Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.3%	[ 745 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 127 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 110 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 260 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.8%	[ 250 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.1%	[ 156 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 75 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.8%	[ 682 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2547 ]

[Doccubus]

Women are bitches.
Guys are idiots.

And I hate people.




...That almost felt poetic.

[Leisurely]

i wanna talk to people
but everyone is either so boring that i feel like i have to force the conversation to keep going
or so obnoxious that i'd like to hit them with a brick and jump out the nearest window
i am the pickiest lonely person i have ever met

[ctrl zee]

getting sleepy in the late afternoon, again.

did you say "my baby" last night or did i hear wrong?
even when we're sleeping you want cuddles and make sure i'm ok.

[Doccubus]

I found out that a girl I crushed on three years ago works at the liquor store across for my home.
I've lived here for...5 years? And I've only been in there three times. I just always went to gas station next door instead..

But, now I know. And this morning I decided to go in there and buy orange juice before I went to work.
it was 8:15 and it wasn't open, I also was going to buy food there for breakfast.
So I starved all morning.
; ~;

/sap.

[fattiest fat cat]

I spend a lot of time wishing I was "normal." I know that's stupid, because just because I'm asexual, just because I'm polyamorous, just because I'm agender... That doesn't mean that I'm not normal. But everyone treats me like these things make me a freak. I don't think my peers have ever treated me like a person before. I've always acted in a gender-ambiguous way. In high school people called me a freak, and a dyke. I never dated anyone. I never even looked at anyone twice. My first serious partner was when I was 19.

I'm tired of not wanting to touch her, I'm tired of being disgusted by my own bodily fluids and those of others. I'm tired of being OCD, and ADD, and having so much ******** PTSD I can't remember over half my life. I'm tired of GAD and the SAD, and of being terrified that I have some kind of ******** learning disability because I can not function within society, especially in social situations. I don't know when to shut up, I can't take social cues, I can't tell when people are uncomfortable most of the time and even when I can I can't make myself shut up because I need to finish my thought or I'll go crazy. I'm bad at giving context, I'm bad at understanding things, I don't understand why people don't understand what I'm saying. I'm hyperaware of the texture of my own clothing and I'm itchy all the time. It keeps me from sleeping, because I get little itchy spots and I have to scratch them. And then there's the insomnia, and the part where I think that there are THINGS lurking in the dark, and I'm so scared. There's the part where I'm 21 and I still have a night light because the dark makes me cry. There's the part where I have nightmares almost every night, where I wake up multiple times every night, where I'm picky about certain foods on certain days because today is a day where I can't have hot food, or I can't have cold food, or I don't want slippery food, or crunchy food, or wet food, or dry food. There's the part where I cry if I want something and I can't have it, from a cup of tea to a certain kind of candy, to my girlfriend visiting me in February. There's the part where I get hysterical and whine and tear up.

There's the part where I wish I was a eunuch, or whatever the ******** the female equivalent is. I wish I was genderless, I wish people would just use "they" instead of trying to figure out whether to use "she" or "he" because I'm neither and I never will be. There's the part where I cried when I got breasts, and I cried even harder when I got my period (because it was later than everyone else, and maybe, just maybe, it would never come). I get hysterical and self-mutilating and suicidal once a month for a week. I've been abused, and I can't tell my partners that I love them. My boyfriend said, before we started dating, that he'd never met someone less affectionate than him. Well now he has. I freak out about weird things. Sometimes I stop moving. I curl up on the floor, draw my legs to my chest, and a stare directly ahead of me with my chin on my kneecaps, and I don't look at anyone, and I won't move from that position, and I don't do anything but blink and breathe.

And it's not fair. It's not fair, because I was never mean to any of those people who bullied me, I was never cruel to my parents, I was never cruel to my relatives. I've been a good person, and I'm still trying to be one. I'm trying so hard to do the right things, and I'm trying to be kind and understanding and all of those kindnesses that were never given to me. I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of all of this. I'm so tired. You have no idea. I'm exhausted all the time, physically and mentally. I've been hoping I'd get hit by a bus since I was 17. Why can't it just all be over? It's not worth it. I'm just so tired.

[Doccubus]

I'm not much of a churchy church person. But this song gets drilled in to my head.
And I actually like it..... Guuuurl can sang.



And it also makes me a tid bit happy.

[iFern]

Mm. I'm so sleepy tonight, I swear.

I might not be able to stay up super late for once.

How strange.

[passing stars]

WHY ARE JARS SO HARD TO OPEN

[fattiest fat cat]

There was no pit in that olive. I'm kinda disappointed. I was gonna chew on it.

[iFern]

That moment where you read "jars" as "jobs" and get extremely confused for at least ten seconds. ._.

[waranaide]

My Japanese is so poor.

[fattiest fat cat]

[Doccubus]

I'm not kidding when I say my psychology teacher looks almost exactly like Emeli Sande.
Just take the hair and make it maybe one inch tall rather three and a half.
And a more buttery blonde rather bleach.

Shes extremely pretty, just her grammar is terribad.
"Stand up and tell us what you name is."
And instead of saying plagiarism, it sounds like she said pleasurism.

loolloll, I was skimming and scamming through the syllabus like "wut pleasure wuuut?"

[spica dvir]

the weather needs to make up its damn mind.

[Doccubus]

When she kept complaining about being hit on by a lesbian for the first time,
I felt nothing but the want to hit her really hard.