Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 744 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 127 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 110 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 260 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.8%	[ 249 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.1%	[ 156 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 75 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.8%	[ 682 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2545 ]

[cheap sunday]

this is killing me
i don't know why i'm thinking about him all of a sudden.
i don't know if it has anything to do with richard and it
doesn't seem like it and it shouldn't god this is so
frustrating i know he will end up being something to me
that i didn't want to see him as and ********
oscar flew to north island to see tyler
why can't i ******** fly across the ******** world to ******** see matt

[Naterbee]

I'm afraid to go to the ******** toilet now.

[` B e l o v e d]

Why the hell are people so ******** nosy. I cannot stand that.

[Hello_Mr_FaKeStaR]

Nothing like smoking on an empty stomach emo
i really need to get groceries, all i have left are eggs
which is great since im on ketosis, but i really need more greens and crap
and some ham. ********.

[Naterbee]

Well, this is depressing.

I hate disaster movies.

[Hello_Mr_FaKeStaR]

I cannot get over that limited edition bonus disc.
the reprise version of 6 Party...ugh.
its amazing. the original was really catchy..but this one is rewritten in drop B tuning.
its so much heavier and more intense since he changed the vocal melody as well.

new themesong, go!

[your head]

everything is all screwed up.
there's no way to fix it.
i don't even want to. fix it.
i don't want anything. aside from go back three days to undo a couple of things.

[Deojack]

Want to be friends with someone, but are too awkward and shy to initiate anything. emo
Guh.

[moogle desu]

NO one... literally absolutely ********
NO BODY has a ******** clue about how
tired I am of hearing the same OLD BULLSHIT
FROM ******** EVERYONE.

"All you do is want want want. You've
got to fight for it."


SO LEMME GET THIS s**t ON LOCK
REAAALLLLLLLLLLL QUICK.

I EMAILED 18 DIFFERENT COMPANIES,
JOB APPLICATIONS. STATING MY CASE
TO SEE IF I CAN GET A FISH ON THE HOOK.
I IN PERSON ASKED 6 PEOPLE ABOUT
JOB OPPORTUNITIES. AND TOMORROW
I AM GOING TO THE UNIVERSITY AND LOOKING
AT APARTMENTS AND POSSIBLY WORK MY
WAY THROUGH TO A LONELY OLD MAN'S HEART
TO GET ME A ******** PART TIME JOB.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL ******** DO YOU EXPECT
ME TO DO? PLEASE, PLEASE ******** SHED
SOME OF YOUR BRILLIANT ******** WISDOM UNTO ME
YOU 30+ YEAR OLD ********) SO THAT I, (A DUMBASS-
CHILD/TEENAGE/DRUGADDICT) CAN BECOME THAT MUCH
SMARTER. JUST PLEASE. TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR
BRILLIANT PLAN? HMM?

If I go back to the states, do you HONESTLY want
to know the most accurate scenario? Here. Let me write you
all a REALITY CHECK.

I'll come to the states with my brother and That psycho wife of his, wherever that is.
Get so "fed-up" of being with them, that I will probably
be sent back to Jersey. While in Jersey I will reunite
with all my friends and celebrate through a few
parties consisting of weed and alcohol just like the old times.
Then I will attempt to go to school again ONLY THIS TIMEEEEEEE
IT'LL BE A COMMUNITY COLLEGE~ In which I won't be too enthusiastic on.
So what does that mean? Frustration and pure teenage rebellion yyyaaayyy~
WHICH MEANS? I'll probably "run away from home" And go live from friend to
friend, trying to get a job as a waitress and lead a pathetic life...
Which honestly, will lead to suicide considering that
my depression will only rise back up worse than some kind
of Christian-Jesus zombie apocalypse.

It ONLY ******** makes sense to stay here.
WHAT THE ******** DO I NEED TO DO TO PROVE IT?
Honestly their ONLY excuse is: "There's no one to leave
you with. You'll be on your own. How are you going to support
yourself?" ******** GOD. WHY THE ******** DO YOU THINK I WANT
TO LEAD A LIFE OF MY OWN IN THE FIRST ******** PLACE. SO THAT
I CAN WORK ON MY OWN s**t.

