Dealing with feelings after a breakup.

[Jiylian]

I posted a thread the other day about my boyfriend of 7 years leaving me. I'm still struggling with feelings of sadness, loneliness, guilt and ultimately depression. I'm seeing a therapist this Saturday to help me manage my emotions and work out my issues with myself.

However, in the meantime I am looking for advice on how to deal with these feelings. I just feel so lonely. I miss him so much. Every time I feel this way I want to contact him but I feel like every time I do that it's only making it worse. I am struggling to cope with the fact that he just up and walked out of my life. The hurt this has caused is immeasurable.

What I've been doing so far is trying to go about my life "normally". Going to work. Taking care of my apartment. Loving on my cats. Spending a lot of time with my best friend. Just trying to keep my mind off of it as much as possible. When I'm by myself is when the feelings come back.

I also try and think about the fact that we were both so unhappy. In our relationship and as a couple. Ultimately this is the best thing for us. We used to be so in love and thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. Then it changed. It helps to try and put in perspective.

What things have you done to cope with these feelings?

I apologize if this thread is really redundant from my last one. I'm just struggling with things and talking about them, even to the internet, helps. At least until I see the therapist.

[legnanellaf5]

You are doing it right, the best thing is to just live and really DONT talk to him. You will adjust back to being single. It takes time and we cant make it happen faster.

[uralxium]

writing things out is really theraputic,
so writing out these threads is probably helping you c:

so maybe when you feel sad just write out all these feelings in a diary or something.
it helps us organise them in our mind,
and make some sense of them.

also i totally get how you feel,
been there and done that.
my ex just told me one day he didn't love me anymore,
came out of the blue and acted as if it was nothing to him, as if i was nothing to him.
i thought my life was ruined when my relationship ended and what have you,
but actually being so alone was the best position i've ever been it.
it allowed me to build myself back up and do things i had always wanted to do.
when you hit rock bottom, you can only go up.
it's cliche but it's true if you handle this correctly.
i, like you, realised how unhappy i really was in my relationship.
i just stayed in it because i thought it'd be worse to be alone.
but it isn't.

it'll take a long time but these feelings will go away,
they will heal. if you knew you weren't right for each other,
then this really is the best thing that the two of you can do.

just carry on as you are,
but also realise that there are moments when you will be really sad and upset,
but just accept those moments.
it's not about waking up suddenly happy one day,
its about eventually having more good days than bad.
eventually you will have less and less of the bad moments,
and suddenly you'll think 'oh i am ok now!'

don't contact him, that'll make it worse and reinforce the idea that when you are down you need him.
like i said, in those moments write down your feelings,
hug your cats or clean something.
and don't fight the sadness, just let it have its time.

also well done for getting some therapy,
wise decision.
you'll be ok in the end - just keep going emotion_bigheart

[WanderingSketchPad]

Breaking up, or losing someone you loved can be really hard to cope with. I agree that what you are doing now is good, you are doing what you can to get over it in a respectable and healthy way.

the only thing I can suggest is to try and find something to fill the void. Maybe new friends, or new pass-times to help take your mind off of him. You were with him for 7 years so you still have ingrained habitual feelings and these will take time to leave, but it will happen do not worry. Just remember that your relationship wasn't good in the long run, but when you eventually find another it has potential to be really amazing and fulfilling. Learn from your previous experience to make the next ones even better ^^

[Blooming desire]

Like what everyone had stated, you are doing the right thing to recover. Break-ups takes time to recover, and you are doing it in a healthy way.

When I was in your situation, I wrote my feelings out or exercise. It helped me clear my thoughts and feelings to understand and remind myself why it didn't work out. I would try out new things , shop, socialize, or return to an old habit I lost before. Basically, I kept myself busy. Honestly, the time I was single after the heartbreak was a wonderful experience in a long run because I got to regain and improve myself that I felt amazing.

Try to keep yourself busy, even if you are alone.

Just don't talk to him, or allow him to talk to you. This will prevent you from remembering the past.

