Maybe I should distance myself?

[bcuzno]

My friend and I have just started talking again after 2 years due to his ex deleting every female that came into contact with him. Their break up was pretty nasty--from both sides. I went and hung out with him last week and yeah, we fooled around a bit, but we mainly talked and whatnot. Lately, I've been realizing that I still like him from when we met when we were 17 years old, and I have become kind of standoffish with him. He has picked up real quick and has been assisting I tell him what's wrong and that we are best friends now (ouch...). Of course, I won't tell him. He doesn't need to deal with that on top of his breakup.

A few days ago, his ex started talking to him again. They aren't getting back together. They have realized that they just aren't happy and right for each other. She's moved on to dating women (long story short she's lesbian but her and my friend got pretty close and she willingly gave it a chance). He's caught with his emotions and while he HAS hinted that he's very interested in me, he's made it clear that he is not wanting a relationship anytime soon. Which I completely understand and I would never push him to make decisions likes that.

He has told me that I remind him a whole lot like his ex, which stings but what can you do? I mean, 2 years. You're gonna compare no matter how you think of the situation.

I guess what I am asking is if I should distance my from him. I want to be there for him and be his best friend, but at the same time, while his heart is breaking of every memory of his ex, mine is too... I am not in love with him, I will make that clear, but I like him.

I just don't know how long I can be his friend while continuing to like him.

[Glass Dolls]

I guess you just have to let it go. I mean if he was really clear as you say about not wanting a relationship anytime soon, and you respect his problem and want to give him space and not an extra thing to worry about, then just let it go. You could ask yourself which is harder: Not talking to him anymore or just being friends and still hanging out? You have to decide that for yourself. I once liked one of my good closest friends but I decided to keep it secret and let it go. Although, a year later now he hates my current boyfriend and is no longer friends with me (he might have liked me too?) Oh well, drama. But I'm glad I let it go.

It's probably a good idea not to drag him into something else too soon, or you both might get hurt. You don't have to tell him about your feelings yet. You could keep them to yourself and see what happens, maybe he will get closer and more comfortable with you or maybe you will let it go naturally and you both might just go on as being good friends together happily.

[legnanellaf5]

Dont be his friend if it makes you suffer. Yeah its great to be there for him but you cant really do that if he is comparing you to his ex and there is some leading on happening. Its okay to say that you need to back off a bit while he sorts s**t out.

[nepko]

Just be friends with him.
He's hung up on his ex right now, of course he'll compare you to her. No offence here but what he's basically doing is using you in replace of her. He might be genuinely interested in the future, but right now is probably a bad time to be fooling around with him or doing anything like that.

After a few months you should be fine.

[thatonechick101]

Well keep in mind that he didn't stay friends with you while dating his ex. Yes, she may have been crazy and forced him to delete his girl friends, but that still was his choice.

If you can't accept just being friends, than you may have to distance yourself until he's had time to recover from the relationship.

You know, I don't think there would be any harm in telling him that you have some light feelings for him and want to be his friend, but don't want to have to deal with the breakup. He should be able to respect that and hopefully keep you as a friend during the time until he is ready for something more.