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Basically, I'm sick of things, and I want to know the truth.

There was a day, not too horribly long ago, when I tried to get along with everyone I came into contact with. Like Gahndi, I wanted peace... Then, it changed when my parents screwed up. Violence still isn't the answer and I'm still non-violent, but I've stopped trying to make people happy. I want to know the truth about life and what is after it. I am curious and willing to try almost anything. I don't know what my favorite color is, or why the sky is blue. The truth about me is that I don't know how to exist anymore, and I don't know if what I think is real, or right. All I know is that the end will come soon enough for us all.
Life is full of colors and wonders and the unexpected. This means, to me, that you can never completely move on from something, or forget something or someone. Don't try to comprehend what you don't understand, unless you believe with all your heart that you are right, or you need it. Live fully and win what you can. Lose the most and know that you did your best. Contradicotry meanings are a way of life, so love my nonsensical ramblings.


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Художник, который Вы так долго ждали


This is the end.
My pain won't mend.
I can't take help.
I'll live with my hell.
Inside I am unending.
My blood will always flow.
This heart will always break.
They will never know.
My hands go weak and I watch.
This color is my favorite.
It fades away.
I'll never see it again.
It will never end.

The Dream

I dreamed that you had ceased to love me—
not that you had come from other beds
back to mine, or gone from mine to others,
just that something in your heart had stopped.

I willed myself awake to find you still
beside me. It was just a dream, I thought,
yet when I turned to kiss you, in your eyes
I saw that you had ceased to love me.

I willed myself awake a second time
to find myself alone, as I have been
these many months, but did not know if it
was terror or relief I felt, and whether

dreams unfold the past or make the future
plain. I dreamed that you had ceased to love me,
and know when I see nothing in your eyes
I can't dream myself awake a third time.

David Solway