dating?!

poll

.	100.0%	[ 10 ]
Total Votes:			[ 10 ]

[nalyehe]

hi, please don't quote (two notifications)

first, what does it mean when a guy tells a girl that she's wild??? we went to a club and danced and kissed and he told me i was wild. (edit; we didn't meet at this club) is he seeing a longer term relationship or is he just seeing me as a fun person to hang out with when he needs it? or am i reading too much into it? second, after our (second) date we went to his home and we ended up kissing. he asked me to give him a bj but, because those things mean a lot to me, i told him no and we didn't. he didn;t force it at all, he is the first guy to not insist that i do it and i like him even more for that. he didn't get whiney or pissy about it and he stopped right away. but now i'm worried that he'll see me as a prude??? because i also told him i've never had sex (true, and he also wanted but i was really afraid) and "prude" "up tight" and "not fun" are what i have been called before in the past. i just asdfghjk i feel like i blew it somewhere but i really don't want that he think those things of me. and i've never really dated before, i don't know what to expect or what to do. sad because i'm in my 20s already but feeling like a 13 year old ;_;

[legnanellaf5]

I dont think clubbing is for you. Picking up a guy at a club is going to lead to a hook up typically. If you want to date for a relationship you need to set the boundaries, like not going to a guy's house on the second date if you arent planning to be sexual, and saying in the beginning that you arent wanting to just have sex.

[nalyehe]

legnanellaf5

I dont think clubbing is for you. Picking up a guy at a club is going to lead to a hook up typically. If you want to date for a relationship you need to set the boundaries, like not going to a guy's house on the second date if you arent planning to be sexual, and saying in the beginning that you arent wanting to just have sex.

no no i didn't meet him at a club, i met him by chance over summer because i was moving out and he offered to help me get some of my stuff into my apartment. we kept in contact via text message and fb and we went for coffee previously (we did talk about sex and i told him my views on it then). i didn't really go to his house because i wanted to, he wanted to walk me home but i live 15-20 minutes away (walking) and he was limping (a medical condition? i didn;t want to ask), and i didn't want him to walk me all that way and then back. i told him i'd catch a cab but he said no, i should just stay at his place since it was closer and i could sober up a bit. i'm really sorry!!! i didn't realise that going to a guy's home implied sex. is that something a guy would be upset about?

[legnanellaf5]

nalyehe

legnanellaf5

I dont think clubbing is for you. Picking up a guy at a club is going to lead to a hook up typically. If you want to date for a relationship you need to set the boundaries, like not going to a guy's house on the second date if you arent planning to be sexual, and saying in the beginning that you arent wanting to just have sex.

no no i didn't meet him at a club, i met him by chance over summer because i was moving out and he offered to help me get some of my stuff into my apartment. we kept in contact via text message and fb and we went for coffee previously (we did talk about sex and i told him my views on it then). i didn't really go to his house because i wanted to, he wanted to walk me home but i live 15-20 minutes away (walking) and he was limping (a medical condition? i didn;t want to ask), and i didn't want him to walk me all that way and then back. i told him i'd catch a cab but he said no, i should just stay at his place since it was closer and i could sober up a bit. i'm really sorry!!! i didn't realise that going to a guy's home implied sex. is that something a guy would be upset about?

You need to stop worrying about him being upset and more about your safety. You are lucky that he didnt try to push you to do more, because the situation you were in could have ended really badly. You being drunk in some guy's place (that you dont know well since it was only the 2nd date) could have ended up in rape easily. There are also other red flags here, as even if he was being honest about it, you need to put your safety first. Dont let a guy you dont know well take you home. Catching a cab would have been the best move here.

He also seems to be into you for sex. Wild doesnt mean anything in particular but it is something you say in a sexual context. Same with how the night went, you went to his house, he thought he was going to get laid, and probably a bj is him saying okay she wont have sex with me proper but maybe she will suck my d**k. Hopefully he can calm himself and not try that again, but be wary of guys who seem to not 'get it'.

Its better to be seen as a prude and not fun than to get into dangerous situations trying to fit in.

[xanthnimby]

guys have no right to judge you if you dont want to have sex. nothing should be implied, and if he respected what you had told him he wouldnt pressure you or assume. dont give in, and make sure your first time is with who you want on your terms. its hard, but you have to remember, your value and self worth isnt defined by how close a guy gets his p***s to you. and if guys cant accept that it tells you that they arent someone worth having in your life. be who you are, do what you want to do, and dont ever let anyone pressure you into consenting to something you dont want. if i had to count the number of times ive been called a prude and other names, id loose track, but that doesnt matter. im staying true to who i am. and i refuse to regret any sexual experiance. any thing i do is on my terms, and when i want to. dont bow down because people are pressuring you. its okay that you havent dated and stuff. its actually pretty normal. just love yourself enough to be able to say no when you want to say no, and dont let fear over come you. heart if you worry that you never are going to find somebody, and thats why you decide to become sexually active then your going to have more heartbreak then you deserve. i dont want you to end up feeling pressured, or end up regretting anything, because you deserve more then that.

[Mr. Meow]

understand that guys will relentless try to have sex with you for the rest of your life.

personally, i admire this quote: "don't give up your naked body until s/he is in love with your naked soul"

[vdszbz]

Don't feel ashamed of being a virgin or a "prude". If he thinks you're a prude, too bad, he can move on. I would just take it as it comes. If you notice him asking for sexual favors each time you hang out, I would move on. Don't ever feel pressured to do something just because some guy you like wants you to do it.

