I don't know what to do..and my best friend moved on...

[Dreaming_with_eyes_open]

heart

[Inscriven]

You're a little too codependent on this guy.

He's married now so naturally his wife will be the top priority and you'll get knocked several pegs down in terms of importance. Married life is a bit timeconsuming so you expect him to be available to talk to everyday or be there when you need him is unrealistic.

Plus the age difference here is coming into play, he's a grown man and you're still a teenager and you two are at different points in your life and he's pretty clear in expressing that you're not something valuable in his life and that he can take you or leave you. He's kind of stupid for forsaking his entire social network for his wife but that's his decision.

And you should take the hint and find someone who is more deserving of your time.

[Dreaming_with_eyes_open]

heart heart

[legnanellaf5]

You need to start living your own life here. Your interest in him is way more htan a best friend, and you are way too dependent on his input. Marriage wasnt sudden, and while he was there for you, kinda like a father...you are an adult now and need to be more on your own. He cant hold your hand throughout life and he probably has seen that this friendship has gotten a bit inappropiate and is distancing because of that.

[HimeFiveCents]

im_haunted

Thank you.
I know I'm very dependent on him. He used to listen to me, fix my problems, be there when I need him..befor he got married and got with this chick he always told me "your my top priority, and then comes everyone else. Your my main concern at the moment...I don't want you hurt and I woun't let u be depressed or kill yourself, I love you like a sister and I'll do everythig I can to help you"

And your right, marriage is time consuming and I'm not used to sharing him. Like I'm happy he's happy but it feels like he's ignoring me...he wants me to tell him everything but when I do he's like "I don't have time for this, this is bs.." Or he just makes fun of what I have to say
..he's never done that

And thank you for taking the time and explaing that to me. I've been crying my eyes out about this for a long time now..like me and him have been friends for 8 years..and then all of a sudden...all that happens..

Things like that rarely happen "all of a sudden" like many people think. If he cared for you that much then its practically impossible for him to just up and push you to the side. Try to think about how hard it may be for him letting go of his friend of so many years and settling down into married life. But he obviously has faith that you are capable of being on your own without him. Maybe his coldness is even his way of trying to get you to let go of him easier. Have you thought of that one? Its easier to dislike someone who is being a jerk than let go of someone who is still holding your hand and being sweet to you.

Also think of what it might be like to be his wife: a grown woman (I am assuming) having to take a back seat to a 19 year old when it comes to your husband is a pretty difficult thing to deal with. (I know she has told you otherwise but you need to remember that some people put on a front when things are hard to deal with. And if your her husband's good friend she wouldn't want to up and be rude to you.) Would you appreciate the love of your life dropping everything for their friend of the opposite gender? Having a 30-year-old boyfriend I can tell you that would make me a bit jealous even if I tried my hardest for it not to. And not because of anything solid, just the principle. If he's such the good man you describe him as then he most certainly is taking his wife's feelings into consideration and just up and avoiding and kind of situation that might hurt her-- as a man should do for the woman he loves. I think he's being a good husband while still trying hard to be a good friend and not just up and abandon you and those have got to be a load of stress on his mind. I think you need to give him that space or he or the wife may end up resenting you.

It doesn't mean your relationship with your friend will dissolve it just means, like many BFFs find out when they get a lover, that you will not have much time as you once had and the things you talk about will be a little different. Try to be happy that he has someone who obviously cares a great deal for him.

[SaboraTheSoftSpoken]

Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that friends can drift and that's what has happened to you unfortunately. You should focus on making new bonds and hopefully finding someone who wont hurt you, because they're out there somewhere waiting for you to find them

[Dreaming_with_eyes_open]

Dagera

im_haunted

Thank you.
I know I'm very dependent on him. He used to listen to me, fix my problems, be there when I need him..befor he got married and got with this chick he always told me "your my top priority, and then comes everyone else. Your my main concern at the moment...I don't want you hurt and I woun't let u be depressed or kill yourself, I love you like a sister and I'll do everythig I can to help you"

And your right, marriage is time consuming and I'm not used to sharing him. Like I'm happy he's happy but it feels like he's ignoring me...he wants me to tell him everything but when I do he's like "I don't have time for this, this is bs.." Or he just makes fun of what I have to say
..he's never done that

And thank you for taking the time and explaing that to me. I've been crying my eyes out about this for a long time now..like me and him have been friends for 8 years..and then all of a sudden...all that happens..

