(Venting)

[HlGHNESS]

~ Continuations ~

Also, about the friend thing.
It's so damn hard to find people to trust nowadays.
Personally, I have more caring friends online than in person.
If people weren't so prone to ignorance, maybe there
would be more trust.

Nowadays, people are just so egotistic, self-centered, full of themselves, and fake.
(those were all similar adjectives..)
And that just makes it so hard to trust people, because you never really know
if they're genuine or not. Or whether they actually give a sh*t.

People who act like friends but don't actually care..
I despise them the most. :/


Aside from all that, Jenny you are so much more than what you think you are.
You may feel insecure and think that you must live up to these standards/limits,
but honestly, I am so jealous of how pretty you are, inside and out.
You're an important friend to me, because I've known you here on gaia since forever.
And to me your personality is limitless.
You're perfect the way you are.
You just need to smile with your heart.

[Sugar Wulf]

CHIsecake

Oh hey..
don't call me strong.. idk it just really bothers me..
I may be living but I feel so weak
When I think of him I'm thinking of all the s**t he told me to feel wanted than destroyed me in the end... yeah it hurts..

Yeah I always thought long distance were better.. never wanted to deal with the school dating bullshit games that people did, dating for like a week than found with a different girl after. Stupid.

But before this BF I had another LDR which only lasted what? Not even a month. It was stupid really.. and childish. But after that one I literally said to myself I wouldn't do another LDR ever again. It was a promise. And I have turned so many people down 'online' because I met such great friends and some fell for me..but than here my recent ex comes along and tells me If I didn't wanna do long distance its fine, he told me we could still talk the way we do and one day he'd meet me and we could be something more. We started talking like a couple even when we weren't dating yet.. crazy..and my 'best friend' in real life convince me to just go for it..
But in the end I'm here where he left me.. alone full of anger and hate.. more towards myself.

Since I locked away my heart before s**t.. I let my walls down for him. It surprisingly it actually took him 3 tries to get me since I rejected him the first 2 times.. I guess that explains why he broke my heart twice? idk..
He seem so happy to be with me.. and I NEVER thought he was actually going to leave since he was so afraid of me leaving him. He cried about it a lot. And told me to promise and stay with him.. which I tried so ******** hard to work it out.. he told me he wanted me so badly when he met me and I told him well you have me and I'm the one trying to make this work! Then he just lets me go lol... what the ******** man. It's been stuck in my head for the longest.. how messedup he just made me.

And you're right.. friends online are better. I do get made fun of about that but whatever...
I love meeting people around the world and different places.. I wanted to travel the world one day..
But I hate the 'friends' who only come to you when they need something... I hate being used.. and I've been use so much if I think about it... ugh.

Thanks sis.. but my heart is shattered.

legnanellaf5

I'm not sure If I regret my scars.. I kinda just hate how I made it somewhere so visible to people.
Like I said earlier to someone.. its not that easily to just stop comparing yourself when you have low self-esteem.. =( sorry..
I know I shouldn't depend on people...I know I'm going to get hurt for it and its ridiculous of me. I depended on him because I thought he'd actually fix me.. make me happy and accept people again which took the wrong turn.
Everyones always telling me to find a reason to make me happy and such.. but the things that made me happy or things I loved to do I just lost interest in.. drawing.. guitar.. ukulele.. games.. singing (although I wash horrible and sang to myself)..
I feel so stuck!

[whimsical creature]

"Too young to be depressed?"
How ironic.
I'm 22, and I'm "too old for this emo s**t" according to everyone else.
I don't cut myself anymore, I do think about suicide a lot.
And I talk about it a lot to people closest to me
(isn't that what you're supposed to do? talk about it?) but it just annoys them, so I'm supposed to just keep it inside, I guess? I don't see how that can lead to anything good, but okay.

I wish I had advice for you.
Just keep fighting to stay alive and don't give up.
you're not too young to be depressed, you're too young to die.
so please just keep surviving and that's all you really can do.
High school sucks, but at least it's only 4 years.

[Sugar Wulf]

whimsical creature

"Too young to be depressed?"
How ironic.
I'm 22, and I'm "too old for this emo s**t" according to everyone else.
I don't cut myself anymore, I do think about suicide a lot.
And I talk about it a lot to people closest to me
(isn't that what you're supposed to do? talk about it?) but it just annoys them, so I'm supposed to just keep it inside, I guess? I don't see how that can lead to anything good, but okay.