[Misty_Mystix]

nalyehe

hi, please don't quote (two notifications)

first, what does it mean when a guy tells a girl that she's wild??? we went to a club and danced and kissed and he told me i was wild. (edit; we didn't meet at this club) is he seeing a longer term relationship or is he just seeing me as a fun person to hang out with when he needs it? or am i reading too much into it? second, after our (second) date we went to his home and we ended up kissing. he asked me to give him a bj but, because those things mean a lot to me, i told him no and we didn't. he didn;t force it at all, he is the first guy to not insist that i do it and i like him even more for that. he didn't get whiney or pissy about it and he stopped right away. but now i'm worried that he'll see me as a prude??? because i also told him i've never had sex (true, and he also wanted but i was really afraid) and "prude" "up tight" and "not fun" are what i have been called before in the past. i just asdfghjk i feel like i blew it somewhere but i really don't want that he think those things of me. and i've never really dated before, i don't know what to expect or what to do. sad because i'm in my 20s already but feeling like a 13 year old ;_;

Reading a bit into the wild comment, don't worry about it.

How long have you been dating this guy? If he thinks you're a prude for not performing a sexual act that is only physically pleasurable to him, then screw him (not literally, or you can when you're ready to).

[mangachan]

I'd be less concerned about him referring to you as "wild" than the other aspects of this situation. Before you spend time with men in this capacity you need to figure out what your boundaries are, and make it clear. There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to have any kind of sex with this man that YOU BARELY KNOW and you don't owe any man you time, affection or your body. That's called self respect. Furthermore, I would refrain from discussing sexual matters with him (or people in general). Some guys will take your virginity as some kind of challenge to see how far they can get you to go. There's usually ulterior motives behind these types of conversations.

[bcuzno]

I think you're thinking waaaaaaaaay to into him calling you wild. I mean, you guys have talked to each other and whatnot, so he should have a sense that you're not the 'wild--slutty type'. I think by saying that, he's saying you're fun or bold.

And the fact that he stopped without complaining or whatnot shows a lot of his character. Shows that he has respect for you. However, if he's going to not talk to you (not to say he is) then let it be. If he's that kind of guy, he's not worth your time. I had to tell the guy I'm talking to straight up: "I'm not looking to have sex or fool around. If that's what you're looking for then you go somewhere else because I don't want to waste my time."

I mean, it's hard to push people that you're interested in, but at the end of the day it's you that you have to look out for. Are you willing to pick up the pieces? (Don't think too deeply into this last part because this just down the road)

Just take it slow. If you're really worried about it, there's no harm and texting him and letting him know how you feel.

[flauterfli]

Kudos to those of you that can decipher that s**t

[900kid]

do u love him?
and do him love u?
or are you guys just playing around?

and I dont read most of the comment. cause my eye got hurt for staring on screen to much.

[nalyehe]

replied to everyone in the spoiler

legnanellaf5

you make the most sense and i have thought about this myself, several times, and when you say it like that it makes me really scared because knowing the type of guys i had known previously, they'd have definitely forced me to things i didn't want to do. i have to resolve to not drink with guys at all, because i have such a low tolerance for alcohol and even though i might not be falling over and throwing up, if someone just holds my hand and takes me somewhere i tend to just go with them. i know, it's so bad!!!! first and last time i drink with only a guy around. i remember once i went to a party with both guys and girls and the girls all insisted on seeing me (and each other) home. thanks for your post, it's helped a ton.

xanthnimby

thank you soooo much for your encouragement! he hasn't called me a prude or anything like that but i was afraid that that's what he would think. i don't think that he thinks i'm a prude though, because he's spoken to me again. guys did make me feel uncomfortable about it in the past but i never spoke about it to anyone. i thought that it's just what's expected of everyone (to be sexual). thanks for helping me to realise that isn't the case at all.

Mr. Meow

i love that quote thank you <3

br0wneyed-babe

Lilith_Lilium

great advice, thank you! all my life i've been ashamed of it but so far he hasn't made me feel that way at all! and we only knew each other about a month before he asked me to go out so it's not that long.

mangachan

yes to the last part, exactly. i didn't tell him i'd never had sex though, until when i spent the night at his house and then he didn't ask me again to do any sexual things with him.

bcuzno

thank you!! i thought it meant "wild-slutty" but you're right, we had met before and not at a club. and i do love that he didn't pressure me to do anything with him, gosh...first positive experience like that in a long time. and he's spoken to me, he's asked me to get dinner and then go see a movie (i think that;s a safe activity) emotion_awesome

900kid

we don't love each other but i could definitely see something longer term with him..which is why i don't want to ruin it now xD

thanks for the replies guys!! i feel a lot better now and definitely more encouraged to be myself.
and ******** gaia, why don't you have an option to quote multiple posts D8<

[mangachan]

Glad to see you're receptive to the advice given here. Just, don't want this so much that you aren't heeding red flags. If this is long term, in addition to having someone who's going to respect your boundaries, you want to make sure that both of you guys are on the same page as far a what you want out of the relationship. He seems as if having sex in relationships may be a normal, expected thing for him. If you aren't okay with having sex until you're married, engaged, been together for X amount of time, made sure both of you are tested for things, etc, that's going to need to be one of many things you communicate along the way.