It's okay to grieve once in a while, so cry or vent if you have to. Just don't dwell on it too much. You can do this and one day, you'll move on

[Jiylian]

l i t t l e - b e a r s

writing things out is really theraputic,
so writing out these threads is probably helping you c:

so maybe when you feel sad just write out all these feelings in a diary or something.
it helps us organise them in our mind,
and make some sense of them.

also i totally get how you feel,
been there and done that.
my ex just told me one day he didn't love me anymore,
came out of the blue and acted as if it was nothing to him, as if i was nothing to him.
i thought my life was ruined when my relationship ended and what have you,
but actually being so alone was the best position i've ever been it.
it allowed me to build myself back up and do things i had always wanted to do.
when you hit rock bottom, you can only go up.
it's cliche but it's true if you handle this correctly.
i, like you, realised how unhappy i really was in my relationship.
i just stayed in it because i thought it'd be worse to be alone.
but it isn't.

it'll take a long time but these feelings will go away,
they will heal. if you knew you weren't right for each other,
then this really is the best thing that the two of you can do.

just carry on as you are,
but also realise that there are moments when you will be really sad and upset,
but just accept those moments.
it's not about waking up suddenly happy one day,
its about eventually having more good days than bad.
eventually you will have less and less of the bad moments,
and suddenly you'll think 'oh i am ok now!'

don't contact him, that'll make it worse and reinforce the idea that when you are down you need him.
like i said, in those moments write down your feelings,
hug your cats or clean something.
and don't fight the sadness, just let it have its time.

also well done for getting some therapy,
wise decision.
you'll be ok in the end - just keep going emotion_bigheart

Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it. It not only helps me to write this stuff out but to hear of others that have gotten through this. <3

It really is a terrible feeling to hear that from someone you love though, isn't it? I'm struggling with the feeling of being abandoned. It has really affected my already fragile self worth. I am reading a really helpful book called "Getting Past Your Breakup". It suggests not only journaling your feelings but also coming up with positive affirmations to repeat in your mind when you have negative thoughts. "I am beautiful" "I am good enough" "I am strong" "I am a good person" "I am okay" . It's supposed to retrain your subconscious into having a positive self image.

I am looking forward to talking with the therapist. I think it will really help. =)

[Jiylian]

WanderingSketchPad

Breaking up, or losing someone you loved can be really hard to cope with. I agree that what you are doing now is good, you are doing what you can to get over it in a respectable and healthy way.

the only thing I can suggest is to try and find something to fill the void. Maybe new friends, or new pass-times to help take your mind off of him. You were with him for 7 years so you still have ingrained habitual feelings and these will take time to leave, but it will happen do not worry. Just remember that your relationship wasn't good in the long run, but when you eventually find another it has potential to be really amazing and fulfilling. Learn from your previous experience to make the next ones even better ^^

I am doing the best I can in the most rational way. I've been so tempted to contact him and tell him everything. I did do that once and I know it's not helpful whatsoever. So now I'm trying to focus on myself.

I do need to fill the void. Especially when I'm home alone. I want to get back into painting. My stress and depression over the past few years have killed my passion for art. I am longing to start again.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to love someone again, to be honest. I need to learn to love myself first.

[Jiylian]

Blooming desire

Like what everyone had stated, you are doing the right thing to recover. Break-ups takes time to recover, and you are doing it in a healthy way.

When I was in your situation, I wrote my feelings out or exercise. It helped me clear my thoughts and feelings to understand and remind myself why it didn't work out. I would try out new things , shop, socialize, or return to an old habit I lost before. Basically, I kept myself busy. Honestly, the time I was single after the heartbreak was a wonderful experience in a long run because I got to regain and improve myself that I felt amazing.

Try to keep yourself busy, even if you are alone.

Just don't talk to him, or allow him to talk to you. This will prevent you from remembering the past.

It's okay to grieve once in a while, so cry or vent if you have to. Just don't dwell on it too much. You can do this and one day, you'll move on

I am writing in a journal and I want to exercise too. That is one of my goals. Goal setting is something that is supposed to help get over loss.

I'm still sort of in the grieving stage so I've been spending a lot of time with my best friend when I'm not working. It's helping a lot. I do need to practice being alone at home so I can be OK being alone. It's very difficult but I know I need to eventually.

I hope I can find myself now. I was with him since I was 17 years old. I'm 25 now. I've spent my entire adult life in a relationship. Now I can focus on myself and not feel bad about it.

Thank you for your lovely words. <3