Things like that rarely happen "all of a sudden" like many people think. If he cared for you that much then its practically impossible for him to just up and push you to the side. Try to think about how hard it may be for him letting go of his friend of so many years and settling down into married life. But he obviously has faith that you are capable of being on your own without him. Maybe his coldness is even his way of trying to get you to let go of him easier. Have you thought of that one? Its easier to dislike someone who is being a jerk than let go of someone who is still holding your hand and being sweet to you.

Also think of what it might be like to be his wife: a grown woman (I am assuming) having to take a back seat to a 19 year old when it comes to your husband is a pretty difficult thing to deal with. (I know she has told you otherwise but you need to remember that some people put on a front when things are hard to deal with. And if your her husband's good friend she wouldn't want to up and be rude to you.) Would you appreciate the love of your life dropping everything for their friend of the opposite gender? Having a 30-year-old boyfriend I can tell you that would make me a bit jealous even if I tried my hardest for it not to. And not because of anything solid, just the principle. If he's such the good man you describe him as then he most certainly is taking his wife's feelings into consideration and just up and avoiding and kind of situation that might hurt her-- as a man should do for the woman he loves. I think he's being a good husband while still trying hard to be a good friend and not just up and abandon you and those have got to be a load of stress on his mind. I think you need to give him that space or he or the wife may end up resenting you.

It doesn't mean your relationship with your friend will dissolve it just means, like many BFFs find out when they get a lover, that you will not have much time as you once had and the things you talk about will be a little different. Try to be happy that he has someone who obviously cares a great deal for him.

Hey jenifer :]
ya this pretty much sums up why i havn't been on Gaia xD


well to me..it happend all of a sudden. One sec i was close to Harry..now it's just..eh. He told me he loves me like a sister and no one can ever replace me. And he told me even when he acts like he dosn't care..he really dose :

He tells me all the time "i'm better off without him" and "I'll be fine on my own" and "one day he isn't gonna be here like he used to be" idk weather he wants to let go or not. He and his wife both told me they want me around..and Harry told me even tho he dosn't need me..it's nice knowing i'm there for him. He knows, no matter how cold he is towards me..i still love him and i will forgive him each time he hurts me. each time him or me wants to walk away from the friendship (8 years is a long time to be in somones life) We both know we woun't walk away that easy or at all. He may be upset and not happy art me at times..and same goes for my case..but we both don't wanna leave the friendship.

and his wife..she's 17. She wants me around and i'm actauly very good friends with her. It's just me and her only talk when Harrys not around to stop us...keeping in mind i accsedently broke them up one time cuz i thought he was cheating...as it turned out he wasn't but thats beside the story. And Helen even told me "i feel like i'm getting in the way, and if i have to..i will leave him if you 2 don't make up and just be friends" and she told Harry that the same way.

Trust me, Harys a good man, and any girl will be lucky to have her. But hes with Helen. As you can see..it's complicated..me and Harry used to talk everyday..now it's just eh..and I miss him >.<

So dose this explain enough...?

[HimeFiveCents]

im_haunted

Hey jenifer :]
ya this pretty much sums up why i havn't been on Gaia xD


well to me..it happend all of a sudden. One sec i was close to Harry..now it's just..eh. He told me he loves me like a sister and no one can ever replace me. And he told me even when he acts like he dosn't care..he really dose :

He tells me all the time "i'm better off without him" and "I'll be fine on my own" and "one day he isn't gonna be here like he used to be" idk weather he wants to let go or not. He and his wife both told me they want me around..and Harry told me even tho he dosn't need me..it's nice knowing i'm there for him. He knows, no matter how cold he is towards me..i still love him and i will forgive him each time he hurts me. each time him or me wants to walk away from the friendship (8 years is a long time to be in somones life) We both know we woun't walk away that easy or at all. He may be upset and not happy art me at times..and same goes for my case..but we both don't wanna leave the friendship.

and his wife..she's 17. She wants me around and i'm actauly very good friends with her. It's just me and her only talk when Harrys not around to stop us...keeping in mind i accsedently broke them up one time cuz i thought he was cheating...as it turned out he wasn't but thats beside the story. And Helen even told me "i feel like i'm getting in the way, and if i have to..i will leave him if you 2 don't make up and just be friends" and she told Harry that the same way.

Trust me, Harys a good man, and any girl will be lucky to have her. But hes with Helen. As you can see..it's complicated..me and Harry used to talk everyday..now it's just eh..and I miss him >.<

So dose this explain enough...?