I wish I had advice for you.
Just keep fighting to stay alive and don't give up.
you're not too young to be depressed, you're too young to die.
so please just keep surviving and that's all you really can do.
High school sucks, but at least it's only 4 years.

true.. i try to keep it inside but i can't any longer it physically hurts..
Only 4 years.. yeah .. but it was really tough surviving one..

[SSJKarigan]

I'm almost 10 years older than you, which feels ridiculous to me when I actually write it out...


But I feel just like you. I feel sad and ******** up and sabotage my relationships. I feel like I don't know how to be normal anymore. Worse than anything, I feel I unjustified in my sadness. What's so bad about my life that I want to die everyday?

My advice? Avoid alcohol, it makes everything worse. In fact, weed, acid, shrooms, x, they won't help you.

Venting does help but after studying psychology I can tell you that catharsis only helps to an extent. The more you dwell on and discuss the negative, the worse you'll feel. It's good to get it out but don't get out of hand with it. Studies show that pretending to smile can improve your mood and using open body language improves confidence.

I try this stuff, and usually it helps. It's the little things that will make you feel better. Take small victories. If you have a good day, celebrate it. If you have a bad day, don't dwell on it.

I'm not going to tell you this will cure your depression or solve all your problems. But it might soothe the ache, make intolerable days tolerable, if not good days. It's how we survive feeling the way we do.

I know that I take solace in knowing I'm not alone.

[Sugar Wulf]

SSJKarigan

I'm almost 10 years older than you, which feels ridiculous to me when I actually write it out...


But I feel just like you. I feel sad and ******** up and sabotage my relationships. I feel like I don't know how to be normal anymore. Worse than anything, I feel I unjustified in my sadness. What's so bad about my life that I want to die everyday?

My advice? Avoid alcohol, it makes everything worse. In fact, weed, acid, shrooms, x, they won't help you.

Venting does help but after studying psychology I can tell you that catharsis only helps to an extent. The more you dwell on and discuss the negative, the worse you'll feel. It's good to get it out but don't get out of hand with it. Studies show that pretending to smile can improve your mood and using open body language improves confidence.

I try this stuff, and usually it helps. It's the little things that will make you feel better. Take small victories. If you have a good day, celebrate it. If you have a bad day, don't dwell on it.

I'm not going to tell you this will cure your depression or solve all your problems. But it might soothe the ache, make intolerable days tolerable, if not good days. It's how we survive feeling the way we do.

I know that I take solace in knowing I'm not alone.

I guess we'll always think about that.. "what's so bad about my life?" yet feel so god damn depressed.

I get that you say avoid all of the bad things.. but sometimes people just want an outlet and would do anything to get there mind of something.. I'm not saying I have done it.. oh well.

I vent a lot.. it does get some weight off of me but I still feel like s**t everyday.. everything just comes back to me.

I don't even have good days anymore to be honest. I don't feel like I'm living but I'm just there. I'm present & I feel empty..

[Baby Neamhain]

Hey girlie. I was literally in the same situation when I was your age (I'm 19 now), minus the boyfriend part. I didn't get a boyfriend until I was about 19. Anyways, I honestly think you are worrying TOO much, especially when you feel insecure just from the sight of another girl. Now, I'm not saying you're not allowed to feel depressed, because I know what it felt like to be told things that invalidated my feelings.

First of all, I really do not think it's a great idea to invest so much emotion into someone else. Especially if it's online or long distance. ESPECIALLY if you are under the age of 18-20. There's really no point in investing your heart into a person who will likely be a whole different person in a few years. I really recommend letting your ex go, and waiting to be a little more stable until you go out looking for love.

Honestly, as a survivor of severe depression, my #1 advice is keep holding on. It's okay to feel sad, but it WILL get better. I was very close to death earlier this year, but I finally found something to hope for, after 7 long years of feeling like I was just surviving day-by-day. I was a cutter for a long time too, and let me tell you, the scars are not worth it. You NEED to find another outlet, be it singing, dancing, drawing, gaming. The scars that cover my body make me so embarrassed to find a job (also pretty sure I've lost many opportunities because the employer noticed my scars.) Yes, it's an instant relief, but the scars that stay with you for 5-10 years will NOT be worth it. I can honestly say that my scars are the most embarrassing thing about my body.

Also, I've dropped out of high school thinking I couldn't do it, with how severe my depression got. I felt like I was going to kill myself every night, and if i kept going, I'd be dead before I reached graduation. I wish I could go back into time and tell myself to keep going, that 5 more months of school would be better than what I ended up doing: spending 2 years cooped up, depressed, doing nothing. I took 2 years to gather up the courage and will to finish my high school education (GED testing, didn't actually go back), and I will always regret that I didn't just hang in there and finish. So out of my experience, just hang in there with school. Like I said, it's completely okay to feel depressed, but things WILL get better, you will mature and your eyes will open up to new hopes, and by then you'd really want to already have gotten school out of the way! Not like me, where I had to go back and catch up.

