Dating / hooking up with people you're not attracted to?

[kizoi]

How do you feel about dating or hooking up with someone that you aren't attracted to in certain ways?
For example, what if you don't feel a physical attraction, but do feel a mental one?
Or what if it's the other way around, and the sexual connection is there, but the mental one is lacking?
Any experiences with this?

My own issue is this: I feel a strong mental connection with somebody, but I'm just not attracted to her physically. At the same time, though, there is something about the intensity of our mental connection that feels sexual to me. She has expressed that likes / is attracted to me and is interested in hooking up or dating. I want to explore it, but is it a terrible idea? How would you handle it?

[shezu]

Personally I need both physical and emotional attraction.
I don't think I would settle for less, I've done it before and I wasn't fully satisfied even though I've tried.
Because for me finding someone with just emotional connection/attraction is not very hard and same goes with just physical attraction. Which is why I'm a bit more picky and patient now.

But honestly if you're feeling really drawn I don't see the harm in trying it out since its different for everyone.
I know guys who fell for girls emotionally and got past their appearance. Though they aren't together still, and not because the guy lost interest.

[SchizoSpazz]

Personally, I did this, and it worked for me.

I was not physically attracted to my husband (and sorry to be a b***h, but I still don't find him 'hot' or aesthetically attractive), but the mental connection was and is so good, it more than made up for and eclipsed the physical aspect. It was that connection that made me fall in love with him and agree to marry him when he asked (because I thought about it, and realized that if I didn't at least try, that, sure, I'd move on and find another person I'd love, but I'd always wonder about him. He would be 'the one that got away').

That's just what happened with one person. Maybe I'm the exception, not the rule, but it did happen, and it did work.

[candyspell]

gotta slay some dragons to get to the princess, dude. not every sexual experience you have needs to be like world shattering, mind altering. if you wanna hook up with this chick, then do it. but you gotta be clear about your intentions. don't string her along, don't make her think you're gonna be her boyfriend. if she just wants to hookup, and you're into her, then go for it.

[Stale Taste]

I wouldn't do it. Physical attraction is a must, and I need to significantly care about the person in some sort of way.

[Kumacchiato]

I say trry it.... But dont commit to anything big unless your feelings change.
Id only date for a little bit before you decide though, you dont to string her along.
Maybe your just me t to be close friends instead of more^^

Personally, the mental connection is waaayyy more important to me than the physical one. I find that connection to be what i find attractive, i dont really have any preferences for physical form at all really. 3nodding
But dont sleep with her unless you can commit.... She might not want a casual relationship and you dont want to ruin the friendship.

[Cosmic Jirachi]

Just do whatever makes you happy, as long as the other person is okay with it of course. Just be sure to talk about the details of the situation before anything happens, and feel free to get out of the situation whenever you want if things don't go as planned.

[SweetPUNKRkr]

I think you need a little bit of both.

For just hooking up, it seems physical will be more important, but for a long-term relationship, mental is a must as well.


For example, my boyfriend was friends with me for two years, I always thought he was cute, not overly hot, but really cute. As we started getting to know each other and found we think the same way and get along really well, we gradually grew more attracted to each other. So it was the mental attraction moreso than physical for me, but that's just me, and I'm into more long-term relationships, so someone I connect with mentally and get along with is a must.

[kauma16]

My last ex boyfriend was someone I settled for less, because I didn't really think I could do better. (Low standards were real...) Overall I had to face with 8 months of unhygienic, disgusting, and annoying habits of his. I couldn't take it anymore and broke it off with him because I never felt a real connection with him at all. Not even mentally or physically. :T
It's hard to keep yourself and your partner happy if you're not attracted to them at all.

But with your case, the mental connection is a good start. Try hooking up first before dating to see if it's the cup of tea you like, and if it works continue onto dating! If it doesn't, oh well you already got the experience.

[DeactivatedNoLongerActive]

I'd say give it a shot, but don't string her along.
After all, psychical looks do change over time, so to me that comes second to the mental and emotional aspect. But for some people they need psychical more, depends what you need.
You may find you fall for her more, or less when you get to know her.
I couldn't be with someone who didn't find me attractive, not because I'm vein heck I have low self esteem but someone being with me and not finding me somewhat attractive would really hurt my confidence. No one wants to feel like a "second choice" or "better than nothing" option.
Just be honest and clear to her, and do what you feel is right. smile