You will not ever want me, or ever come to me.
Time to give up now. Time to let go.
I am so in love with you, but I cannot wait forever without being given anything. I don't deserve mediocrity or halfhearted promises of "someday." Someday could be tomorrow. It could be two years. It could be so late that I would have wasted my life and am in my deathbed, still bloody waiting for an inch in my miles of devotion.
I knew that you did not feel anything for me, so why not just say it? Why couldn't you have some god damned decency to tell me, instead of leading me on like you did, time and time again? Just tell me the bloody truth, for christ's sake. Tell me the bloody truth. That's all that I wanted from you, a call, a letter, an email, I could not have cared what it was, I needed to know that you didn't feel anything for me because I cannot live with not knowing.
You made me think that you loved me. I felt it from you, out of anyone in this sorry world, I felt it from you. You keep coming to me in nightmares, waking with my palms torn from my nails so I bite them to keep the pain away. But nothing compares to this pain in my chest, this knot in my throat like nothing before, so pent up inside that there's nothing left for me to do.
Let them leave, let them all leave. No one meant anything to me anyway, this cold could kill me, freeze me to death, eat me alive.
No one ever knew me, no one took the time to. I look around and realize how alone I am and I think that it is sufficiently killing me, yes, even the heartless can die. Perhaps it is why I am so cognizant of this, and so detached, because I'm not even feeling any of it anymore. I simply recognize that I should be in pain, that I should be crying or hurting in some fashion.
she says to me, "i love You, Sir."
she says to me, "i need You."
I feel like a backup plan. I feel like I was in the right place at the right time. I feel like I'm being used as a sit-in. Doesn't really love me, doesn't really need me.
There is emptiness in my heart. There are very few people I could see myself being around for long periods of time. I sense the timeline of our interaction in the first moments I meet them. You jumped on me, wrote to me about living together and it was me who told you to calm it down, to take it slow, take it easy.
I'm not a knight in shining armor. I won't ever be that man. I'm a gentleman, but I'm not some valiant warrior with polished armor riding in on a black horse. Very rarely do I even wear such garb, and most times, it isn't to chase a person who hasn't given me the time of day. I cannot force you to love me. I refuse to force you to give me what I desire. If you do not want to give it to me, then ******** you, ******** you and everything you are. I will not be made into a ******** charity case.
So I have to let you go. No matter what it does to me.
You and her were the only two people I've fallen in love with. I hope that it can happen again, just once more, so that I can forget about this disgusting sensation of desire and need. And for god's sake, let it be to someone who will actually want to share this world with me.