Good luck.

[legnanellaf5]

Viet StyIe

legnanellaf5

I'm not sure If I regret my scars.. I kinda just hate how I made it somewhere so visible to people.
Like I said earlier to someone.. its not that easily to just stop comparing yourself when you have low self-esteem.. =( sorry..
I know I shouldn't depend on people...I know I'm going to get hurt for it and its ridiculous of me. I depended on him because I thought he'd actually fix me.. make me happy and accept people again which took the wrong turn.
Everyones always telling me to find a reason to make me happy and such.. but the things that made me happy or things I loved to do I just lost interest in.. drawing.. guitar.. ukulele.. games.. singing (although I wash horrible and sang to myself)..
I feel so stuck!

I didnt say it would be easy, but it is somethign you need to do. When you raelize you are doing it, stop and think about why. Why do you compare? What purpose does it serve? Also spend more time telling yourself how good you are in return.

No one will fix you. NO one can fix you. Only you can change yourself. So now that you are single this is the best time to go find yoruself. You wont suddenly be happy, but go and refind your passions. Who cares if you suck at singing? Sing. Go and join social clubs so you meet people. Go and talk to people who you thought were friends at smoe time and reconnect. Put the past in the past and stop isolating yourself.

[HlGHNESS]

Viet StyIe

CHIsecake

Oh hey..
don't call me strong.. idk it just really bothers me..
I may be living but I feel so weak
When I think of him I'm thinking of all the s**t he told me to feel wanted than destroyed me in the end... yeah it hurts..

Yeah I always thought long distance were better.. never wanted to deal with the school dating bullshit games that people did, dating for like a week than found with a different girl after. Stupid.

But before this BF I had another LDR which only lasted what? Not even a month. It was stupid really.. and childish. But after that one I literally said to myself I wouldn't do another LDR ever again. It was a promise. And I have turned so many people down 'online' because I met such great friends and some fell for me..but than here my recent ex comes along and tells me If I didn't wanna do long distance its fine, he told me we could still talk the way we do and one day he'd meet me and we could be something more. We started talking like a couple even when we weren't dating yet.. crazy..and my 'best friend' in real life convince me to just go for it..
But in the end I'm here where he left me.. alone full of anger and hate.. more towards myself.

Since I locked away my heart before s**t.. I let my walls down for him. It surprisingly it actually took him 3 tries to get me since I rejected him the first 2 times.. I guess that explains why he broke my heart twice? idk..
He seem so happy to be with me.. and I NEVER thought he was actually going to leave since he was so afraid of me leaving him. He cried about it a lot. And told me to promise and stay with him.. which I tried so ******** hard to work it out.. he told me he wanted me so badly when he met me and I told him well you have me and I'm the one trying to make this work! Then he just lets me go lol... what the ******** man. It's been stuck in my head for the longest.. how messedup he just made me.

And you're right.. friends online are better. I do get made fun of about that but whatever...
I love meeting people around the world and different places.. I wanted to travel the world one day..
But I hate the 'friends' who only come to you when they need something... I hate being used.. and I've been use so much if I think about it... ugh.

Thanks sis.. but my heart is shattered.

legnanellaf5

I'm not sure If I regret my scars.. I kinda just hate how I made it somewhere so visible to people.
Like I said earlier to someone.. its not that easily to just stop comparing yourself when you have low self-esteem.. =( sorry..
I know I shouldn't depend on people...I know I'm going to get hurt for it and its ridiculous of me. I depended on him because I thought he'd actually fix me.. make me happy and accept people again which took the wrong turn.
Everyones always telling me to find a reason to make me happy and such.. but the things that made me happy or things I loved to do I just lost interest in.. drawing.. guitar.. ukulele.. games.. singing (although I wash horrible and sang to myself)..
I feel so stuck!

You're wayyy too gorgeous to let some dumb boy break your heart.
I don't mean to sound too direct but honestly, anyone who doesn't realize
your beauty and how much you're worth, doesn't deserve you.
Guys can be so confusing and difficult, fr.
They'll say something really meaningful to get you,
but won't live up to their words.
He really did sound like a sweet guy, but he really f*cked up to go and do that to you.

Keep your head up girl, there will always be someone out there waiting to make you smile.