Like, people really just don't ******** get it. I WANT to ******** up. THAT'S
how some people learn sometimes. It's not the BEST way to, but if I ********
up, THAT'S ON ME. I UNDERSTAND THAT. I KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES.
CONSEQUENCES IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE FIRST THING I LOOK FOR
IN EVER SITUATION. I am well aware, and will ******** handle it. DONE.

Point is, I'd RATHER be starving or DIE HERE, In this ********
country than be successful in America. I'd rather, be an
English teacher in Korea than be some kind of Miyazaki/Disney/Burton in
America. Why? Because even if I did have the "Dream", I wouldn't be happy.
America, is not where I belong. I am finally where I belong.
"Go back to the states. Study the language here. Then go~" NO
MOM ********. GET YOUR ******** HEAD OUT OF YOUR a**
AND REALIZE THE BIGGER PICTURE. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME BEING
"AMOUNG FAMILY". I ******** HATE MY FAMILY. I ******** HATE ALL OF
YOU. IF I go back to the states my depression will eat me alive.

Here, I want to get better. I want to love myself.
I CAN'T FEEL THIS WAY IN AMERICA. DON'T YOU GET IT?
********. ******** ********. Why doesn't anyone understand?
WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO STRESS IT OUT TO EVERYONE?
WHY DO THEY NEED TO KNOW? SCHOOL IS CHEAPER HERE.
COMPARED TO AMERICA. AND I WILL BE MORE LIKELY
TO FIND SOMEONE I LOVE HERE. GET MARRIED HERE. HAVE
A JOB CAUSE I'M A FOREIGNER HERE. HERE HERE HERE.

I've been fighting... Aside wanting... I have been fighting... No one
knows it... But I have... I have been fighting my depression.
There are days.. moments even when much like love that
can not be controlled I had hatred for myself and just wanted to absolutely
kill myself. Here, I at least have the balance of love and hate.

I won't have this balance in America. Why? Because.
America is NOT where I will succeed. Being in America makes
me feel insignificant. Insignificance makes me think "Why bother?".
"Why bother?" Makes think just stay the same. Staying the same
is me hanging with friends, not giving a ******** about education/health/future.
Me not giving a ******** makes me want to hate myself.

"So why don't you just give a ********?" Because. Being successful in America
is NOTHING to me. It means nothing. It is NOTHING. ALL I have ever felt
in that pathetic country, is pain. Year after year after year. The slight
slit of happiness I have ever felt in my entire life... Or rather, the absolute
desire to want happiness is all right here. After 19 years, this is what it
feels like. 19 years I've wanted to be where I am. Asia. Going to College.
Finding True Love. All the beautiful things. Right here. I am RIGHT HERE.
And when you tell me, to go back.... And study in America..... To come
back to Korea.... I am not stupid. I know I won't come back. I know it.
You don't need to lie. I know it. You know it. We all know it. So coming back
is of course going to over dose me in depression. I will feel exactly
how I felt six years ago. For six years I've held onto this depression. The one
time I want to finally let it go, to forgive myself. You want to push me back
at the beginning?

I'm not going to lie. A big portion of the reason I want to be here,
more than anything in my entire soul and being is for Jason.
My love for Jason strives on me succeeding here in Korea. And no one,
NO ONE will ever know that truth. When I become a successful
graduate from Seoul Art Institute. When I marry the love of my life from
Korea/Japan. When I get the job working here in Korea. I will be able to forgive
myself. I will forgive myself. I will finally be able to be at peace because
I know Jason will be able to look at me... Wherever he is.. And just
know, that someone... Someone who started out as pathetic as me
made here. I made it to Seoul, Korea as a success foreign Artist who
had big dreams only. But no fight until the end, And for six years NO ONE
HAS EVER NOR WILL EVER CHANGE THAT ABOUT ME. I love Jason.
I will always love Jason. No one will ever change that. And because I love
Jason, I will make him proud. That's all I want, is to make him proud. For
him and me.

[All I Do ls Nguyen]

[top_spy]

` B e l o v e d

Why the hell are people so ******** nosy. I cannot stand that.

[top_spy]

Jubee-Soup

I don't want to live long enough to live with anyone - or at all.
I'm sorry. I'd rather die before I get old.
_____________________________________________________________

Time in me is like a vacuum in you; lost in space without a passion or a clue