendship anyway to allow your feelings to fade.

Telling him your feelings to explain why you wont be around is one thing (and that's why it's optional, because you don't need to explain it); but telling him how you feel to see if there might be a chance you two could date is another thing entirely. So when you say, "I need closure," what you're really saying is, "I'm going to see if he likes me, or not." If you're aiming to end the friendship, his feelings for you shouldn't matter as long as he'll remain your friend.

[Nomerico13]

legnanellaf5

Nomerico

legnanellaf5

You dont need closure, and telling him is inherently selfish. However, the solution to this isnt fun, because if 3 years isnt enough to get over him while being hsi friend, you probably cant be his friend. It sucks, but you need to seperate yourself from the bond you have with this guy and that means not being around him as much.

Why don't I need closure and why is it selfish? I don't want to tell him but im just wondering. Thank you for the advice.

It is selfish because it is an act that you do just for yourself, and it isnt closure mostly because it doesnt really do what people say it does. Closure is when there is a loose end there, that would be something that the act of talkign would fix. Here you could try to say that it is closure because you dont 'know' that he is into you, but you also seem to 'know' without asking anyways with how you are approaching it. If you arent sure about the dude's feeling towards you then sure you can go and try it out, but dont expect that to give you a resolution. Confessing when you know the answer is a no is a selfish act because all you are doing is putting the issue onto this person who cant help that they dont like you back, and it isnt their issue to deal with.

I see, thank you!

[Nomerico13]

The Luminosity

Nomerico

Minus the selfish part, legnanellaf5 is right. Closure is for those who want answers to certain questions. Connecting the lines in hope to make a complete picture, and gain more understanding. I assumed (which I shouldn't have) that you were using the word closure wrong, since you were planning on taking a break from the friendship anyway to allow your feelings to fade.

Telling him your feelings to explain why you wont be around is one thing (and that's why it's optional, because you don't need to explain it); but telling him how you feel to see if there might be a chance you two could date is another thing entirely. So when you say, "I need closure," what you're really saying is, "I'm going to see if he likes me, or not." If you're aiming to end the friendship, his feelings for you shouldn't matter as long as he'll remain your friend.

Yeah, I don't see the point in telling him either unless I am going to end the friendship or take a break because he would need to know why but I don't see myself doing either honestly so I'm just going to try and distance myself a by keeping busy. I just feel like no matter how long I take a break the feelings will always return and like I said I really do not want to end this friendship, distancing by keeping busy seems like my only option which is fine.