This guy is honestly starting to sound more and more less like a cool guy. He's 30 and is best friends with a 19 year old and married to a 17 year old?? That's really starting to sound like this guy has a problem with being attracted to young girls... I don't want to diss your friend but there is something a wee bit wrong with that whole situation...

[Dreaming_with_eyes_open]

Dagera

im_haunted

Hey jenifer :]
ya this pretty much sums up why i havn't been on Gaia xD


well to me..it happend all of a sudden. One sec i was close to Harry..now it's just..eh. He told me he loves me like a sister and no one can ever replace me. And he told me even when he acts like he dosn't care..he really dose :

He tells me all the time "i'm better off without him" and "I'll be fine on my own" and "one day he isn't gonna be here like he used to be" idk weather he wants to let go or not. He and his wife both told me they want me around..and Harry told me even tho he dosn't need me..it's nice knowing i'm there for him. He knows, no matter how cold he is towards me..i still love him and i will forgive him each time he hurts me. each time him or me wants to walk away from the friendship (8 years is a long time to be in somones life) We both know we woun't walk away that easy or at all. He may be upset and not happy art me at times..and same goes for my case..but we both don't wanna leave the friendship.

and his wife..she's 17. She wants me around and i'm actauly very good friends with her. It's just me and her only talk when Harrys not around to stop us...keeping in mind i accsedently broke them up one time cuz i thought he was cheating...as it turned out he wasn't but thats beside the story. And Helen even told me "i feel like i'm getting in the way, and if i have to..i will leave him if you 2 don't make up and just be friends" and she told Harry that the same way.

Trust me, Harys a good man, and any girl will be lucky to have her. But hes with Helen. As you can see..it's complicated..me and Harry used to talk everyday..now it's just eh..and I miss him >.<

So dose this explain enough...?

This guy is honestly starting to sound more and more less like a cool guy. He's 30 and is best friends with a 19 year old and married to a 17 year old?? That's really starting to sound like this guy has a problem with being attracted to young girls... I don't want to diss your friend but there is something a wee bit wrong with that whole situation...

Ok I can see where your getting at. But he's a good guy. No one his age really likes him and u woun't believe how him and Helen get along. U really can't judge until you see them. Besides he dosn't really act his age...

[blackbeltcadet]

Dreaming_with_eyes_open

Now me and him used to be best friends until she came along..?

It sounds like you thought of him as more than a friend. I hate to break it to you, but he's a married man. He dedicated his life to his wife, and visa versa- it is not going to be the same friendship you used to be, because his wife is now his best friend, and at 30, that's who he will be the closest to, not a 19-year-old friend. He's at a different stage in his life than you are- friendships end and people move on. I know its harsh, but you need to let him live his life and accept the fact that you are do not belong in any way in the middle of their marriage. Remaining friends is one thing, but recognize that his life does not revolve around your friendship the way your life seems to.

[Dreaming_with_eyes_open]

blackbeltcadet

Dreaming_with_eyes_open

Now me and him used to be best friends until she came along..?

It sounds like you thought of him as more than a friend. I hate to break it to you, but he's a married man. He dedicated his life to his wife, and visa versa- it is not going to be the same friendship you used to be, because his wife is now his best friend, and at 30, that's who he will be the closest to, not a 19-year-old friend. He's at a different stage in his life than you are- friendships end and people move on. I know its harsh, but you need to let him live his life and accept the fact that you are do not belong in any way in the middle of their marriage. Remaining friends is one thing, but recognize that his life does not revolve around your friendship the way your life seems to.

Your right...it hurts.
And he is like a brother to me..that's the most I think of him as. And your right..I do want him to be happy..it's just hard to let go after 8 years. But you and everyone else over here made sense. And thank you...

[legnanellaf5]

Yeah with his wife so young and how 'no one his age' likes him.. he sounds really creepy. Like what that really means is that people his age have felt that he is likely a bit creepy or immature or wahtever...so he is now preying on children? I have friends in their 30s and its fine but the way he acts and makes you and her depend on him is really really bad. That is a red flag on its own. Sure his wife is okay with him, she is 17 and has no real life experience. He is likely using his age against you both.

A guy in his 30s should not be acting like a teen, should not be trying to emotionally manipulate teens and should not be creating these damaging relationships to girls who are 11. Like you know him for 8 years, he been preying on you since you were prepubescent. He doesnt sound like a good guy.